wrestling / TV Reports
The Armageddon 2006 Breakdown
December 30, 2006 | Posted by
Armageddon 2006
by J.D. Dunn
Here’s an odd choice for the opener. JBL already brings the awesome, talking about all the adjustments the production crew had to make just because this match is so dangerous. See how he’s actually putting over the matches and athletes instead of himself? Why is he the only one who seems to be able to do that these days? He also talks about the psychology of the match and how the fire burns up the oxygen, so the longer it goes, the harder it will be to breathe. MVP blocks a charge and thinks about going over, but the flames keep him from going out. MVP comes off the top with a crossbody and pummels Kane, but Kane does the Zombie Sit-up. CHOKESLAM…is meaningless in this match. Kane undoes the top turnbuckle pad and sets it on fire after an aborted attempt. MVP goes low to keep him from using it and then tries several sliding dropkicks to send Kane closer to the fire. Kane avoids the final one, though, and sideslams MVP. MVP fires back, but it just makes Kane smile. Kane catches MVP going up and shoves him off into the announce table and then follows him off with a clothesline. MVP slips out of a Tombstone, but Kane grabs him by the throat and forces him back into the fire at 8:22. MVP panics and runs off before they put him out. HELP ME, DEAR LORD BABY JESUS! HELP ME, TOM CRUISE! I’ve never seen a good Inferno Match, and this one didn’t break that streak. They seemed to have the right idea when MVP started hitting those dropkicks to build suspense as to whether or not Kane would topple into the fire, but the dropped that psychology immediately in favor of lame brawling. JBL denounces the match and Teddy Long for sanctioning it. *1/2
This was scheduled to be a simple tag match, but GM Teddy Long changes things up to make it a four-way ladder match. Joey Mercury even makes sure to walk out around the ladder while both Hardyz go underneath. I guess that’s proof that you create your own luck. JBL rightly wonders what would happen if MNM or the Hardyz won since they’re split across brands. London, Kendrick & the Hardyz clear the other teams out and then turn on each other. The heels hop in for a big eight-way brawl. Taylor takes the worst of it, getting hit by Poetry in Motion and the Snapshot in succession. The champs take out Regal with a double thrust kick. The Hardyz team up and whip Kendrick into a ladder shot. Nitro takes the first big spill of the match, springboarding toward Kendrick but missing and landing on the ladder with his tailbone. Mercury goes up, but everyone teams up to tip the ladder over and drop him out on his partner. The Hardyz go for Poetry in Motion on London, but he ducks out of the way, sending Jeff facefirst into the ladder. Kendrick goes up, but Matt yanks him down by the tights. London dropsaults Matt onto the ladder, and then Kendrick comes off with a double-stomp! MNM waits for them to knock each other out, and then they jump in for the kill. Nitro sets up the see-saw formation with the ladders, but Matt breaks it up, and Jeff jumps off the top, see-sawing the ladder into MNM’s faces. Joey is busted open pretty badly, and we’d later find out most of his face was caved in by the shot. Regal gives London a sick half-nelson suplex that flips him facefirst onto the ladder. London always finds a way to take the sickest bumps in the WWE. Regal goes up but realizes at the worst possible moment that he has a debilitating fear of heights. Taylor doesn’t much want to go up either. Jeff sets up a ladder on the outside, hoping to do a Swanton into the ring, but Johnny Nitro sprints across the ring and dropkicks the ladder out from under him, bouncing Jeff off the top rope. Nitro fends off Kendrick, but London springboards from the outside, knocking him off the ladder with a dropkick. Jeff sunset flip bombs Nitro. Regal and Taylor make a wish, pulling the ladders out from Matt as he goes up (although climbing two ladders at a time doesn’t make much sense anyway). Regal and Taylor settle for pummeling the others and then trying to go up, but Kendrick catches Regal with a sloppy Sliced Bread #2 (he didn’t get his footing under him in order to shove off). That leaves London and Matt Hardy to slug it out on the top of the ladder. London unleashes a flurry of punches, that knocks Matt off the ladder, and it’s all academic from there. London & Kendrick retain at 20:12. A lot of people are hyping this as an early MOTYC, but for a spotfest like this to work, the spots have to be somewhat believable. A lot of the spots (mostly involving the Hardys) were instances of a man doing something so stupid that he could only be doing it so something bad would happen to him. So, I wouldn’t go that far with the praise. I did like the twist of Regal and Taylor being petrified of climbing the ladder, and now they have a legitimate gripe for a rematch because they thought they were going in to a regular match. Plus, it’s always fun to see London and Kendrick bounce around the ring like superballs. I’ll be generous and go ****.
Wow. Just…wow. I know these guys have decent gimmicks, but why would you put them in there together on a PPV? Boogey charges and posts his shoulder (weakly), and to top it all off he posts the wrong shoulder! He actually has to move his head to the other side so it looks like he hit his left shoulder because that’s the one the Miz wants to work. It doesn’t matter anyway, because Boogeyman no-sells the few moves Miz gets in and finishes him with the double chokeslam at 2:51. This gets the dreaded donut. O
Chavo jumps Benoit from behind, but Benoit chops him down to take back the advantage. After a few more chops, Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter. It’s too early, though, so he has to settle for catapulting Chavo over the ropes. Rolling Germans sets up the diving headbutt, but Chavo catches Benoit going up and crotches him. Chavo gets a superplex for a double KO spot. Benoit takes a hard bump into the corner, and Chavo works the ribs. Chavo slows it down with a camel clutch and chokes Benoit on the ropes. Chavo avoids the Crippler Crossface and gives Benoit a pair of backdrop suplexes. He ties Benoit in the tree-of-woe and charges for a dropkick, but Benoit hoists himself up, and Chavo crotches himself on the post. Chavo tries the Triple Verticals, but Benoit reverses to ROLLING GERMANS! ONE, TWO, TH-Chavo gets his foot on the ropes. Benoit slaps on the Sharpshooter, so Vicky grabs the belt and considers hitting him with it, but Benoit barks at her until she falls over. He considers putting her in the Sharpshooter, but Chavo sneaks in and rolls Benoit up from behind. If this is four years ago, that’s the finish, but Benoit rolls it over and counters to the Sharpshooter for the tapout. All of these matches are starting to look the same. **1/2
I’m so depressed that Amy was released. They open with a lot of meaningless counters. Thankfully, Helms brings some spice to the match with a clap to the face. Yang chases Helms to the floor and gets kicked in the ribs on the way back in. The crowd quickly loses interest outside of a few spots. It’s not like either guy gives them anything to get excited about, though. Yang comes back with a chop and hits a flying crossbody to the floor. JBL gets mad at the fans for chanting “boring” because they’re bloodthirsty. Sometimes that’s true, but sometimes it’s just a really boring match. Yang gets fired up and hits his floating leg lariat in the corner. He posts himself, though, and Helms hits a nice swinging neckbreaker. He waits forever on the top rope for Yang to get to his feet, though, and wonders why he eats a spinning wheel kick on the way down. Yang misses the corkscrew moonsault, and Helms takes it home with the facebuster at 10:53. This was the definition of average. I don’t really blame the workers as much as the writing staff who have given the CW division nothing for the past 2 years. The last real angle to come out of the division was Billy Kidman hitting that botched SSP on Chavo. Otherwise, it’s just “throw ’em out there and let ’em die.” **
The match gets the Druid music treatment, which is usually kind of cool, but it loses most of the effect with Michael Cole hyping “Call of Duty 3” over it. Fun stat: the end of Kennedy’s promo to the start of the bell (in other words, Taker’s entrance time) was over twice as long as the Miz vs. Boogeyman match. Kennedy tries to duck and dodge early, but Taker catches up with him and bounces his head off the announce table. Then, he tosses him onto the apron. Back in, Taker misses a big boot and spills to the floor where Kennedy jumps on him like a jackal. To the aisle, Kennedy shoves Taker into the hearse, but he can’t close the door. Taker fights him all the way back to the ring and drops a leg across Kennedy’s face. A superplex puts Kennedy down, and Taker carries him toward the hearse. Kennedy slips his shoulder and locks in a sleeper to put Taker out. Kennedy dumps him in the hearse, but the Taker shows up in the driver’s seat and fights Kennedy back to the ring. Kennedy grabs a chair and knocks Taker around. They brawl back to the entrance and up to the top of the castle-like set. Taker grabs Kennedy’s throat as if to chokeslam him, but Kennedy counters and tosses Taker to the floor below. That’s a crazy bump to be taking at this point in Taker’s career. Kennedy hurries down and puts Taker in the hearse. Thankfully, we have a “Halloween” cam, perfect for seeing what’s over someone’s shoulder as they’re driving. Of course, Taker sits up with a vengeance and drags Kennedy out of the hearse. Kennedy avoids a pipe shot, but Taker busts him open with a chairshot and pummels the open wound. To the roof of the hearse, Taker chokeslams Kennedy on the roof of the hearse and then gives him a Tombstone. Taker tosses Kennedy in the hearse and drives him to the back for the win at 15:55. Outside of the one big bump from the Undertaker, this was a cookie-cutter Undertaker brawl. Kennedy’s brush with the big time is over for now while Taker moves back to the title scene. **3/4
A lot of people were working under the theory that Batista and Cena were only in there together in order to turn one of them and get heat on the Rumble. Batista actually expands his moveset with that catapult into the ropes and back to the knees move. The Muscle Buster gets two before Booker makes the save. Cena tags in and hits Booker with the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Booker slips out of the FU but winds up in the STFU. Finlay makes the save but gets speared by Batista. Sharmell sneaks the scepter to Booker who uses it to poke Cena in the throat. The Leprechaun tries to interfere but misses and kicks himself in the head. Batista gets the lukewarm tag. He spears Booker and Finlay and gets a weak Bossman Slam on Booker. I think he was wanting to work in the Black Hole Slam, but that was awful. Finlay takes a shot at Batista’s bad leg, but Batista forgets he had a bad leg a few weeks ago and just kicks Finlay aside. The spinebuster and Demonbomb finish Booker at 11:31. This felt rushed and sloppy like the kind of match they’d have after they go off the air just to give the fans a bonus. *1/2
Final Thoughts: Thank God for impromptu matches because this show went from a total wash to a one-match show. That’s not enough to save it, though. Cena’s involvement lent nothing other than a big name, and if that’s all they want, then they should drop the pretense of separate brands. I like the effort of the guys in the ladder match, and the fact that Kane and Undertaker actually won their signature matches for once, but the rest of the card just didn’t get it done.
Thumbs down.
NULL
