Kayfabe! – YouShoot with Sean Waltman

KAYFABE!
YouShoot w/ Sean Waltman

If you’re only interested in this to hear Sean’s take on things involving wrestling, such as feds he’s worked, his take on certain matches, and other wrestlers, then this isn’t the interview for you (although Sean does delve into that topic a little bit). If you want to hear all about Chyna, various drugs, stories about poop, and other things that you could only read about in the (in)famous sleaze thread that was on DVDVR once upon a time, then this is right up your alley.

Sean starts us off with being a fan and watching Championship Wrestling from Florida and getting hooked, and then training under the Malenkos. He more or less jumps around after that though. He tells a cool story about having a tryout in May 1992 with WCW, and a great match with Bob Cook, and then Bill Watts came in and he never heard a thing. He talks about marking out a bit when he worked for Global and got to wrestle inside the Sportatorium. But doesn’t really take us from points A to B. He and Sabu had a match in the early ‘90’s that got a lot of buzz at the time, but he says he just watched it recently and thought it was pretty bad. When asked about Shawn’s comment in the book that he knew Shane Douglas’ time in the WWF would be short because if you couldn’t have good match with Kid, then you couldn’t work. Sean admits that WWF style does take some getting used to, Jericho had trouble at first too. Sean and Shane have worked together since and had much better matches.

Much later in the interview he talks about working for AAA in Mexico, and how much he hated it. He loved the wrestlers that he worked with, but the family who owns the promotion never held up their end of their deal, many of the wrestlers make less than $100 a night, and the matches are usually the shits. (Note from Mike: I just recently watched the AAA TripleMania show from this year, and he’s right. The fed should really be called TNAAA)

When asked about X-Pac Heat, Sean thinks it’s a stupid term, because he didn’t notice any noticeable difference in his heat as a heel in late 2000 and 2001 than the heat that heel Austin, Angle, etc. got. Someone asked him about the term X-Pac sucks, which he doesn’t care about, because people have been using the phrase “sucks” for years, he wasn’t the first to get it. This leads to a promo by Mick Foley in 2001 where he commented that nobody knew where X-Pac was, and nobody really cared. The line was fed to Mick by Brian Gewertz, because he and Sean disliked one another.

He talks about Chyna and how she was “smoking” when they first hooked up, which was around the time of her playboy, which makes me wonder what drugs he was on at that point. He talks about her being able to suck the chrome off a bumper, and just to make sure there’s no confusion at all about what he’s implying, he says she could suck your insides out through your urethra. He also says she’s got a huge clit, which made him feel good as a man, because it didn’t take much for her to get off. From there he talks about how much of a liar Chyna is about pretty much everything in her book. When they initially got together, HHH called him and warned him that he was in for a shit storm. When he went to see her during the filming of the Surreal Life, the producers totally set him up, telling him how great it would be for him to show up and surprise her. Meanwhile, she’d been telling everyone how horrible he was to her. This also lead to a confrontation in Japan between Sean and Masahiro Chono, when Chono stiffed Chyna with a Yakuza Kick. NJPW wanted to headline the Tokyo Dome with Chono and Tenzan vs. Chyna and X-Pac, but it never went anywhere, luckily.

You can’t talk about X-Pac and Chyna, without bringing up One Night In Chyna. “It shouldn’t be in the porno section, it should be in the horror section.” Sean made $250,000.00 from the film, and Chyna made a lot more. He says he was so fucked up at the time that he couldn’t finish, so he tried doing anal just to cum, and still couldn’t after eight hours. In addition to Chyna, he’s also been with Jenna Jamison and Ryan Shamrock.

Of course, you can’t talk about women in the business without playing the Ho Bag. Sean is actually very diplomatic, the only ones he’s puts in the bag are Chyna and eventually Tori (although he hemmed and hawed a bit). Kayfabe Commentaries aren’t sexist, so they also play the Dick bag. Sean puts in Juvie, Shawn Michaels (based on his past actions), he leaves out HHH but says Hunter is really close. Bob Holly goes in based on what Sean has heard. Naturally, Johnny Ace is put in, and Kevin Dunn is a dick too, although Sean won’t do an impression of him. Sean plays what’s in the bag. Curt Hennig is both a bottle of JD and bag of weed. Everyone is Mexico is cocaine, Jim Neidhart is pills, and the late Trent Acid is crack.

This is actually a very game-heavy edition of the Youshoot, in addition to the three usual games, Sean also plays the shit sandwich, where he makes a sandwich and slips shit in it, so the person won’t know until it’s too late. Sean also takes the Roll A Joint challenge, where he becomes the new champion at 18 seconds, beating Sabu’s old record of 19.21 seconds.

The topics of Drugs and Shit get their own chapters. Sean has a big rep of shitting in people’s bags, but it’s mostly overblown. He says he’s shit in less than ten bags in his career. He admits that he did it to Juventud down in Mexico, because Juvie had been talking shit about him to the media, and the locker room loved him for it. It wasn’t his own shit, but he did *put* shit in Sable’s bag on her last night in the company in England. He’d been tipped off where someone had left a cup of shit, and right before his match he told the guy in Gorilla position that he had to piss. He ran, threw the shit in the bag, and then came back and had his mach. People tried to blame him, but he had an alibi at the time it happened. JR had mentioned that they were talking about running a DNA test on the poop. Someone, not Sean, had put shit in Mark Henry’s meatball sandwich, and he had no idea and actually ate it! This led to Sean’s joke during the D-Nation skit of about Mizark Henry eating shit. Sean swears he’d never put shit into Mark Henry’s food. He did take a shit in Rip Rogers’ bag because Rogers tried to steal both Sean’s and Jerry Lynn’s money back when they were first starting out. Davey Boy Smith got the blame for that one.

As far as drugs, Sean fully admits that he’s done quite a few. He mostly just smokes pot now, because it keeps him from doing other things like drinking and taking pills. He compares a night out with the Outsiders to a night out with the New Age Outlaws. It’d start off OK, but Sean and Nash would be on alert for when Hall had too much, just like he and Billy would be on alert for when Road Dogg had too much. He tells a scary story about getting really fucked up and actually dying, but Ryan Shamrock brought him back. He was on life support for three days and woke up in the hospital scared out of his mind.

Sean is obviously doing much better today. The only real gripe he seems to have is the whole AAA deal going south. He doesn’t have anything bad to say about the McMahons. He wasn’t thrilled with the TNA making the comment that he no-showed the PPV, they knew in advance he wasn’t going to be able to wrestle. He failed his physical to get licensed to wrestle in the state of Missouri, but it’s just business.

The 411: This is yet another good edition of YouShoot. Sean is very open and frank about everything. It's refreshing to hear him just telling it like it is, without overstating how horrible the people he doesn't like are, while he's a saint. The stories are mostly interesting and funny, although some of the poop ones are a bit gross. On the whole, this is equally entertaining as it is informative, which is ratio that all good YouShoots are.

Final Score:  9.0   [  Amazing ]