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Random Network Reviews: Insurrextion 2003

June 10, 2015 | Posted by Kevin Pantoja
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Random Network Reviews: Insurrextion 2003  

Insurrextion 2003
June 7th, 2003 – Telewest Arena in Newcastle, England – Attendance: 10,000

England exclusive Pay-Per-Views are not always my favorite. It usually seems like the performers mail it in because regardless of how well they do, the fans are going to be red hot because they don’t see shows as often. Hopefully that is not the case here as we get Insurrextion, which is still such an odd name for a wrestling event. Not much of note here except that this is exclusive to the Raw brand and it would be the last ever Insurrextion.

Commentary is the usual combination of Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

WWE Women’s Championship
Jazz (c) w/ Theodore Long vs. Trish Stratus

Interesting to see them open with the women, which is not done often. Theodore Long demands the crowd give the “Bitch is Black” a standing ovation. The girls start with a feeling out process and this was around the time that Trish Stratus became really good. She gets some quick near falls before Jazz and her power take over. Jazz does get nice height on a big leg drop for two. Trish begins to rally but gets slingshot into the second rope, which I don’t see often. She’s be in prime position for a 619 right about now. After a dragon screw, Jazz moves to a TERRIBLE looking Boston crab. Her STF used to look good but this sucks. Trish gets the ropes and buys time with a neckbreaker. Time for Trish to get in her stuff like the handstand hurricanrana and Matrix like clothesline dodge. Stratusfaction is reversed into a back suplex for two. Trish uses Jazz’s own Boston crab and STF but Victoria runs out. This distraction allows Teddy Long to do the SLOWEST cheat job and throws Trish into the corner shoulder first. Jazz covers and wins.

Winner and Still WWE Women’s Champion: Jazz in 9:45
Surprised to see the girls go this long. Even with the time though, I thought this was a bit all over the place. Jazz worked the leg for only a bit and then the finish was terrible as it involved the shoulder. Couldn’t Teddy have gotten involved and then Jazz hit a finisher or something? **

After retiring the Intercontinental Championship in late 2002, it was brought back the previous month in a battle royal. Booker T won but the referees missed Christian’s elimination so he pulled a 1997 Royal Rumble Stone Cold and snuck back in to toss out Booker. That leads to this contest.

WWE Intercontinental Championship
Christian (c) vs. Booker T

After losing to Triple H at WrestleMania despite the angle seemingly calling for him to win the World Title, Booker T moves back to the mid-card. Booker gets in some scoop slams and knocks Christian outside. Inside, Booker goes back to a side headlock as we continue to get very basic stuff. Back body drops and slingshots are Booker’s offense. Finally Christian remembers that he can work too and changes the tide with a thumb to the eye. Commentary is discussing Maid Maryanne having “some puppies”. Jerry Lawler has always sucked on commentary. In the best spot so far, Booker tries a big axe kick but Christian ducks and he goes straight over and out. Shortly after, Christian leaps from the second rope, right into a big axe kick. Booker starts to build momentum and has Christian well scouted. Book End attempt is blocked and Christian hits a reverse DDT for two. Booker uses an inside cradle for his fourth or so near fall using a rollup. SPINAROONIE! Booker hits the Scissors Kick but Christian accidentally takes down the referee. The challenger hits a missile dropkick but the referee takes too long. Who didn’t see that coming? He goes to the well one too many times as his Scissors Kick misses this time. Unprettier is countered into a rollup that Christian rolls through with a handful of tights to retain.

Winner and Still WWE Intercontinental Champion: Christian in 15:11
Decent but nothing special. It started slow but got better as time went on. They played Booker’s need to win badly well as he tried multiple rollups. It seemed like another case of good workers not putting in the effort. **¼

Backstage Steve Austin goes up to Theodore Long. He scolds him for cheating in the opener. “It’s on TV. Am I blind?” As punishment, Austin changes the Dudley Boyz vs. Christopher Nowinski and Rodney Mack to a six man tag. Spike joins his brothers while Long partners up with his guys.

World Tag Team Championship
Kane and Rob Van Dam (c) vs. La Resistance

Are we just putting all of the title matches on first? The previous Monday, Kane lost to a member of La Resistance, so Steve Austin gave him a motivational speech and hit him with a Stunner because he’s gone soft. I mean, when you lose to Rob Conway or Sylvan Greiner, you’re not doing well. RVD and Conway start, with RVD getting in his enziguri and monkey flip spots. Kane gets the tag and is a bit angry. He and RVD work some sweet double team moves. They involve Kane launching RVD into Conway for a kick, before RVD does a moonsault to one guy and Rolling Thunder on the other before Kane throws RVD onto both challengers outside. Fun. It’s time for the heat segment though as RVD plays face in peril while Jim Ross goes on a tangent about Serena Williams in the French Open. He has been all over the map tonight. Hot tag to Kane brings commentary back to focus as they discuss how the “monster” Kane is aggressive tonight. Things break down and RVD ends up in a bad way when he takes a back drop spot wrong and gets spiked on his shoulder on the turnbuckle. Kane doesn’t need him as he double Chokeslams his opponents. A Five Star Frog Splash wraps things up.

Winners and Still World Tag Team Champions: Kane and Rob Van Dam in 9:03
More of the same here. This wasn’t bad and was a completely watchable and solid contest. However, there was just something that seemed to be lacking. Kane and RVD were always super fun together though. **½

Al Snow interviews Goldust about his match with Rico. This is totally just a reason to see and hear Goldust do his incredibly funny stutter gimmick. It never fails to amuse me.

Goldust vs. Rico
“This guy makes Boy George look normal.” JR continues his hot streak tonight. A small “you screwed Bret” chant aimed at Earl Hebner is heard early on. These two really seem uninspired and the crowd doesn’t care one bit. I’m a huge Goldust fan but Rico did nothing for me. They work some very regular stuff showing us that the Raw roster wasn’t deep enough to fill an entire two and a half hour PPV. They trade near falls but this is dull. Goldust should have been leading but it seems like Rico was calling things. He misses a moonsault allowing Goldust to connect with a bulldog for two. Goldust does ten punches in the corner, complete with an audible stutter. He wins shortly after with a powerslam, which I found odd.

Winner: Goldust in 9:55
Man this went far too long. Neither guy was really motivated and having Rico call the match didn’t do it any favors. *

A video tribute airs for “Classy” Freddie Blassie, who had just passed away earlier in the week.

Chris Jericho makes his way out to the ring for the Highlight Reel and he gets a face pop. It seems like the Highlight Reel set wasn’t able to make the trip to England since the setup is just a red carpet and two bar stools. Eric Bischoff is the guest and he calls himself and Jericho Americans. I guess Jericho is not Winnipeg. They berate the fans until Steve Austin interrupts to the biggest pop of the night. This is a strange segment. Jericho gets Austin a cheap pop that he didn’t need. He has white wrist tape and Austin is wearing long jeans. It all looks so weird. Austin announces that he’s changed the Triple H vs. Kevin Nash main event into a Street Fight. So, a twenty or so minute segment to promote one stipulation change. Stunner to Jericho ends this thing. With the fact that we have to watch the likes of Nash, Rodney Mack and Rico, the fact that Jericho was wasted here is sad.

The Dudley Boyz vs. Christopher Nowinski, Rodney Mack and Theodore Long
Despite the fact that I’m a supporter of Christopher Nowinski, this was not a role that I liked for him. With this not being a Tables match, we get some slow regular six man tag work until the heels regroup outside. They stand COMPLETELY still while Bubba press slams Spike onto them. The cameraman catches how obvious this was and it wasn’t good. Bubba has some fun outsmarting the Harvard genius before dancing. The Dudleys stay in control with a double flapjack on Nowinski and target Teddy, but it backfires. They get back on the offensive quick with the WASSSSUUUP headbutt on Mack. The heels fail on a double team, leading to Teddy getting laid out and Spike pins him.

Winners: The Dudley Boyz in 9:15
Another match that went a bit long for my liking. Having Teddy Long in the match was rough but made even worse by the fact that Nowinski and Mack weren’t god enough to carry things without him. Totally basic.

After the match, the heels try to put a Dudley through a table, but it backfires like everything else they did and Nowinski eats a 3D through the table.

Scott Steiner vs. Test
So, Stacy Keibler was Test’s manager but grew to hate him and wanted to manage the Big Bad Booty Daddy. Her contract is for Test though so at the upcoming Bad Blood show, they would meet for her managerial services. In other words, this match means nothing. Val Venis is guest referee for no reason and Stacy is guest announcer. Her skirt is gloriously short. Test is totally heel here, attacking Scott Steiner before the bell and using Stacy as a human shield. Steiner tries to rally but is taken down by Test. Steiner proved in his title matches early in the year that he is incredibly limited at this point in his career. He does finally hit a belly to belly for some semblance of offense. We get some near falls so Test tries to remove the turnbuckle pad. Stacy gets on the apron but is knocked off by accident. Test mocks Steiner with some push-ups that cost him because he can’t get the three. He goes for a chair because this match has no real meaning but Stacy is magically healed and pulls the chair from him. He has to hold it in place for her to reach for far too long. Flatliner from Steiner ends this.

Winner: Scott Steiner in 6:48
This feud sucked and this was possibly their worst match together. The best thing about it all was Stacy Keibler and her skirt. That earns it a star.

World Heavyweight Championship Street Fight
Triple H (c) w/ Ric Flair vs. Kevin Nash w/ Shawn Michaels

Okay, so you have both Chris Jericho AND Shawn Michaels on your roster but you don’t book them here? At least Goldberg wasn’t in the UK so I understand not using him. Ric Flair gets involved early, so Shawn Michaels takes it to him. Flair is busted open already. He’s gushing like crazy even though he’s not even in the match. Triple H and Nash fight up the ramp, with HHH taking a back body drop on the steel. At the entrance, Nash his him in the back with a chair before throwing him by the announce table. This goes nowhere though as they just make it back to the ring where Triple H goes after the knee. The steel steps come into play as Nash drop toe holds Triple H right onto them. The best thing about this so far was Flair and HBK going at it, but with them gone it’s turned rather dull. HHH blades because he and Flair did that a ton during this era. Even though this is a Street Fight, Earl Hebner has to take a bump. Bloody Flair is back so this may pick up. He eats a bit boot instantly. Triple H connects on a chair shot for two so the second referee is knocked out too. Michaels is back out and strikes Flair with Sweet Chin Music. Michaels take a Pedigree before Nash hits HHH with the Jackknife. There’s no referee though. When a third appears, Flair pulls him out. Nash goes after him, allowing Trips to nail him with the sledgehammer. This earns the 1-2-3.

Winner and Still World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H in 16:33
I expected to hate this because Kevin Nash was pretty rough at this point but it was alright. Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels get my MVP award here though. They made this fun. I didn’t like the need for all the ref bumps as it was far too common in Triple H matches by now. **

The final score: review Poor
The 411
 Another ho-hum effort by the WWE when they traveled to England. Their earlier shows were fine but there really just wasn’t enough effort put in here. The first few matches were enjoyable but everything after those three first matches was pretty dire. Just another “going through the motions” UK show, but at least the crowd hot.