Ring Crew Reviews: WWE No Mercy 2008

I want to thank everyone that read and left feedback on my first review.

• DVD Packaging: Jeff Hardy is tied to a chair and suspended upside down. I’m pretty sure this one is ripping off some scene from one of the highly derivative Saw sequels. The cover art has a color greenish-brown tint similar to the movies to reinforce this conclusion. If it’s not, feel free to correct me.

• DVD Presentation: Once again, we have the static image from the cover as the menu background. Embedded to the lower left is an awesome montage focusing on the Jericho/HBK feud and it becomes noticeably less awesome when it focuses on the Undertaker/Big Show feud. If you keep watching it long enough, it gets around to Hardy/Triple H and then loops around to the beginning. I wouldn’t recommend this because the background music is some terribly generic “No Mercy” crap that has nothing to do with the official PPV music, “All Nightmare Long” by Metallica, and gets annoying very quickly. Something that’s much funnier now than originally conceived is the Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia trailer included on the lead-in. The voiceover gravely informs us that, “Our survival depends on him,” and of course the reveal is Kennedy. Awesome.

• Relevant Storylines: Matt Hardy is the plucky champ. Mark Henry is strong. Kane doesn’t like Mysterio and doesn’t like people who do. “Some people” feel Batista was robbed last month. Triple H wants Jeff Hardy to live up to his potential. Hardy is touched. Jericho wanted rest. Michaels wanted a ladder match. Michaels won that debate.

• Scheduled Card:
1. ECW Championship: Matt Hardy (c) vs. Mark Henry.
2. WWE Women’s Championship: Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Candace Michelle.
3. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio.
4. Number One Contender for World Heavyweight Championship: Batista vs. JBL
5. WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
6. Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Shawn Michaels.

• The opening video package is inoffensive yet unremarkable and illogical. The producers try to establish the No Mercy concept as an alternative to domesticity and normalcy of 1950s suburbia and then intercut between black and white footage of a family with clips from the feuds. All of this is set to the Metallica song. Um, sure. Moving on.

• Todd Grisham and, filling in for Matt Stryker, Jerry Lawler. Oh God. Let’s hope Grisham keeps King reeled in.

• ECW Championship: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy (c). Grisham sets up King with a softball by indicating that “it’s very rare for the champion to be such a big underdog.” Jerry agrees. He would. Last month, the entire last PPV was based around overwhelming odds against the champ. Idiots. Henry is out first accompanied by Tony Atlas. Blue ring ropes tonight. Atlas removes his coat and takes his place outside. He looks oddly like Bull Buchanan from Right to Censor with a white, sleeveless, collared shirt. Except ya know of a different race. Crowd solidly behind Hardy. After a couple of collar and elbows, Hardy tries a side headlock and Henry pushes him off and takes him down with a strong shoulderblock. Henry pounds on Hardy and targets the left arm. Henry tries a short avalanche and Hardy dodges with some quick kicks to Henry’s hamstrings but Henry just pounds him down again. Henry goes for snakes eyes but Hardy drops behind and works the hamstrings with chop blocks and kicks. Hardy off the ropes and Henry pounds him down again. Henry with a press slam attempt but the left knee buckles and Hardy with more chop blocks. Hardy works it over near the ropes. They go to the outside and Henry just pushes Hardy down but Hardy catches him going back in and continues working the leg. Hardy goes for a figure four, but since he’s not Flair, Henry pushes him into the turnbuckle and gets a big boot and gets a 2 count for the match’s first pinfall attempt. Henry waffles him with the Bonsai drop. That only gets another two count. Henry working the neck wrench as a rest hold. Hardy nicely counters by elbowing the left leg and kicking Henry. Hardy gets a head of steam and jumps straight into a bearhug. After a minute, Henry throws him over his shoulder but Hardy slides down for a sunset flip attempt but Henry’s holding on to the ropes. He tries another standing Bonsai drop but whiffs. Hardy tries for a bulldog but gets pushed off but comes back with two second rope elbow drops and a side effect. Crowd is buying it. Two count only. Hardy gets a front facelock to set up Twist of Fate but Henry tosses him off. Henry hits the Ultimate Warrior splash but can’t pin due to the knee pain. Henry mans up but only gets a delayed two count. Hardy to his feet and gets the facelock again and Henry pushes him off again. Hardy off the ropes and jumps but Henry catches him. Hardy targets the leg with fists and then gets the Twist of Fate for the 3 count to retain at 9:06. *** I liked this; sue me. Smart psychology by Hardy and selling by Henry saved this from other Henry debacles. Matt Hardy got a better match out of Mark Henry than Kurt Angle.

• Post-match, Hardy celebrates and the crowd is loving it. Henry is still selling the leg as he’s helped to the back by B squared’s doppelganger.

• As we shift onto JR and Taz on commentary, Tazz yucks it up and says that Hardy won “by hook or by crook,” which doesn’t even make sense because Hardy won as clean as you can get. JR transitions into the question of the night, “Who are you rooting for in tonight’s WWE Championship Match: Triple H or Jeff Hardy?”

• Eve Torres interviews Hardy and Triple H at the same time. It’s always odd when the people backstage deliberately pause for the crowd to pop or boo considering they shouldn’t be able to hear anything, but that doesn’t stop Eve from doing it. Triple H with an iPhone shills the voting by admitting he just voted for Hardy. Hardy tries to roll off a cool line but he always has a shit way of delivering punch lines by not quite getting the emphasis right: “I wouldn’t worry about texting; I’d worry about the challenge that’s standing right in front OF YOUR FACE!!~!11” Then for an unknown reason, Hardy bobs his head like a rooster. They go back and forth with the “I’m gonna win,” “No, I’m gonna win,” and luckily don’t fight over the last word.

• WWE Women’s Championship: Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Candace Michelle. Beth is accompanied by IC Champ Santino. Cole and King on commentary. Candace has short hair here, for her. Candace with some quick offense including a couple of drop kicks and drop toe holds and an enziguri for a few two counts. Phoenix reverses something into the turnbuckle and targets the “surgically repaired shoulder.” Candace screams like hell then immediately stops selling. Phoenix with an arm bar. Candace powers out into a roll up. They trade shots until Candace gets a jawbreaker and sets up a spinning roundhouse but she under-rotates and turns it into a heel kick for a two. Phoenix with a single arm DDT. She goes up top but gets pinned on the turnbuckle. Santino pulls her out before she can be pinned. Back in, Candace gets a school girl for two off of an accidental distraction. Candace goes for the Unprettier but it’s reversed into the Glam Slam for the pin at 4:55. Eh. Candace is hot (most of the time) and Santino is funny. ½* Post-match, Glamorella lays the groundwork for a later breakup.

• Promo for the second Flair DVD.

• Kane is hanging out in a maintenance area that was lighted by Joel Schmacher and cuts a promo on Mysterio. This fucking feud sucked. Normally, it’s Kane’s fault, but they had no reason for them to feud. This was soon after they jettisoned Kane reappearing with his mask and decided to made it Mysterio’s mask in his bag instead. This epically bad promo followed: “I don’t like Rey Mysterio. I don’t like him and I don’t like people who do.” Later, the writers touched it up with some garbage about Mysterio being the guardian for fans and their metaphorical masks that hide their monsters, but here’s the original in all its (lack of) glory.

• Kane vs. Rey Mysterio. This is mask vs. nothing. Rey tries to get an early advantage through speed and springboard dropkicks before Kane hits a big boot. For the second time tonight, an announcer compares a big boot to “just like running into a brick wall.” Cole mentions the Aztec symbolism of Rey’s mask before King pipes in with, “One thing we have to remember: The Aztecs became instinct.” Well thanks for that Jerry. Kane follows Rey to the outside but Rey takes advantage with more kicks and another springboard dropkick. Rey goes for 619 but Kane clotheslines him down hard. Mysterio with a jawbreaker and goes up top and flies at Kane. They steady themselves then lands the easy huracanrana and Kane lands very softly on his feet to the outside. The problem with that spot is they are too busy trying not to kill each other for it to work too well. Mysterio with a plancha but Kane catches him. Mysterio reverses to a sleeper before Kane snapmares him into the crowd. Kane breaks the count and rams Mysterio into the post. Back in the ring, Kane hits a bodyslam WITH AUTHORITY and kicks Mysterio. And goes to a modified chinlock and a Batista kick gets a two count. Kane with a backbreaker and holds on for a submission move. Rey counters with right hands. Rey off the ropes and Kane goes for a tilt-a-whirl but Mysterio counters into a reverse DDT. Kane up first and pounds on Mysterio and places him on the top rope for some odd reason (i. e. to set up Rey’s move). He tries to remove Rey’s mask (which he could have done on the mat) but Rey counters with a moonsault. Mysterio chops Kane down with kicks and hits a springboard guillotine leg drop that gets a 1 count because Kane sucks. Kane hits a side slam and preps the choke slam, but Rey counters into a half armdrag DDT, according to Cole, or some shit. Splash gets two. Mysterio goes up top for whatever but Kane counters into a throat thrust. Mysterio gains the advantages with a 619 on Kane’s leg. Kane to the outside and gets a chair. Mysterio up top and flies to the outside but right into Kane swinging the chair for the DQ at 10:10. Awesome spot for the ending even if it prolongs this for another month. ** Kane does nothing for me and Mysterio’s moveset hasn’t changed in a decade. This wasn’t bad; it’s just kind of there. Post-match, Mysterio sells paralysis and says, “I can’t feel my legs.”

• Backstage, MVP complains to no one in particular on a cell phone about not being in a match and then demands to see Vickie Guerrero. He knocks on the door, but Show answers. MVP wants in, Show thinks otherwise. Show calls him “Montel” and tells him to take a hike.

• Cole and Lawler hype Cyber Sunday. Lawler says, “I love Cyber Sunday. I have my laptop right here in front of me. I love to pull it out during Cyber Sunday and come all over the information superhighway.” FML for transcribing that. FHL for saying it. FYL for visualizing it.

• MVP’s music plays and he’s out in street clothes. Before he can say much, Orton interrupts. Crowd is hype for Orton. They trade barbs about who’s the bigger badass. They almost come to blows. World Tag Champs Priceless and Manu interrupt. Cody’s got the stick, and before he can say two words, the smart marks chant “Boring.” Rhodes, then Manu dress down Orton but no one cares. Orton walks out. MVP tries to pal up with Priceless but Dibiase name drops his dad. MVP walks out. Punk’s music plays. Punk and Kofi out. Punk does some quick math and figures out it’s 3 on 3, but they sucker MVP into taking the first licks before joining the fray. Kofi and Punk clear the ring. Play Punk’s music. This was an odd assortment of angle advancement but kept my interest.

• Number One Contender’s Match: JBL vs. Batista. Big pop for Batista’s entrance. Cole informs us that “many people” view Batista as the rightful champion and “many people” feel Jericho “stole” the world title. In the real world, that’s what we call secondhand bullshit. Batista with a right hand and clothesline. Batista off the ropes with a Batista kick that gets a two count. Batista pounds away in the corner. Batista with a spear and already calling for the Demon bomb. JBL rolls out though. Batista tosses him back in but JBL catches him with a boot and a right hand coming back in. In the ring, JBL gets a two count and another off a swinging neckbreaker and an elbow. And our first rest hold 3:30 in as JBL gets a sleeper. Batista with a back suplex to reverse. They work in Batista’s favorite: reverse whips and clotheslines. British Bulldog-style powerslam and a spinebuster from Batista. He calls for Demon bomb again and the crowd is into it. Demon bomb for the 3 count at 5:20. Wow. That was as close as a squash as you’ll see for two guys on roughly the same level. *1/2. Quick and mostly painless.

• Post-match, JBL is down and still selling but miraculously has a mic. JBL says he has to be honest with “his fans” because “they love him.” JBL tries to get his heat back by breaking the fourth wall and bringing up the financial situation in a worked shoot. The crowd is less than thrilled. He ends by thanking everyone for their contribution to his financial well-being. “From the Layfield family to all of you, Thank you and I love you. . .God bless you all, God bless America, and most of all, God bless me!” Great stuff. This promo was a mild work of art if you can parse through the political inside baseball.

• Meanwhile, Cryme Tyme, the Divas, and Sergeant Slaughter commandeer JBL’s limo to head out to the club.

• Undertaker vs. Big Show. They show a montage of last month’s colossal time waste at Unforgiven. The 2 minute version is slightly better than the 20 minute version. They include things from Smackdown that elevates the package though. They trade right hands until Taker gets a headbutt and stuns Show across the top rope. Show with a running knee that knocks Taker to the outside and he follows. More right hands and a whip. Taker reverses and rams Show into the post. Taker with punches and kicks and then his apron leg drop. Taker hits a Ho Train then comes off the ropes right into a 7 ft, 500 lb, 25 inch neck, size 18 E boot Lex Luger forearm smash. Show with a slam and an elbow drop for 2. Russian leg sweep for 2. At this point, they’ve done 15,000 punches and like 4 moves. Show counters a reverse DDT as they start going back in time and my stopwatch melts. Show misses a Vader bomb. More punches, whips, and clotheslines. Legdrop gets 2 for Taker. Old school is countered into a choke slam. Show slightly delays in the cover and only gets 2. Taker up and grabs a choke but Show gets his own choke. Show wins that battle but Taker counters to a DDT for 2. Show blocks some right hands. Taker glares at Charles Robinson, and while his back is turned, Show exposes the turnbuckle and then smashes Taker into it and lands the haymaker and one more for good measure and a third. Charles Robinson has seen enough and rings the bell at 10:02 for a nonfinish. This was not good. Lots of “striking” and not much else. Show can go when you mask his limitations. This did not. *1/2 The finish is unsatisfying because last month Jericho-HBK had a story behind a similar finish, but Undertaker eats so few pinfalls, Show could have benefited from the pin moreso than just a ref stoppage. Post-match, Taker continues selling the punch drunk look and stumbles to the back.

• Backstage, Triple H is walking away from Kane’s theatrically lit Batcave or another random red hallway. You pick. And we get the results of the vote and Jeff Hardy wins 72-28. That’s a landslide. I’m thinking those are legit numbers, because no one Triple H makes a worked poll that one-sided against himself.

• WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. Jeff Hardy. Hardy won a fatal four way match on Smackdown to get this shot. Triple H looking particularly Orange Goblin-like tonight. Must have been in the tanning booth overtime. In-house crowd sounded split, leaning toward Triple H, on the in-ring introductions. They shake hands at the bell but Triple H attacks from behind and gets a school boy for 2 and casually shrugs like you can’t blame him. Triple H gets an arm wringer and Hardy kips up and reverses. Triple H reverses back to the arm wringer and Hardy gets a rope-assisted flip and counters into a side headlock. Headlock takedown and Triple H counters and Hardy counters and they do the ECW standoff and the crowd gives the golf clap. Lock up, a couple of criss crosses and Hardy with the headlock takedown again and hangs on. Triple H gets to his feet, sends him off, and connects with a back elbow. Hardy with a headscissors that sends H to the outside and Hardy gets a running clothesline off the apron. Tazz comments on Hardy’s interesting strategy of trying to out-matwrestle Triple H. Back in, Hardy gets two with a springboard leg drop and back to the headlock. Triple H up again and they work off a whip. Hardy to the apron. Triple H comes at him but eats a gut shot. Hardy goes for another but H counters to a pedigree and Hardy counters to back body drop that sends Triple H to the floor. Beautiful sequence there. Hardy off the ropes and tries the frontflip plancha but whiffs and eats it. RIP Jeff Hardy 1977-2008. Triple H tosses him back inside but only gets 2. Triple H hits a backbreaker, drops some elbows on the lower back and gets another 2. Jawbreaker gets another 2. Knee drop, shoulder blocks in the corner from H. Goes for a cross-corner whip but Hardy gets the boot up in the corner, but Triple H counters to an ab stretch. Just to make it obvious for the crowd, Triple H grabs the ropes for leverage and the crowd begins to boo. The ref breaks it up. Sleeper, but Hardy pushes off and gets a sleeper neckbreaker. Hardy hits his leg drop for 2. Whip to the corner and Triple H goes to the outside. Hardy tries the frontflip plancha again and hits it this time. Back in, Hardy gets two off a second rope clothesline. Since Triple H’s cheating, the crowd is subtly behind Hardy. Triple H gets two off his own clothesline. Triple H goes up for whatever but eats a boot and a sitout gordbuster for 2. Hardy goes for Whisper in the Wind but Triple H counters into a modified sambo suplex/uranage for 2. H with a spinebuster and hits his pose. Kick, wham, pedi—reversal into a slingshot and Triple H eats post and Hardy gets Whisper in the Wind for a very close 2. Crowd really thought that was it. Hardy up for Swanton but Triple H rolls under him and he misses. Triple H sets up the pedigree. Hardy counters to Twist of Fate. Hardy up top for Swanton and the crowd is rocking. He hits it and goes for the pin but Triple H rolls him into a crucifix bridge for the pin to retain at 17:03. Just like last month, the crowd wanted Hardy to win but this time they like the match enough to not mind that Triple H won. ****1/4 This ought to be Exhibit A in defense of Triple H when people try to say the first quad injury in 2001 ended his days as an elite worker. Picture perfect psychology with Hardy trying to throw Triple H off his game early but relying on his aerial stuff late even after Triple H countered it earlier. Not sure about the finish. Hard to say they made the wrong decision here as Hardy had a nice moment later winning his first title and he’s out of the company now. The match is awesome either way.

• Post-match, they shake hands and make nice. Backstage, Triple H runs into Arn Anderson who congratulates him. Then, he runs into Kozlov who challenges Triple H to a Punjabi Prison Match. Not really.

• Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Shawn Michaels. Another excellent video package for these two highlighted by Michaels and Jericho arguing over who has the better ladder match resume intercut with footage from various TLC and ladder matches. On his entrance, Jericho walks under a ladder to spit in fate’s face. Michaels back to his regular entrance complete with pyro, poses, and taunts. They soak up the moment before the bell and a big HBK chant breaks out. Totally different vibe from Michaels than last month – more patient and quiet fury than explosive and rabid. They chain wrestle with a couple of criss-crosses and reversals. Michaels teases a Sweet Chin Music and Jericho shies away. Michaels gets to the apron but Jericho pulls him back in. Michaels with a chop then misses a charge and eats post. Jericho with a Northern Lights suplex and they work the bridge spot. Sorta odd in a ladder match. Jericho hits a springboard shoulderblock to the outside. Jericho paintbrushes then whips Michaels into a ladder but he counters by running up the ladder and doing a blind splash. Cool spot. Michaels eats post on a whip and Jericho gets a ladder but Michaels drop toe holds Jericho into it. Jericho recovers and gets the Walls on the outside. Back in, he’s got a ladder but Michaels seesaws it into Jericho in a similar spot that changed Joey Mercury’s career forever at Armageddon 2006. It also busts Jericho’s lip here and he’s bleeding slightly. Michaels sets up a ladder in the middle and Jericho cuts him off but springboards Michaels back up the ladder. Jericho topples the ladder and HBK eats the top rope. Jericho with some ladder shots. The great thing about HBK is that his back is built-in psychology because it legit almost ended his career. One move on the back and the announcers can go right to the backstory. Jericho tries to bulldog HBK but eats ladder himself and gets his foot caught. Michael throws him down while Jericho is still caught in the ladder. That looked painful as fuck. Michaels targets the left leg with a kneebreaker on the ladder and a figure four. Cole: “Vintage Ric Flair!” Jericho gets the upperhand by kicking the ladder into Michael’s eye and follows it up with more offense. HBK reverses and tosses Jericho into a propped up ladder. HBK drops the ladder out of the ring onto Jericho and four more times then sets up one of those Home Depot/Tommy Dreamer ladders and preps the announce table. Jericho recovers and tries to backsuplex HBK off the ladder through the table but Shawn counters and both tumble off through the table. Back inside, HBK goes for his signature spot from WM X but Jericho counters and crotches Michaels on the top rope. Michaels pushes Jericho and the ladder to the mat and follows with an elbow drop on the ladder on Jericho. Nice. Not too bright, that Michaels. He’ll learn once he’s been in a few of these. HBK mildly tunes up the band but Jericho counters with a battering ram and a lionsault on the ladder. Then sets up the Home Depot ladder on HBK and tries to climb. HBK powers up, tosses the ladder, and Jericho eats it to the floor. Jericho selling the left leg big time. Before HBK can get to the top, Jericho back in and crotches Michaels on the top rope. Jericho awesomely climbs on one leg. Michaels is up with him and they trade shots. Jericho gets tied up in the ladder. Lance Cade has come out! He’s holding HBK and they brawl. Sweet Chin Music to Cade, but Jericho is up. Michaels up again. Both are grabbing the belt and it’s unhooked. They both pull the belt by the strap on each side in a tug of war. Fucking awesome. Michaels swings the contraption toward Jericho and with the momentum Jericho headbutts him. Michaels is down and Jericho gets the title at 22:16 . Jericho falls then the ladder falls on him and he’s busted in the mouth again. Different ladder match here. More about intensity than trying to one-up previous spotfests; at the same time though, it lacked the visceral aggression of the Unforgiven match. This match Slightly reminds me of Rock-HHH from Summerslam1998 in that sense, but not as good. The ending raises it a hair. ****1/4

• DVD Extras Eve Torres interviews Show who feels good, says the Undertaker should fear him, and he’s coming after the belt. Also, we get a “Champion of Champions Triple Threat Match” from 10/3/2008 on Smackdown between Jericho, Matt Hardy, and Triple H. Solid TV match.

The 411: This is a similar recommendation to last month’s. The two main events deliver the goods and even the trash was watchable. I’m sucker for little things and I loved JBL’s promo. Even if everything else sucked, I’d go out of my way to watch that promo. But everything else didn’t suck. I wouldn’t hesitate to pick this up.
Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]