The Ripple Effect 5.11.07: The Injury Fairy

After almost five weeks of insanity, my life is finally coming back to normal.

On April 10th, I moved out of the apartment I’d spent the last year and a half in because of a roommate altercation. I shared the apartment with these two other guys, one of whom I knew from living in the dorms, and one of whom was moving in from North Carolina and got potlucked into our place. From there the three of us forged this weird half-friendship where we’d talk and laugh to each other and everything but generally stayed out of each other’s way.

But as fate would have it, the relationship soured and I became increasingly sick of these two guys as the days went on. The bottom line is we just don’t share the same values, which is okay most of the time but not if one decides to be an ass about it, and especially not if two decide to go double ass on you. I mean, one of my roommates was a big, black, uptight conservative masquerading as a liberal, who never failed to make his judgments known to the room. The other guy was a small, white uptight conservative who gradually developed liberal ideas as he continued living with us. His favorite match should tell you everything you need to know: Undertaker vs. Yokozuna from Royal Rumble ’94. Clearly I needed to break away from these people.

So, I moved into a friend’s house across town, and my daily routine has been pretty fucked every since. I haven’t been able to devote enough time to the RE as I want to, and I think the column has suffered because of it.

But friends, that stops NOW! The Zac Attack is back, Jack, and everyone is now officially on notice. Good Friday everyone, and let’s get started…

Diversions…

I took a look at the tentative Judgment Day card Wednesday morning and all I can say is…damn! A couple weeks ago on Raw, when all the main eventers were getting laid out backstage, the thought of Khali as the perpetrator never even crossed my mind. We’d just got finished with the finest TV match in quite some time last week, and we were hearing all sorts of rumors about an increased focus on the “wrestling” part of the product. And then, the very next week, the backstage bully was none other than the talentless and futureless Great Khali. And THEN he slays the ultra-hot HBK to become the number one contender for Judgment Day! W…T…F?

That’s right, Khali will be facing John Cena for the WWE title at JD. It’s almost like they don’t care that the guy has done nothing to earn a shot at the company’s world championship. The guy is flat out not over. No one gives two shits about him, because he doesn’t make any attempt to connect with the fans. He can’t cut promos because he doesn’t speak English, or any other discernible language it would seem. Andre got over not just because he was huge, but because the fans connected with his personality. Big Show lasted so long because he made you believe he was as powerful and vicious as he looked. All Khali does is stand there, throw his huge arms around, not leave his feet, grunt and leave. It’s completely ridiculous that this match is taking place on PPV for the WWE title. Nothing will convince me otherwise.

Also taking place at JD will be two rematches from Backlash, one of which is itself a rematch from WrestleMania and the other might as well be. ECW Champion Vince McMahon (see last week’s column for my thoughts about that), the demon seed and Umaga will again stretch the rules of wrestling to their logical limit by defending the title against Bobby Lashley. The only interesting thing that could come out of this match is if Shane or Umaga pin Lashley and win the title. Is that possible in the rules?

In another rematch, Chris Benoit will defend the US title against MVP…again. I will say that this feud has done good things for MVP’s career, although the feud itself hasn’t exactly set the world on fire. I’m sure the match will be good, and I’m excited to see what MVP has to offer in the future. And do we realize that Benoit’s held the title for more than six months and has had multiple PPV defenses?

And finally, the New Breed explodes as CM Punk goes up against Elijah Burke. A lot of people are going to be excited for this one because of the athleticism of the two men involved or because of the pleasant offerings from the Originals/New Breed feud. I’m excited for a different reason. See, this match will be the first since WWECW crept into existence that two ECW wrestlers will face off in a one-on-one PPV match that, 1) isn’t for the ECW title, and 2) has some kind of feud behind it. A momentous occasion indeed!

Long Live the King…By Process of Elimination

I remember when Friday nights were the most exciting time of the week.

I grew up in a town of fifteen hundred in the northern, non-panhandle part of Texas. It sits about seven miles southwest of a much bigger town and just had a new highway built to the north of it. Places of interest: a Dairy Queen, an Allsup’s, a restaurant that’s been a pizza, burger and catfish place in the last five years, a convenience store generally considered to be the town hangout, and a water tower that we pretentiously decided to light up at night so you could see it for miles. And by God it comes to life on Friday nights, whether it’s the football games in the fall or the pasture parties in the summer. Friday has just always had this positive aura, this feeling that no matter what happens at least it’s Friday.

Then SmackDown moved there, and shit went crazy.

WWE’s second-tier show changed timeslots to Fridays at 8:00 EST on September 9, 2005. The move itself was seen as a sign of SD’s eventual demise (ratings had been falling for a while), but the people working for the blue brand had faith that their product would maintain their audience enough for the brand to survive. Almost two years later, it seems that fate really doesn’t want them to succeed. Thanks to the onset of “SD Injury Bug 2007” our World Heavyweight Champion has fallen to a bicep tear, the Money In the Bank winner (and the general consensus number one contender) has now torn his tricep, Rey’s still out and not due back for at least another month or two, Kane badly needs surgery, and Batista seems bound to hurt himself or someone else sooner or later. The roster has been picked to the bone since the move to Fridays, and WWE has had to shuffle everything around to account for it.

But out of the ashes and gloom, a king may arise. Just look to last year’s devastating injury bug, which seemed to take out half the roster but gave us fans a little unanticipated jewel (one might say a ‘crown’ jewel). Do you see where I’m going yet? That’s right, the 2006 version of the blue plague is the reason we got to witness the rise of King Booker! When the other SD stars were falling one by one, Booker stayed healthy, and thanks to some increased exposure from he and Sharmell’s heel act they were en route for a big push. When Booker won the King of the Ring tournament, he experienced a career birth and was propelled to the World Heavyweight Championship in July. From there he went on to become the “Champion of Champions” at Survivor Series and, for a short time, was actually the top booked star in the company. All because of a few injuries.

Booker’s rise to royalty resulted from a combination of events that gradually increased his and Sharmell’s position on the card. After a brief brush with superstardom around WM XIX, Booker fell victim to HHH booking and found himself mattering less and less as the years went on. This was never more apparent than at WM 22, where he was made to look like a cowardly fool against Boogeyman. In light of his defeat (in less than four minutes), Booker’s days in WWE seemed to be numbered. He’s close to retirement, and it didn’t seem like things were going to get better in the future. But for once, WWE’s tendency to drag out old ideas actually worked in their favor, and may have saved SD in the process.

It all started with the announcement that the King of the Ring tournament would return as a SD exclusive, with the finals slated for the semi-main event at Judgment Day. The participants were Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, Matt Hardy, Chris Benoit, Finlay, Bobby Lashley, Mark Henry and Booker T. At first glance, it seemed like the probable finalists would be Angle, Orton or Lashley, all of whom were getting pushed at the time. Booker was indeed the dark horse (no pun intended) heading into the tournament, but some kayfabe strokes of luck, including drawing Matt in the first round and getting a bye in the semis, put Booker in the finals. His opponent was Lashley, who had made it into the finals by gaining a countout victory over Henry and pinning Finlay in the semifinal.

When Booker covered Lashley for the three-count at Judgment Day, the reign officially began. The coronation ceremony saw Booker debuting his now-classic “royal flow” facial expression and mugging for the camera with every ounce of his strength. He and Sharmell assumed the throne with a cocky sense of bravado that made the crowd come alive with some of the most purely fun heel heat they’d felt in a while. In short, a star was born, and with this Booker was on course to assume the leading role on Friday Nights.

That and a slew of injures to SD’s top stars.

In a string of unfortunate mishaps, almost every one of the brands most marketable talents went down with injury. Eddie Guerrero, Batista, Mr. Kennedy, Mark Henry, Randy Orton and Chris Benoit all went down in the first several months after the move to Fridays. Add in the retirement of JBL and the complete mismanagement of Rey as World Champion and WWE was looking at a dire situation. But just like this past week when they placed their hopes on the shoulders of a reliable workhorse, the boys in the back picked Booker to carry the brand through the rest of the summer. He defeated Rey at the Bash and assumed the position the character was destined to hold.

But even after that, King Booker didn’t seem like any kind of long-term champion. Despite his awesome character, he wasn’t the worker he used to be. And SD’s most popular star Batista was scheduled to return just weeks later. AND SummerSlam, a traditional blowoff show, was rapidly approaching.

Booker held on though, and kept holding on for most of the fall. What started out as a temporary solution to the injury problem ended up becoming a much-need hot angle that no doubt kept some people watching the show. After SummerSlam the world title picture revolved around Booker and his cast of hopefuls, including Batista, Lashley and Finlay at No Mercy. Perhaps his finest moment in terms of kayfabe came at the first Cyber Sunday, when the fans picked him as the champion they wanted to lose his title most in the “Champion of Champions” match. Like many of us figured, this meant he would win the match, which he did and in the process became one of the only guys in the past few years to pin John Cena on PPV.

At Survivor Series, WWE decided King Booker’s time as champion had run its course. In what was billed as a “last chance” match, the Dave won the world title for the second time by handily defeating our King and sending him back to the upper mid-card, where he remained until his own latent injuries caught up with him. At the current time he’s poised for a return to SD and presumably a high spot on the card. He has to be seen as a possible title contender when he gets back, even though the brand now has a heel champion.

What’s my point in all this? Well, giving Booker a world title was not the writers’ first choice. At the end of WM the blue brand was clearly getting behind Rey as their new top guy, with Batista waiting to swoop right back into the title picture. Unfortunately plans changed, and the writers had to improvise. And as luck would have it, they stumbled upon a great heel creation just in time for it to help them out in a big way.

So, using the “history repeats itself” lens of reality, let’s attempt some damage control for SmackDown and pinpoint a few guys who may find themselves in a position to bail the company out of what seems to be another huge mess caused by the injury fairy.

Edge – This one seems pretty obvious in light of what happened this week. It really says a lot about Edge that WWE chose to hand him the ball when they needed someone reliable to bail him out. He’s had great match after great match in the past couple years, and I have the utmost confidence that he’s ready to be the number one star on a brand. I don’t exactly know what the future holds for Mr. Copeland, but I wouldn’t be hurt if they went with him defending against Taker at WM 24…or at SummerSlam if they want Edge to win. Yeah, WWE made the right call letting Edge bail them out.

Chris Benoit – Ever since losing the world title almost three years ago, Benoit hasn’t even gotten a brush with championship gold. His status has been more of a “resident professional” helping guys like Kennedy and MVP gain valuable experience. But think it about it: people like Booker and Edge carry the ball in times of crisis because of their loyalty and consistent body of hard work. They aren’t the people who get the center position on the WM DVD or anything, but they’re well-respected and always seem to get at least some of their due. Benoit is one of these guys, and if things get really shitty (as they very well might) I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Wolverine in a main event program again.

Rey Mysterio – WWE’s made it pretty clear in the past few months that they have big plans for Rey Rey when he comes back this summer. Rumors of a Vince feud have been swirling, and a second run at the world title isn’t out of the question. One can certainly question his drawing power as champion, but I think the fans would sink their teeth into him if given a second chance. He’s more injury-prone than the other two, but he’s more exciting than Benoit and more athletic than Edge. Time’s going to tell how serious Vince is about Rey though.

Whoever holds the world title, Friday nights are sure to be home to many surprises in the coming summer months. Just look at the King: who on Earth would’ve thought on the night of WM 22, when Booker played second fiddle to a comedy act, that in less than three months he would undergo a complete gimmick overhaul and earn his first run as a true WWE world champion? My friends, we might be in store for some great surprises this summer?

Who will the big bad injury bug pick off next? At least we know they’ll have a backup plan…eventually.

Sendoff

That’ll bring the twenty-fist edition of the RE to a close. Next week I’ll be in my new apartment with no concerns except how to get more hours at work and where my next pizza is coming from. Until then, keep your fandom alive! I know the summer months can be trying for us wrestling fans, but it’s going to get better. And remember, there’s always a good match thrown in there somewhere.

Oh yeah, does anyone want to start a “Khali never main events again” petition?