wrestling / Columns

The Mount Rushmore of Absurd Moments From 1995 WCW

July 20, 2019 | Posted by Caliber Winfield
Dungeon of Doom

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THE MOST RIDICULOUS MOMENTS OF WCW IN 1995

What is up, beautiful people?

I love that you guys are digging the series so much, and I read every comment, always like when you cats throw in your ideas and what you think should be on the mountain.

To thank you guys for the love, ya’ll get to decide the next article idea. So, if anyone has a suggestion or idea, comment it below, and the one that gets the most up-votes, the one ya’ll like the most, is the one I’ll cover. So hollar at cha’ boy.

For now, lets get into one of the worst years creative wise for a company, 1995 in WCW, baby.

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THE YET-TAY

Why It’s On The Mountain: Honestly, I think this is the worst, lamest, just…just the absolute worst thing to EVER be seen in pro-wrestling. It absolutely floors me that people allowed this. That actual ADULTS said “Yes, let’s send out the 7’2 mummy out there and have him hug Hulk Hogan and shake!”. Did Ron Reese [dude who played the Yeti] fuck someone’s wife or something?! Hell, every time I see this I feel so hurt and offended I think “Wait, did I fuck someone’s wife?!”. I mean, he doesn’t throw a punch, or kick, he just hugs him and shakes! WHY DOES HE SHAKE?! My mind is absolutely blown every time I see this. Then afterwards, he walks around like fucking Frankenstein’s monster! Dude can’t even get his monster right! I’m shocked he didn’t try and bite Hogan’s neck.
Of course, while this alone is just the absurd of the absurd, it’s only part of the picture. Because at the same time we’ve got Darkside Hogan [another figure head on this Mt. Rushmore], the most ridiculous move of his career, and we’ve got the Giant, who earlier fell off a building after losing in a Monster-Truck Sumo Match. Yes, literally three of the dumbest, most ridiculous moments in wrestling history all happened within the span of an hour. Truly an impressive feat. It’s crazy, as bad as WCW was in 1995 is equal to how good they’d be in mid-1996, and all of 1997.

Hulk Hogan [C] vs The Giant – WCW World Heavyweight Championship – Halloween Havoc 1995
Buffer calls The Giant’s manager ‘The Task Masker’. I like it. This of course should be noted that this is the first time The Giant has ever wrestled. Hogan takes off the bandanna and has similar panting on his forehead to that of Task Masker, making this whole thing even lamer than it is. The Giant pummels Hogan the entire match, with Hulkster doing the same comeback spot a few times where he punches The Giant in order to make him topple, but to no avail. This is atrocious, easily one of the worst main events in history. However, as I typed that, they attempted to prove me wrong with a bear-hug spot that lasted for 4 days. Hogan eventually Hulks up and bodyslams The Giant, which the crowd pops big for, goes for the Leg Drop, but as he goes for the pin Jimmy Hart knocks out the ref. At this point…I mean, it’s almost indescribable. So, The Giant puts Hogan in the bearhug, which then brings out The Yeti, which Tony keeps calling “The YE-TAY”. He gets in the ring, then him and Giant bear hug each other with Hogan in the middle. The Giant acts as if he’s the champion, as Hogan lays dead from being hugged.
Match ends in a no-contest at 13:42 | – *****

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DARKSIDE HULK HOGAN

Why It’s On The Mountain: There was like a 3 or 4 week period where they fiddled around with a heel turn on Hogan. I think? Or to try and make him edgy? I dunno. All I know is the Giant broke Hogan’s neck like 4 times, which can take a toll on your health. Having your beck broken. 4 times. So, to take on the Dungeon of Doom, Hogan taps into the darkness. This results in Hogan dressing like he would only 8 months later, all in black. However, the big difference is this Hogan also wore a mask, and weilded a sword, whilst talking about Macho cutting off Meng’s head. It’s so goddamn bizarre. He’s cutting these terrible promos in mock graveyards, dressed like Zorro. If someone bet Zorro he couldn’t make a costume for less than .50 cents. At one point he drags Macho Man into these promos, and it looks like some kinda, gay-snuff film. I mean, I can’t describe how odd and just flat out lame this shit is. I mean….I just don’t understand how things work sometimes. I’m gonna be conservative and say at least 10 people had to see this before it aired on TV. Although it was probably a lot more. Those 10 people saw this, and NO ONE spoke up?! NO ONE saw this insanity and screamed “OH COME ON!”?!

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THE RENEGADE

Why It’s On The Mountain: Man, this has got to be one of the greatest blunders in the history of pro-wrestling. During the time Hogan was running wild in WCW, he depended on the formula that use to work. Meaning all the old characters, plots, and matches from before. In the first quarter of 1995, after breaking records left & right, they put Brother Bruti back into storage, because they were in fear of him legit becoming champion and becoming so popular they’d have to rename the organization World Brother Bruti Wrestling and the entire company would revolve around him dressed as the Bootyman, doing that dance he did. Fuck…how was this goon EVER over?!
So, he’s amid his feud with Vader, when Ric Flair comes back, and Hogan needs the help of Macho. However, this just wasn’t enough. They needed a surprise. A an ULTIMATE surprise. On an episode of Saturday Night shortly before the Uncensored PPV, they showed a silhouette of a buff dude with long-hair and arm tassels. It’s so obnoxious, and I have no idea what their actual plan was. Did they purposely want to swerve people? Or did they think they could sign Warrior in time? Regardless, what we got was The Renegade. A dude who is made to look and act like the Warrior as much as possible. Except he doesn’t have the Warrior’s presence, and it looks so cheap, and so sad. If I’m up for the Renegade roll, I’d be OK with everything until they wanted me to paint a fucking R on my face. Seriously? An R?

WCW executive: OK, so, you got the outfit, and all we need is for you to paint a giant R on your face.
Caliber: Or…OR…here me out, cause this is just as ‘cool’, but how about I just paint a giant dick on my face instead?

So, he comes out, screams a bunch, no sells, runs around, and screams some more. It’s absolutely God-awful. Absolutely no argument that it’s one of the worst things ever. Now, after this he went on to win the TV title from Arn Anderson, which is a fucking tragedy, defended against Paul Orndorff a few times, and finally lost the title to DDP at Fall Brawl. At this point, WCW just washed their hands with it. He went back to just being a normal dude, but still going by the same name. He did some double-work for Warrior during his run, and unfortunately committed suicide in 1999. It’s a shame, because honestly this dude would have been a huge hit at conventions these days. Always remember, guys, shit is darkest before the dawn. Don’t EVER give up.

The Renegade vs Arn Anderson [C] – WCW TV Title – Great American Bash 1995
He constantly screams like a total dork. There’s zero reason for it. So, there’s a few clotheslines, and then an abdominal stretch. Arn takes a powder after this, slowing down the pace to dickMPH. Afterwards we trade sleepers. SERIOUSLY? This entire f’ning match has been rest spots! Did the guy skip the plane ride and run to the arena or something? Is he really THAT tired already? This dude who’s suppose to be an unstoppable bad-ass sells Arn slightly bumping into him like he was shot by a battleship cannon. He ends up hitting Arn with a Samoan Drop and a splash for the pin. He then gets the firework treatment. Wow. God bless Arn, because this was brutal. He tried. He kept things extremely simple, which unfortunately meant a lot of rest holds. I hope the guy appreciated Arn doing the favor and attempting to make him look like a million bucks, even though Renegade couldn’t be helped and looked more like a $35 over-draft fee on a .10cent overrage.
Renegade wins the TV Title with the splash at 12:34 | DUD

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THE DUNGEON OF DOOM

Why It’s On The Mountain: Honestly, the Dungeon of Doom deserves it’s own Mt Rushmore of Ridiculous Moments. For now…I mean, do I even really need to go into why?

Hulk Hogan, Sting, Macho Man, Lex Luger vs Meng, Zodiac, Shark, Kamala – War Games – Fall Brawl, 1995
Stinger & Shark start off the match up, they trade back & forth, involving a lot of non-psychology. Such as he hurts his back slamming Shark, who then works it over, and then legit 5 seconds later they just forget his back hurts. The Zodiac comes in next, as he peppers Sting with his terrrrrrrible looking offense. Macho is in next, and he immediately starts doing this wild shit that makes zero sense, like trying to suplex Shark before immediately trying to put Zodiac in the Boston Crab even though the Shark is right on top of him. It’s just crazy how many terrible wrestlers the Dungeon stock piled. I mean, if sucking were a drug, the Dungeon of Doom would be the Medillien Cartel in 1981. You’d get an 8-ball of pure, uncut suck, for $200. This match is literally punching and kicking from the worst wrestlers ever. The faces have 2 good wrestlers, 1 who can work if he’s got someone leading him, and Hulk. Meng gets in there, things do not improve. Hulk finally gets in there, and shit turns into a Bugs Bunny cartoon as he deals with the Zodiac, who, I think is safe to say, is the luckiest man alive. Hulk gets in and basically punches and throws people into the cage, before putting Zodiac in the worst submission in wrestling history, the Camel Clutch. This now means that Hogan gets 5 minutes with the Taskmaster. He gets a few licks in before The Giant comes down and does the Steven Seagal neck-snap move. This portion wouldn’t be too terrible, except we had to keep hearing Bobby talk about how The Giant reminds him of Andre. Bleck. The match is pretty bad. It’s just a lot of punching & kicking, with about 75% terrible workers. Crazy to think in just one year at the same PPV it’d go from literally the worst story-line the company ever did at War Games, to the greatest story-line ever, at War Games.
Hulk Hogan submits the Zodiac at 16:22 | *

Thanks for reading, buckshots, and for no reason, here’s my favorite Stephanie McMahon moment….

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Any questions, comments, drunk-ramblings, feel free to send them my way, I always dig hearing from you, the beautiful people.