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Hello to all! I know I promised you all a Bingo update, and here it is!

Although I wanted to do the Bingo game a few weeks ago, I thought it may be more fun to do a specifically themed RAW AFTER MANIA BINGO extravaganza! So be on the look out for the cards to be sent to you between now and that Monday! If there are any last minute people that want to play, now Is the time. E Mail me saying you want to play at [email protected] and be added to the list!

Anyway, let’s get to RAW!

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RAW starts with WWWE blowing themselves over their women empowerment before Ronda Rousey’s music hits and she marches out in full Julia Stiles mode.

She brings up the fact that women are in the main event, and she only hsas one thing to say…YOU’RE WELCOME.

Ronda drops the mic.

Then she picks it up because she has one more thing to say. She is going to tap out Charlotte and Becky at Mania, and that’s all she’s gotta say about that.

She then grabs the mic that she just dropped again and says she has no idea what a Beat the Clock Challenge is but if it’s one of those gimmicks we love so much, let’s get the farce over with.

While The Riot Squad gets introduced, we are informed of the rules. I hope Ronda was listening.

Before the match with Sarah Logan can start, Becky Lynch’s music hits and she comes out all smiles.

Becky says we all know Ronda came in with her big money contract and the whole world yawned. She was given all the opportunities and faced the greatest but no one cared till The Man came around. These people know that the best thing to ever happen to Ronda is Becky and that’s why they’re the main event. She saved Ronda’s career. One more thing; she knows how this ends.

Charlotte is out to say that the only reason why the main event is happening is because of her. She was handpicked. That’s right, all her. Wooooo.

Match 1: Beat the Clock Challenge

Sarah Logan vs Ronda Rousey
Rousey chases Logan around the ring, tackles Ruby and Liv, then chases Sarah into the ring. Logan pulsl the arm and sends Ronda into the ropes. She stomps Ronda down. Logan grabs the legs and sets up a cloverleaf. She locks it in, sorta. Rousey gets Sarah up to the ropes, and breaks the hold.

Superman type punch to Logan, and an arm bar, and Sarah taps at 1:25.

Match 2: Charlotte vs Ruby Riot

Big Boot attempt from Charlotte, but Ruby sends her over the top rope. Charlotte ets back in with a kick, then a chop. Shoots the legs, Charlotte goes for the Figure Four, but Ruby kicks her out of the ring again. Kick from Ruby. Ruby works the arm, but Charlotte hits a right. Charlotte with a sweep of the legs, and she drops Ruby down. Natural Selection, but Ruby pops out then hits a DDT. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Charlotte looks for the Figure Four, She nearly gets it. GETS IT!

Ruby doesn’t tap! Time runs out! Charlotte doesn’t beat the clock.

Charlotte Big Boots Becky out of frustration.

Match 3: Becky Lynch vs Liv Morgan

Liv stomps in the corner and screams loudly. Liv stomps the back then drags Becky into the center and pins for 1..2..NO!!! Liv with a cravat from behind. Becky escapes, hits some rights. Clothesline. Another. Kick to the gut. She grabs the arm and looks for the Disarmer, but Liv sends Becky into the corner head first.

Liv goes for a move, but Becky with a Jackknife and 1…..2….3!!!

Winner: Becky Lynch
Did they spin a wheel for this match’s gimmick?
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

In case you were wondering if they could add the “underdog storyline” to any other wrestler, the answer is they can as they explain that Finn must beat Lio Rush and Bobby Lashley in order to face Bobby at Wrestlemania for the IC Title.

Lio has some words before the match can start. He says Finn’s road to Mania goes through them, and it’s not a road Finn wants to be on. He should have quit qhile he was ahead, but now he is forced to leave the game as a beaten, broken, hot piece of garbage like Gronk. Lio informs us that he’s not medically cleared to compete, so Lashley will not be teaming with lio, he’ll be teaming with….

Jinder Mahal

Hahahaha

Match 2: Finn Balor vs Bobby Lashley and Jinder Mahal
Knee from Lashley. He sends Finn into the corner then hits a right hand. Finn is tossed into the corner. Right hand to Finn from Lashley. He whips Finn to the corner. Lashley misses a splash, and Finn shouldersfrom the apron. Jinder tries to hit, Singhs on the apron, Finn turns to them, Lio on the pron, Lashley shoves Finn off and we go to commercial.

We are back, and Lashley is beating on Finn in the corner. Slingblade out of the corner from Fnn. Jinder tags himself in. Whip and reversal, into a roll up but Finn slips out and hits a dropkick to the face. Finn ducks a clothesline, hits the roeps, hits an arm, shoving Jinder into Lashley. Finn goes Jack the Ripper on dat ass then double stomps the chest to Lashley who enters the ring. Clothesline to Jinder Lashley rolls out. Finn hits the ropes. Singhs hold the legs. Jinder back in, so Finn sends him out and this time flips over the top rope onto Singhs, Jinder, and Lashley!!

Finn rolls Jinder into the ring. Coup De Grace! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Finn Balor
Lazy…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Lashley is pissed. He attacks The Singh Brothers then spears Jinder Mahal.

Elias is on the streets of New York, and he’s strumming his guitar till someone comes up to try and play with him. Elias shuts him down and tells him to go away.

Aleister Black makes his entrance before the break, and we return to Ricochet making his.

The Revival head down afterwards, and AS SOON AS THEY enter the ring, Black and Ricochet attack!!!! They make quick work of both of them, sending them to the outside of the ring eventually, and the ref holds them back.

Match 3: Aleister Black and Ricochet vs The Revival

The bell rings, and looks like we start with Black and Dash. Dawson holds the leg of Black and Wilder attacks with right hands. Tag to Dawson who comes in for a kick to the side. Scotty sends Black into the corner. Uppercut in the corner. He works the left arm of Black, working him down to the mat. Black is able to toss Dawson to the outside. Wilder is next. Aleister looks to flip, hits the ropes and lands on his feet. Ricochet on the apron, back flips and hits nobody, but Black hops off with some knees.

Back from a break, and Dawson has Richochet in a front faced headlock. Ricochet tries for a tag, but can’t get there. Body slam from Dawson. Tag to Wilder. Ricochet on the apron. Hits a shoulder, flips over Dawson into the arms of Wilder. Dawson locks the head and hits a suplex. Cover from Wilder. 1..2…NO!!! Ricochet hits a right hand to the face of Dawson. Dawson works the arm, eats another right hand. Dawson gets a tag. He stomps the face of Ricochet. Tag to Wilder but Ricochet is in with a neckbreaker quickly and reaches for a tag. Gets it! Tag to Dawson. Black blocks a right with some knees, sends Dash of the apron, hits a back elbow to Dawson. Another. Kick and a sweep of the legs. Kick to th face. Kip up and he hits a moonault to Dash and Dawson! He sends Dash out. Grabs Dawson. Hits a knee. Kick, kick, back elbow, kick to the back of the head. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Wilder pulls Riochet of fthe apron. Dawson rolls Balck up off the distraction for 1..2..NO!!! Black goes for a kick, Dawson dodges and DDT! then covers for 1..2..NO!!! Dawson pulls Balck over with. Tag. Black ducks a right and Black Mass to both Dash and Dawson.

Ricochet got the tag! He flips forty seven times onto Dash! 1…2….3!!!

Winners: Black and Riochet
Some minor mistakes from some very crisp guys.
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

Drew McIntyre comes out after this match, with hair all in his eyes.

So, apparently, Reigns has left Drew on Read, and Drew ain’t happy bout it at all…

He’s got video evidence of his ability to finish Reigns, and his compassion to not.

Drew hopes Reigns’ wife or extended family convinced him to just say no. Wait, so if Reigns doesn’t say anything, does that mean yes? I’m confused…Drew reminds us of last week when he beat Seth Rollins. Drew wants to talk to Joe one more time, the man, the father, the husband. Hasn’t Reigns put them through enough? They already had to watch daddy fight for his life once. Reigns is going to lose. Drew will stand here all night, and hold Raw hostage until he gets his answer.

Thankfully, this segment was only scheduled for 15, so Reigns comes out to wrap up the build.
Reighs gets in the face of Drew, then goes all Rock on him and says “Roman accepts your challenge.” He then goes Joe on Drew and says to not ever run his mouth about his wife and kids. Reigns with the rights!! Over and over, then he mounts and attacks. He sends Drew into the ringpost hard. Reigns leaves the ring and gives Drew a hard right. He sends Drew into the barricade back first. Reigns sends Drew into the ring. Drew with a low blow! CLAYMORE from Drew!

Backstage, Dean is waiting for Drew. He’s upset about being called a cockroach, and claims he doesn’t feel exterminated. He wants one more match with Drew. Tonight. Last Man Standing. Dean says Drew won’t be standing later tonight.

Match 4: Sasha Banks vs Natalya
Lockup to start and Sasha gets backe into the ropes. Ref breaks it up. Sasha with a. hard slap. She runs the corner for an arm drag, blocks a right hand, uses the ropes to get another arm drag. Kick from Sasha. Nat catches and sends Sasha down hard face first. Nat locks the legs, then looks for the surfboard. She gets it, locking Sasha up and turning me on all at the same time. Sasha escapes, hits the ropes, and gets the double knees then covers. Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Rollup from Nattie for 1..2..NO!!!! She lifts Sasha. Sasha floats down the back, lands on her back, and Nattie goes for the Sharpshooter. She locks the legs, but Banks elbows out then kicks Nattie out of the ring! Nattie sends Sasha into the ring, but Sasha spins on the apron and locks the head then sends Nattie into the barricade with a hurricanrana. Knee to the face of Natalya!

Back from the break and nattie has a modified torture rack on Sasha. Sasha tries to roll out with a pin and gets 1..2..NO!!! Nattie kicks, but Sasha blocks and kicks, then hits the ropes. Wheelbarrow but Nattie drops Sasha on her ass then runs across her back, but Sasha grabs the ankle!!! BANK STATEMENT TO NATTIE!!! Nattie is near the ropes, can’t quite get to them. Sasha is rolled into the center of the ring, and Nattie locks in the sharpshooter! Sasha reaches for the ropes. She nearly gets them but Nattie pulls her back into the center of the ring. Sasha looks to tap, but crawls back towards the roeps. She rolls through and sends Nattie into the corner head first!

On the outside, Nia Jax and Tamina attack Bayley then rush the ring to attack Sasha and Nattie for the DQ.

Winner: NO CONTEST
Love you, Sasha.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **1/2

Nia and Tamina both go after Banks, but Beth is in the ring to attack Tamina. Nia is in the ring. Beth grabs Nia, gets her on her shoulders. Tamina kicks Beth. Beth with a clothesline to Nia. Tamina kicks, Beth blocks. Right hands from Beth. She locks Tamina up from behind. Beth with the Glam Slam to Tamina. Beth stomps just for fun.

From the outside, Sasha grabs her title, but Beth steps on it and looks down to Sasha with a message.

The Hart Foundation will be inducted into the Hall of Fame.

We head to the ring where Nattie is crying over the announcement of her father being inducted.

Backstage, Charley is with Angle. She brings up Joe. The Samoan one. Wait. I mean the chubby one….

Angle says that his farewell tour is about leaving on his terms. He was honored to face Gable and Apollo, and at Mania he’ll be ready for Corbin. Tonight, Joe is the true test, and this will be his last match ever in boston.

Here comes Corbin who says he appreciates the tour, and shows him how much the fans care about him. How old is Angle? They aren’t cheering him cuz he’s great, they are cheering because they feel sorry. We are thinking he should have retired ten years ago. Corbin can see it now; headlines will read “Former Olympic Gold Medalist Disgraces Himself in his Last Match and is unceremoniously tarnished by Baron Corbin.”

Yeah, ok, like any newspaper would allow that long ass headline.

Backstage, Bayley and Sasha are walking, and we get a full body view of Charley’s outfit, thus negating any commentary that she is wearing “too much” clothing.

Sasha says they would take on any team, any brand, any time, so if they wanna come for them, then they will take them all on…at Wrestlemania.

In the ring, Alexa Bliss is wearing spikes, and I’d risk it all to touch them.

She doesn’t get it, but ever since she became the host of Mania, the show keeps getting better and better. For the first itme ever, the women of the WWE will main event. Is Alexa good or what? She is at a crossroads, however, because she is less than two weeks away and she feels like that moment and her reputation is in jeopardy due to the issues between her guests tonight.

We go back to three weeks ago when Braun picked up some Miz Look-a-like to prove that this stuff is real. Then, the Miz Look-a-like bought Braun a car that totally wasn’t a way to sell a toy…

Alexa says that this looks like a recipe for a public relations disaster, so she is hoping tonight will be all about healing.

She introduces Braun Strowman. He heads to the ring with a scowl.

Alexa stands up to him, sticks her hand out, and says, “Hey, big guy. Sun’s getting real low.”

She wonders to Braun what would happen if the SNL dudes would get these hands. Braun brings up the convertible, and says all he thought about was smashing Colin’s pasty face. Alexa calls this intense and thanks Braun for sharing his feelings. Now he must listen. She then introduces the special guest correspondents to a chorus of boos.

They are on the screen and Colin says hi to Braun. He says that the last time they were on RAW, he made a dumb mistake and put on a Mets hat. Tonight, he won’t put on a met’s hat. Instead, he puts on a Yankees hat. They say that they’re life long fans and respect braun, but he crossed the line. He was the one who jacked up Colin over this whole thing. He knows Colin isn’t as funny as anybody, but he’s a good guy. Yeah, says Colin, he is agood guy, and when he puts in his Twitter bio that he wanted to mentor Braun, he was being sincere. He went to Harvard. His parents paid millions of dollars to get him on the women’s cross country team at Harvard. He thinks there are some things he can teach Braun like how to chew food or read a newspaper or how to do taxes. He gets it, Braun is probably 5’11”, 180 lbs. They just wanna make this right. Has Braun ever considered therapy.

YANKEES SUCK chant.

All Colin is asking is that Braun pays him back for the car he destroyed, and that he gets an autograph from Brock Lesnar. He doesn’t think they should even go to Mania.

Braun has an idea. He tells Michael that he went to Instagram and said someone needs to take care of this emotionally, financially, or physically. Braun chooses 3. He wants Colin to enter the Andrew the Giant Battle Royal at Mania. Colin says no way, that’s insane. Braun calls him a smart guy and Braun says enter the Battle Royal or he’ll find him backstage and eat him. Michael says Colin is in.

Che says he knows how these matches work. There is a chance that something bad will happen, but if he’s not in the match, something will definitely happen. Colin then says that if he’s fighting in the battle royal, Che is too. Che’s in too chant started by Colin goes. Braun then asks Alexa to make this official.

….what?

Alexa says she can’t sacrifice two talented, funny comedians…just kidding, she can totally make it happen, and they are in.

I’m so glad commentary found this funny enough to snicker over the segment.

Baron Corbin gets in introduction that is a total troll job.

Match 5: Baron Corbin vs Apollo Crews

Apollo with three near falls as we come back to the show. Dropkick from Apollo to the still standing Baron. Corbin slides in then out and gets hit with a dropkick. Apollo clotheslines Corbin over the top rope. Moonsault from Apollo. Apollo runs and Corbin sends him into the ringpost. Corbin breaks the count then heads bak out to send Apollo into the barricade. He sends Apollo to the middle of the ring then enters. He sends Apollo into the corner then drops him hard an dcovers for 1..2….NO!!! Corbin points to the sign as Graves speaks ill of Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Apollo with a kick.Enziguri from Apollo. He heads to the top rope. Frog Splash and a cover for 1..2….NO!!! Apollo goes for a splash but hops over onto the apron instead, hits a shoulder. He hits the ropes.

END OF DAYS. Pin for 1.2…..3!!

Winner:
I wish his finisher was more of a foreshadow.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Corbin things twice before leaving and attacks Apollo one more time before heading out.

She couldn’t even last the entire Raw…

Next week, we will get to see Becky, Charlotte, and Ronda team up to take on The Riot Squad. Could the BE ay more lazy…?

Seth Rollins is here. Seth is going to cut to the chase. He says he and Brock are not cut from the same cloth, and the two roads they are taking can not be any different, but there is only one road out of the match, and it will be forged by the owner of the title and the future of their business. It will be him or Brock Lesnar. He says this is heavy, but he wants that weight. He wants to inspire people. When he was a kid, the champions who inspired him were HBK and Bret and HHH and even Cena. Brock doesn’t inspire people. This match is the biggest of his career. Seth didn’t realize how important this all was until all of us. He signed some autographs last night, and every person that came up to him said the same thing:

“AHHHH YOU A CAWWWWP!!?!?!?”

They said to please beat Brock Lesnar at Mania. That hit him right in the heart. He feels like he doesn’t have a choice; he has to beat Brock. What Brock doesn’t understand is that with an army behind him, he is unstoppable. Together, they will march through the gates of Suplex City and burn it down.

Heyman is here to interrupt and wants to thank us for letting him know that the match at Mania is now a handicap match. It’s now Brock vs Rollins and the entire WWE Universe. Heyman likes the odds, because the chances of winning are still zero. How pathetic does Seth sound? He needs our love and support and affirmation? What’s next, he needs our thoughts and prayers? He mocks us who have dogs going to the vet and our uncles. Heyman mocks Seth saying he is undersized and overconfident and has the WWE Universe to fail with him when he goes to Suplex City, gets F5ed, beaten, and victimized, and conquered and needs thoughts and prayers. Seth needs thoughts and prayers because Seth doen’t have a thought in his head on how to beat Brock nor a prayer in doing so. Heyman doesn’t want Seth to take it personally when Brock wins at Mania. He wants Seth to take it personally when Seth and the entire WWE Universe loses at Wrestlemania.

Stupid Heyman, one begets the other.

Heyman drops the mic. Seth chases him up the ramp. Heyman freaks out and falls down to the ground, screaming that he is an advocate and he hopes Seth wins. Heyman says this was all Brock’s idea. Seth is all chuckles. Seth says Heyman’s got it all wrong. He’s not asking for thoughts and prayers. He’s here to answer them. Because WE are going to Mania, and WE are going to beat Brock and WE are taking the title and marching into Suplex City, and WE are gonna Burn It Down.

Angle’s music hits, and he stands behind the seated Heyman to lead the chant of YOU SUCK directed towards Heyman.

Before the next match, Joe comes out to say he isn’t a sentimental person. He says it will be a cold day on the wrong side of the afterlife before he lets Angle ride off into the sunset. He says that it’s Mania season, and superstars are getting ready for their big night. For Angle’s last nitht in Boston, he’s got something real nice for Angle, and he’s going to put his ass to sleep one last time.

Match 6: Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe

Surprise Headbutt from Joe. He gets Angle in the corner with some rights but Angle gets a ew of his own. Rake of the eyes for Joe. He wrestles Angle down. Uppercut to the chin. Chop. Angle with a go behind but Joe holds the ropes. Elbow to Angle. He snapmares Angle own then kicks the back. He hits the ropes. Dropkick to Angles back. Angle with a right. Some more. Joe sends him to the outsid.e Joe hits the ropes. Dive through the ropes and an elbow to Angle.

Back from the break and Joe kills Angle. Game over. He ded.

Just kidding. Angle stands slow and Joe shoves him into the corner by his face. Joe hits a right hand. Chop to Angle. Joe with a right to the face. He hits the ropes. Angle with a go behind. GERMAN to Joe! He doesn’t let go. Another German. A third and release. Cover for 1…2…NO!!! Angle waits. He’s behind. Goes for an Angle slam, but Joe drops an elbow. Angle hits the ropes. Inverted Atomic Drop. Kick to the face. Senton to Angle. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!Angle gets Je into the corner. ANGLE SLAM! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Joe kicks out. Kurt grabs the ankle, but Joe rolls and kicks Angle away. POWERSLAM from Joe! Cover for 1….2….NO!!! Joe gets Angle to the top rope, possible going for the Muscle Buster. Angle flies(falls) off with a missile dropkick. Straps are down. Goes for the Angle Slam. Headbutt, twist and looks for the Uranage, but Angle rolls out, right hand. Hits the ropes. Joe with The Clutch!

Angle looks like a discolored grape. Angle falls into the hold with a pin! 1…2…..3!!!

Winner: Kurt Angle
K
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Triple H gloats that the crowd gave him a standing ovation during the entire commercial break.

Oh god…

He congratulates the women for the main event, and congratulates every woman that has ever stepped through the ropes. They all played a part…except The Bellas.

This makes him happy. He enjoys, for example, tech dudes giving him a dry mic. He makes a lame joke about Batista spitting. He then pulls a letter out of his jacket, with a struggle. This letter claims that Batista will not be competing at Mania this year unless HHH agrees to one more stipulation. This letter goes all over the place, rambles, and goes on and on…kind of like this promo.

HHH brings up the idea that he started Evolution to keep the title around his waist longer. Really? Dave just figured that out? He also, apparently figured out the moon was not made of cheese. He also believes Evolution did nothing for his career, yet when he walked into it, he was the deacon, carrying around a collection plate and following D-Von around. But when he left, he was the champion. He also believes HHH’s obsession with him prevented a meaningful career. Six world championships later, he only quit when he realized he just couldn’t beat John Cena. He also believes that HHH’s obsession prevented him from coming back here after he quit for the second time. But HHH remembers that he was asked to move the date of Mania, which lead HHH to believe that Dave wasn’t serious about coming here anyway.

HHH reads from the letter directly now. Dave says that if he would like him to appear at Mania, HHH will give him what he wants. What he really realy wants. He will tell us what he wants…

HHH goes the Spice Girl route. He says it is pages of I wanna, I wanna, I wanna. Um. I think he’s holding two pieces of paper. He then says that he wants HHH to put his career on the line. He brings up Flair, and says that it was all a lame attempt to get a match at Mania. HHH then agreed. This is another attempt to quit by Batista. HHH will make him show up. He believes HHH is obsessed. He doesn’t give a crap about Dave. The only thing HHH is obsessed with is kicking his ass. IF at this point in Daves career where HHH can’t beat a self-deluded douchebag like you, then HHH has no business being in this ring anyways. If Dave wants his career, it’s on the line.

Elias is still in New York, under some construction, and some dude robs all of his money. Elias says it’s ok, and WWE stands for Walk With Elias, and this was pointless.

Haha, Good Guy Brazzers.

Main Event: Last Man Standing Match
Drew McIntyre vs Dean Ambrose
Drew starts with the beat down, but Dean is quick to fight back and send Drew to the outside. He heads to the top rope. He dives off and misses, crashing into the barricade! The ref gets to 8, but Dean stands only for Drew to toss him back into the barricade back first.

Winner:

Match Quality:
Personal Enjoyment:
Total Rating: