Raw Retrospective: Monday Night Raw 08.09.93

WWF RAW Episode Twenty Nine
August 9, 1993
Taped from Alexandria Bay, New York
Hosts: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage and Bobby Heenan

The announcers hype up the Lex Express stopping by for a contract signing, the Hughes/Tatanka match and the debut of the Macho Midget. In our main event, we have the Heavenly Bodies. I’m sure somebody out there was excited about this.

Tatanka Vs Mr. Hughes
Tatanka is undefeated while Hughes doesn’t get an entrance and, despite taking out the Undertaker and stealing his urn, doesn’t have a match at Summerslam and Giant Gonzalez does. Hughes attacks from behind and shows more energy in the opening seconds than I have ever seen from him. Tatanka tries to leap frog over Hughes but doesn’t make it, which ends in a sloppy fall and a really awkward stare down afterwards. Vince tries to put it over as the genius of Hughes. Tatanka avoids a splash and gets a roll up for two, but goes right to work with a series of chops. Hughes misses a clothesline and hit with a crossbody for two, but takes the Native American down with a clothesline. Hughes does nothing for a while until we go to commercial break, and when we come back we’re greeted with an exciting headlock. Hughes misses yet another splash and cracks his glasses, and the blurred vision allows Tatanka to channel the spirit of his ancestors and…chop him multiple times. THE GLASSES COME OFF! SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN…oh, wait, Hughes tosses Tatanka to the outside and then bodyslams him on the ground. Tatanka back body drops Hughes and runs in the ring before the ten count ends things at 4:59. * Nothing horrible, but nothing all that engaging either. Best Hughes match I’ve seen to date, however. After the match, Whippleman distracts Tatanka and allows Hughes to hit him with the urn. Another wreath is outside and in a funny moment he tries to break it over his knee but only bends it.
Winner: Tatanka

Part 2 of the Lex Luger interview. Luger was all about athletics in college, but got into the wrong crowd (the “cool guys”) and made a lot of mistakes. It’s cool though, he paid for his mistake and had to leave sports for a while. His life was falling apart and he realized he had to become a man. On pro football; everyone told him not to. But when you tell Lex Luger he can’t do something, that’s exactly what he does. He made it to the Canadian Football league and then in the NFL, as well as the United States Football league. There are far too many close-ups of Luger’s mouth during these interviews. After playing football for seven years, he was set to become an attorney and instead started wrestling. Vince, totally not biased or anything, proclaims that Luger will “probably be the next WWF champion.”

The Bushwackers and The Macho Midget Vs The Brooklyn Brawler, Blake Beverly and Little Louie
The Macho Midget takes off his glasses and looks absolutely terrifying…until he starts dancing. Then he becomes adorable! Blake and Luke start off with Blake getting getting outsmarted by Luke and bit in the ass. Then it becomes all six men biting each other’s asses. Little Louie chases the Macho Midget before we get a midget dropkick. This is the most difficult match I’ve ever had to recap. I don’t really know how to explain what’s happening. Just be assured that it’s awful. All of it. The midgets square off and Louie pushes Macho down, drawing heat. They crisscross for a while, and Macho stops while Louie keeps running like an idiot. He gets dropkicked out and Blake and Butch take over. Butch hits a couple of knees and bashes Blake and Brawler’s heads together. We go back to the midgets wrestling, and they do some…wrestling, I guess. Macho goes for the pin but Louie throws him off, into the arms of the ref, who tosses Macho back on Louie for the two count. Butch gets the tag and takes out Brawler and Blake with the battering ram. Double DDT on Brawler and the Macho Midget hits a top rope splash for the three at 6:22. -* This was about what you would expect with midgets and the talent involved. Some people might find it harmless fun, and in the end it was, but from a wrestling standpoint it was awful. Heenan’s midget jokes are there, at least.
Winners: The Bushwackers and the Macho Midget

Just because we need more Lex Luger, it’s time for the official contract signing between Yokozuna and Lex himself. One of the geisha girls has braces, and immediately closes her mouth once she realizes the camera is on her. Savage, always the instigator, starts a USA chant. Jim Cornette comes out with Yoko and Fuji as the American spokesman. His pink, blue and red outfit is pretty awesome. Cornette puts over Japan and says Fuji/Yoko have been at a handicap due to their lack of understanding of American culture and the English language. Savage isn’t wearing too much America tonight, and looks kind of badass. Like a Macho Venom. Cornette reads over the contract for two or three seconds, and Lex Luger finally comes out to a pretty big ovation. You know, as stupid as the promotion of this match was, people were into Lex (at least in America). If he would have won at Summerslam I think we might look back at all of this in a different light, but he didn’t and instead looked like a fool. Actually, Yoko was successful due to the stupidity of Americans in the early stages of his career. I mean, Savage tried to pin him in the Royal Rumble. Everything is red, white and blue to drive the point home that this is a match for America. After they sign the contract, both men stand up and face off. Cornette gets on the mic and says that Luger gets one shot at Yoko, per stipulation of the contract that he JUST signed. Swerve, motherfucker. Luger is sweating far too much for not doing anything. Luger goes on to say he doesn’t care because he only wanted one chance and that he has met thousands of supporters and will meet thousands more and will defeat him at Summerslam. Yokozuna wipes the sweat from his brow and flicks it at Luger. Lex starts a USA chant as the segment ends. Well, it was pretty corny but the crowd was super into it.

Razor Ramon Vs Dan Dubiel
Ramon chops Dubiel in the corner and hurls him across the ring, then hits a fallaway slam. Abdominal stretch leads to backdrop off the top, which leads to the inevitable Razor’s Edge for the three at 1:58. DUD.
Winner: Razor Ramon

The Heavenly Bodies Vs Bobby Who and Eugene(?)
No entrance for either team, which is odd. Strange double-team sees Jimmy Del Ray superkicking the back of Bobby Who’s head and then Pritchard follows up with a DDT. Who tags in his partner but gets hit with a floatover DDT. Pritchard gets tagged in and drops a knee before tagging in Del Ray for a double suplex. They both take out Bobby Who and Del Ray hits a moonsault for the three at 2:21. DUD, but the Heavenly Bodies looked decent enough.
Winner: The Heavenly Bodies

Next week we have a special interview with Giant Gonzalez, a pair of Ludvig Borga and MOM squashes, and the 1-2-3 Kid taking on Ted Dibiase.

The 411: Pretty awful show this week. You know when the most interesting segment is a contract signing between Luger and Yoko you have a bad show. The six man was horrible, the opening match was about as generic as they come, and the squashes didn’t do a whole lot. Nothing worth watching, unless you want to see a contract signing where nobody fights.
Final Score:  3.5   [ Bad ]