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The Top Ten 4.01.08: A Look at Wrestlemania 24
Greetings people and welcome back to another savory edition of The Top Ten. I hope all of you enjoyed Wrestlemania XXIV (respect the roman numerals bitches), but knowing how cynical some of you bastards are, I’m sure a lot of you didn’t. That’s alright because I enjoyed it and honestly that’s all I care about. I am a selfish asshole after all. I liked it so much, in fact, that I decided to once again delay the Surprisingly Bad Matches column (will I ever get that one done?) to dedicate this whole column to WM24. I’ll be giving my EXCLUSIVE review and the top ten moments of the big event. But first, a few comments on last week’s column.
First off, I want to thank all you guys that read my crappy little column and find the time to leave your comments that either praise me or bash me to pieces. I truly appreciate it and it gives me the fuel I need to continue doing the column. Last week, I had a column on the 50 greatest ‘Mania matches and it certainly stirred up a lot of debate, mainly on my #1 pick which was the WM20 triple threat match.
I saw some folks accuse me of being a “Benoit Mark” and that’s the only reason I put that match as number one. To be honest, Benoit isn’t even one of my top ten favorite wrestlers of all-time. So I certainly didn’t pick that match because I’m a “Benoit Mark” but rather because it is honestly the best match I have ever seen at Wrestlemania. It was 25 minutes of non-stop action, counters, blood, and one of the best finishes ever to a match as Triple H struggled to get out of the crossface but was forced to tap which made the MSG crowd EXPLODE. The moment after that featured Benoit and Eddie just added to the allure of the match. Of course, that moment as well as that match are now forever tainted. I’d be lying to say that I can watch that match (or any Benoit match for that matter) without feeling very uncomfortable. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that this was an excellent match. In my eyes, the only other match that can even challenge it for the #1 spot is Hart/Austin at WM13. But that’s just my opinion.
Overall, I stand by the list I posted last week. The few matches that I really liked that barely missed the cut included Flair/Taker & Angle/Kane from WM18, Rockers/Haku & Barbarian from WM6, The Dumpster Match from WM14, and Jericho/Angle/Benoit from WM16. The one glaring omission that I did have, though, was Austin/Rock at WM19. I don’t know why, but I completely forgot about that match. It was a very good match and if I had remembered, it would have been placed somewhere in the high 30’s or low 40’s. I still don’t think it’s a better match than their WM15 match, which I feel is sometimes underrated, but it was a great match nonetheless. Thank You once again for all the comments and just for reading the column because there are a lot of columns out there on this wacky world of the web that you could be reading so for you to take time out to read mine really means a lot to me. Ok, enough of me kissing your asses, let’s get into this column.
-Only one thought this week. The ending of RAW last night was one of the greatest moments in the history of professional wrestling and is exactly how I envisioned Ric Flair should retire: With thousands of fans in attendance, millions at home and all of his peers giving him the standing ovation he deserves. Bravo Ric Flair, there will NEVER be another like you.
JBL def. Finlay in a Belfast Brawl
I was surprised this match opened up ‘Mania and I was even more surprised that JBL won. This was everything I expected it to be. It was a hard hitting affair with both men beating the piss out of each other. The highlights of the match for me were Finlay diving through the ropes only to be met with a trashcan lid, JBL getting thrown head first through a table and JBL blasting Horny with a trashcan while he stood on the outside. This was a very entertaining match that was hindered by the wrong guy going over. I mean seriously, it only made sense for Finlay to get the win here after JBL abused his son on various occasions. Regardless, this was still a fine way to open the show.
Match Rating: **3/4
CM Punk wins Money In The Bank IV
Holy crap, it seems that the ‘E is actually serious about Punk. This was a very good match that saw Morrison and Shelton bring out the craziness. Moonsault off the top rope with a ladder? More please! Senton from the top of a ladder through another ladder on the outside? Thank You, may I have another?! This match featured a ton of other crazy shit like Jericho giving Punk a ladder assisted Code Breaker, Carlito giving Jericho The Backstabber from the top of the ladder, and Matt Hardy making his awesome return by giving MVP a Twist Of Fate off the top of the ladder. Fantastic spotfest and CM fucking Punk is your winner. Seriously, what can you bitch about?
Match Rating: ****
Batista def. Umaga
This was easily the disappointment of the night. Going in, I was expecting a match similar to the Undertaker/Batista battle from last year and while I didn’t expect it to match that bout in terms of quality, I expected it to at least come close. This was nowhere near as good as it could have been as they were shunted with virtually no time and were barely able to do anything to get the fans into it. Umaga did look good, but then he quickly ate one Batista Bomb and was done. Very disappointing and I hope that they have a rematch with enough allotted time to put on the type of match I know they are capable of.
Match Rating: *1/2
Kane def. Chavo Guerrero to become the new ECW Champion
Umm, yeaaaa.
Match Rating: BLAH
Shawn Michaels def. Ric Flair to end Flair’s career
Wow. What else can be said about this match? This is easily the most emotional match I’ve ever watched. Sure, we all knew it was Flair’s final match, but I don’t think any of us were certain of the outcome until that final Superkick. Seeing Shawn Michaels struggle with himself about whether or not to deliver the kick was very emotional, but didn’t compare to when he kicked the crap out of Flair and immediately started to hug him on the ground, as if to apologize, while Flair laid there crying, knowing his career was over. Powerful stuff. The match itself was even better than I expected and I was seriously concerned about Shawn Michaels ribs after that hellacious table bump. The people complaining that this match didn’t have enough blood and that ‘Naitch didn’t cheat enough are completely missing the point of this match. Flair didn’t need to bleed because this wasn’t a blood feud and I actually liked to see Flair not bleed for once, especially in his final match. He was able to walk away with his head held high knowing that he just gave one of the best in the business today all that he could handle and more. And Flair didn’t need to cheat endlessly because he was toe to toe with HBK for the majority of the match. Whenever he was in some danger, he’d pull out a dirty move, but I liked the fact that Flair stayed competitive in the match due to his wrestling ability and not him poking eyes and giving low blows every two seconds. That’s something that was constant in recent Flair matches, but the Nature Boy of old would only pull out a dirty move when he was in trouble, he wouldn’t rely his whole offense on cheap moves. Overall, this match was an all-time classic and a match that I will never forget for as long as I live.
Match Rating: ****1/2
Beth Phoenix & Melina def. Ashley & Maria
How EXCELLENT was it that this is the match that the lights went out on? If this had happened during any other match (especially Flair/Michaels) it would have been disastrous, but when the lights went out during this match most people just shrugged their shoulders and said, “Ehh, I was going to take a piss anyway.” The match itself was worthless and the only redeeming qualities were that all the LumberJill’s looked gorgeous, Snoop Dogg’s pimp-mobile, and Snoop clotheslining Santino and giving Maria a little Jungle Fever. Sorry Santino, but an Italian cant compare to the POWER of the Brother Man, if you know what I’m saying. You know what I’m saying.
Match Rating: * (1/2* for the lights going out on this match rather than another one)
Randy Orton def. Triple H and John Cena to retain the WWE Championship
After Raw on Monday when Randy tapped clean to Flair in the middle of the ring, I had a sneaking suspicion that the ‘E might swerve us and have Randy win at ‘Mania. My suspicions turned out to be true as Randy shocked the world by upsetting the two men who EVERYONE thought would dethrone him. I’ve heard people talk crap about this match, but it was a very good match. Sure, it would have been nice if they got an extra 5 or 10 minutes, but the 15 minutes they did provide were filled with non-stop action. Just as a sidenote, the ‘E is getting really bold with this Crossface thing, aren’t they? I think they are trying to get wrestlers to use it so much that eventually people forget that Benoit used it and just start linking it to the wrestlers currently using it. CONSPIRACY! Anyhows, this match was good shit and Randy punting the shit out of Triple H and stealing his pin was a true mark out moment for me(and I actually LIKE Cena!). The funny thing is that Randy retained and the two most hated men in the IWC walked away without gold and yet people were STILL bitching. You gotta love these people.
Match Rating: ***1/2
Floyd Mayweather def. The Big Show via Knockout
This was much better than it had any right to be. It wasn’t a great match by any stretch of the imagination, but these two crafted an entertaining little spectacle. I’ve seen a lot of bitching by people about Show losing, but what did you expect? For them to bring in an UNDEFEATED boxer and have him lose to a wrestler? Not happenin’ captain. I feel that Show looked strong, though, as he dominated Mayweather so much that his entourage tried to haul Floyd out of their. It took various members of Floyd’s entourage, a ton of chairshots and brass knucks to put down Show so it’s not like Mayweather put him down easily. It also adds to Show’s character now as he’ll be pissed that he lost to Mayweather and will be looking to wreak havoc to prove he’s as bad as he says he is. Good, entertaining spectacle. And honestly, that’s all it was meant to be.
Match Rating: **3/4
The Undertaker def. Edge to become the new World Heavyweight Champion
How nice was it to see Smackdown close a Wrestlemania? That hasn’t happened since WM 19 for Shits Sake. It was nice to see Edge in the main event as he has been the top heel in the ‘E for the last two years and deserved to get this spotlight. I’ll admit that this match surprised the hell out of me. I was expecting a decent match, but nothing great and what we got is a match that would have easily been the match of the night if not for the legendary Flair/HBK match. We all knew going into this match that Edge was going to lose, but I don’t think any of us expected him to look so good before doing the J-O-B. He actually dominated the match and seemingly had a counter for everything The Undertaker threw at him. And he kicked out of all THREE of ‘Taker’s finishers. I don’t think anybody has ever done that. And when ‘Taker locked in the submission at the end, he fought it for a long time, much longer than anyone else who it has been applied to before, who all immediately tapped out. He came out looking like a world beater and this was a great way to cap off a great show.
Match Rating: ****1/4
Overall Show Thoughts
Screw the haters, this was a great show. No, it isn’t the greatest ‘Mania of all-time, but it certainly is one of the best. You have a certified classic with Flair/HBK, an awesome main event, a very good triple threat match, a fantastic MITB match, a hard hitting Belfast Brawl, and an entertaining spectacle with Floyd/Show. If more than half of the matches are good, that equals a good show folks and the crappy bouts (Batista/Umaga, Bunnymania, Chavo/Kane) were all so short that they didn’t take away from the show’s quality. Great stuff here people, order the replay or get the DVD if you haven’t seen it.
Show Rating: 8.5 (out of 10)
10) Santino in a boa. Look out-a Hollywood Hulks Hogans.
9) JBL blasting Horny with a trashcan lid. That’ll learn you for being so small and Irish.
8) Punk winning Money In The Bank. Admit it, you didn’t see it coming.
7) The lights going out on the Divas match. It’s as if God knew.
6) The lights coming back on right when Orton gave Triple H and Cena a double DDT. Talk about foreshadowing.
5) Edge giving The Undertaker a run for his streak. He turned a match that most didn’t care about due to its predictability into one of the best of the night.
4) Big Show slapping the shit out Floyd Mayweather’s chest.
3) Snoopy The Dog clotheslining an Italian and kissing the white girl. Story of my life.
2) Shelton and Morrison busting out the crazy in the MITB match.
1)The greatest career in professional wrestling coming to an end. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Check out all these great columns by my 411 brethren:
-Andy Clark’s “Shimmy”
-Ari’s “Column Of Honor”
-Sean, Alex and David’s “Triple Threat”
-Bayani’s “Truth B Told”
-Weyer’s “Shining The Spotlight”
-Byers’ “Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People”
-Larry and Geoff’s “4R’s”
-Fact Or Fiction
-Sat and Uncle Trunx’s “High Road/Low Road”
-Phill Feltham’s “Quick Talkdown”
-Sarnecky’s “Piledriver Report”
-Slimmer’s News Report
-Hidden Highlights
-Carapola’s “That Was Then” and “Friendly Competition”
-The Fink’s Payload
-Gamble’s “Just ‘Spose”
-Cook’s “Ask 411”
-Wilcox’s “Thoughts From The Top Rope”
-Meehan’s “Meethinks”
-Sforcina’s “Evolution Schematic”
-Prag’s “In Defense Of?.”
-Wrestlers of the Week
-Randle’s “Wrestling News Experience”
-Linkous’ “Why I Love Wrestling”
-Double M’s Rasslin Report
-News To Start Your Weekend
-Dunn’s Rawtopsy, Smackdown Breakdown, & ECW eXperience
-Your News, Larry’s Views
-Zac Calhoun’s “The Ripple Effect”
-Joe Estee’s “Keys To The Game”
-Halden’s “You’re An Idiot And Here’s Why”
-Buy……OR SELL!!
-Chris Lansdell “The Way I C It”
-Alex Barcham’s “Hitting Below The Beltway”
-T.G. Corke’s “The Seventh Dimension”
-Magnus Donaldson’s “Cut To The Crap”
-Tim Haught’s “Pro Wrestling Pundit”
-William Bumgarner’s “What Were They Thinking?”
-Jarrod Westerfield’s “Viral Dose Of Reality”
That’ll do it for me this week folks. Be sure to leave some comments and come back next week when the topic will be The Top Ten Surprisingly Bad Matches. Let’s cross out fingers and hope I actually do it this time.
