Reviews from Across the Pond- WWF Shotgun Saturday Night January 11th 1997

WWF SHOTGUN SATURDAY NIGHT JANUARY 11TH 1997

We are liiiiiiiiiiiiive from the All-Star Cafe in New York City! And guess who are here? It’s only Marc Mero & Sable! Yeah! Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Sunny, who is just so astoundingly gorgeous here that I’m almost in tears. She’s going to be showing us her sexy home video tonight! Todd Pettengill regrets to inform us that the Sisters of Love were arrested earlier in the day for solicitation. Hilarious.

MATCH 1- DIESEL VS MARC MERO

This is not Kevin Nash, this is Fake Diesel. Or, as you probably know him, Kane.

Diesel attacks Mero from behind and drops him with a back elbow. The big man starts to accost Sable at ringside, so Sable throws some fearsome cake at it. That stuns Diesel long enough for Mero to go on the attack. A facebuster in the ring is followed up by the ten punches in the corner. Double M attempts to knock Diesel off his feet with clotheslines, but he can’t quite do it. Diesel can flatten Mero with a big boot easily though. Sunny insinuates that Marc Mero might be the man in her sex-tape later tonight. Mero does have that seventies/eighties porn-star look. Big elbow drop by the future Big Red Monster for two. Mero rolls to the floor for respite, but Fake Razor Ramon comes down to ringside to join in the attack! Rocky Maivia makes the save! Commercials!

We come back with Big Daddy Cool still in control. A PIP promo tells us that the Honky Tonk Man and Todd Pettengill will be doing a duet later in the program. Okay… Diesel dumps Marc with a side slam for two. Big vertical suplex for the same. Not much happens for a little while, and then Diesel crushes MM with a Kane-esque flying clothesline from the top rope. Spinning sidewalk slam only gets a two count. The Wildman finally fights back with a flying headscissors and a leaping lariat. The Honky Tonk Man becomes the second man to take interest in Sable, which Mero is blissfully unaware of. A moonsault flattens Diesel, but the Wildman finally spots what is going on and springs to the rescue. That allows Diesel to slam an axe handle into MM from behind, and back in the Jackknife Powerbomb gets three.

Rating- * ½- This was a touch too longer for what they had to offer, but this was probably the best match in the short history of this show. The action was slick and had a decent tempo, and the crowd were always into it. Decent opener.

Post-match, a fuming Mero berates Sable, sending the Blonde Bombshell into floods of tears. The Honky Tonk Man now decides that this is the time to be chivalrous, but once again Rocky Maivia rushes to the rescue. MM returns and confronts Rocky about his intentions, leading to a chaotic slugfest! Sunny is alarmed that Rocky is showing more of an interest in Sable than her. If that’s true, Maivia is the most idiotic man in professional wrestling.

MATCH 2- SAVIO VEGA VS FAAROOQ

We get to see the entire rap hyping the Nation of Domination from PG-13, yet we go to commercials and join the match in progress. Go figure. Simultaneous clotheslines take both men down. Faarooq slowly hammers away on Vega, but gets dropped with an electric chair, taking both men down. Again. Savio lands a baaaaaaaaaaaack body drop, following it up with a nice side-Russian leg sweep for two. Stinging chops! Spinning heel kick! Still only two though. Wolfie D hops onto the apron to cause a distraction, and JC Ice soars in with a double axe handle to derail the Puerto-Rican’s momentum. A snap suplex from Faarooq gets two. Vega counters a rear-chin lock with a chinbreaker, but misses a charge into the corner, and Faarooq catches him on the rebound with a Spinebuster for the three count.

Rating- *- It didn’t seem like a thrilling battle before the commercial break, but it heated up nicely as the match wore on.

Next! Sunny’s home sex video! With… fondle me Elmo? Oh just fuck off! Fuck off and stop messing with my precious, pathetic, morally questionable dreams! This could have been partially redeemed if Sunny had removed any clothing, but they black out all of that. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I mean, I never really expected to see anything genuinely exciting, but still… Fondle Me Elmo? I say death to Elmo and the rest of his Sesame Street brethren.

Todd Pettengill and the Honky Tonk Man pull off a stirring rendition of “Honky Tonk Man.” This goes on for 2 minutes and 15 seconds, none of which I will ever get back. Rocky Maivia interrupts for his pesky wrestling match, angering the faux Elvis Presley.

MATCH 3- ROCKY MAIVIA VS RAZOR RAMON

Again, Razor Ramon is not Scott Hall, rather Rick Bognar, a journeyman grappler with the slightest resemblance to the original Ramon drafted in to play the part. He achieved a degree of notoriety in Japan with FMW, WAR, and New Japan Pro Wrestling, but this was the closest he got to superstardom in the Western world.

Maivia clobbers Bogner and catches him with a pair of dropkicks. We go to commercial breaks, and when we return Double R is in control. Maivia comes back with a high crossbody for two but walks right into a clothesline. Rocky is sent out to the floor, where the Honky Tonk Man adds in some punishment. Back in the ring Razor tries for the Edge, but Maivia counters and lands a shoulder breaker of all moves for the three count. A touch too short to rate, but what little action we saw wasn’t very interesting.

Todd Pettengill goes out into Times Square to mock the humble cardboard dwellings of a homeless man, which seems horrifically cruel. The punchline is that it’s Nikolai Volkoff living there. Back in the arena, and next week, live from San Antonio, Goldust will apparently give birth in the middle of the ring. Because he’s pregnant. Even though he wasn’t last week. But now the main event!

MATCH 4- DOUG FURNAS/PHIL LAFON VS. THE HEADBANGERS

One week they’re evil nuns, the next they’re skirt wearing oddballs.

JIP to the two teams going back and forth. LaFon hits Mosh with a jawbreaker. Thrasher crashes into Doug Furnas with a flying clothesline. This is lifeless. Back to commercials we go. When we return, LaFon snaps Thrasher over with a suplex and flattens him with a senton. The tag match breaks down, and we’ve ran out of TV time. We’ll conclude the match next week!

The 411: Awful follow-up to the reasonably entertaining first episode, combining shoddy wrestling with bizarre mid-nineties WWF gimmickry and the worst of Attitude Era sleaze. The Diesel-Marc Mero match and angle was passable, everything else was an utter failure.
Final Score:  2.0   [ Very Bad ]