wrestling / Columns
The Tuesday Small-For-All News Report: 09.07.10
Fantasy’s the Name
After traveling for over half of the month of August, I decided to spend Labor Day at home. Not that I had any plans this past weekend but I really had no interest of making another road trip anywhere. So with the extra time I had given to myself – call it an early Christmas gift – I decided to watch a shitton of college football and prepare myself for my upcoming Fantasy Football draft (which is happening at 7pm tonight).
Preparation? Clearly, I am joking, you might ask yourself. Nope. After choking in the semifinals two years ago (BOO BOO KITTY SNUGGLE BUNNIES went down like a light) and a disastrous last year (Steve Slaton and Calvin Johnson were a great 1/2 punch), I figure some extra preparation was not a bad idea. So I read and read and read everything I could get my hands on. Strength of schedules (check). Mock drafts (check). Injury report (check). You can never be too prepared for a mock draft, right?
And if you are thinking I am spending way too much time on Fantasy Football, you are right. But look who you are reading about? I am the guy who got his job at 411Mania with a Heat Report that was devoted to WWE Fantasy. Hell, if WWE Fantasy was still around now, I definitely would have incorporated it into my Small-For-All. I guess there must have been legal issues with doing fantasy with a fake sport, but man, the possibilities were endless.
Just think about this – a WWE Fantasy Draft. Clearly, John Cena is your #1, but who would be the second person drafted? Orton? Sheamus? Would the Nexus count as a stable or would only Wade Barrett have any value? Who are the sleepers that could get a push out of nowhere? Unlimited possibilities here!
I’m fucking serious. How much more interesting would an average Raw would be if you actually had a rooting interest in outcomes of certain matches or certain superstars? Imagine if you had the Miz. Not only would you want him to do a promo or two, you would be rooting for him in every match – even against IWC favorite Daniel Bryan. Or imagine the young lass who has John Cena. How could you not root for him to take out the Nexus all by himself? It’s so genius that I should really put something together. But alas, I just do not have the time. Speaking of which, I have a news report to knock out.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Yes, yes…
Are you ready for some wrestling?
WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome back to the only news report that has its nails done, hair done, and everything big, the Small-For-All News Report! In today’s news report, we speak on the Money in the Bank PPV buyrate and what’s been recently plaguing WWE buyrates, provide an update for NXT Season 3, speak on No Surrender’s main events, and recap another action-packed edition of Raw!
NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS
Money in the Bank
Perhaps the PPV should have been called “Money Left in the Bank.” According to the WWE’s Financial website, the Money in the Bank PPV drew between 162,000 and 189,000 buys, down from last year’s 267,000 buys for Night of Champions. Considering that the card looked strong (two MITB matches plus a cage match), recent gimmick match PPVs drawing well (Hell in the Cell, TLC and Elimination Chamber), and the middle of the hot Nexus angle, and I am very surprised at its lackluster buyrate. Sure it’s better than what Fatal Four Way did in June but honestly, I doubt much (December to Dismember, TNA PPVs) could draw worse.
Even with Summerslam’s buyrate a month away, it’s not much to go out on a limb and say that its buyrate will most likely be disappointing. Since Elimination Chamber in February, the WWE has been comping below last year’s numbers, which is disappointing for various reasons. First, Wrestlemania 26 had a much better build than 25. Second, the majority of gimmick shows in 2009 did better than their 2008 counterparts. Third, Triple H is nowhere near the main event scene and you people reward the WWE by not purchasing their shows! Just wait until he returns.
So what’s causing WWE PPVs to have lower buyrates than last year? There is probably no one answer to this question. Rather, I believe it’s a combination of the following:
First, the $44.95 price tag is finally hurting the customer. In the past, when the WWE increased the prices of their shows, they were okay with lower buys if they were able to make more money. Now I am no mathematician but there’s no way that MITB made more money than Night of Champions. With the economy still slumping, perhaps too many people are watching the shows together.
Second, it’s been really easy finding internet streams for WWE shows recently. Now you are all big boys and girls to find them yourselves but it’s really not tough. For a large stretch of last year, I could not find shit available. As soon as a stream went up, it was immediately taken down. Now, I am not sure if the WWE has gotten lax on the practice recently or whether I am saying all of the right things to sketchy Japanese websites, but they are probably losing a small percentage to internet streams.
Third, the WWE has seen a dearth of main event stars compared to years’ past. Since WrestleMania, the WWE has been without Shawn Michaels, the Undertaker (returned at Summerslam), Triple H (been written off TV since Extreme Rules), and Batista (retired right after May’s PPV). To their credit, the WWE has done a good job at promoting new stars; however, these stars are not big enough yet to really increase PPV buys. Will there be a day when people pay to watch the Miz in a PPV main event? The WWE surely hopes so.
Fourth, people are saving their money to purchase competitor PPVs. UFC has had a few shows scheduled right around WWE PPVs which has definitely impacted WWE buyrates. As for TNA shows, I really doubt those 7,000 buys are solely from ex-WWE buyers.
Lastly, WWE PPVs have been pretty shitacular this year. There really have been only two PPVs that have been worth purchasing (WrestleMania, and Money in the Bank). The other six shows have been disappointing (Elimination Chamber/Rumble) or really fucking boring/bad (Over the Limit, Summerslam). Why keep spending $50 a month on shit that’s really not worth it?
With those factors addressed, is there anything the WWE can do to increase buyrates? Absolutely. The biggest one is that the WWE really needs to make PPVs “must-see again.” And to do so, they need to create matches that fans really want to see. If this means that they must cut a Divas or tag team titles match from the card, so be it. If the WWE Universe is being stingier with their cash, then give them something that they want to see. For example, last week, 6.5 million people tuned in to watch the following:
Yes, millions of people tuned into Jersey Shore last week to watch Sammi and JWOWW catfight. The show did a great job of hyping up the confrontation for a couple of weeks and people tuned in to watch it. That’s what the WWE needs – a hot storyline that will turn into more orders. Will it be Nexus vs. the WWE’s elimination match at Summerslam? We will find out soon enough.
Boys and Girls
During NXT Season 2’s finale, the WWE announced an all-wimmenz cast for Season 3. In my Small-For-All last week, I commented that a recent news piece stated that it was looking like a half-male, half-female contest before the WWE went fully in with the Divas. So who would have been in the NXT Season cast had they kept the dicks? Well here’s your answer according to the Observer.
Among those considered for the third season of NXT before WWE officials decided to make it a Diva-exclusive program were reigning FCW Champion Mason Ryan (a former UK Gladiator and bodybuilder who resembles Batista), Xavier Woods (a/k/a Consequences Creed), as well as second generation performers Bo Rotundo (younger brother of Husky Harris), Wes Brisco (son of Gerald Brisco) and Richie Steamboat (son of Ricky Steamboat).
Holy third generation superstars, Batman! Perhaps, it’s a good thing that the WWE went with an all-Divas roster since there’s a very good chance that all five of the male wrestlers will be called up to the WWE at some point. Third generations always get a shot and so do bodybuilders that look like Batista. And considering that the WWE just added the entire NXT Season 1 group to their roster and will probably add about half of NXT Season 2 (Kaval, Alex Riley, Husky Harris, and Michael M.), there’s really no more room for more guys on the roster.
In addition to the roster space, there is a second reason why the WWE went with an All-Diva group, according to the Observer. “Another aspect revolves around unhappiness with many of its current female performers, resulting in the company looking for replacement Divas. Talent relations were unhappy with the behavior of several of the women in recent weeks, particularly when much of the roster was situated in Los Angeles for SummerSlam. It is said that Tiffany and the recently released Serena were not the only ones who made embarrassing scenes in public. Officials are very strict regarding the public image of its talent because of promises to corporate sponsors that World Wrestling Entertainment is a wholesome company.”
Yikes, if I were the Bella Twins, I would be praying that the WWE brings back Guest Stars soon enough. Divas have it much worse than the male roster as unless you are over with the fans (Melina), can wrestle (Beth Phoenix), or have a comedy character (Jillian Hall), they are never really safe. Especially with Playboy not happening anymore. BTW, my favorite to win NXT Season 3 – AJ Lee.
Biten Newsbites
Stolen from all your favorite sources:
Joey Styles had nothing but mean things to say about the Season concluding beatdown of Kaval.
I don’t disagree here – that beatdown was one of the worst things I have seen since Two Girls and a Cup.
Aloisia will not be part of NXT Season 3 as WWE officials feel she is too green. She has not been released from the company.
If I booked the WWE, I would totally give Aloisia, a 911-esque character. Have her interfere in at least one Divas match a week and lay them all out. That’s the easiest way to get her over and not have her wrestle anyone in the company. You can thank me later, WWE.
Jersey Shore is one of John Cena’s guilty pleasures. He even stated that Ronnie could potentially get involved in the ring.
Oh sure, Cena. Push the guy who cops your taunts.
Way to bury the Situation and Pauly D, just like he did with the Spirit Squad years ago!
Victoria has been removed for the WWE Alumni section once again.
And does anyone care?
COMMENCE TO JIGGLIN!!!
Tonight’s season finale of Raw was just okay. I enjoyed the build to Night of Champions between the main event guys and Bryan/Miz but there was nothing that I would go out of my way to see here. Granted, I was not expecting much since this was a holiday edition but I am hoping that the WWE turns on the burners next week with Raw Roulette.
THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN ON THE INTERNET (THIS WEEK)
I did not get a chance to watch Tosh.O yesterday so I cannot bite off of him this week. Jeez people, not everyone watches that show. Is it wrong of me to promote Hedonism II with the wild women and the ripping and the tearing to a larger (okay, smaller) audience?
This week’s entry might be the best song of the Summer. Ladies and gentleman, introducing Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You.”
God, that song is catchy. Even better, no Nikki Minaj!
NEWS FROM O-TOWN
No Surrender Thoughts
Sunday night I did the unthinkable and actually decided to watch a few minutes of TNA’s No Surrender PPV. I actually had some interest in watching the Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy match so when Lansdell’s live coverage stated that the match was coming up, I put it on.
Like all of you, I was surprised that Hardy vs. Angle did not headline the show. Of the two semifinal matches, Hardy vs. Angle was the bigger match and the last time Mr. Anderson and Dinero closed a PPV (at Against All Odds), it was a pretty boring match. Instantly, I expected a screwjob of some sort. But that did not mean that everything leading up to it would be bad.
Honestly, Angle vs. Hardy did not rock my socks. It was a very solid match but I would not peg it as a MOTYC. It followed the Kurt Angle blueprint to a T – a stiff opening, an okay middle, and rapid fire finishers and kickouts for the final 5-10 minutes. It’s an easy recipe for a good/great match but on Sunday, I wanted more. I felt the match was also hurt by too many finishers. Angle kicks out of two Swanton Bombs after receiving another on the floor was a bit unrealistic. Also, Angle’s overreliance on the ankle lock made that finisher look weak (I have always hated the whole “opponent gets to the ropes to break the ankle lock but Angle pulls him off and it’s okay” spot too). Even Hardy lasted too long in the ankle grapevine, which was almost instant death in the WWE.
As for the overtime stipulation, I, like most, found them to be stupid. If this was one of the most important matches in TNA History, why was there a time limit to begin with? Second, how can you stop a match for excessive bleeding when the refs wiped all of the blood off of Angle’s head as soon as the match was called? He wasn’t gushing a Muta here.
The last thing that really pissed me off about the situation was that Dixie Carter and Eric Bischoff did not watch the main event – Pope vs. Mr. Anderson. While I can understand Bischoff’s reasoning for not being there (since he really was not there to watch Angle/Hardy), I do not understand why President Dixie Carter could not stay around to watch the other half of the semi-finals. Pope and Mr. Anderson need that support a lot more than Hardy and Angle as we already know that those two are the top dogs. Carter did not even need to do anything other than clap when Anderson won. But for her to watch just one match really left a sour taste in my mouth.
I am not the only one who was unhappy with Sunday’s No Surrender PPV. Monday afternoon, I received an Obamicon from Smallophile Bryan F that summed up his opinion on the show. I won’t comment on the full show since I only watched the final hour but I would not be too surprised if this is how most people felt.
Thanks Bryan though I like my Michael Cole Obamicon the best!
Biten Newsbites
Stolen from all your favorite sources:
Hulk Hogan’s back hurts.
Well that’s what happens when he carried the WWE for a decade, TNA for the last year, slammed the 1000 pound Andre the Giant, helped VH1 get its best ratings ever for “Hogan Knows Best” and saved the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff. At some point, the man needs to slow down and take a day or two off.
TNA will be debuting two Jersey Shore characters, Robbie G and Cookie, played by Rob Eckos and Becky Bayless. Speaking of Becky, The dark match at last week’s TNA iMPACT tapings with Shannon Moore & Christina Von Eerie vs. Okada & Cookie (Becky Bayless) was called by some “the worst dark match in history.” It’s said that Bayless missed several blind tag attempts. Moore even stopped, pointed to her and yelled that he wanted Bayless to tag her partner Okada in. This caused lots of laughs backstage as well as some frustration over the decision to hire Bayless.”
That’s perfect for a Snooki-esque character! Genius TNA Genius!
Katie Lee Burchill’s TNA tryout match was said to have been “okay” and “nothing spectacular.”
It’s a pity that her tryout match was not terrible or else she could have joined TNA as Katie with her brother/boyfriend Paulie B. Yes, TNA you can use this idea too.
Mickie James is not Dixie Carter’s BIG surprise.
You see what I did there, don’t cha?
Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle got married last week.
It’s always nice to see two wrestlers overcome the seediness of wrestling’s politics and find true love. Congrats to them both!
COMING ATTRACTIONS
Tune in next week when I take a look at the Monday Night Football schedule and predict how Raw will do against particular matchups. Yes, this was one of my favorite things that Meehan did, but now that he’s retired, it’s all mine! Until then…
For the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
