The Furious Flashbacks: WWE Unforgiven 2006

Many thanks to Ashish for letting me post my rambling PPV recaps here on 411. Good man! Not so good however were my employers. I get asked to stay late on PPV Sunday in order to oversee the installation of two brand new sliding doors at the front of the building. No problem, said I, but how long would I have to be there? “A few hours” the reply came. They should be finished by 10-11pm. When the contractors turned up at 5pm I thought I was onto a winner. I might not have to stay over at all. Until they told me how long the doors would take to do – EIGHT FUCKING HOURS. So as they packed up to leave at 2.45am I had some real genuine anger towards my boss for his filthy, filthy lies. So when I got home I managed to catch the main event of the PPV and that was about it. So I’m now watching it for the first time the morning afterwards. Of course I should have been watching a film for FoF and doing two recaps from the shows I went to last week so now I’ve been put days behind. Oh, I’d better get paid for that. Big time.

We’re in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler. For Spanish viewers it’s Hugo Savinovich & Carlos Cabrera. I know who I prefer.

IC title – Johnny Nitro (c) w/Melina Perez v Jeff Hardy

I hate Jeff Hardy so much. I’ve had to sit through him slowly get worse since his return to RAW. Last week’s 6-man tag was a fine demonstration of how sloppy and worthless he really is. I expect him to get worse and worse until he fails Wellness a half dozen times and gets fired. If you’re going to do the Hardyz Reunion, best pull the trigger on it! Should have put Jeff on Smackdown anyone so I don’t have to watch his stupid mongoloid dancing. Plus Smackdown could use another tag team. Well, so could RAW but I’m sure Matt Hardy doesn’t want back on this show what with Lita and Edge owning it. Nitro really ISN’T the guy to carry Jeff through a comeback match. Edge was and succeeded. Orton less so and Nitro even less so. Huge “Nitro sucks” chants breaks out. Wow, hot crowd. They fuck up a simple back flip spot so Jeff keeps it even simpler and hits a few armdrags. He certainly has that armdrag down. Nitro goes for one but Hardy grabs the ropes and gets an Oklahoma Roll for 2. That’s a nice story but it’s not really what I’d be doing to get the crowd going. Nitro goes for a neckbreaker but gets counted into a backslide for 2 and Hardy adds in his double legdrop. Nitro has had enough and bails for a time out. Crowd launches into a “Hardy” chant but I can’t help but feel they’ve not selected the correct opener here. I’d have gone with the tag titles. Hardy lays in the corner 10 count punches and the corner diving dropkick but Nitro bails again to avoid the Swanton. Then Nitro mysteriously jumps into Hardy’s baseball slide dropkick and gets levelled with the Railrunner. Hardy goes up but Nitro dropkicks him off and Jeff bounces off the ropes before landing on his neck. That looked like a car wreck. Nitro goes after the leg, which presumably was the body part he was aiming for with the dropkick. Nitro drives the knee into the mat a few times for 2. Jeff decides to start selling so much that he can’t take an Irish whip because his leg buckles. Oh, you just know Hardy will screw up the psychology in a bit. Nitro stays on the leg and hits a shinbreaker. This just screams “heat segment” and I’ve never really been fond of something that obvious. Especially when it just seems to be there to extend the match time. Nitro goes up top to finish it but misses with a corkscrew moonsault. Nitro tries a single leg to get out of a waistlock and Hardy does the double legdrop to pin for 2. That was a nice spot. Made sense too. They make a bit of a mess of some counters and Hardy runs the buckles for the Whisper in the Wind. I TOLD YOU! I told you he’d fuck up the psychology! Where’s your bad leg Jeff? Nitro goes for a super rana but Hardy holds the buckles and Nitro falls prone for the Swanton, which connects. It would be over but Hardy doesn’t pull Nitro away from the ropes so Nitro stays alive with a foot on the bottom strand. Nitro goes back to the leg. Oh, come on! 15 minutes gone now this has way too long. Hardy with his back kick and he calls for the Twist of Fate countered into another leglock. DUELLING CHANTS. It’s the split crowd with the girls and kids cheering the gay babyface while everyone else cheers the man heel. Nitro collides with Melina and gets rolled up…for 2. That had a finish feel on it. Congrats to them. Nitro dives towards Hardy but gets caught and powerbombed. Melina bashes Hardy in the head with her shoe for the pin at 17.37. Jack Doan looks confused as to what happened. **1/4. The psychology went at the one point but they actually told quite a nice story on the knee, which lead to a few good spots towards the end. The problem being that the finish was the same old, same old as Melina just stuck her oar in. I was surprised that Hardy didn’t make more mistakes though. I’m sure it’s been a few years since he went that long.

SHILL – The Marine. This thing isn’t out for ages. October 13th in case anyone cares.

IN THE CROWD – Theodore R. Long.

BACKSTAGE Jeff bumps into Matt Hardy who tells him not to be too down because he did great and in walks Lita to call Jeff a screw up but Matt isn’t champion material. She says she’ll beat Trish tonight and Edge will send Cena packing. Jeez, what a whore.

Umaga w/Armando Alejandro Estrada v Kane

Umaga is still unbeaten. Estrada looks like a Muppet. I just can’t remember which one. Did he just call me a Jew? Estrada’s introduction is excessively long. If I just totally tune out then it’s too long. Kane wastes no time in clubbing Umaga into the corner and then hits a big boot but Umaga has surprising athleticism and hits a spinning heel kick at speed. Estrada nearly gets a kicking but Kane ends up only nabbing his jacket. Umaga knocks him down leading to Estrada ranting at the fallen Kane. This dynamic really shouldn’t work all that well so credit to Jamal & Estrada that it does. Umaga just pounds away in the corner in a reverse of the opening bit. FOR SAMOA! Umaga hits the butt avalanche on the fallen Kane. Estrada calls for the spike but Kane catches him with an uppercut. Kane hits a few clotheslines but Umaga won’t go over and he pops Kane up for the Samoan Drop. Umaga goes for the spike off the top but Kane sits up. That was nice. Kane goes up top and hits the diving clothesline finally knocking Umaga over. Crowd is hot for that. Kane looks for the chokeslam and blocks the spike. Kane ends up having to belly to belly Umaga out of the ring. Kane bails after him and clotheslines him into the crowd. That ends up being a double count out at 7.03. *. Well, at least it was short. Although the finish isn’t what people wanted. I guess we have to wait for the conclusion of this feud.

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon watches himself pin Triple H. Shane says that Big Slow and himself will do all the work; all Vince has to do it cover. He says that’s the Canadian way. He’s going to kick some ass himself.

SHILL – Day Of Fire’s “Run” is the official theme song of Unforgiven. They’re Lawler’s new favourite band. Mine is Lordi.

Tag titles – Spirit Squad (c) v Highlanders

It’s Kenny & Mikey for the champions while the other Spirit Squad members stay at ringside. Mikey starts out with Rory and the Highlanders control early. Rory slaps Robbie in the face to tag him in. So they work Mikey’s arm over for a bit. They’re great characters but they’re not great wrestlers. Mikey manages to tag Kenny in but promptly gets backdropped and he gets beaten down too. Crowd isn’t buying it, showing I probably got the call for opening match wrong. Highlanders drive their knees into Kenny’s chest and take that in turns. Kenny manages to tag out but Mikey gets trapped into another reverse heat segment right off the bat. They finally get Robbie in position for some double teaming but Robbie dropkicks Kenny outside. He goes for the mad Scottish tope but Kenny just jumps out of the way leaving Robbie to crash and burn. The leftover Squad guys take Robbie apart on the floor for kicks. So now it’s the heat segment. The Squad’s double teams are somewhat more creative and they haul Rory off the apron to stop Robbie tagging out. Squad break out the Hart Attack for 2. Kenny comes in for the swinging neckbreaker, which gets 2. Kenny goes up for the leg jam but Rory pulls Robbie out the ring. There’s the hot tag but the crowd doesn’t pop so it’s not hot. The problem with tag formula is everyone sits there thinking “yeah, this is the heat segment”. The crowd has become too smart to run it unless you have someone who sells ridiculously well. Highlanders do their slingshot reverse suplex but Kenny runs in to save. Johnny kicks Rory in the head and Mikey hits the Beard Buster and that’s your lame ass finish at 9.58. 1/2*. Words can’t describe. I thought the point of this being on the PPV was so they’d get the belt change pop. There’s really no point otherwise. So the Squad continue with the belts probably because they’re the most talented guys they’ve got in the tag division. Now here comes Cryme Tyme to steal the gold, right? I notice that Kenny carries both belts out like a total showboat. I wonder if they’ll play up on that.

POST MATCH Jim Ross suggests that a lot of tonight’s audience paid to see the Hell in a Cell. I very much doubt it. If I had paid for this show, which I didn’t, then I’d have bought it for the main event. Singles TLC? Could be interesting. I persist that generally the audience has gone very cold for this angle because it’s the same thing over and over again and after a particularly funny couple of segments to kick start this new DX revival it’s all been downhill. DX upset Mr McMahon by spray painting something then Vince bashes them over the head with a pipe. That’s been pretty much the whole storyline for the past 6 weeks. Maybe even longer. DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN. Everyone loves cage lowering music, eh Tony?

Hell in a Cell – Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon/The Big Slow v Triple H/Shawn Michaels

That new Hell in a Cell is quite shiny. More room inside too suggesting the roof is higher than before. DX kick Slow in the balls to even up the playing field. Crowd STILL hates Shawn Michaels because it’s Canada and loud chants of “you screwed Bret” ring out. Slow just barely makes it back up before DX kick him in the nuts again. Shane takes the first silly bump as Shawn uses the ropes to slingshot him into the wall. That brings the first blood of the show with Shane-o opening himself up. HHH meanwhile runs Vince into the wall too. Its double McMahon claret! Vince’s doesn’t look like his standard insane 4 inch deep gash. HHH stabs Vince in the head with a screwdriver. Slow sure is selling that groin shot for a long time. As I type that he’s back up. He picks off Shawn and slams him. HHH is more up for a fight and throws some punches only for Slow to overpower and cause him to Flair corner bump to the floor. Shawn tries hitting the big man with a pescado but gets caught. HHH helps him escape a javelin and Slow ends up taking a run into the ring steps. DX go back to focus on the McMahon’s. HHH breaks out the suck it kneedrop for Vince. Slow is back up though choosing to sell a groin shot for twice the time of the ring steps. Shawn gets thrown outside and HHH finds himself taking a beating on that injured ear. Slow casually chokeslams him. They could probably finish it there but the McMahon’s want more. Shawn takes a release powerbomb over the head into the wall. Slow finds this risible. HHH is having trouble standing so the McMahon’s lay in punches while he can’t defend himself. Shawn bladed off that header into the cage and now Slow javelins him into the cage. Oh boy, that’s a gusher. Shane has a trashcan and HHH down in the corner. Looks like the VAN TERMINATOR! And HHH has bladed his ear, the sick fuck. HHH looks to be dead so Shawn gets held up for some Vince jabs. Shawn is winning the ‘bloodiest’ contest. Now we get a really silly spot as HHH blades before being catapulted into the cage so the camera has to move out of the way so you don’t notice him pissing blood out of his forehead way before the impact on it. Now HHH has taken over the ‘most bloody’ contest lead. Slow hits the Vaderbomb on Shawn but Vince wants more. So Slow gives him the Cobra Backbreaker into a grounded Cobra Clutch. Then it’s the Final Leg Cut. Vince again pulls Shawn up because he wants even more. HHH is back up and he low bridges Slow before punking out Shane. He has Vince for the facebuster. Shawn stops a Pedigree though and jacks HHH up for a TKO. Erm, I think. According to JR that move was countered by HHH. Shawn is back up and he pastes Shane with an Enzuigiri. There is blood EVERYWHERE now. It’s almost sickening. Slow is back up after another bout of unusual selling. Vince gets his ass out as he looks to once again induct Shawn into the Kiss My Ass Club. But he’s not paying attention to HHH who punches him down. But Slow is stood right there so he levels HHH with his own punch. Shawn drags Vince in the way of a Big Slow splash. I say splash, more Slow missing completely and then having that “uh oh” look on his face. DX drag him groin first into the ring post. Oh, that’s three groin shots for the big man. Shawn with the flying forearm on Shane and he manages a nip up. Shane is back up but HHH knocks him down with a spinebuster. Shane is in position so Shawn goes up top and HHH starts dragging chairs out from under the ring. Well, there is a TLC later. So they Pillmanise Shane’s neck. Shane bites on the rubber full of blood. Hey, that’s just where he keeps it ok? We would have Sweet Chin Music but Slow grabs him and hauls him out of the ring. Big Slow angry, Big Slow smash but HHH chair shots him in the crap factory and then bashes his head into the ring steps for good measure. Slow is somehow on his feet so Shawn superkicks him. He falls into the ropes. So now only Vince is on his feet from the heels. He’s bleeding from the arm as well. He looks pissed off. Probably because HHH has out bled him. DX expose Big Slow’s ass and now I get it. And so does everyone else. Vince would have been happy with a few punches but not this and they ram Vince McMahon’s head into the Big Slow exposed ass. I never thought I’d type that. On the downside Big Slow now has an assful of blood. It’s like his WWE hazing all over again. Damn JBL. Vince staggers into a superkick and HHH has the sledgehammer. But not for long because it breaks on the back of Vince’s billionaire head and this one is over at 25.04. Ran a bit long but the booking was entertaining enough. Call it ***1/2 for never getting boring. Not really on the same level as the ECW booking at One Night Stand with Edge/Foley v Funk/Dreamer but along those lines. Easily the best match of this feud.

SHILL – April 1st 2007. Wrestlemania returns to Detroit 20 years after they rocked the city with Wrestlemania III. Next PPV is October 8th. That’d be Smackdown.

Women’s title – Lita (c) v Trish Stratus

Trish suggests in a video package that she’s going out at the top of career and mentions wanting to become a legend by doing so. I love Trish. Lita can smoke my nuts. Trish falls up the ring steps, which has GIF written all over it. I feel almost as bad as when Ultimo Dragon fell over at Wrestlemania. “Thank you, Trish” – Toronto. JR breaks out the stats pointing out Trish has won 5 women’s titles on PPV and has never lost at Unforgiven. Trish breaks out an early wind up headscissors that Lita has trouble getting over with. Lita bails so Trish hits the Thesz Press off the apron. Trish gets another headscissors this time off the ringsteps. They’re sure leaving it in the ring. Lita begs off like a good heel and then cheap shots Trish when she doesn’t give her a shoeing. Crowd doesn’t like Lita one little bit. Hey, neither do I. Her voice is like the sound I imagine you’d get if you decided to grind retards against a stone wheel. Trish puts the babyface boots in and here comes the chops! Hand lick chop! I mark for that. I’d take that. Trish goes for Stratosphere but Lita hauls her up top for a brawl on the buckles and they both end up spilling off to the floor. Lita gets up first and climbs but Trish smacks at her. Trish is up top now but Lita pulls her off. She’s in position so Lita eyes up a moonsault but Trish rolls out of the way. Good timing ladies. Trish calls for it but Lita dumps her over the top on Stratusfaction. Lita spends a while beating on Trish and not letting her up. Suplex gets 2. Lita throws some knees in the ropes and generally acts like a dick. Normally she acts like she loves dick. Trish fires up but gets caught in a Russian legsweep. Lita mounts and fires away with punches. Trish ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. JR reminds me Lita had her neck surgically repaired. They start throwing forearms and Lita just about edges that but when she goes up Trish hits the Stratosphere. CHICK KICK! Trish spends that little bit too long covering…for 2. Lita goes for Twist of Fate but it’s countered. Lita tries to pin using the ropes but Trish counters INTO THE SHARPSHOOTER AND THE ROOF COMES OFF THE PLACE! Holy shit. Lita taps out and WOW what a great finish at 11.34. ***. I was totally marking out at the end with everyone else. Great booking and overall it was a solid match. The best of Lita’s career by some distance I’d suggest. A fine way for Trish to go out. Cameraman does an excellent job of missing Trish dropping the belt as well. Lillian Garcia is in tears, which shows you how much the other ladies look up to Trish. She gets a deserved standing ovation from the hometown crowd. Hope they manage some sort of tribute tomorrow.

SHILL – Rey v Chavo on Smackdown. Apparently it’s the Season Premiere. Um, don’t know how that works. That segues into Teddy Long watching the action.

BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton. He says no one outside of Canada cares about Trish retiring. He talks about some worthwhile history like when he won the WWE title in this very building two years ago. He calls Trish a bitch for some cheap heat.

Randy Orton v Carlito

I like Orton checking the ring steps so he doesn’t fall up them like Trish did. They run a lock up spot and Orton pisses Carlito off so he spits on him. Carlito gets some fine reactions for mocking Orton’s posing. Orton just kind of clubs away. Carlito breaks out the springboard corkscrew senton and the quebrada gets 2. LUCHA! Orton is bleeding heavily from the mouth perhaps from the senton. Carlito gets hung up on the ropes. You live by the ropes, you die by the ropes. Orton dropkicks him into the rail and then hauls him back inside for a kicking. A nice slow replay shows Carlito elbowing Orton in the face on the quebrada. Orton hits the chinlock; Carlito fights out so Orton hits a powerslam for 2. Chinlock again. Carlito gets out again and hits a rather lame springboard back elbow. Few clotheslines gets 2. Orton runs into the Downward Spiral for 2. Orton comes back with the backbreaker around the back. Now Orton stalks looking for the RKO but Carlito counters right into the LUNGBLOWER. That buys him some time and gives him the advantage. He goes for his finisher but Orton counters out. Carlito then springboards again into the BEST RKO, EVER at 8.41. Orton just picked him out of the air. Beauty. **. Match wasn’t much but there was nothing actively wrong with it. Great finish too. We’ve had a few of those tonight.

WWE title/TLC match – Edge (c) v John Cena

No Lita out here presumably she’s either recovering from tapping like the bitch she is or Edge considers it to be too dangerous for her to be out here. Crowd is really pro-Edge, which is no real shock but you have to remember a few years ago Edge’s hometown crowd turned him heel in the first place by booing the hell out of him. Wrestling fans are so fickle. Sign in crowd – “The Marine: rented R for Rental”. ZING! It could even be BB for Bargain Bin, which is where you’ll find it in about 18 months. Edge looks happy with his positive reaction but I can assure you it’s likely to be one night only. I like Edge’s reaction to being asked if he’s ready; “fuckin’ A”. Cena gets booed mercilessly for an opening headlock and shoulderblock. Jesus, John everyone can see you talking. Edge slaps him to the massive babyface pop. Cena takes him down and they brawl. Edge wins out with a neckbreaker when Cena sets too early. Edge bails for the first piece of hardware. It’s a chair but Cena ducks it and hits the fisherman suplex. Cena charges but Edge moves and hits the Implant DDT. Edge throws a few chairs in there and sets them up. They fight over them for a while before Edge manages to hit the inverted DDT through them. Cena looked to be hitting a suplex through that a few times. Edge is out for a ladder right under the belt. Cena just pushes it over so Edge bounces off the ropes and clotheslines him. JR reminds us this is Edge’s match and Edge’s hometown. Edge bashes Cena in the face with a ladder then mounts the rail to dropkick the ladder into Cena’s face. Impact! Edge misses with a ladder charge and Cena starts punching him in the neck before hip tossing Edge into the ladder he just missed with. I like the fact they set the spot up with another spot. It made perfect sense. Cena thinks about giving Edge an FU to the floor but Edge grabs the ropes. Cena punches away but Edge elbows him in the face. Edge goes up top but Cena takes out his wheels and bails for a table. Cena wants a suplex through it but Edge counters into the sunset flip bomb and Cena decides the table is too far away and they bottle the spot. BOO! Time for an improvisation and Edge hits a powerslam through the table. Cena rolls outside and Edge makes it 3/3 with the corner ladder as he runs up it and hits a plancha. They used that ladder three times for three separate spots without ever just blatantly setting it up for a spot. That, my friends, is awesome. I dig that a lot. The girls and kids get their chants going so we finally have duelling chants as opposed to total Cena hate. Edge goes for the Conchairto but Cena sweeps the legs to block it. Cena uses the ladder to put Edge’s body into a ladder guillotine. Then he straps on the STFU around it. Edge tapes but that means nothing in this match. Nice spot with the ladder. It’s always nice to see wrestlers use their moves in a gimmick match using the gimmick. Speaking of which Cena FU’s the ladder onto the fallen Edge. Protobomb, which no one ever seems to call. Edge can’t see Cena but I can; he’s climbing the ladder. FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE OFF THE LADDER! Given that Cena is very limited he’s done some nice stuff with his moves in there. Cena gets a table and sets it up. Edge NAILS him with a great chair shot. I know a few people who say it takes a special kind of person to hit a really good chair shot. Edge has it. I don’t think Cena does. Edge has evil intentions and stacks a table on top of Cena on the table. Cena recovers and shoves Edge off the top into the rail. So again they’ve set up a spot for later by teasing a spot now. I like that. It takes away from the spot, rest, spot, rest nature of the match. Cena grabs a better ladder, which is a few feet taller. Cena climbs and Edge is nowhere to be seen. He comes in the blind side and climbs the other ladder in order to spear Cena off the taller one. That spot was a bit messy but again the ladder in the corner was there without it being obviously there for the purpose of the spot. They’re doing very well with that. Edge climbs the ladder but sees Cena is up so dives and Cena catches him into the FU but Edge climbs off onto the ladder. Cena hauls him down and powerbombs him at the other ladder. That didn’t quite look right. Cena grabs a chair and hits a lame chair shot. BOOOO! Lance Storm is sat at home thinking “damn, that was a weak chair shot”. Edge should have totally no sold that. Cena goes up top but Lita is out here, slightly late, to push the ladder over and send Cena through a well positioned ring side table. Cena landed HARD and right away is having trouble with his arm. There’s really no way to protect yourself on a fall like that. I’m impressed Cena took a big bump though. I didn’t think he would. Edge grabs the ladder and has a little trouble setting it up. Cena is back in the ring so Lita chair shots him and he falls into the ladder sending Edge over the top rope and crashing through the other table at ringside. Lita has helped and hindered Edge but Cena has had enough of her interference. FU to Lita. In the process the top table in the ring stack falls off. Cena knows it’s meant to be on top and puts it back there. See, he had to move it but he could have just put it somewhere else. Is the double table THAT key on the finish? Anyway Cena climbs but Edge miraculously recovers and climbs the other side. Cena has more left and FU’s Edge off the ladder through the two tables they stacked. Good spot but the retooling of the stack telegraphed the finish, which is irritating. Anyway, Cena has the belt and regains the title at 25.29. ****. With the exception of the finish, which went a bit wrong but was still a good spot that was an inventive clash with none of the blatant setting up of spots that normally plagues TLC. I wasn’t sure a singles TLC would work but they did very well bar some of the selling getting cut a bit short. In particular the two big tables spots right before the finish. Otherwise it was good stuff.

Overall –

Three matches delivered in terms of entertainment if nothing else. That’s a pretty good average for a WWE PPV. Nitro-Hardy was the only real in ring failure with neither man really looking like they should be in a one on one match at a PPV. The lack of reaction in the tag titles match was down to the booking rather than the wrestling although the wrestling wasn’t good. I think it’s a minor thumbs up from me. Edge-Cena, DX-McMahon’s and Trish-Lita delivered enough entertainment to justify the price of the PPV. If I’d paid for it, which I didn’t.