NEW USWA Championship Wrestling (8.11.1990) Review

-Originally aired August 11, 1990.

-Your hosts are Dave Brown and nobody else.

REX KING & JOEY MAGGS (Tag Team Champions) vs. THE TWILIGHT ZONE
-The Twilight Zone is a pair of masked wrestlers in blue & gold outfits. My brother went to WVU, and I can’t think of a better name for a tag team to represent the school colors than something indicating a vast weird universe with no continuity where nothing makes sense and the most intelligent person is a heavy smoker.

-Rex King works the arm of The One Wearing More Blue Than Gold. Dropkick by Maggs, and The One Wearing More Gold Than Blue tags in. Either Rex King is really tall or this guy is only five feet tall. King clotheslines the shit out of him and the referee seems really concerned as he gets on the mat and visibly has a conversation with the jobber during a very slowly-counted two.

-Jobber wisely tags out and King misses a dropkick. Blue is officially designated #1 by Dave Brown, and a top rope legdrop misses, allowing King to make the hot tag for a squash match. All four men end up in the ring. #1 is knocked out to the floor, and a double-DDT finishes off #2.

-Jerry Lawler, Jeff Jarrett, Bill Dundee, and Tessa hype a stretcher match in Evansville this coming week, and Jerry tells us to “keep watching this TV taping to see why.” That’s such an odd choice of words.

SNOWMAN (Unified Champion) vs. JEFF GAYLORD (with Downtown Bruno)
-They lock up while Bruno goes to commentary and promises that Gaylord is going to unmask Kowabunga and put him out of wrestling. Dave tsk-tsks him for ignoring the match while Snowman shoulderblocks Gaylord. Gaylord goes to the eyes, but Snowman hangs in there, eventually punching Gaylord hard enough to get him tangled in the ropes. Bruno is outraged by that and runs in to help his man, getting Gaylord DQed in the process, and Snowman just beats the piss out of Bruno until Nightmare Ken Wayne makes the save with a board. Not a 2×4, just an all-purpose board.

-Snowman thanks Ken Wayne for his help and lets us know that Ken’s a good friend of his. Welp, that’s on tape now, Snowman, no taking that back.

-Dave Brown talks to Jerry Lawler and Bill Dundee. Sam Lowe, the ringside photographer from last week, was apparently on the heels’ side secretly, and with everybody handcuffed at ringside, he KOed Lawler with his camera for the screwjob finish, so Dirty White Girl remains fully clothed again. So NOW, the wrinkle is that Tessa and Dirty White Girl are going to have a Back Alley Street Brawl and the only way for the match to end is to get their clothes ripped off. Okay.

DIRTY WHITE BOYS (with Dirty White Girl) vs. KEN RAPER & TIM HALL
-DWBs work over Raper with and toss him to the concrete, where DWG whips him with a cat o’nine tails. DDT by Tony Anthony, but Raper stays alive long enough to tag out. Hart Attack finishes Hall quickly.

-Eddie Gilbert struts out here and announces that the coffee he threw in the photographer’s face was COLD! It was all a scheme, and he’s known Sam for years and Sam is a loyal friend. Dirty White Girl promises that Tessa will be totally naked, for sure you guys, definitely this week, she’ll be naked, 100% for reals you guys. I don’t know if they’re shooting for “edgy” or what, but holy shit, this gets more pathetic with every week.

SUPERSTAR BILL DUNDEE vs. EDDIE GILBERT
-Winner is deemed #2 contender for the Unified championship. Dundee attacks as Gilbert steps through the ropes. Gilbert fights back and gives him shots to the chin. Clothesline by Gilbert, and he goes for the kill with a sleeper. Dundee breaks it but Gilbert stops him from making a comeback, applying a wristlock. Of note is that there’s a guy in the crowd this week who’s been pacing around in a gorilla costume the entire show, and I’m torn between “lol, Memphis fans” and “Wait, are they cribbing from Mid-South?”

-Dundee manages to whip Eddie in the corner but crashes on the follow-through and hurts his knee. Eddie smells blood so he applies a figure four, but Dundee rolls over into the ropes to break it. Gilbert slams him to the mat and goes for a kneedrop, but Dundee rolls out of the way and Dundee comes back to life with a flurry of punches and a second rope bodypress, but before he can finish this, Tony Anthony shows up for the surprise attack. Lawler is the equalizer, taking out the heels’ knees…AND THE MAN IN THE GORILLA SUIT RUNS IN! The gorilla shocks the fans by attacking Lawler and Dundee and it turns into a 3-on-1 assault, with the gorilla finally unmasking to reveal he’s John Tatum. Lawler and Dundee are both bleeding, jobbers run in and can’t do a damn thing, and even Eddie Marlin is struggling to get anything done as the assault just keeps going and going and going. They finally settle down and Brown reminds us that Tessa was stolen from him, and he was just biding his time.

“Prime Time” BRIAN LEE & DON HARRIS (with Downtown Bruno) vs. FREEZER THOMPSON & T.D. STEELE
-Bruno asks, “What’s the difference between Freezer and T.D. Steele?”
“I don’t know, what’s the difference?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying! They’re both gonna get beat, so what’s the difference between ’em?”

-Lee backdrops the massive Thompson and the crowd grudgingly gives him some respect for that. Steele tags in and gets powerslammed, and a knee off the top from Lee gets the three-count.

6.6

The final score: review Average

The 411

Mostly good, but I'm very, very over the center of the universe being whether or not a woman on broadcast TV in 1990 will be naked.