wrestling / Columns

Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 12.06.12

December 6, 2012 | Posted by Sean Kelly

“Last straight up full time ass kicker that was good at it? Mark Henry….before he lost the title..”

YES! And it was doing wonders for him until he got injured. I thought he’d never get past the stigma of “Sexual Chocolate” Mark Henry, but he did. It’s too bad the World’s Strongest Man got sidelined. He’s legit scary when he wants to be.

“Anytime you need someone to help you w/ the Punk bashing let me know.I’ll be glad to join in. I mean who else but him could lose over 800,000 viewers like he did 2 weeks ago on Raw when he came out for the Lawler return seg?? And get this,his main event match w/ Kane drew a whopping 2.6 overrun,one of the lowest ever!!!”

Tell me about it! Punk’s latest screw up is denying me and Awesome Ladybug Girl a true main event at TLC. What a baby! He had his knee scoped? Please. I get my knee scoped all the time. I got my knee scoped this morning! I’m here. I’m jumping around!

“Sammartino’s the biggest name missing from the HoF. Savage is a close second.”

Oooooh, sorry, GWalla. The correct answer we were looking for is “The Ultimate Warrior.” Sorry about the bad luck, but we have some excellent consolation prizes for you.

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Life is grand, ain’t it?



Word is that WWE has an initiative to attract more of a female demographic. The initiative is to cater to female viewers, and is the motive behind the John Cena-AJ Lee storyline. At this time, there is no word on how long the stories will continue and if WWE has any evidence at the moment that their initiative is successful or not.


Well whaddya know? I just happened to write about this 10 months ago! Here’s an excerpt:

The current WWE product is a lot like a fifth grade dance. There’s a bunch of boys standing on the left side of the gym, a bunch of girls standing on the right, and an empty dance floor in between. There are dozens of muscle-bound guys touring all over the country with over a dozen attractive women, and we’re supposed to believe that there’s nothing going on between them?

90% of songs on the radio are about love in some way, shape or form. There’s a massive amounts of romance novels sold every year. People like Jennifer Aniston and Meg Ryan have had lucrative careers starring in romantic comedies. So where’s the romance in World Wrestling Entertainment? At one time, Spike freaking Dudley was main eventing RAW with the crowd firmly behind him, because he was the dweeb that got the girl (Molly Holly). At that time, Spike Dudley was one of the most over guys on the roster because people wanted to see him succeed with the ladies. Why aren’t they doing that today? Programs like that elevate the boy, elevate the girl, and elevate the villain that tries to come between them.

Of course, they decided to take their most over boy and pair him up with their most over girl. However, the intriguing part is that the villain that’s coming between them is Dolph Ziggler, someone in desperate need of a solid push. Perhaps this is the start of something big for Mr. Ziggler? I hope so, because otherwise this angle doesn’t help anybody.

I remember back when Kurt Angle was subtly trying to steal Stephanie McMahon away from HHH. I was just an intern, and I was talking about the angle with another intern who also watched wrestling. I asked my co-worker “What do you think is going to happen to Kurt now that he kissed Stephanie?”

From behind me, I heard an excited “He’s DEAD!” I turned around to see another co-worker excitedly approaching us to talk WWF. Her name was Monique, a middle-aged Jamacian immigrant and the last person in the world that I ever thought would watch wrestling. It turns out that she did enjoy herself some sports entertainment, even though she thought the fighting was stupid and phony. She did, however, love following the soap opera aspect of the show, especially the love triangle.

So the WWE is onto something here. If they could get Monique to watch, they can get anyone to watch. Of course, being the WWE, they wouldn’t know subtle romance if it kicked them in the head. Just copy Romeo & Juliet, the Office, whatever, just please don’t make it so one dimensional.

John Cena has reportedly moved on from his divorce by hooking up with former WWE Diva Nikki Bella. TMZ has the pictures of Cena accompanying Nikki to her high school reunion as a date; Brie Bella brought Daniel Bryan, who has been dating her for a while.

The pictures show the two dancing together and what appears to be Nikki going in for a kiss. No word on whether the two are an official couple or not, though.


So, John Cena & Daniel Bryan are tag teaming the Bellas. This group needs a name and/or slogan. Here are some suggestions:

Fatal Four Way

Rise Above STDs

Bellatio (rhymes with “Horatio”)

Sooner or later, everybody taps (dat azz)

The Chain Gang(bang)

Hustle. Loyalty. Ribbed for her pleasure.

That’s all I got. How about you? Think they pull twin magic in the bedroom? Let’s hope so!

Anyway, as we enter upon WrestleMania season we get the inevitable speculation on what the card is going to look like. Here’s a rumor for ya:

An idea was suggested during creative meetings this week at WWE to have Brock Lesnar run in during CM Punk’s WWE Title match against the Rock at the Royal Rumble in January. This would then result in a Lesnar vs. Rock match at WrestleMania.


We’ve seen this match before. And a match between two part-timers doesn’t do anything for anybody. I’d rather see a Ryback/Lesnar match, if you ask me. Here’s the WrestleMania card I’d like to see:

John Cena vs. The Rock (c) for the WWE Title (sorry, but this is where the money is)
CM Punk vs. Undertaker (Career vs. Streak)
Ryback vs. Brock Lesnar (Cage Match)
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. (heel) Randy Orton vs. Sheamus vs. Big Show for the World Heavyweight Title
Daniel Bryan vs. Kane (Special Referee Charlie Sheen or Dr. Shelby)
Rey Mysterio vs. Sin Cara

That’s the top of it anyway. Throw in an 8 man match, a Divas match, IC or US match, etc. and you’ve got your card right there. What’s your WrestleMania dream card?

Original: According to TMZ, Ric Flair’s fourth wife, Jacqueline Fliehr, has filed for legal separation from Flair in North Carolina. She claims that Flair was unfaithful to her during the marriage. Back in October, the couple filed a separation agreement in October. Part of the agreement called for Flair to pay Jacqueline $4,000 per month in spousal support, a $15,000 one-time payment, and an additional $14,000 from the time when they were separated in July.

Jacqueline Fliehr now claims that Flair has not paid any portion of the agreement and has formally requested that a judge force Flair to pay her the agreed upon money. To justify her claim, she says that Flair makes more than $1 million a year.

Regarding Flair’s alleged infidelity during their marriage, she claims that Flair, “has had numerous intimate relationships with other women during the parties’s marriage, to the embarrassment and humiliation of wife.” She also claimed Flair engaged in “acts of illicit sexual behavior.”


Serious question – at what point does this stop being funny and just becomes sad? This man is 63 years old. He’s basically a senior citizen. He can collect social security, for crying out loud. When is he going to grow up?

Flair thinks he’s still in his 20’s. He acts like a douchebag frat boy, wanting to live his gimmick until he drops dead. At some point, a man needs to leave his irresponsible ways behind and show some maturity. Bruce Springsteen wrote the song “Glory Days” about pathetic people like Ric Flair. Old Man Naitch can’t maintain a faithful relationship, he can’t control his finances, he can’t leave the past behind…he’s a sad, sad human being.

“To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man.” Yeah, well how about acting like a fucking man for once, Flair?

Former WWE Wrestler Tyler Reks recently posted the following on Twitter about issues he had with John Cena while working for the company…

“Anyone want to know what top guy forced me to stop using the burning hammer – even after it appeared on SD/RAW and PPV’s? … 1st house show loop, Cena asks pulls me aside, degrades me like I’m 10 years & tells me if I use it again I’d me fired. He yelled at me & said, ‘Who gave u permission to use that’? Apparently he hadn’t been watching the product 4 the last 8 months… Or perhaps how he stole our idea to get fired, use social media to get over, & run in from the crowd (Given to Miz & Truth)… I still have the promo DVD our idea was burned onto when Cena supposedly helped us with the idea – then lied & said it wasn’t stolen later.”


For those of you unfamiliar with Tyler Reks’ version of a Burning Hammer – here it is:

It’s basically an Attitude Adjustment with the guy facing up instead of down. You know what? I don’t blame John Cena for getting upset at Reks. If a guy starts using a move that’s nearly identical to your finisher, it’s in your best interest to call him out and put an end to it. And if it took Cena 8 months to realize it, it’s only because Cena probably has better things to do than watch jobber matches.

Reks seemed like a nice enough guy and left with a lot of class, so it surprises me to see him post this kind of stuff, seemingly out of nowhere. I’m sure he has his reasons, but I don’t see Cena as the bad guy here. As for the “stolen idea” part, Cena doesn’t make creative decisions, the McMahons do.


For those of you new to the column, the Awesome Ladybug Girl is my 6-year old daughter Victoria. She loves to watch wrestling, and when she does, I document her reactions. Her favorites are Sheamus and Rey Mysterio, with her least favorite being Daniel Bryan. She has a huge crush on Dolph Ziggler (known affectionately as shake-a-butt guy) but refuses to admit it because he’s a bad guy.

Recently, she became interested in knowing which wrestlers I used to watch. “Daddy, which wrestlers did you watch when you were a little boy?” To answer her question, I downloaded the WWE app for the iPad and showed her some of the Superstars in the Alumni section. To make it a little more fun, I asked her the following questions for each superstar:

Is this a good guy or a bad guy?

Why do you think he/she is a good guy or bad guy?

If you had to give this wrestler a name, what would it be?

I wrote down her answers for each question to share with you. Last week was part one, this week is part two. So, without further ado, The Awesome Ladybug Girl learns some WWE history!

JBL: John Bradshaw Layfield is a bad guy because he has a mean face. The name she gave him is BYE! When I asked her why she named him “BYE!” Victoria wouldn’t answer. I think it’s because she just wanted him to go away. Ouch.

John Laurinaitis: Big Johnny is good guy because he has a nice smile. His name would be Joey. OK then.

John Morrison: The Shaman of Sexy is a bad guy because of his strange clothes. Awesome Ladybug Girl dubbed him Mister Hairy Pants.


Kamala: The Ugandan Giant is obviously a good guy because he is so funny. His name is Silly Guy.

Kevin Nash: Diesel is a bad guy because he’s standing like a bad guy. Fair enough. His wrestling name would be Scary Face.

Kharma: Note that Victoria didn’t believe me when I told her Kharma was a girl. She’s both a bad guy and good guy. Her name is Standing Cool Guy.

Lex Luger: The Lex Express is a Bad Guy because he is standing like one. He was dubbed The Purple White Shiny. She’s essentially describing his pants.


Max Moon: This bizarre character is a good guy because he looks like a robot. He’ll be called Batman.

Mick Foley: Mrs. Foley’s baby boy is a good guy because he has a puppet. His name is The Sock Puppet.

Miss Elizabeth: The most beautiful valet ever (no arguments allowed) is a good guy because she is smiling. Her wrestling name is Pretty!


Papa Shango: The Voodoo witch doctor is a bad guy because of his creepy mask. Victoria named him Masky Mask. She thought he was extra creepy when I told her he was like the Shadow Man from the Princess and the Frog.

Randy Savage: The Macho Man is a good guy because he is funny. Victoria rather astutely named him Crazy Neck.


To be continued…


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Thank you for making Thursday Sports Entertainment your go-to destination for Wrestling News, Opinions, etc. Let’s do this again next week, shall we?

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.


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Sean Kelly

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