The Smackdown Breakdown 02.10.06

WWE Smackdown — 2.10.2006

From Columbus, Ga.

Your hosts are Michael “Potty Mouth” Cole and Tazz.

Fatal Four-Way Contenders Match: Matt Hardy vs. Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall) vs. Orlando Jordan.
Booker T and Sharmell come out to observe. Hardy and Jordan pair off, while Benoit and JBL go at it. JBL quickly comes up with a strategy of dumping Matt Hardy to the outside and doubleteaming Benoit with Orlando. JBL shoves his way out of a sharpshooter, so Benoit switches up to the Crippler Crossface. Jordan makes the save. From there, it degenerates into the usual cover, pull the other guy off, cover formula. Benoit ducks a clothesline and goes for the Crippler Crossface. Benoit DDTs Jordan but spies JBL giving a beatdown to Hardy on the outside and decides to help Hardy out. Yeah, I don’t really get it either. Benoit catches Jordan going up and superplexes him off. We come back from commercial to Benoit grabbing the Crossface. JBL makes the save and drops a series of elbows. Matt Hardy sneaks in and delivers a vertical suplex to Benoit, but it’s just one because Matt is a pussy. Matt delivers another elbow to Benoit as Chris’ beating is starting to become comical. JBL and OJ team up for a suplex on Benoit, then one on Matt Hardy. JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell and then offers to let OJ win. OJ, like an idiot, leaves himself exposed on the cover, so JBL kicks him in the head and tosses him. Benoit sneaks back in and starts German Suplexing everyone. DIVING HEADBUTT ON JORDAN! JBL makes the save. Orlando recovers and hits Benoit with Black Ice. JBL covers, and OJ returns the favor, tossing JBL to the floor. Matt comes back in and Side Effects OJ, taking him out of the match. Hardy goes after Benoit, but Benoit pops up and drags him down into the Crippler Crossface for the win at 16:53. Booker limps out and protests. **3/4

Teddy Long confronts Booker in the back and tells him he gets no more substitutes and no more delays. If he can’t defend the title, he will forfeit it.

“Bloodrayne” is coming to theatres. Didn’t we see almost this exact movie with Charlize Theron a few months ago? Actually, this one looks significantly better.

In the back, JBL barks at the interviewer, claiming he could beat anyone they throw up against him. Suddenly, Bobby Lashley appears behind him and challenges him to a match. Jillian accepts on his behalf, which doesn’t sit well with JBL. Looks like another squash loss for the Shaw.

Somewhere else in the back, Melina takes a seat by a dejected Matt Hardy and laments that he’s not a part of the winning team. She offers an alliance in the usual backscratching deal. He’s scratched worse. POPOZAO!

Elsewhere, Mark Henry and Daivari are upset because the Undertaker took his title shot at No Way Out. Smackdown is backstageriffic!

Non-Title: MNM (w/Melina) vs. Brian Kendrick & Paul London.
Melina issues an open challenge, and Kendrick & London just happened to answer. These four had a quality match on Velocity a few months ago. Mercury blocks an armdrag and hits an elbow to London’s face. He tries his own armdrag, but London just lets him fall on to the mat. Kendrick tags in but gets caught in the wrong corner. Kendrick tries that monkey flip counter off a hiptoss, but Nitro lands on his feet. Kendrick ranas him and lets London deliver a low dropkick. London hits Mercury with a low dropkick. Things head to the outside to wake up the crowd, finally. Kendrick nearly kills himself trying to springboard into a bodyscissors, but Mercury saves him. That could have been very bad. London cannonballs out on MNM. Back in, Kendrick is trapped in the wrong corner. He knees out of a backbreaker rack and gets the false tag. The ref is distracted putting London out of the ring, so MNM drops Kendrick with the Snapshot. Melina grabs London’s foot so he can’t make the save, and MNM picks up the win at 6:15. Decent match, but Melina is the only one who’s been allowed to get over to any degree, so the crowd was totally out of it. **

Highlights of the WWE touring Japan.

Randy Orton joins us to set the record straight on his offensive comments. He explains he just said it to get inside Rey’s head, which we all knew, but we get five minutes of dragging it out. This includes Randy driving out in a low-rider and attempting to read from Eddy’s book to prove that he’s not a saint. Well, of course not. Then he would be El Santo. Rey Mysterio comes out and beats Randy like a dog — a dog that uses way too much hair gel. They tease Randy having a concussion after his head got sandwiched between a dropkick and the ringpost.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Nunzio.
Gregory Helms’ career has finally started after a five-year hiatus. Kid Kash comes out to watch. Apparently, he gets the winner. Who the hell dropped acid and decided to book the CW division more than one week in advance? Mat wrestling to start, which Nunzio dominates. Helms tosses him and stops to jaw with Kash. Helms hot shots Nunzio on the top rope and delivers a crossbody. ARROGANT COVER! Thankfully, Helms looks so different that he’s able to come out like a badass and not have it tainted by thoughts of the Hurricane. Nunzio comes back with a neckbreaker and a backdrop suplex. He tries the Sicilian Slice, but Helms takes a page out of Samoa Joe’s playbook and just steps casually away. The Shining Wizard finishes at 4:14. I know I fall for this every couple of months, but maybe this really is the start of something good for the CW division. Hopefully, they take the reigns off Helms. I’ve said this before: Helms was the AJ Styles of 5 years ago, but his growth was stunted by the gimmick. Seen any Hurricane Helms 2-Disc sets out there anywhere? *1/2

In the back, Palmer Cannon welcomes back the juniors. I’ve never seen an interview segment turn into a clusterfuck before, but this one manages to. The juniors are climbing on the set (because small adults act like children of similar size), Mr. Kennedy barges in to say hello, and Paul Burchill swashbuckles in to say hello…twice. So, he’s one of them there Johnny Depp pirates.

Over on Dancing With the Stars, George Hamilton proposes to Stacy Keibler. Why’s he wearing a leather mask? Oh! Ew.

Juniors Match: Octogoncito & Poquito Valencia vs. Tsuki & Mascarita Sagrada.
Big comedy stuff here as Poquito tries to kill himself for our pleasure. Tsuki whiffs on a crossbody as Tazz and Cole treat Valencia like he’s a giant. Octogoncito — a smaller version of Octogon, who’s another version of the Great Sasuke anyway — tags in and goes at it with Tsuki. Unfortunately, Fit Finlay comes out to break up what might have been the best match of the night. He destroys the Juniors (except for Poquito, who sacrificed the others to save himself). Tsuki gets the worst of it as he is unable to scale the crowd barrier. Finlay gives him a Schwein. See, he’s upset because he takes wrestling seriously. Perverse fun. [NR]

The No Way Out theme is by Theory of a Dead Man. CONTINUITY~!

Out in the back, Booker and Sharmell talk about suing if Booker gets injured further in his match. They find a bunch of worms in the trunk of their rental car. There goes Book’s deposit.

Mark Henry (w/Daivari) vs. The Undertaker.
Tazz and Cole hype this as “the first ever meeting between the two,” which is true, I’m sure, but it’s really like saying, “Look, even we didn’t want to stoop to this.” Btw, we’re like twenty minutes away from the end of the show, so I’m worried about the amount of crap that we’ll have to endure. Either that or they need extra time for Henry to pull a cage door off. Henry no-sells a shoulderblock early. He steamrolls Taker with one of his own. Henry blocks a hiptoss and delivers is own. Cole then turns to Tazz like he’s hosting the Chris Farley Show and says, “Did you see that when Taker couldn’t get Henry up in the hiptoss?” You can’t expect him to remember that far back, Michael. Don’t put him on the spot. Meanwhile, Stacy has made it to the semi-finals. We come back to Taker working Henry over with soupbones on the outside. Taker drapes him over the apron and delivers a few guillotine elbows, then the legdrop. It gets two. ROPEWALK FOREARM! Henry staggers into the corner and takes a knee. Taker tries a Stinger Splash, but he never does that so Henry grabs him in a bearhug and rams him into the corner. Henry…slowly…hits him…with…clubbing…blows. Even Taker gets bored, so he roars back with clotheslines, including the flying clothesline. CHOKESLAM! Daivari calls for help. Here comes MNM for the DQ at 13:27! It’s 5-on-1 until Kurt Angle makes the save. Kurt and Taker do the respectful babyface thing, so Teddy Long comes out and makes a handicap match — MNM/Henry vs. Angle & Taker. 1/2*

Final Thoughts: “No Way Out” is shaping up to be either a surprisingly good card or one of the biggest trainwrecks in recent memory. The matches were pretty good tonight (except for the “main event”), but the crowd was listless. If they’re going to have people like London & Kendrick and the Cruiserweights on, they need to give them time to develop characters on television.

J.D. Dunn