wrestling / Video Reviews
Puro Fury: DDT Who’s Gonna Top That?
Image Credit: DDT Pro-Wrestling
Loading...DDT Who’s Gonna Top That?
September 25 2016
We’re in Tokyo, Japan at Korakuen Hall. This is DDT’s big follow up show to Peter Pan. All the angles that were left hanging there are continued here. Such as LiLiCo’s potential marriage and Shuji’s first title defence.
Ken Ohka & Shinichiro Tominaga vs. New Wrestling Aidoru (MAO & Shunma Katsumata) vs. Gorgeous Matsuno & Keisuke Ishii vs. Kouki Iwasaki & Tomomitsu Matsunaga
This being a DDT undercard match it’s total goofiness from beginning to end. Ohka does a bit of dancing. Matsunaga does his spitting gimmick. Matsuno is 400 years old and does a handspring elbow. Technically the latter is true but it’s probably the worst handspring elbow in the history of handspring elbows. I’m convinced Matsuno is, in fact, an Egyptian mummy who got unearthed and taught how to wrestle. Everyone else is clearly scared of him or they wouldn’t team up on a seven-man suplex! I’m sure half those guys are aware they’re literally suplexing air out there. The set up for the finish gets blown and Ohka finishes with a spear. Might as well make the most of a bad situation.
Final Rating: **1/4
Akito & Yasu Urano vs. Cherry & Saki Akai
It’s a battle of the sexes with the ladies being the plucky underdogs. I’ve never been overly keen on the idea of inter-gender wrestling, unless it’s Aja Kong. She can believably fight the men and win. Saki is one of the thinnest professional wrestlers in the world (along with Kurtis Chapman) so I don’t buy into her getting anything going. Especially against seasoned grapplers like Akito. Does she have certain modelling commitments that require her to remain stick thin? You’d think, if grappling was her main job, that she’d be looking to add some weight. At least her kicks are convincing because she has those long legs but everything else is a reach. Akito beats her with relative ease and this really dragged to ten minutes.
Final Rating: *1/2
Shuten Doji (KUDO, Yukio Sakaguchi & Masa Takanashi) vs. Soma Takao, Kazuki Hirata & Toru Owashi
The Shuten Doji boys are fucking hardcore. They’re all badass super-shooters who will either kick your face off or tie you in knots. Owashi is the only guy who wants to stand up to their aggression and that makes for a decent match up. Hirata, great dancer though he is, can be a bit cowardly when out-matched. Takao looks a bit lost since Team Dream Futures finished. At least he has a strong enough look to stand out. Poor Ishii got lost in an four-way tag earlier. Meanwhile beloved giant Irie is off in the USA doing delightful stuff and dabbing while dressed as Spongebob Squarepants. I’m really not making that up. Hirata busts out some ‘deadly’ neck chops so KUDO responds with nun-chucks, which he drops. KUDO is supposed to be this ultimate badass but having butterfingers doesn’t convince me of his ultimate badassery. Having failed at his principle occupation he leads Shuten Doji in a dance party while Hirata convulses in anger. There’s something hilarious about seeing Sakaguchi punch Hirata in the stomach in time with his music. KUDO hits a double stomp and Shuten Doji win the match, the dancing and life in general.
Final Rating: ***
Winner Marries LiLiCo
Makoto Oishi vs. Bernard Ackah vs. Danshoku Dino vs. Mizuki Watase vs. Super Sasadango Machine
Only in wrestling do we have a five-way match for a woman’s hand in marriage while she watches from ringside in full wedding dress. It’s a ladder match where they all wear bow-ties and yet Ackah thinks boxing gloves are good idea in this scenario. He can’t even pick the fucking ladder up! It’s like UFC #1 where Art Jimmerson decided to enter a shoot fight wearing one boxing glove. The only surprise there was that it took Royce Gracie over two minutes to submit him. There are often arguments in wrestling as to who has the best gear and I would argue, at present, in favour of Super Sasadango Machine because he has an actual title belt built in to his gear. Ackah would have the match won but he can’t grab a contract with boxing gloves on, the fucking idiot. LiLiCo looks fairly horrified at the prospect of having to marry the big lug. The match peaks with SSM slamming Dino’s cock in a ladder. Not only is it a horrific spot, it actually makes sense from a psychological stand-point because Dino goes around bumming everyone. Presumably LiLiCo wants Watase to win, as they were in love in the recent storyline. Watase has his hand on the marriage licence but Dino abuses him and grabs it instead. Dino’s choice is for Suguru Miyatake, who was originally in the angle with LiLiCo to marry her, instead of Watase. Only Miyatake doesn’t want to marry LiLiCo and he runs off! The solution the workers come up with is to have a match to determine who LiLiCo’s new boyfriend should be, because Dino doesn’t want to sub into the wedding on account of his sexual preferences not being women with heavy eye make-up. Only in wrestling.
Final Rating: ***
Yoshihiro Takayama, Dick Togo & Sanshiro Takagi vs. Happy Motel (Konosuke Takeshita, Antonio Honda & Trans Am Hiroshi)
This is Takeshita’s feud to fall into after losing the title. Being champion might have been ‘too much, too soon’ for Takeshita but DDT have eased him into another big angle to soften the blow. In this case; seven foot tall blonde punchbag/Japanese legend Takayama. They goof around a lot in this match, doing a four-way tie up on the mat while Trans Am sings and Dick Togo dances. Despite being retired for a couple of years Togo is still one of the best wrestlers in Japan and he seems to transition effortlessly between match styles in DDT. He’s equally comfortable doing comedy as he is stealing the show. It’s perhaps a little selfish of me, but I want to see him steal every show because I know how good he is at the grappling. DDT has always shared the spotlight around though, with the exception of perennial main eventer HARASHIMA but he is the companies ace. Happy Motel have a solid team dynamic in this, wearing matching colourful Autumnal colours. Having matching gear is always nice. It doesn’t stop big Tak though and he floors Honda with the Everest German Suplex. The big story is Takeshita taking offence at Takayama’s presence and declaring the big man his main target going forwards.
Final Rating: **3/4
KO-D Tag Team Championship
Smile Yankees (HARASHIMA & Yuko Miyamoto) (c) vs. DAMNNATION (Daisuke Sasaki & Tetsuya Endo)
Endo looks conflicted to be in the sleaziest group in the promotion. He’s wearing a black t-shirt but he’s not the personification of sleaze like Sasaki. The sleaze is practically dripping off Daisuke. He’s done fantastic character work during 2016 and fully deserves his spot at the top of the card, which is a huge contrast to even last year where I thought he was out of his depth trying to replace Kenny Omega. The action in this is rock solid, as you’d expect from four accomplished wrestlers given fifteen minutes second from top. I can’t say I’m a big fan of Smile Yankees although HARASHIMA adopting Yuko’s clown pants as his gear while they’re champions is a nice touch. Are they clown pants or parachute pants? MC Hammer would definitely wear them. HARASHIMA is probably my favourite DDT wrestler and a lot of his work in this is exceptional. However he can’t take a Canadian Destroyer to save his life. He also doesn’t feel a Sasaki crossface coming and that looks pretty ugly too. These are minor complaints in an otherwise good match. Somato finishes Sasaki after a barrage of moves from the champions.
Final Rating: ***1/2
KO-D Openweight Championship
Shuji Ishikawa (c) vs. Kazusada Higuchi
Shuji is 41 today and an 13 year pro. Like Higuchi he came into wrestling late. Higuchi is 27 and has been wrestling for two years. In terms of development he’s about the best two-year pro in the world. He’s gotten so good, so fast that he’s out here main eventing and is a genuine contender to become champion. As a former sumo wrestler he has both size and presence. Of course these are also attributes that define Shuji. This is a big old burly brawl. It’s not quite at the AJPW 1990s level but they both wrestle like Akira Taue. That’s a good thing. They power each other around and it’s weird seeing Higuchi throw the massive Ishikawa around like he’s nothing, a month after seeing Takeshita be completely unable to do the same. Shuji’s response is raw, unadulterated power. He is not a subtle man. To my surprise Higuchi starts going toe to toe with this power and it’s a 50-50 match. Higuchi has grown up very quickly in the wrestling game and this is proof he’s going to be a main event star. Hell, he is a main event star based on this match. It’s a tremendous battle between two big dudes and leaves me wanting more. The slaps and chops and suplexes are all so brutal and unrefined. It’s a fucking hoss-fight! JR would be salivating. Big Japan have been the strong hold of big lads wrestling in Japan all year but here’s a guy, in Higuchi, that can challenge that status quo. I almost hope DDT loan him to Big Japan for a bit of seasoning. Imagine the matches this boy could have! In my glory days of watching All Japan the review for this would be all; “CHOPS, CHOPS, SLAPS, HEAD DROP GERMAN SUPLEX, KNEEEEEE ATTACK, KNEEEEEEE ATTAAAAACK”. I don’t write that way anymore, but it’s that kind of match. The only thing that stops it being a MOTYC is Higuchi’s relative inexperience and the occasional timing issue. It’s a fucking war and a glorious, glorious display of professional wrestling. Higuchi manages some miracle kick-outs down the stretch before eventually succumbing to Shuji’s mixture of experience and aggression. My God was this ever a fucking coming out party for Higuchi though. He looked every inch a world beater and this is probably my favourite match from DDT all year.
Final Rating: ****3/4
Post Match: The crowd sing “Happy Birthday” to Shuji until Daisuke Sasaki ruins it, the big jerk. I get the feeling the other DAMNATION lads all like each other but I don’t see why they all keep answering to dickhead Daisuke.
