wrestling / Columns

The Tuesday Small-For-All News Report: 06.29.10

June 29, 2010 | Posted by Jeff Small

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

One of the few things I miss from my childhood is summer vacation. Back when I was only 5’9″ and only mildly socially awkward, each summer, I would have six weeks to do whatever the heck I wanted. When I was really young, the summer would be spent playing Sega Genesis and eating Dunkaroos. When I was slightly older, I spent the summer playing Nintendo 64 and drinking Surge. During college, it was Playstation 2 and purple ketchup.

Sadly nowadays, I barely have enough time to play Playstation 3 and scarf down Double Downs. Between work, waiting anxiously for Twilight: Eclipse, and this weekly news report, I really have no free time for myself. Well, up until this past weekend when I took a trip to the home of the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair! Yes, Virginia, I spent the weekend in Charlotte. And honestly, I wish I had a good story to tell you but unless you want to know where you can get the North Carolina’s best fried chicken (Price’s Chicken Coop) or where all the cool people hang out (hint: not at Howl at the Moon), I am really of no service. But man, was that sweet tea worth the trip.

And if you think the above is just one big excuse for the quality of this weeks’ news report, then you know me too well!

Wait for it…

Yes, yes…

Hold on tight, spidermonkey!

WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back to the only news report that really hopes for Raw GM Ahmed Johnson, the Small-For-All News Report! In today’s edition, I rank the NXT Season 2 rookies, speak on the latest WWE Injury Bug, discuss TNA’s ECW revival and unveil Tommy Dreamer’s new look. All this and fireworks!

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

Small’s NXT Season 2 Rookies Poll

With not much happening in the world of sports entertainment, I decided to take a few minutes to rank the new crop of NXT Rookies. Unlike the first season of NXT, this season features fan voting so I’d be remiss in not giving my opinion. Considering I watch more NXT than I do Smackdown or Impact, I feel that I am quite knowledgeable on the newest crop of rookies.

1. Michael McGillicutty – Awful name aside, Michael has been the most impressive rookie so far on NXT. He’s undefeated, has a simple yet effective swinging neckbreaker finisher, and had the best promo on last week’s edition. While he needs to lighten up a little, I expect big things from Mr. Perfect’s son.

2. Percy Watson – Half Urkel, half KOAB, Percy Watson has exceed all expectations by being more than just a comedy character. Watson has a decent moveset and has looked impressive even in his losses. While I do not see Watson winning this competition, I do see Watson making the main show. Once the Nexus storyline plays its course, I can see Watson and Darren Young reuniting and making a run for the WWE Tag Titles.

3. Alex Riley – I’d be shocked if Alex Riley does not win NXT Season 2. He is solid in the ring, knows his character well, and draws heat better than anyone else on the roster. Why is he my current #3? Because I feel he’s going to get a lot better before the end of the competition. Plus I’d like to see him give a serious interview without resorting to cheap “jock” insults.

4. Kaval – While many hate Laycool as Kaval’s Pros, I love it. For someone who’s so damn serious on the microphone, I love LayCool trying to give Kaval a little charisma. Just like the Miz elevated Daniel Bryan on Season 1, I see the same happening here. Kaval won’t win this contest but he will be a ton more over when he cracks the main roster later in the year.

5. Husky Harris – In addition to sweating Crisco, Harris also oozes slimeball which is a pleasant surprise after recent big man flops like Mike Knox. While I do not see a long career in the WWE, I do see him getting a shot thanks to his backgroung along with a solid showing this season.

6. Eli Cottonwood – As Jay Bilas taught me last week, you can’t teach size. At seven feet tall, Cottonwood is destined to be a future opponent of the Undertaker. All Eli needs to do is work on his creepy character as he’s a little too out there to connect with the audience.

7. Lucky Cannon – I am so glad he did not upset Cody Rhodes last week. So far, I do not see anything special in Cannon. Here’s hoping he can impress soon or else, he won’t make it past the second cut.

8. Titus O’ Neil – He’s worse than Michael Tarver, which is saying a lot. Zack Ryder deserves better.

When Injuries Attack

Lots of injuries making the rounds in the WWE. Here’s a quick list of who has been recently injured:

Randy Orton – hurt his neck which is why the WWE booked a Cutting Edge segment on a house show. Will work through the injury until re-injuring himself performing a RKO.

Rey Mysterio – Mysterio recently suffered a groin injury. However, since he’s champion again, he will work through all pain until the WWE finally gives him time off in 2011. Needless to say, he’s probably complaining about this backstage.

Cody Rhodes – had his bell rung in a match Saturday after a double suplex. Was not concussed so he will probably be back in action on Smackdown.

R-Truth – pulled his groin dealing with zoo animals. As seen on Raw, he will work through the pain.

Kelly Kelly – (my) neck/ (my) back injury on a weekend house show. Kelly has already been cleared to return to the ring and will probably make an appearance on Smackdown to further her feud with LayCool.

One Wedding and No Funerals

Congrats to the Undertaker and Michelle McCool who were married in a private ceremony over the weekend!

In the case of a divorce, Michelle will receive the house while Taker will get to keep his yard.

Okay, if tonight’s Raw starts with a whimper, I am totally turning on ABC Family’s newest sitcom, Huge. I’m not sure if it’s a show that embraces fatness or ridiculous tubs of lard. Either way, it seems like a winner to me.

Finally, Nexus is named! It sure beats the Magnificient Seven.

By Golly, I wish Rob McNew was still around to tell us that Sheamus is not over. Fucker. For those who fail to believe that the WWE can create new stars, they really need to look at our Celtic Warrior. Now if only the WWE were more consistent with their pushes.

John Cena & The Human Jar of Mayonaise shall team up tonight? Oh noes, the new GM says no way, Jose. However, he does book a Sheamus vs. John Cena Steel Cage Match at MITB.

I’d be remiss in not mentioning that Michael Cole reading the new General Manager’s emails from a podium is hilarious.

And here’s the Hart Dynasty to kick off the wrestling portion of Raw. Oh wait, they are attacked by the UUUUSSSSSOOOOOOOs. Tamina proceeds to beat the shit out of Natayla and leaves her laying with after a top rope splash.

And with the wrestling portion of the show out of the way, ladies and gentleman… Mr. Conway Twitty.

I must say that R-Truth’s promos get more absurd weekly. He’s the zookeeper ya heard!

Is it just me or has the Kozlov/Santino “story” still in 1st gear. I swear this week’s payoff (Kozlov attacks Regal) has happened at least two other times in the last two months. Even the Hornswoggle/Chavo storyline last year had more progression.

We have a Guest Host this week? I thought that ended a few weeks ago with the return of the General Manager position.

Rob Zombie is here to announce the eight men in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match – Randy Orton vs. The Miz vs. R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne vs. Ted DiBiase vs. John Morrison vs. Edge. Seems like Zombie has beef with Edge over his “Never Gonna Stop” Theme Music, which the majority of the kids in the audience probably has no idea what they are referring to. Then again, I am not sure how relevant Rob Zombie is with the kiddies anymore.

Edge introduces clips of the first ever Money in the Bank Ladder Match. But since the WWE refuses to show clips of Chris Benoit or Shelton Benjamin (for two totally different reasons), the video lasts all of forty seconds.

Tonight’s main event – an eight man tag team Mega Match for MITB bragging rights.

This just in – November’s PPV will now be referred to as MEGA MATCH.

Hey the Nexus is here! And since they cannot beat on WWE wrestlers, they will punk out cameramen.

So the 10pm slot (normally the #2 slot in the show behind the main event) is spent on Ricky Steamboat’s DVD release. Well considering we have three weeks until MITB, I am fine with it. Surprised, but fine with it. At least until Nexus’s run-in.

And here comes the Nexus! At least the veterans are smart enough to know there’s going to be a fight instead of trying to shake their hands. I personally cannot wait until Skip Sheffield tangles with Michael PS Hayes.

Arn Anderson was caught first and eliminated. Dean Malenko was taken out second. Tarver and crew had a really hard time getting IRS out of the ring but they finally did it. I expect Hayes to be taken out next unless he booked this segment. Hayes and the King are eliminated next leaving the Dragon alone. Unfortunately for the Dragon, the powers of the Nexus are way greater than Chris Jericho so he’s left lying in a pool of his own sweat.

I am surprised that Gail Kim was the focus on the face team in the womenz tag team match. Then again, she took the pin so I guess Eve looks stronger in the long run.

Now that’s an effective HOT TAG! Good, long, main event that gave all eight superstars a chance to shine. Plus, it took up one-quarter of the show.

Good show this week thanks to the strength of the opening interview, the Nexus beatdown of the legends, and the thirty minute main event. Even though the rest of the show was meaningless, at least those parts were kept short. Speaking of short, after Rob Zombie’s cameo tonight, I really think that the Guest Host gimmick has run its course.

THE GREATEST THING I HAVE SEEN ON THE INTERNET (THIS WEEK)

As a huge fan of the Soup, it is only necessary for me to post something awesome I’ve stumbled upon this week. Last week, it was a Shamwow parody and Katy Perry’s tits shooting whipped cream everywhere. This week, we have something a tad more shocking and cringe worthy (especially at 3:45). BEHOLD – the music video for Ron Artest’s hit single “Champions”.

Remember kids, we are only one more brawl in the stands away from a Ron Artest World Tour. If only miracles existed…

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

VINTAGE ECW INVASION

While the WWE tries its hand at having a group of rookies invade, TNA is still trying to turn back time and have past ECW Superstars return to TNA. With Tommy Dreamer, Raven, and Stevie Richards already onboard, the next name to be added to the list will be a returning Rhino. Tune in over the next few months to see Team 3D, RVD, and Taz’s shocking alignment with the group.

In other news, according to the Observer, “TNA officials know that they’re doing an angle with the ECW originals but do not know exactly what that angle will consist of. Different ideas are being discussed, including the idea of eventually producing a second ECW-like brand in the company with its own TV show. The feeling is the more TV programming that they have, the more money they can charge Spike TV for TV. ”

Why can’t they just leave ECW alone? Outside of the One Night Stand PPV, there has not been a good revival of ECW since TNN castrated the show in 1999. While the Alliance was a hot storyline, it was not a true version of ECW. And we all know what happened to the WWE’s revival in 2006. Hell, even before the WWE’s change in direction, watching old timers do garbage Hardcore matches was nothing appealing.

How about pushing new superstars, TNA?

The Beautiful People News

Congrats to Velvet Sky for signing a long-term contract extension with TNA. Considering other Knockouts are fired by putting their careers on the line for a shot at the title or by selecting the wrong box, it’s refreshing to see one of the better Knockouts kept around. Sky is clearly the best part of the Beautiful People and now we will have many more years to look at this:

Speaking of the Beautiful People, rumors are running rampant that at Victory Road, Sky will turn on Madison Rayne and re-align herself with Angelina Love. No wonder on what would happen to Lacey Von Erich’s fine sweet ass.

Tommy’s New Clothes

According to dot.net, “At the TNA iMPACT tapings two weeks ago, Tommy Dreamer was showing off a potential new look backstage. Dreamer was wearing a singlet top, shorts and kick pads that gave him an MMA-style look.”

And I was hoping that Dreamer would go on a diet.

FIREWoRKS

This Sunday is the 4th of July. It’s time to celebrate with fireworks!