Puro Fury: NOAH One Night Cruise

NOAH One Night Cruise

 

December 2 2016

 

NOAH ran two early December shows in Tokyo. One in Korakuen Hall, one in the Differ Ariake. The first was headlined by Nakajima defending his title against MiSu. The two shows were squashed together for TV with a three hour block covering both nights. Which hopefully means all the crap has been edited out. We shall see. I find it amusing that NOAH have run two shows entitled “One Night Cruise”. Maths is hard.

 

Mohammed Yone, Quiet Storm, Hitoshi Kumano & Kaito Kiyomiya vs. Akitoshi Saito, Alejandro Saez, Kenoh & Hajime Ohara

This is clipped and JIP with Kumano doing a crap Giant Swing on Kenoh. Yone & Storm are an entertaining team. I dig most of their shtick. Especially with how fired up QS gets. He’s so meaty! Kiyomiya goes after Saez and pins him! This was originally a shade over seven minutes but clipped to the bare minimum. Great win for Kiyomiya. He’s what Kumano would have been if Kumano ever improved beyond opening act status.

Final Rating: NR (Clipped)

 

Suzuki-gun (Yoshinobu Kanemaru, Taka Michinoku & El Desperado) vs. Daisuke Harada, Taiji Ishimori & Yoshinari Ogawa

This is part of the SKG vs. NOAH storyline as it comes to a conclusion. SKG have won far too many of these meaningless throwaway matches over the course of the feud but this is a match they’re in to job. They maintain the same dickish attitude they’ve had throughout the angle and run lengthy heat segments. Like the feud as a whole it drags. Harada ends up picking off Taka and winning with the Knee Upper and the German Suplex in short order. This was almost entirely intact. It wasn’t particularly good, as has been the case for this feud, but at least the good guys went over.

Final Rating: *1/2

 

Davey Boy Smith Jr. vs. Maybach Taniguchi

KES are defending the tag straps tomorrow against Taniguchi & Shiozaki. So they’ve got two warm-up singles matches tonight. Maybach stripped off his samurai farmer gimmick is both lifeless and an improvement. It’s weird. Normally if someone drops a gimmick and replaces it with nothing it’s made him worse (Sal Sincere to Tom Brandi springs to mind) but Maybach’s gimmick ruined all his matches so losing it, despite leaving him bereft of anything else, is still an improvement. The match exists to set up tomorrow so it’s very basic. DBS Jr. has deteriorated as a worker, for me anyway, and just does WWE-esque clubbing now. Lance Archer runs in for the DQ after four minutes. This brings out Go Shiozaki and they demand a tag match right now! But I have to sit through this tomorrow! That’s completely unfair.

Final Rating: ¼*

 

Killer Elite Squad vs. Go Shiozaki & Maybach Taniguchi

Like every KES match this involves a lot of clubbering and a dated style of wrestling I can’t stand (one that should have gone by the wayside when the Attitude Era ended). It’s billed as a clash of styles with the Westerners doing worked punches and kicks as a contrast to the Japanese duo hitting chops, forearms and lariats. My biggest issue with the ‘worked’ style of certain Westerners is that if you miss on a punch your opponent has no idea if he’s supposed to sell it or not. It creates the weakest of works. Whereas a strong style is very clear. If it doesn’t land cleanly you can mark it up to similar incidents that occur in boxing or MMA where strikes simply don’t land. Everyone knows what they’re supposed to be selling. There’s a definitive difference in styles and one still being performed makes no sense to me. Sure, it’s a lot easier to do and easier on the body but it’s just dated. Maybach gets a fluke pin on DBS Jr. and that helps to set up tomorrow’s title match. I hope that match is better than this one.

Final Rating: *3/4

 

GHC Junior Heavyweight Championship

Atsushi Kotoge (c) vs. Taichi

Yeah, it’s another title match for Taichi to drag into the dirt. My biggest concern regarding the conclusion of the Suzuki-gun angle is that Taichi has to go somewhere and wherever he goes he’ll drag that promotion down to his level, kicking and screaming. He is hot garbage. In order to draw some heat Taichi stabs Kotoge in the head before the bell and opens the poor bastard up. There’s claret everywhere. That’s certainly an improvement on Taichi’s normal bullshit but from there he swiftly drops into the usual pitfalls of his mediocre work. Soon Kotoge is getting beaten up around ringside for getting into a row with Taichi’s girlfriend. It’s like up Broad Street at 3am when everywhere is kicking out and some dickhead’s missus is starting shit. Only when someone gets their head opened up like a ripe melon the police don’t arrive to break it up. It just never ends. It’s just Taichi. Forever. This gets surprisingly good because of one reason; Kotoge doesn’t give a fuck. He shrugs off all the bullshit and starts throwing headbutts, despite being busted open. Taichi even starts landing the few strikes that he can do effectively and that big ass powerbomb he does, Last Ride style. If Taichi focused on his strengths and stop being such a mind-blowing shit for brains he might even scrape into passable as a worker. Kanemaru flat out jumps into the ring in this match but eats a superkick. Then it’s Taichi’s unbelievably sleazy missus. Good lord, she’s filthy. Harada saves Kotoge from the horrors of leather women’s undies and, finally, all of the Suzuki-gun stuff backfires. It’s about damn time. Killswitch finishes for the champ and by God, this was actually good. Wrestling overcame bullshit. That’s all I want from the business.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Suzuki-gun (Takashi Sugiura & Takashi Iizuka) vs. Naomichi Marufuji & Masa Kitamiya

If there’s one guy that’s benefitted from Suzuki-gun invading it’s Kitamiya. He’s gone from an opening act dude to a genuine star. Via a feud with MiSu. He’s all fired up here, looking to send Suzuki-gun packing. There is a definite possibility of him having a series against Sugiura because surely Sugi is going nowhere, regardless of SKG’s imminent departure. Marufuji makes short work of Iizuka, unless the bald old git cheats. Which he does, repeatedly. Marufuji ducks the Iron Glove and hits Shiranui for the fairly brisk victory. Kitamiya spearing Sugiura out of the way at the finish shows how highly they rate him. Iizuka has, thankfully, been reduced to jobber status at the end of this angle.

Final Rating: **1/2

 

GHC Heavyweight Championship

Katsuhiko Nakajima (c) vs. Minoru Suzuki

This is pretty much it. The culmination of the two year NOAH vs. SKG story. Suzuki going against Nakajima with the belt on the line. Whoever loses is basically finished in NOAH. The outcome has been telegraphed but the match remains. The lengthy run time means Suzuki needs to tell a story, which is the destruction of Nakajima’s knee. The concept here is to eliminate all of Nakajima’s aggressive kicks and everything that can beat Suzuki. MiSu doubles up on that by constantly going after the leg to block Nakajima at every turn. Nakajima has to switch gears and mix his offence up. It’s mainly throws, because he can’t use kicks, but the power isn’t there because he has a bad knee. When Nakajima lands a high kick it’s a big moment because he’s overcome the injury and the blow catches MiSu by surprise and knocks him out. Suzuki takes over again because of Nakajima’s handicap and MiSu lands a magnificent dropkick to the face. It’s incredible. He’s 48 years old! After that he absolutely slaps the shit out of Nakajima. It’s an assault of awesome proportions. He puts Nakajima through the grinder. It’s all fine and dandy until MiSu deliberately bumps the ref. Immediately the camera swings around to the entranceway. Nobody runs in! You know why? Because the NOAH guys have surrounded the ring. So they duke it out instead and Nakajima absolutely leathers Suzuki. The delay benefits him because it gives his leg time to heal up. Suzuki gets battered and staggers into the Twister. Nakajima retains and Suzuki is fucking done. Interesting to note that Suzuki-gun didn’t even try to help Suzuki. Maybe he told them not to. Who knows.

Final Rating: ***3/4

 

Post Match: Sugiura lays out Suzuki-gun and throws down his shirt. Of course he does. MiSu does fine selling in crawling out of the ring. His invasion was hugely successful but it’s over. Nakajima has slayed him and his own bullshit came back to hurt him. Eventually the unity of the NOAH locker room saw Suzuki-gun off. Thank Christ this is over.

 

December 3 2016

 

We’re in Tokyo at the Differ Ariake. This is pretty much it for Suzuki-gun. This is the last stand. The resultant main event is Sugiura vs. Suzuki. We’re really into skipping shit on this show and the opening match (a trios match with opening match guys) is left on the cutting room floor. This show is literally an hour long, which is great. If all NOAH shows were trimmed down to an hour I might watch them more frequently.

 

Kenou & Hajime Ohara vs. Taka Michinoku & El Desperado

JIP with Suzuki-gun taking a departing beatdown. Kenohara have been one of the teams that have suffered due to Suzuki-gun being here. So they get the rub from these two jamokes on their way out. The match is ten minutes but hardly any of it airs.

Final Rating: NR (Clipped)

 

Momo no Seishun Tag vs. Yoshinobu Kanemaru & Taichi

Kotoge got cut open yesterday so Taichi goes after that with his cane. This is another Suzuki-gun duo who are here to lose on their way out. I have no idea what Kanemaru is going to do. Who owns his contract? I think he’s technically freelance. The SKG guys look like outright jobbers at times and Kanemaru is beaten clean long before Harada finally drops him with the German suplex. This was too clipped to rate.

Final Rating: NR (Clipped)

 

Masa Kitamiya vs. Takashi Iizuka

This is also JIP. Iizuka clipped is the second best Iizuka. First best is removed from show Iizuka. At least he’s in this match to get mashed and outwrestled by Kitamiya. Backdrop Hold puts Iizuka down for the pin. Another big win for Kitamiya!

Final Rating: NR

 

Katsuhiko Nakajima & Hitoshi Kumano vs. Naomichi Marufuji & Kaito Kiyomiya

This is completely random. Nakajima has retained so they’ve teamed him up with an opening match jobber against Marufuji and another opening match guy. The Nakajima-Marufuji sequences are passable until they give up on wrestling and kick the shit out of each other. That’s way better. That’s a match I’d love to see for the title. As long as they kept it under 30 minutes, which NOAH tends to struggle with. Kumano vs. Kiyomiya shows elements of promise but it’s a bit sloppy and this is a match that nobody really cares about. It’s just a space filling contest. It doesn’t mean anything. Kiyomiya gets a wee bit of joy kicking out of Nakajima spots and getting a slight rub from the champ. At one point it looks like the help of Marufuji will aid Kiyomiya in actually pinning Nakajima! Wouldn’t that be something? It’d certainly brighten up this contest. Nakajima survives the shock and nails the Twister to put Kiyomiya away. This got great down the stretch after being relatively pointless until the Nakajima vs. Kiyomiya sequence.

Final Rating: ***

 

Post Match: Nakajima and Marufuji have a little staredown and then Kitamiya comes out here too. Now that Suzuki-gun has been sent packing Nakajima has contenders for his spot.

 

GHC Tag Team Championship

Killer Elite Squad (c) vs. Go Shiozaki & Maybach Taniguchi

KES are probably leaving NOAH after this show (although who knows with this company) so chances are they’re dropping the straps but it was weird that they won them on the last show. We continue where these guys left off yesterday. It’s a load of brawling and not much else. Go decides he needs to shake it up a bit and starts throwing out rana’s and shit. Taniguchi looks way more motivated than last night and is all fired up. KES do the same old shit so it’s not a great match but the challengers efforts are pleasing. Archer tries to get over that this is a big match, to the best of his ability, although the match never clicks big for me. Unlike KES against TMDK or someone of that ilk. They do shoot for the stars and draw the match out into something approaching epic. Go absolutely blasts Archer with the lariat at the finish, hitting the ropes four times before nearly decapitating poor Lance. New champions and KES are free to leave. Go and Taniguchi both looked good here, even if the match was standard. Yone & Quiet Storm stroll out for the post match challenge. That might actually be quite good.

Final Rating: **3/4

 

Takashi Sugiura vs. Minoru Suzuki

This seems like some kind of weird attempt to turn Sugiura face before Suzuki-gun leave the company forever. It reminds me immediately of Suzuki vs. Nakajima because they brawl all over the place but Sugiura is the dominant one here. The dynamic doesn’t quite work, unlike full-on babyface Sugiura taking on MiSu at the peak of the SKG invasion. That was the best NOAH match of last year. The work is still very strong but it doesn’t have that same vibe. The strong style these two work is the kind of wrestling that makes me believe in the graps. It’s intense and hard-hitting. Because it’s NOAH it’s really long, over 30 minutes, but it’s not an issue like with Nakajima. They just beat the shit out of each other for the entire match. Constant brawling, a million forearm shots and two sweaty guys just killing each other. I love how they pause occasionally to re-assess and then carry on pummelling each other. Neither man is willing to admit that they will lose that striking duel. You could possibly argue that it’s too samey and it doesn’t need to be 30 minutes long but that brings it down a notch. Had they gone out and leathered the hell out of each other for 15 minutes it could have been a MOTYC. Suzuki finds himself beaten to shit again for the second night running, perhaps his age catching up with him, and Sugiura just destroys him at the end. The last three minutes is Sugiura just wailing on Suzuki until he’s dead and the Olympic Slam finishes. Great match.

Final Rating: ****1/4

 

Post Match: Marufuji comes out and offers a handshake to Sugiura. Let’s bury this feud and move forward. Fuck SKG. Sugiura refuses. He’s not done messing with Marufuji, even if Suzuki-gun is gone.

 

 

6.5

The final score: review Average

The 411

It’s kinda tough to rate this because they slapped together two shows and made a three hour TV block out of it. On one hand it means a lot of crap was edited out and it reminded me of old comp tapes where you’d get entire tours on one tape. On the other hand there were only three good matches over two nights, which is a little below par for just about any promotion. That said they capped it with an excellent Sugiura vs. Suzuki match. Behind Sugiura vs. Nakajima from March it’s probably NOAH’s MOTY, which speaks volumes about their in-ring in 2016.