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My man Michael Ornelas is giving away a night at Applebees!
The contest ends May 1st, so get your ass over to his Linktree at Fine Dining Podcast and click on Bee’s Giveaway!!
He’s giving away like 100 $1 Long Islands or some shit!
I’m back from a week away in Hawaii, and man was it fun! Me and the missus had quite a time! We’re back now, and it’s her birthday, so I got her balloons. Balloons are cool, right?
We’re LIVE in MISERY! Excuse me, Missouri, and Logan Paul pulls up with his homie. He is greeted by KC Chief’s Patrick Mahomes.
Here comes Damien Priest and The Judgment Day. Priest gives props to Mahomes then welcomes Logan, who cant wait for Priest to beat up the “ugly Uso.”
Cole and Pat are ringside and welcome us to RAW and Night Two of The Draft.
Pat says Roman Reigns withdrew his name from the draft. Cole reminds us of number one where pretty much nothing changed.
Each show has a Draft Room where some cool names like JBL and Teddy Long are present. NXT is also watching at The Performance Center, and that looks kinda cool.
Becky Lynch starts us off proper. She says she’s got a lot of history here. Nearly 6 years ago, she stood up on those very steps, face bloody, and let everybody know this is her show now. Here she stands the champion, nearly six years later, and she’s still saying the same damned thing.
Becky wants to be a defending champion. She wants to fight the best.
Liv Morgan takes this as a sign to come out, and does just that, slapping a few hands along the way. She tells Becky if she is looking for a new contender, here she is.
Liv’s presence gets a nice “Mami” chant.
Liv says the very last thing she wanted was to be handed a title shot, but for some reason, she feels like Becky owes her one. The Truth is Becky is the champ because Liv did what Becky couldn’t: take out Rhea Ripley. This is The Liv Morgan Revenge Tour, and they both know that the end game was always going to be her. So she won’t stop until she has everything that she wants.
Becky tells Liv that she is right; Becky wouldn’t be holding this if Liv didn’t do what she did to Rhea, but Liv would be holding this if it wasn’t for what Becky did to Liv.
Nia Jax is here to suck the air out the building. She punks a few kids with fake high fives, then says she dominated both Becky and Liv last week and she should be champion. Lucky for them, Nia got drafted to Smackdown. She will soon be champion there, but tonight is her last night on RAW. If she is leaving, she is taking one of them with her. So…
Liv with a dropkick sends Nia off the apron. Liv says if she’s challenging, she accepts.
Stephanie McMahon is here and she’s ready to start Round 1 of The Draft.
Steph is out to let us know that RAW selects Gunther and Ludwig Kaiser for RAW and Jade Cargill for Smackdown.
RAW picks up Damage CTRL (Sky, Asuka, Kai, and Sane)
Smackdown keeps Kevin Owens
Xavier Woods vs Gunther
Huge kick from Gunther. Then a right to the back of the neck. He corners Woods, misses a right hand, Woods fights out with a side headlock. Woods ducks under, another duck under, slides under, rolling elbow, Gunther rushes him and Woods sends him outside. Woods hits the ropes, dives through, Gunther with a huge chop.
We are BACK from a break, and Gunther hits a right hand to the face. Woods kicks out of the corner, uppercut to Gunther, another, Gunther with a body slam. Gnther sits on the back of Woods, then kicks his head. Woods stands and hits some rights, then some chops, Gunther with his own chop drops Woods on his ass. Woods stands, pissed, ties to chop away but Gunther aint having it. Chop, another, short arm clothesline.
Woods chops away, heads to the top rope quickly, dropkick and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Gunther captures Woods’ legs in the ropes. He kicks the knee over and over, stomping it and kicking it. Woods is still trapped as Gunther leaves the ring and chops the knee! Lol. Tight. Woods drops to the mat outside. Gunther stares him down as we go to break.
BACK FROM ANOTHER BREAK and Woods is getting body slammed INTO the ropes. Gunther sits him up top. He chops the back! Woods in the Tree of Woe. Gunther with a huge kick. Woods crawls towards Gunther. Big chop from Gunther. Gunther to the apron, stares down Kofi, then heads to the top rope. He flies! KNEES UP FROM WOODS! Woods slaps his leg awake as Kofi hypes him up. Woods pulls himself up. Big kick, Gunther catches, chop to the chest, Half Boston Crab!
Kofi wants a towel! HE hops on the apron, looking to toss it in, but Woods screams NO! HE can do it! Don’t throw it in! Kofi tosses it to the crowd. Woods, still in the hold, pushes himself up and crawls to the ropes!
Woods looks to grab the ropes, Gunther turns him, grabs the leg and pulls him back to the center of the ring! Gunther with elbows to the head, then a modified STF! Woods taps!
Winner: Gunther
This match, and all the emotion, was great without the towel thing – a trope not used often, and yet used way too much. Loved it all but tat bit – oh, and two commercials didn’t help.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 16:33
Backstage, Jey Uso is questioned by Cathy, who says he loves pressure. She asks about Logan, and he says he wishes they signed the Paul brother with the winning record.
In the back, we see Liv Morgan turning a corner, and Dominik Mysterio quickly behind her, seemingly pleading.
We return to RAW where Cole and McAfee tell us the story of the horrific shooting during the KC Chiefs parade. They highlight some heroes, namely a young fan who was chilling with Trey Smith. Earlier today, he came out with some other Chiefs to show and get love from the crowd.
Up next, Logan Paul is out with someone I am choosing to pretend doesn’t exist moving forward.
Logan is here with some Prime, and Prime only. He says what’s up to the crowd, then asks Samantha to give Mahomes a sick entrance.
She obliges and somewhere Ricochet is like yo…
The first pick of Round 2 is CM Punk for RAW. Smackdown gets The Pride, including all four members. RAW gets Braun Strowman. Smackdown keeps Tiffany Stratton.
That was fun and all, but Logan came here to make some picks, celebrate with Mahomes, but he got here and Jey is running his mouth? Truth is, Priest will be Jey, because Jey made a mistake leaving The Bloodline. He cant become a champ on his own, something he’s become a master at.
This brings out Jey Uso who wants to know if KC thinks he can beat Priest and be champ. He offers to beat Logan’s ass.
Logan says he’s been Yeetin since 2017, then gives a Yeet out. He says Little Brother Jey trying to roast him? He’s not good when he’s alone. The difference is him and his Bloodline are tight.
Here come Finn Balor and JD McDonagh. Logan says JEy’s vocab consists of YEET and UCE.
They beat down Jey as Logan berates him on the mic. Finn mounts and punches a few times while Logan heads over to Mahomes to offer him some Super Bowl rings. Logan puts them on and enters the ring wearing the rings. Paul goes to punch, lands on on JD, as Jey ducks. Jey stands behind Logan and Finn and says damn he got knocked the F out. Jey shoots the legs of Finn, Paul tries to attack, punches Jey in the back of the head.
Here comes Braun Strowman!
He hops on the apron, shoots Finn back with ease, then chokeslams hi down hard. Logan is outside the ring talking shit so Braun hops out to chase him. Logan runs into the crowd. Braun looks to Mahomes. He’s donned by some of his teammates. Jey comes by to hold him back.
Backstage, Chad Gable is with R-Truth who says it’s been a pleasure doing business with him.
Here comes The Miz and Truth tells him they get one now and two later. What that means, we are unclear. Truth thinks they could possibly be drafted to the NFL and get drafted to the Chiefs. Miz informs him of the details. Truth says he knows now. Mahomes is here if Truth wants to talk to him, and Truth thinks he is “that insurance guy.”
Truth leaves, Gable comes up to Miz to call him quite the negotiator. Miz leaves and Sami Zayn comes from out of nowhere with a hard right to the face of Chad Gable!!!
We are backstage with Cathy and Booker T who is our analysis tonight. He says nothing of importance.
Drew McIntyre shows up at the mention of CM Punk. He is angry that Punk got drafted before him. Drew tells Booker not to act like them, he’s not like them. Booker knows what happened. Booker asks Drew if he knows what happened. Drew knows how Booker really feels about Punk.
Intercontinental Championship Match
Bronson Reed vs Sami Zayn
LOCKUP! Sami with a waist lock. IN to the corner, chops to Reed. He shoves Sami then shoves again, this time forcing Sami down hard. Reed grabs sami by the hair and headbutts him into the ropes.Reed wraps him up in the ropes and chops the chest, then gets a headbutt again. Right hand. Sami shoots Reed to the outside. Big moonsault off the top rope to Reed. Samie sends Reed into the ring as commentary allude to El Generico. Sami flies for a crossbody but Reed catches him and hits a powerslam. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Running senton to Sami.
We back! Sami hits a clothesline to the big man. Reed turns into. Aback elbow. Sami t othe top rope. He flies with an elbow, gets caught, and Reed hits him with a chokeslam! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Reed is up, sitout powerbomb to Sami! Pin! 1..2…NO!!! Sami is up on his feet then collapses. Reed towers over him then kicks Sami out of the ring. Reed to the apron. He hits a shoulder tackle off the apron! Reed rolls Sami into the ring. Reed enters. AND SAMI HITS A HELLUVA KICK!!!! Reed collapses! Sami goes for the cover!
BUT CHAD FUCKING GABLE LOCKS THE HIPS!!!! GERMAN SUPLEX TO SAMI CAUSES THE DQ~!!
Winner: Sami Zayn via DQ
Oh this was getting GOODT!
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 7:50
Chad Gable continues the beatdown. He rolls up his sleeves and locks in an Ankle Lock! Refs stop him long enough for Reed to climb the top rope and hit a Tsunami!
Gable grabs the title and holds it over Sami Zayn. But Reed grabs HIM and hits a Death Valley Driver! Reed, now, grabs the title and holds it up over both fallen men.
The APA are here for Round 3. JBL gets a dig at Rey Mysterio, calling him a deadbeat dad. Hahaha.
The LWO – Rey Mysterio, Dragon Lee, Cruz Del Toro and Jaoquin Wild, Carlito, and Zelina are all coming to RAW while Legado Del Fantasma – Santos Escobar, Angel and Berto, and Elektra will stay on Smackdown. RAW also gets Drew McIntyre. Smackdown gets Shinsuke Nakamura.
Speaking of Round 3 Draft Pick Drew McIntyre, here he comes!
Is he the only sane person left? In what world does he get drafted in Round 3. There is not one person in this arena that can tell him this makes sense. Has APA had all them drinking since Friday?
CM Punk chant.
Drew wonders if they think it’s cool of the crowd to chant his name. Punk is a corporate arse-kisser. Punk finally achieved something – he hurt Drew McIntyre. At Mania, when he attacked him, he fractured Drew’s elbow, but unlike Punk, Drew came to work weekly. He is a real man.
CM PUNK’s music hits!!!!!!!
But the music is cut, and we see CM Punk in the crowd up high in a sky box! He’s not sitting at home, he’s right here “ya little bitch.”
Drew rushes to the back looking to attack, and we head to Ron Simmons who gives us all what we wanna hear…
Backstage, The Alpha Academy are hyping Maxxine up for her run in the Battle Royal. In comes Chad Gable to ask for her title, but she dindt win it Does she want a ribbon for participation? He tells Otis to get it together, and warns Akira about dancing, then tells them to go out there and win him a championship. In comes Ivy Nile to tell them it’s ok and let’s go warm up to Maxxine.
Backstage, Cathy is with Bron Breakker who is interrupted by a dapper Sheamus. Tells him to cool his porridge.
Drew walks by quickly, apparently headed towards the box.
Candice LeRae and Indi Hartwell are in the ring. Candice has a match next with Maxxine.
Candice LeRae Maxxine
Maxxine with a beatdown in the corner, swinging kick. She hooks the leg and the head. Fisherman’s suplex and a kip up! She hits th ropes. Bulldog to Candice. She drops the straps!!! Maxxine with a reverse caterpillar! Elbow drop! Maxxine thanks us all. Candice kicks, but Maxxine catches and locks in an Ankle Lock! She’s In the middle of the ring. Candice tries to grab th ropes, cant quite make it. Maxxine locks it in harder. Indi grabs Ivy and sends her into the ringpost. Candice sends Maxxine into the ropes. Big boot to Maxxine.
Candice steps on the back and pulls back on the arms, then stomps Maxxine into the mat ala The Wicked Step-Mother. Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Candice LeRae
Short and to the point.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:46
Indi carries Candice up the ramp since her ankle is hurting.
Cathy is certainly getting her steps in as she is now with LWO. Rey has mixed emotions. They’re glad to be here on RAW but they have unfinished business with Carlito.
Here comes Dominik Mysterio to tell his dad not to forget that The Judgment Day runs Monday Night RAW.
Rey says he hasn’t even been drafted, then clowns him on his mustache.
We come back to Drew walking around backstage looking for Punk in the sky boxes. He finds the one, and Punk isnowhere to be seen. But, Punk is sure to leave an autographed photo of him.
Drew then hears the music of CM Punk and he is down below making his entrance.
Hahahha.
Fucking beautiful .
Punk says he loves the city and the people in it so he’ll try to do this in less time than the amount of time Drew was champion.
He’s got 5:46, and asks Pat to time him.
This would normally be the part of the program where he asks if he has Drew’s attention now, but he’s had that for quite some time. Drew is like an ex-girlfriend that he cant get rid of. He hurt Drew’s elbow? Good. Drew prayed for Punk to get injured, but Punk did that to him. He thought maybe he got hurt sitting on Twitter. That’s all he’s good for. This is why he got drafted before him. Drew has given him purpose. The reason he was drafted before Drew is simple wrestling economics. He is the best in the world in this ring, on this ring, even at commentary – no offense Pat and Michael.
Pat: “A minute thirty three in.”
Losers hope things happen, they pray for things to happen. Winners make it happen, and when he is 100%, he promises to make Drew’s life a living hell.
Teddy Long and Alundra Blayze make their entrance for The Draft. Punk walks up and shows mad love to Teddy then gives Blaze a peck on the cheek.
The first pick of Round 4 is The Judgment Day, and they are staying on RAW.
Smackdown picks Naomi
RAW picks Ilja Dragunov
Smackdown picks Chelsea Green and Piper Niven
Liv Morgan vs Nia Jax
I miss the first minute and come to Liv being unafraid, hitting a back elbow in the corner, another, rolls out for a third but Nia hits her with a clothsline. Nia drags Liv to the corner and climbs. Liv pulls Nia back a bit then hits double knees to the stomach. Liv slides out of the ring and Nia catches her and bounces her off the announce table.
Tiffany Stratton is in the audience, first row, watching the match.
We are back and Liv is just smashing Nia’s head into the post over and over again. Liv to the 2nd rope. Nia clips her legs, then hits a samoan drop! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Nia is perturbed. Liv sends Nia into the 2nd buckle face first. Liv hops t othe ropes and sotmps Nia down hard. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Liv attacks the back, hits the ropes, and bam! Nia with a spinebuster! Nia screams! She drags Liv to the corner and climbs up the corner. Nia tries for the finish but Liv is up to pull Nia into the post by her arm over and over then POWERBOMB NIA OFF THE TOP ROPE! She pins for 1..2…NO!!!
Naomi is here! She attacks Tiffany in the crowd. They fight over the barricade then near the announce table. Naomi hops on the apron and hits a kick to Tiff.
Nia is pissed, hits Naomi off the apron. Liv bounces off the ropes with a Codebreaker! obLIVion! Cover! 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Liv Morgan
A nice enough way for Nia to get a program started on the blue brand while still giving Liv the momentum ncessay for her eventual title win.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 10:25
More riveting commentary from Booker T backstage.
Backstage, Pearce is walking. Cathy ditches Booker for Pearce, and asks for some insight. Pearce feels great, says sometimes it’s the pick you don’t make. His favorite pick? Chelsea Green to Smackdown.
Ey, Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley are here!
They bring out a table and set it up near the Draft podium.
RAW keeps The New Day
Smackdown keeps Pretty Deadly
RAW picks Lyra Valkyria
Smackdown picks Candice LeRae and Indi Hartwell
World Tag Team Championship Match
The Awesome Truth vs The Alpha Academy
We come to the match already in progress. Miz springboards and Otis catches him and slams him down. Otis rips the shirt then goes for the Caterpillar. Tag to Akira. Akira to the top rope. He is slow to climb. Otis screams “FOR THE ACADEMY!” as Tozawa lands on the knees. Miz tries for a finish, but Akira hits an arm drag.
Blind tag from Truth. Akira with a right, Truth comes in, They hit The Truth Crushing Finale. Miz hits a dropkick to Otis. Cover for 1.2…3!!!
Winners: The Awesome Truth
Short…..y G
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:41
Backstage, Damien Priest gives The Judgment Day the ol Chad Gable peptalk. He doesn’t need their help to beat Jey Uso. JD has a towel on his head, and when he removes it, he is heavily bruised. Lol.
JD makes some concussion jokes.
Liv Morgan is walking backstage. Up comes Becky Lynch to congratulate her on the win and gives her a title shot.
Here comes Damage CTRL to warn Becky that they’ll be seeing her on RAW now.
Nick and Adam are here for the final round, and good God.
RAW selects The Final Testament
Smackdown selects #DIY
RAW selects Bronson Reed
Smackdown selects Blair Davenport
I’m lovin that the NXT people seem genuinely surprised at their picks. It’s beautiful.
A six-man to end the night? So we’re getting the House Show Special, I see.
Jey Uso, Ricochet, and Andrade vs The Judgment Day
Finn and Andrade to start. Finn quickly ends up outside. Andrade and Ric fly over the top rope ot the outside while Jey shoots Priest over the table outside.
WE are BACK and Priest is kicking Ricochet around. He hits a hard right hand. A surprise kick to Jey sends him off the apron. Andrade tries to fiht back and the ref stops him, allowing Finn and JD to attack Ricohet in th corner. Priest with a back elbow. Tag to Finn, stomp to Ricochet, who tags in JD. JD with a moonsault. Tag to Priest, and we get a backbreaker from Finn and al eg drop from Priest.
Ricochet eventually gets the hot tag with Jey. He knocks JD off the apron, Priest off. Right to Finn, another, another, he dances, Smackdown to Finn! Kick to the mid section, uppercut to Finn, anther kick, Finn catches, spin and an enziguri drops Finn in the corner!
Priest attacks Riccohet! Flatliner! He drags Finn to the corner, tags himself in, and hits a clothesline to Jey Uso. The straps drop. Jey drops Priest, heds to the top rope, Priest up to GOOZLE JEY! But JD is on the apron. He shoves Jey off the top rope!
Priest was trying to end it! Superkick from Jey to Priest, another, one for JD, Finn comes in, SPEAR TO FINN! USO SPLASH! Cover! 1…2…3!!!
Winners: Andrade, Ricochet, and Jey Uso
This was more to drive the wedge in Judgment Day than anything else. Still fun, but only in comparison to the rest of the show, which was a bit of a chore.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 10:41
End Show
