The Smackdown Breakdown 12.30.04

Mail – Re: The Top 10 Matches of 2004

From Paul:

Dude, you TOTALLY underrated Brock/Eddie. That was, at the very least, no. 2 on WWE’s MOTY list. Also, you had Angle/Eddie (SS) at ****1/2, but a bunch of ****1/4 matches above it. Decent enough list. I’ve seen more WWE than anything this year, so I’ll give you my list. Not sure if you’ve seen all this (a lot of the best matches this year have come from Velocity) so you may want to check them out.

1. Brock Lesnar vs Eddie Guerrero NWO 04
2. Triple H vs Chris Benoit vs Shawn Michaels WM 04
3. Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio SD
4. Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle SS 04
5. Paul London vs Jamie Noble Velocity (first match they had)
6. Chris Benoit vs Randy Orton SS 04
7. Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle SD 2/3 Falls
8. Rey Mysterio vs Jamie Noble Velocity
9. Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle WM 04
10. Eddie Guerrero vs JBL JD 04

Actually, Paul sent me his top twenty, but I only have so much room. If nothing else, it exposes the fact that I don’t watch nearly enough “Velocity.” I’m always hearing about great matches on their but I can never bring myself to put a tape in the VCR. Maybe next year.

As an explanation why Eddy vs. Angle at ****1/2 was below matches that were ****1/4, the reasons are zero historical impact (are Eddy and Angle in any different position today thanks to the match?) and that ****1/2 rating is bumped up because it plays off another match. Taken on its own, it would probably receive a lower rating. Thanks, Paul.

Benjamin Doucette (who I assume is the same Benjamin Doucette avid readers of the PWTorch will recognize):

One is easy?? Where is the Punk/Joe 10/16 Match? Dave Meltzer and Wade Keller both said it was the best match since 1997! Just because you haven’t seen it, it isn’t good I suppose. You have the 3rd worst match between the 2 on there, but not others. Do you even watch ROH or are you just a poser?

I think I speak for most readers when I say, “Wha?” I don’t even know where to start on that, so I’ll let it speak for itself.

WWE Smackdown — 12/30/04

New Orleans, LA.

Your hosts are Tazz and Michael Cole.

Teddy Long tells us that tonight is the “Night of Champions.” Each champion will defend his title tonight, against opponents of his choosing.

THE CHAMP IS HERE! John Cena is out to announce a revolution. He dubs his fans “The Chain Gang.” He heads out into the audience to suck up to the fans. Wouldn’t a guy who got stabbed be a little hesitant about that? Rene Dupree interrupts, leading to the match.

U.S. Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree.

Cena pulls him in and pummels him. Dupree barely has enough time to take his robe off before Cena hits a pair of Fisherman Suplexes. Cena puts on Dupree’s robe, mocks his dance and does the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Dupree bails out, but Cena chases him down the aisle and brings him back in. Dupree reverses a whip, “injuring Cena’s kidney” against the turnbuckle. Cena misses a crossbody. FRENCH TICKLER! Cena takes him down with a double-leg and pummels him some more. Cena gives him a sort of Fireman Carry Snake Eyes and pumps up. FU! ONE, TWO, THREE. Cena retains. Kind of lethargic performance from Cena when it came to actually, you know, wrestling. *

John Bradshaw Layfield and former “Saved By the Bell”-er Amy Weber stop off to make fun of Joy Giovanni. Big Show interjects himself and tells JBL to leave Joy alone. He also challenges JBL to a match for the WWF Heavyweight Title.

Kurt Angle Invitational: Kurt Angle vs. Matt Stryker.

Kurt opens by sucking up to JBL to get a title shot. Stryker looks kind of like the guy from “Office Space.” Angle cheapshots him with the microphone and takes him down, splitting Stryker’s head open. Stryker reverses a waistlock, but Angle reverses that to the anklelock for the submission. “Yeah, if you could go ahead and tap out, that’d be great. Cole busts out “bully” in reference to Angle. 1/4*

Elsewhere, Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio discuss potential opponents. Booker T and Eddie Haskell Guerrero interrupt and ask politely for a tag title match.

Daniel Puder walks into the locker room and endears himself to Hardcore Holly. Puder says he had to go through 8 grueling weeks of training to get to where he is today. That doesn’t impress Sparky F’n Plugg! I’m glad they didn’t go with the respectful Maven-push for Puder.

JBL draws his opponent’s name from a fishbowl. He doesn’t seem to happy, but he’s a fighting champion.

WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Shannon Moore.

Man, I really haven’t been watching Velocity. Moore looks like some mook from Thunderdome. JBL attacks him on the outside and pummels him. Back in, JBL finishes pretty quickly with the clothesline. 1/4*

Teddy Long interrupts the celebration and demands to inspect the bowl. JBL is shocked, SHOCKED I SAY to find that someone would impugn his integrity like that. If you inspect the bowl, the terrorists win! Amy tries to run away with the bowl, but Joy Giovanni jumps her from behind, spilling the names all over the floor. Of course, they all say “Shannon Moore.” JBL blames Orlando Jordan for the mishap. Long says that tonight it was Layfield’s choice. At the Royal Rumble it will be Teddy Long’s choice and his choice is…KURT ANGLE! Angle comes out and takes back all the nice things he said about JBL. He also brings calls him “Bucko!” again. Angle says JBL only picks on people smaller than him. JBL rightly points out that that’s the same thing Angle does every week with the “Kurt Angle Invitational.” Long says they didn’t let him finish. At the Royal Rumble, it will be a Triple Threat Match between JBL, Kurt Angle & THE BIG SHOW!

Sideshow Carlito Cool demands time to tell us his New Year’s resolution. Next year, he wants to get rid of Theodore Long. He gives Josh the delayed apple spew.

Heidenreich is out to tell us he’s not afraid of the Undertaker. After all, he cost Taker the title TWICE! The lights go out and Undertaker — or rather his disembodied voice — interrupts. Some druids wheel a casket out to ringside. Heidenreich crawls over to open it up, but it shoots open. The Undertaker pops out and glares at Heidenreich. Cole assumes a Casket Match is in store for the Rumble. Out of all the matches he could choose, why would he pick one that he always loses?

Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns say that they’re the most dominant team on Smackdown. The Bashams interrupt and disagree. Eddy and Booker then disagree with THAT. Whoa! Dissension! Thankfully, Rey and RVD have time to think it over.

WWE Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley.

Spike’s beard is seriously out of control here. Funaki avoids a charge and rams Spike’s head into the turnbuckle. He mounts Spike in the corner for punches. Spike schoolboy bombs Funaki off the ropes to take over. Spike misses the double stomp, but kicks Funaki into the ringpost. Spike stomps him down in the corner. Funaki comes back with the enzuigiri. Bulldog gets two for Funaki. Spike charges blindly and gets sunset flipped. ONE, TWO, THREE! 3/4*

Recap of Christmas in Iraq.

A trio of new Divas approach John Cena and flirt with him. They want to see “it.” They want to touch “it.” They want to play with “it.” Of course, “it” refers to Cena’s U.S. Title. Yeah, women are dazzled by shiny spinning objects.

Raw Rebound is “Beat the Clock” night.

Rey and RVD announce they’ll defend against Booker T and Eddy.

WWE Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio vs. Booker T & Eddy Guerrero.

Rey starts with Eddy, promising a hot opening. Eddy trips him up, so Rey comes back with an armdrag. Rey snap mares him over and reverse monkey flips Eddy. Booker T backs Rey to the corner. Rey comes back with a dropkick off a Booker press. RVD tags in to a big pop. New Orleans is RVD country? RVD counters a charge with a back elbow and delivers a springboard crossbody for two. RVD grabs a side headlock. Booker T shoots him off. RVD ducks the sidekick and hits Booker with a spin kick. Rey and RVD hit the 420, but Eddy has the ref distracted. Eddy slingshots Rey all the way to the floor. We come back from commercial to Rey kicking Booker’s legs out from under him. Rey misses a charge to turn the tide. Eddy slingshot sentons in on top of Mysterio. Eddy busts out a wicked winged hangman, but RVD breaks it up. Booker T comes in with a spinkick on Rey for a series of two counts. Rey sneaks through Booker’s legs, but Booker cuts off the tag. Eddy gets two off a backdrop suplex and goes back to the hammerlock. Rey comes back with a Tornado DDT. HOT TAG to Van Dam. Van Dam comes in with a spinkick. A Northern Lights Suplex gets two. He monkey flips Eddy into a seated dropkick from Rey. FIVE STAR FROGSPLASH! Booker makes the save at two. Van Dam misses a charge and hits the post. Booker takes over with a spinkick on Van Dam. Rey breaks up the cover. Eddy comes in for the Triple Verticals on Van Dam. Rey breaks it up again. Booker delivers the book end, but Rey saves the titles for a third time. Van Dam comes back with a high kick. HOT TAG TO REY! Rey comes in with a springboard splash on Eddy. Tilt-o-whirl armdrag for Eddy. Spinkick to Booker! Huracanrana off the top for Eddy! Booker accidentally clocks the ref on an ax kick. Rey hits him with the 619. He tries to drop the dime, but Eddy pushes him off the ropes on the springboard. Eddy covers, but there’s no ref. Eddy’s little angel and devil start arguing over whether or not to cheat. One guess who wins that one. Eddy grabs the title belt and lays it on top of Rey. Eddy lays down like he’s been hit. Nick Patrick wakes up and sees Rey with the title belt. Unfortunately for Eddy, Patrick catches him taunting Rey. Eddy STILL tries to sell it. That’s dedication. Eddy argues with the ref, so Rey wheelbarrows into a rollup for three! I very nearly had to change the damned top ten. Way to go guys! ****1/4

Final Thoughts: Well, if they want to turn things around, the best place to start would be with the tag division. Tonight was a big step toward that. They’re also setting matches for the Royal Rumble over a month in advance. Hopefully, they’ll be able to keep the booking interesting with everything etched in stone. Pretty fun show.

J.D. Dunn