wrestling / Columns
The Tuesday Small-For-All News Report 07.27.10
Love Rollercoaster
On June 20th, I lost something very dear to me. I have tried to get my mind off of it but it’s been really tough. I have been depressed. I have been despondent. And worst of all, I have failed to reach out to my Smallophiles about my situation. Until now.
I will never forget that Sunday evening. I was sitting in my room, eating something, and waiting for the newest episode of Holly’s World to come on when news broke on the ticker – “Amanda Bynes retires from acting.” I was devastated. I turned off my TV, put down the shades, turned off the lights, and did not leave my room for three days. In fact, I never left my bed. I did not know what to do as my world had been turned upside down.
I thought it would be healthy for me to put down all my feelings on paper and write a letter to Ask Ashley. But then I realized that would be as smart as learning french from Pierre Escargot. Perhaps watching a marathon of “What I Like About You” would cheer me up but by the third season, I was in tears. My never-been-opened copies of “She’s the Man” and “Hairspray” on Blu-ray became worn out. Not even John Travolta in drag brought a smile to my face.
But thankfully, over the last few weeks, I have been getting better. I started working again once I used up all of my short-term disability hours. I left my house to watch fireworks on the 4th of July. This week, I even turned back on the television.
Kanye West once said “You got the power to let power go.” And he’s right. I got the power to be happy once again. Perhaps I will even go see “Easy A” starring Emma Stone and Amanda Bynes in theaters on September 17th.
Oh wait, I don’t have to anymore because as of Friday evening, Amanda Bynes has officially unretired! God, she’s worse than Ric Flair.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Yes, yes….
WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cause and Effect
This is not a full-on Swayze malebag – rather, there are a few comments in reference to last week’s malebag that I would like to address. Here goes:
Let’s Rank 24
Commenter Michael L decided to rank every season of 24. Here is his list:
Since you’re talking about 24, let me offer my thoughts as to how to rank the seasons. From best to worst:
3: This one is amazing from top to bottom, and features some very good twists and turns, and quite a few deaths among the regulars. Plus, it has one of the best episodes of the series, the one where Jack had to kill Ryan Chappelle at the end.
5: I believe this is the best in terms of notable deaths, and it really moves along very smoothly, with the chemical warfare threat being one of the more interesting of the series.
1: The setup season really pulls through, with a closer to the finale that sets the tone for the rest of the series.
7. A very good season that flows very well, with Renee being the best female character of the entire series. A few too many turns in that last third, but otherwise and excellent job.
2: The best of the nuclear threat seasons, this one really pulls through. The main reason this doesn’t get more love is that the Kim subplots are particularly bad.
4: Perhaps the best groups of baddies of the entier series run, with both Marwan and the Arez family stealing the show. While the overall threats are a bit too scattered to be of much use.
6: While the season started out in high gere, once you nuke an LA suburb in Ep 4, there isn’t much place else to go but down. The Bauer family subplots didn’t help.
I’m not sure where I’d place 8 yet, as I’d have to watch all of it in one run, but I strongly suspect it would be right in the middle. I also with they had more of a resolution of Jack’s character for a series finale, but perhaps that was the point.
Michael, while you are entitled to your opinion, I disagree with a few of your choices. Here is my list:
Season 5 – Sure it was over the top with a heel turn I still cannot explain. Sure tons of fan favorites (and Rudy) died. But man, was it exciting to watch. Without a doubt, the top season of 24.
Season 2 – This season has quite possibly my favorite 24 episode (the one where the dude who had sex with Alyssa Milano in Poison Ivy 2 (George Mason) sacrifices his life for the greater good). In addition, the final bad guy was Jigsaw. If only Jack Baurer could have stopped the Saw movies after the third.
Season 1 – Season 1 is only hampered by a few filler episodes in the second half of the run. Blame Fox for Teri’s amnesia and a few other storylines as they had only ordered 12 episodes of the show before it premiered. So the writers had wrapped up the first half of the season in case the show was canceled. But with strong ratings and a good buzz, Fox ordered an additional 12 episodes which lead to Teri’s amnesia and Kim being kidnapped a few more times.
Season 7 – A surprisingly strong season largely thanks to the writer’s strike. Due to the extended time off, the writers were able to flesh out an entire season of storylines. Throw in the return of Tony, Agent Tabes, and the death of Billy Walsh and it’s quality.
Season 4 – A middling season though it was never boring or unwatchable. Just way too much happened in one season. The main baddie, Marwan, seemed to have a backup plan to everything he tried to accomplish. From kidnapping the Secretary of Defense to melting down powerplants to shooting down Air Force One to obtaining a nuclear football to fighting the Chinese to shooting a missile at LA – way too much shit happened (even for 24). Plus Jack never seemed to be in danger, either. If only the same could have been said about Behrooz.
Season 3 – The final eight episodes with uber baddie Saunders were awesome. If only the same could have been said for the first 16 episodes.
Season 8 – The final eight episodes with uber baddie Jack Baurer were awesome. If only the same could have been said for the first 16 episodes. Honestly, seasons 8 and 3 are on the same level in my book.
Season 6 – I’d rather review WCW Thunder than watch this season again.
Lebron’s Nuts
From SomeRandomGuest, “Small I bet you’d be all over Lebron’s nuts had he joined the Knicks. Well he’d rather be Yankee than a Knick. See now that is a storied franchise. While the Knicks are Clippers of the Eastern Conference.”
Incorrect! I am a (pity me) New Jersey Nets fan so the only thing worse than picking Miami was if he had picked the New York Knicks.
Why I Love My Readers
From commenter, Just a Friend, “So you’re a Miz Markie?”
BRILLIANT!!!!
NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS
Inside the Minds of WWE Writers
At the San Diego Comic Con, WWE SVP of Creative Writing Brian Gewirtz and WWE Lead Writer Ed Kosky appeared at the WWE/Mattel Panel as part of a Q&A session. The following are excerpts from the Q&A (taken from IGN):
On how times have changed – “It’s changed a lot since back then [1999]…Back then, we would fax our ideas to Vince [McMahon] and then hang out for a week and then check to see if any of them got used on the show… [Now] Friday, we pitch all our ideas to Vince. It’s our big “Vince meeting” day. Saturday we put the show together and then Sunday we’re usually travelling. Then we take some time to run the ideas by the talent.”
Imagine sitting down with Vince McMahon every Friday to pitch ideas. No wonder so many writers get burned out from the WWE schedule.
On writing changes – “It’s our goal to always plan as far in advance as possible, but sometimes if a superstar gets hurt, or if something’s not getting over and the audience thinks it sucks, yes we have to act like a triage… You can’t just dictate to the audience. You have to adjust and come up with stuff on the fly.”
Well kudos to the writing team for ending the Runjin Singh heel turn after every week. If only they would have cut the Hornswoggle/Chavo Guerrero feud short.
On managers – “I can’t explain why there aren’t any managers anymore… When I was a kid I loved to watch Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart, Luscious Johnny V and all of them. But right now I think only manager in the WWE is on the RAW writing team. He’s the Great Khali’s translator. It is kind of a lost art and I’m not really sure why it evolved like that. I think one of the reasons is because the superstars themselves are so entertaining and are so verbally skilled, whereas in the past you needed a mouthpiece to talk for somebody. Now, pretty much everyone has the skill, well maybe not everyone, but most of them have the skills to get themselves over. More than someone else can do it for them. I can’t say that managers are totally dead. They might come back at some point”
I still think there is a need for managers in wrestling, especially for heels. For instance, Triple H would never have been as over as he was during his main event push if it wasn’t for Stephanie McMahon as his manager. Triple H clearly had the mic skills where he did not need a manager, yet that pairing was great.
On 2 minute matches – “And often times you can put aside a certain amount of time for the matches that you want to see and believe it or not, and I can’t speak for this panel but sometimes the talent will go over the allotted time and that creates a domino effect that cuts into the time in the next segment and then the next segment and on a live show, if a segment goes three, four minutes heavy, you’ve got to take time out of something else.” “Kind of like the Main Event stuff, with the beginning, middle and end, is going to take up the majority of the time so if something runs long then it’s the in-between stuff that gets cut… And that’s when you usually get your two minute matches. It’s just the cost of doing business when you do live TV.”
That’s definitely a logical answer though some of those two minute matches are probably booked that way. Unless Gewirtz is sadistic enough to book seven minute women’s matches each week.
In all, this was a great interview with the WWE writers. For the longest time, the writers have not made public statements, which makes the above so refreshing. Here’s hoping that the WWE lets their writers have more public interviews as it’s always exciting to see other perspectives (instead of the usual bitching).
The Undertaker Rides Again
From the main page, “The original plan was for Taker to return at SummerSlam, but it is now expected that he won’t return in a wrestling capacity until Night of Champions in September. However, it is believed that Taker could appear at SummerSlam and let everyone know that it was Kane who attacked him.”
Since Night of Champions is a “champions only” PPV, one must think Kane will reign victorious against Rey Mysterio. If that’s the case, I would hope that Kane goes superheel on Rey and finally let Rey have time off to heal his injuries. In addition, I would rather Taker’s return not to be wasted at Summerslam as it forces the WWE to end the show with Kane/Rey instead of the Nexus tag team match and it’s not fun watching Taker ruin a perfectly good wrestling ring with his light show. Rather, the WWE should tease a gong at Summerslam and hype Taker’s return for a September Smackdown. Oh and raise your hands if you are excited to watch Kane and Taker wrestle again? Sure it’s a championship match but there hasn’t been a good Kane/Taker match in twelve years.
BANNED
From the Observer, “WWE employees involved with the company’s marketing division were issued a directive a few weeks ago from Vince McMahon prohibiting them from using anything relating to the image of Shawn Michaels.
A marketing idea concerning Michaels had previously been approved by top WWE officials, reportedly including Vince McMahon, but was later nixed by the company chairman — with the ban set.”
I can understand why Vince McMahon does not want to use Shawn Michaels’s image since he no longer wrestles for the company. However, HBK is one of the most recognizable acts in sports entertainment and should be used in the right capacity (WWE 24/7, Legends, etc). Unless, of course, Vince McMahon blames HBK for Daniel Bryan. And if that’s the case, then he should also blame HBK for Paul London.
Chick Steroids
Late breaking Monday news – former WWE Diva, Dawn Marie, admitted to using steroids during her WWE career. In an interview with the Connecticut Post, she stated: “Did Vince tell me to take that shortcut? No. Did WWE? No. Why did I do it? Because I thought that’s what I needed to do in order to keep up… There was not testing policy.”
No wonder why her ass was the size of Mark McGuire’s arms!
Seriously though, I wonder how awful her matches with Torrie Wilson would have been without performance enhancing drugs.
Overall, while this week’s show was a letdown from last week, it was not too terrible. Clearly, the elimination match in the middle of the show led to a ton of rushed matches and segments in the second half which hurt. At least the direction is solid heading into Summerslam.
THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN ON THE INTERNET (THIS WEEK)
Pretty meh week in terms of finding great things on the internet. The following video is a tad old (from December 2009) but is still quite funny.
Then again, white women rapping will always be timeless.
NEWS FROM O-TOWN
Hardcore Justice: One Last Stand Guest List
Here’s the latest guest list for the upcoming TNA Hardcore Justice PPV.
Who’s Coming
Tommy Dreamer
Mick Foley
Rob Van Dam
Team 3D
Raven
Rhino
Stevie Richards
Simon Diamond
Al Snow
Taz
Johnny Swinger
Jerry Lynn
Sabu
The Sandman
Who’s Not Coming
Amish Roadkill
Lance Storm
Taijiri
Super Crazy
Who Has Not Been Invited
Steve Corino
Armando Estrada
Braden Walker
Sylvester Terkay
Kevin Thorn
Mike Knox
Hardcore Holly
Gavin Spears
Shelton Benjamin
In the Doghouse
From the Observer, “Those within TNA suggest Desmond Wolfe is currently in the doghouse. The British wrestling star has developed a reputation for being difficult to work with, which has affected his push in the organization.
Company officials are also down on Matt Morgan, who has been discussed as being part of Ric Flair’s Fortune group. Hernandez’ two botched Border toss attempts during their Steel Cage bout at Victory Road were blamed on “The Blueprint” since Hernandez is a favorite among management.”
Well I guess Wolfe will not be a part of Ric Flair’s Fortune which is a shame as he’d fit in well with the group. It’s a shame that TNA did not capitalize on Wolfe’s instant momentum after his feud with Kurt Angle. As for Matt Morgan, I do not expect a reduced push for him as he’s 7 feet tall, can talk, and was on American Gladiators. Sure, it appears his push has also been reduced for the time being (then again, what non-ECW star is being pushed currently?), but I expect a quicker turnaround for Morgan than I do for Wolfe.
If a PPV Happens But No One Buys It, Does It Really Happen?
According to many rumors, both June’s Slammiversary and May’s Sacrifice PPVs drew only 8,000 buys. If that’s the case, it’s definitely time for TNA to get out of PPVs and into Spike TV “Clash of the Champions” specials. Because those numbers are awful – Chikara level awful.
COMING ATTRACTIONS
No big news in regards to my upcoming decision this week. Next week, we will eliminate a few possible contenders. In addition to that, the Khali-For-All makes its long awaited return! Until then…
For the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
