The Timewarp 03.13.07: Kazarian

Hey everybody,

This is you favorite German wrestling columnist saying “Guten Tag”!

I’m thrilled to be onboard here at 411mania, and even more so to welcome you to the first weekly edition of The Time Warp, the column where we… errr… warp time. … Okay, I’ll try to give you a better explanation.

I’m sure all of you have seen at least a few movies involving time traveling, right? Good. In that case, it’s safe to assume you’ve probably come across a scenario involving a future that seems totally out of whack judging by the present as the time traveler knows it. You know, goods guys having died or gone bad; fun-loving sidekicks roaming the streets as grim avengers; the works. The most tantalizing question in these situations usually is very simple: How could this possibly happen?

In The Time Warp, this is exactly the question we’ll be looking at. Each week, I’ll present you with a glimpse into a possible future that might seem pretty incredible. Then, I’ll try to figure out if and how this future could come to pass.

This doesn’t mean I’ll try and sell you Viscera as YOUR next WWE Champion (or will I…?). I’d like to be realistic, but find a way to put forgotten, misused or underutilized talent to good use. If you’d like to see YOUR forgotten, misused, underutilized favorite (or FMUF) get some love here, just drop me a line!

Until then, enjoy our ride into the future…

The date is October 20, 2007. TNA’s biggest annual PPV Bound For Glory is already rolling. The main event is a long anticipated submission match between Samoa Joe and crazed NWA Champion Kurt Angle. In other matches, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels and recent WWE defector Rob Van Dam battle it out for the no. 1-contendership, while a reformed Jeff Jarrett looks to humble the ultra cocky Christian Cage.

But beyond these obvious dream matches, another contest in the upper midcard. is about to drop jaws. It is a ‘Last Man Standing’ match meant to settle a longstanding blood feud. Raven, who is the first contestant to enter, looks tense as he approaches the ring. He should be. The cult favorite is putting not only his body, but also his career on the line against a man who might be crazier than he ever was. The risk is tremendous. Nonetheless, Raven asked for this to be a career match. Tonight, he will go down in a blaze of glory, or finally rid himself of his evil nemesis: Kazarian!

Time Freeze
Confused? You have every right to be. While the list of people eligible for a meaningful spot on TNA’s biggest show isn’t necessarily short, Frankie Kazarian certainly isn’t on it. Yes, we are talking about the same guy who currently spends his days jobbing on PPV pre-shows and getting caned by Raven. He doesn’t have to stay that way, though. In fact, he shouldn’t. Unleashing Kazarian may well be one of the smartest moves TNA could do. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look…

Blast From The Past
Since he is still relatively unknown, we know very little about Kazarian’s first steps in the business beyond his debut match sometime in 1997. However, he must have caught some eyes, as he steadily made his way to the bigger leagues on the independent scene.

Between 2001 and 2002, Kazarian appeared sporadically on WWF Jakked while working for Ultimate Pro Wrestling, Phoenix Championship Wrestling and Zero One. Often tagging with veteran grappler Nova, he managed to keep pace with the likes of Hardcore Holly, Steve Corino and C.W. Anderson. In 2003, Kazarian became one of the few unknowns to be signed by the ambitious World Wrestling All Stars. Although the project was ultimately doomed, he successfully worked matches in Australia and New Zealand for WWA before it went belly-up.

On June 4, 2003 Kazarian debuted for TNA, tagging with C.M. Punk and Matt Striker to defeat the team of Johnny Swinger, Kid Romeo and Damien Dothar. TNA officials apparently liked what they saw, because Kazarian was immediately pushed as a singles wrestler and quickly became a top contender to the X-Division Championship. Although he would not win the title until early 2004, he proved that he could hang with the best, producing entertaining, competitive matches with guys like Jerry Lynn, AJ Styles and The Amazing Red. Nonetheless, Kazarian was inexplicably pushed down the card as TNA expanded, and soon found himself tagging with Michael Shane, a.k.a. Matt Bentley, a.k.a. Maverick Matt (soon to be a. k.a. Martyr, if the latest buzz is to be believed. I’ll stick with Matt Bentley, thank you very much…). Although the two never failed to deliver in the ring, they were used mostly as enhancement talent, rarely winning a match.

This situation might have factored into Kazarian’s decision to jump to WWE when his TNA deal expired in February 2005. Although he appeared only on Velocity and worked dark matches, he was kept strong, raking in win after win and even receiving mic time now and then. The fact that WWE must have had some confidence in him to do this makes his sudden release in August 2005 all the more puzzling.

This release brings us to the present. Kazarian, now playing a decidedly dark character and donning all black, has been re-signed by TNA and is currently involved in what seems to be the newest version of Raven’s flock, re-dubbed “Serotonin”. Unfortunately, being a member of Serotonin apparently doesn’t entitle one to wins over people not named Shark Boy or Norman Smiley. Nonetheless, I think the Serotonin deal is workable. Played right, it could be great. It could be Kazarian’s big break. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look…

Back To The Future
Kazarian beats Eric Young in the opening match at Destination X – cleanly. Nonetheless, he gets caned by Raven, who leaves his protégé down and out in the ring. Over the next few shows, Kazarian keeps picking up victories, only to be humiliated by Raven afterwards. Even after Kazarian wins a six-man X-Cape match at Lockdown, Raven won’t give him a break. As far as he is concerned, Kazarian is too slow, too soft, and too timid; and Raven, as usual, is not shy about voicing his opinions.

Finally, Raven promises to show Kazarian and his crew how it’s done. He succeeds, brutally beating up on Andy Douglas to pick up the win in their match later that night. Unsurprisingly, this earns Serotonin the ire of Chase Stevens. The following week Stevens presents none other than Shane Douglas – who retains a soft spot for the Naturals after all and despises Raven – as his substitute partner. Together, Douglas and Stevens defeat Devine and Bentley in a tag team match. But they aren’t satisfied; — they want Raven!

So, a six-man tag team match is signed for Sacrifice, pitting Raven, Kazarian and Bentley against Shane Douglas and the Naturals in a street fight. To end the bout, Douglas hits a Franchiser on Raven, while Bentley is busy with the Naturals at ringside. Kazarian watches from the sidelines, attacking only *after* Douglas has scored the decisive pinfall on Raven…

The following week on Impact, Raven absolutely thrashes Kazarian, finally leaving him battered and bleeding in the parking lot. Nonetheless, Raven tells his charge to make sure he is in top shape the following week, — as he will be facing Shane Douglas in a hardcore match! To the surprise of pretty much everyone, a bruised Kazarian not only appears the following week, but also actually goes on to beat Shane Douglas after a hard-fought match. Seconds after the bell, Raven is out, cane in hand. For a moment, he and Kazarian stare each other down. Then, Raven throws down the cane and raises Kazarian’s arm in victory.

Over the next couple of weeks, Serotonin run wild in TNA. While Kazarian steadily moves up the singles ranks, Devine and Bentley start making a name for themselves in the tag team division. At Slammiversary, Kazarian earns the right to face X-Division Champion Jerry Lynn by beating Petey Williams and Senshi in a three-way match. Meanwhile, Bentley & Devine win a tag team melee and become the no. 1-contenders to the titles, which Team 3D finally take off the LAX on the same night.

After a month of mind games, threats and violent confrontations, Serotonin receive their respective shots at Victory Road. The night turns out to be successful indeed, as X-Division Champion Jerry Lynn succumbs to the brutality and recklessness of Kazarian, while Devine & Bentley cheat to bring Team 3D’s first title run in TNA to an abrupt end. As the PPV draws to a close, Serotonin holds two of the TNA’s three titles!

The following week on Impact, Raven leads his acolytes out to the ring to celebrate. He praises them for their efforts, proclaiming the dominance of Serotonin in TNA and announcing the World Heavyweight Title as the group’s — and especially his — next goal. Kazarian is quick to join in, promising everyone in the back that the NWA Championship will indeed come to Serotonin. It will be worn by the most deserving, the toughest and most violent man in Serotonin. It will be worn by the leader of the movement. It will be worn – by himself! On cue, the three Serotonites gang up on a shocked Raven, who is swiftly overpowered. After a vicious beating, they drag the limp, bloodied hardcore icon to the back.

Over the next weeks, Serotonin do battle with Kazarian’s newest challenger Senshi and an angry Team 3D. At the same time, a series of disturbing vignettes make it on the air, depicting the torment of a captive Raven at the hands of his former disciples. Shocked and disgusted, DOA Jim Cornette quickly gets involved and threatens Serotonin with the harshest of consequences if they don’t release Raven.

At Hard Justice, Devine and Bentley retain the NWA Tag Team Championship by defeating Team 3D in the mandatory tables match that, by law, must be part of every feud involving the former Dudleyz. Kazarian’s X-Division Title defense against Senshi does not go as smoothly, though. In the middle of the match, the lights suddenly shut down, while the video screen flashes to life, showing the chair to which Raven was confined during his captivity. Tonight, the chair is empty, except for a crude cardboard sign reading: “NEVERMORE”. As the lights go back up, Kazarian is still staring at the screen in disbelief, and nearly gets his head kicked off by Senshi as a result. In the end, Kazarian manages to retain his title, but then flees the ring.

On the next Impact broadcast, Serotonin argues over how Raven could have possibly escaped. In any case, Kazarian instructs his teammates to be on the lookout for their former leader while he defends the X-Division Title later on. Indeed, a figure wearing Raven’s outfit emerges from the backstage area during the bout, but as Devine and Bentley rush the intruder, it turns out to be none other than Brother Runt! The tag team champions are then ambushed by Team 3D, once again distracting Kazarian and almost costing him the title. Again, Kazarian runs for the hills after barely retaining his title.

The following week, a video message from Raven airs. The last few weeks, he says, were hell. During his career, he was stabbed in the back by many people. He probably deserved it, too, because he did more than his fair share of backstabbing as well. He recalls the beatings he took over the course of his career, the weapons used on him, and the buckets of blood he shed. His very existence, Raven states flatly, has been an exercise in pain and suffering. Nonetheless, Raven admits, he was never as close to quitting as Kazarian got him. Kazarian got into his head. Kazarian did not just damage his body; he mutilated his mind. For that, he will make Kazarian pay. Raven explains that he did not wish TNA officials to take action against Serotonin, because he needs to be the one taking action. And he will. He reveals that he has been granted a match of his choice against Kazarian at No Surrender. Usually, he would opt for a good, dirty, old-fashioned street fight. But this situation is anything but usual. After everything Kazarian did to him, pinning his shoulders to the mat would not nearly suffice to satisfy Raven. So he has decided against a street fight. Instead, he vows to make his former charge scream for his life in a submission match.

Kazarian is quite shaken, although he does his best to mask it. Having first Bentley and then Devine attacked and thrashed by the otherwise elusive Raven doesn’t help matters, though. Still, Kazarian vows to prove that he is not only the future of TNA, but also the future of hardcore.

At No Surrender, Raven returns to TNA in his old-school 1990’s outfit and goes on to have not a match, but a *fight* with Kazarian. It is a dirty and brutal affair, complete with chairs, tables, and lots of ringside brawling. Neither man shows any sign of backing down at any time. Even when Kazarian resorts to choking him with a strand of barbed wire, Raven refuses to submit. In the end, the match is awarded to Kazarian by the referee, who fears for Raven’s safety. Raven, of course, promptly attacks the official after the closing bell. Still, the decision stands.

Over the next few weeks, the feud deepens further, as Kazarian celebrates himself, while Raven swears to put him his place after all. Not a week goes by without some kind of confrontation or saber rattling. Finally — after Raven has cost Kazarian the X-Division Title — the two agree to meet one last time at Bound For Glory in a ‘Last Man Standing’ match after which only one of them will be wrestling. The contract signing quickly turns into a brawl that a small army of security guards has to be break up, but the deal stands.

That brings us to the contest mentioned in the opening of this column. This bout, of course, is even crazier than their previous one, offering everything from No Surrender – with the volume turned way up – and even more. Raven busts out of all his old tricks and trademark moves to great effect, while Kazarian pulls some spectacular high spots. Now, since this article *does* concern the adequate use of Kazarian, you can probably guess the winner of this intense match. Yes, in the end, Kazarian stands…, well, not tall, but he stands. He is bloodied, bruised, and out on his feet, but he stands. Raven, having taken Kazarian’s patented moonsault side slam from the top rope through a table, does not.

So ends the career of Raven in TNA, while the star of Kazarian shines brighter than ever.

The Future In Review
I don’t know what you say, but I’d like to see that. Taking into account his past credentials and the faith many higher-ups seem to have put into this relative unknown, I believe Kazarian definitely brings the necessary tools to the table. A well-planned push and a meaningful feud with a veteran player like Raven could do wonders for his career.

I think Raven could pull it off as well. Although he will probably never be physically able to recapture his glory days, I’m sure he has a couple of good matches still in left in him, especially if given a good amount of prep time. What better way to use him than to push a future star? In a perfect world (as envisioned by me, of course), I’d like to see Raven retire for real after this match and settle into a more comfortable backstage job, but that would be up to him, of course. In any case, I believe a high-profile program like that could be a great and much deserved send-off for this cult favorite.

So, that’s my view on a potential future. What’s yours? And who do you see headlining cards in the future? Let me know!