The ECW on Sci-Fi Breakdown — 07.25.06

ECW on Sci-Fi July 25, 2006 Live from Detroit, Mich. Your hosts are Joey Styles and Taz. We open with Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly who show us a teasing video about her exhibitionism and last week’s match where the Sandman knocked her out. Knox explains that he didn’t run out on her. In fact, he was running to the back to get the EMTs. But he does want revenge on Sandy. The Sandman vs. Mike Knox (w/Kelly Kelly) Referee Mickey Henson takes away the Sandman’s cane, enabling Knox to get in a cheapshot. Sandman hits the White Russian Leg Sweep and goes for his cane, but Kelly gets between him and Knox. Sandman hesitates long enough for Test to run in and leave him laying for the DQ at 0:59. 1/4* Test and Knox pat themselves on the back. I know it’s just the accent, but Test sounds really, really stupid. Tommy Dreamer runs in and knocks them out with a garbage can. Paul Heyman is aghast that Sabu would challenge the Big Show for the title. Of course. That might mean a real ECW wrestler would wrestle for the ECW Title. He refuses to make the match and gives Sabu the night off. Then, just to prove that he has a set of balls, he has his security detail beat up Little Guido. Little Guido vs. Vampirello (w/Ariel) Missed his name if they ever gave it. Nice to see Dave Navarro’s rebounding after the break up with Carmen. Ariel is not the one from Ring of Honor. At least as far as I know. Security drags Guido’s unconscious body to the ring. Vampire Dude hits Nigel McGuinness’ rope-assisted Stunner and finishes with Mordecai’s old Crucifix Bomb (how convenient). Vamp Nail Polish gets the win about two minutes in. Pretty cool stuff. It’s like Gangrel with more investment in the character from upstairs. 3/4* Balls Mahoney vs. Justin Credible. What’s a ballsy? Balls has been itching to perform in front of the ECW crowd. Balls goes a little nuts and flaps all over Justin in the corner. The Cactus Legline sends both guys to the floor. Justin drops a series of legdrops and hits a DDT once they get back in. A Northern Lights gets two. Hey, Justin’s wrestling! And there’s a guillotine stretch. He’s stretching Balls! They really need to bring back the Dicks so we can get a six-man tag featuring the Dicks and Balls. Balls comes back with the spinebuster for two. Justin misses a sliding dropkick and posts himself – where else – on his balls. The ref gets balled over, and Justin hits a reverse DDT. Justin gets a chair, but Balls takes it away and levels him with it for the DQ at 6:05. Balls gets testy and hits the referee with the chair. * Backstage, Big Show also wants a match with Sabu, but Paul Heyman tells him to concern himself with Kane. ECW World Title, Extreme Rules: The Big Show vs. Kane. Show tosses Kane early, so Kane posts him and grabs some chairs from under the ring. During a break, Kane tries to choke out Show with a cable and then hits him with a garbage can lid. Kane sets up a chair in between the ropes but gets sent into it. Kane comes back with a backdrop suplex off the second rope. It only gets one. They slug it out and do that chokeslam duel thing they’re so famous for. Show wins, but it only gets two. He sets up a table, but Kane snaps his neck on the rope and hits Show with a series of chairshots that send Show off the apron through the table. Paul Heyman runs down to check on him. Don’t worry, Paul. The man fell of a building in WCW and didn’t have a scratch on him. Back in, Kane comes off for the clothesline, but Show catches him in the chokeslam. Kane counters to a DDT in mid-move, but Heyman pulls the referee out. Kane goes after Heyman, allowing a blood Show to hit him with a chair and finish with the chokeslam at 15:25. After the match, Sabu runs down and dropkicks a chair into Big Show’s face. This was about what you’d expect from Kane and Big Show with no rules. *1/4 Final Thoughts: I’m not sure why they feel the need to turn Heyman into Vince McMahon, but that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s like they took the discarded scripts from Raw and used them here. It wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t pretend this was somehow different than everything else they’re doing. Knox & Test as the “he-man woman haterz club?” Show and Kane?! The vampire guy was okay, but otherwise this was a total wash. J.D. Dunn