wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (1.7.1995)
Loading...-Originally aired January 7, 1995. Happy new year, the clock’s ticking.
-Your hosts are Les Thatcher, Jim Ross, and Buddy Landell, whose agent organized a deal so he could be part of the TV hour this week and say whatever he wanted to say.
-This week: Highlights from Christmas Chaos!
SMW TITLE: DIRTY WHITE BOY (Champion) vs. “Nature Boy” BUDDY LANDELL
-Landell is taking his sweet time dishing out punishment, with lazy stomps and posing. He goes for the figure four and DWB has recovered enough to cradle him for two. Landel learns his lesson and clamps it on a little faster the second time, but he’s too close to the ropes and DWB is able to force the break. Landell sends him into the ropes and DWB meets him with a DDT. DWB tries his own figure four, but he’s too close to the ropes. Landell pulls a chain out of his tights to try to finish this, but DWB snatches it away from him and coldcocks him with the chain. Landell wins, but DWB retains the gold.
-Landell accuses DWB of being too scared to face him again and hiding behind the SMW powers-that-be. JR tells him DWB is coming out for an interview next, and Buddy remembers that he needs to make a phone call.
-Jerry Lawler is here to investigate rumors that DWB is homeless. Lawler has seen the available housing in Knoxville and can understand why DWB would want to go without. He finds a drunk under a pile of garbage in a locker room and introduces himself to “Dirty White Boy,” who just mumbles at him and dozes off.
-DWB invites Lawler into his backyard if he wants a fight. And as for Buddy Landel, he’s got his title shot on the 28th. He’s told the SMW promoters that he’s willing to wrestle twice, but Landell’s match is “Lights Out,” so it’s non-title.
-Bruiser Bedlam announces that he’s his own man and he doesn’t need Cornette’s help to advance his career.
CACTUS JACK vs BRUISER BEDLAM
-This is a “contenders match,” which JR clarifies means that this match will affect how each man is ranked by SMW. Uh…shouldn’t EVERY match be a contenders match? JR uncharacteristically just makes it come off clumsier the more that he tries to clarify it and can only say that “this match will, uh, affect the rankings, so it’s very important.”
-Bedlam applies a side headlock as Buddy Landel returns to the commentary table. Cactus and Bruiser brawl on the floor as Buddy brags about not wanting to fight this week, because he’s wearing an authentic “Armaidi Suit,” which sounds like Homer talking about Magnetbox and Sorny.
-Cactus throws punches and chokes out Bedlam. Random shot of a fan, the classic SMW alert that they’ve removed a blown spot for us. They brawl on the floor again and Bruiser whacks Cactus with a chair in front of the referee to no consequence. Back in, Bruiser powerslams Cactus for a two count. Cactus comes back to life and throws punches. Bedlam pulls out brass knuckles and KOs Cactus, but Brian Lee stops the near-fall to tattle on him and the referee finds the brass knuckles in Bruiser’s tights. It’s a good thing that was the finish anyway, because Bruiser dropped the knuckles right in plain sight of the referee and it was an awkward moment where the referee was clearly forcing himself not to see anything.
Back to Christmas Chaos. Candido is holding Cactus in place for an avalanche, but Tracy Smothers just gives Cactus’ body a hard pull so Candido slips into position and Bradley accidentally crashes on him, and Cactus pins him to give the win to himself and Tracy Smothers.
-After the match, Candido goes ballistic on Boo Bradley and the crowd is just BEGGING Bradley to turn face already. Candido paintbrushes him a few times, and Bradley finally snaps and attacks. Candido gets a chain and strangles Bradley with it, and Tammy has had enough and leaves with Boots the cat, but Bradley recovers at the sight of his kitty in danger and ends up chasing Tammy and Chris all over the building to get his cat back. Bradley just kicks the shit out of Candido until Tammy maces him, and Candido plops the bag in the middle of the ring and splashes it from the top rope to kill the invisible cat.
-And then for some reason, a guy dressed as a Power Ranger comes into the ring and Boo just kicks his ass for no reason.
-Cactus Jack comes to the ring to extend his condolences to Boo, who just hugs Cactus and cries.
-Chris Candido and Tammy Fytch furiously announce that SMW is indefinitely suspending Tammy (she’s off to the WWF for her weird test drive as “Tamara Murphy”) but Candido is staying in SMW and is being forced to wrestle in matches against Cactus and Boo.
-Cactus and Boo are at Boots’ grave, and promise to fight their future matches on behalf of every abused and mistreated person out there.
-Buddy Landell announces that he’s sitting out the Rumble Rules battle royals because the money’s not worth it for someone as wealthy and successful as him.
-And now, the long awaited Rock & Roll Express/Gangstas match. Cornette is dressed in a Rock & Roll Express t-shirt and surprises Da Gangstas with an injunction barring the Posse from ringside. We go to the finish, with all four men battling in the ring. New Jack knocks out Robert Gibson with a slapjack and goes for the cover. Cornette distracts New Jack while he drops his racquet in the ring, and Ricky Morton clobbers New Jack with it, allowing Robert Gibson to get the pin, and Ricky & Robert are SMW Champs one more time.
-Gangstas attack the Rock & Roll Express, with Cornette not stepping forward particularly quickly to help. Gibson is left for dead when Cornette motions for Da Gangstas to hold Ricky Morton in place so he can finish off the Express. Gangstas hold Morton in place, and Cornette just unloads on New Jack with the tennis racquet to a huge pop. Gangstas shake it off and attack Cornette with the title belts, and Cornette’s a bloody mess, establishing why he wore a white t-shirt to manage.
-Cornette is bleeding all over the place as D-Lo steps in to help his compatriots. They clear the ring off the Rock & Roll Express, but Cactus Jack and the Dirty White Boy come to the ring to stop the onslaught.
-Rock & Roll Express gives props to Jim Cornette for being a man of his word. Cornette is refusing medical attention, saying that he doesn’t need a doctor, he needs a telephone…
-Cornette is in his living room and the tree is still up because he wants to remember Christmas night for as long as possible. Cornette realizes that the Rock & Roll Express finally owes him a favor, so he has decided that rather than fucking over the Express, he’s going to make sure that the Rock & Roll Express owes him something. Da Gangstas made Cornette’s life hell that night. Cornette has called the Heavenly Bodies to come back to SMW for a few nights to help him get even with Da Gangstas. January 28, the Heavenly Bodies come back for one night to get revenge…if Bob Armstrong will lift that pesky “losers left town” stipulation that drove them out of the company. He wants a face-to-face meeting with Bob Armstrong next week, but he’s amazingly sure that Bob Armstrong will see his side of it and lift that ban for one night only.
