Worth Your Wealth? 07.21.08: The Great American Bash

Hello again, 411 readers! “The One-Man Ratings Booster” here with another edition of “Worth Your Wealth?”! The idea is that you spend your hard-earned dollars on wrestling on a monthly basis, and I want you to know whether or not you’re getting your moneys worth. So read on and see if you’re investing wisely of if your cash is going to waste as this edition of…

Presents:

First, as always, we start off with our super-scientific formula for calculating the projected worth of each part of the show. Keep in mind I round things to the nearest nickel, so as not to piss myself off. Oh, and for the purposes of this column, I don’t have HD and neither do you.
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P = 2(A)x + 1.5(B)x + 1(C)x + 0.1(P)

Ten-percent of the PPV price accounts for non-wrestling related activities, such as in-ring promos, backstage segments, video packages, etc. Aside from that, A B and C represent the different classes of matches on the card:

Class C: Filler matches with little to no solid build behind them.
Class B: Secondary, but still significant matches that were well-promoted prior to the show.
Class A: The main event, as well as other high-profile, heavily promoted matches on the card.
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The Breakdown (as I see it):

Class C: The WWE Tag Team Title match, Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer, and Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Class B: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya, Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels, and JBL vs. John Cena

Class A: CM Punk vs. Batista and Triple H vs. Edge

The Calculation (as the universe sees it):

40 = 2(2)x + 1.5(3)x + 1(3)x + 0.1(30)
40 = 4x + 4.5x + 3x + 4
36 = 11.5x
x = 3.15

The Result (as you will see it):

Class A: $6.30
Class B: $4.75
Class C: $3.15
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And now, THE GOODNESS!

Bonus Materials – Price Tag: $4.00

Awesome video packages this month, as well as short but effective promos from Edge and Jericho. There wasn’t much else, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Edge’s promo was effective in that it established his intensity for the main event and Jericho’s served to add another huge development to his ongoing feud with HBK.

Overall Value: $4.00

Fatal Four-Way WWE Tag Team Match: Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder def. John Morrison and The Miz (c), Jesse and Festus, and Finlay and Hornswaggle via Pinfall (Sloppy Fall) – Price Tag: $3.15

This match was a lot of fun, I enjoyed the majority of it. Lots of fun spots here, a Hornswaggle suicide dive, Festus running wild, Jesse getting heat for tagging out the leprechaun. Everything ran together well, Finlay, Festus, and the champs really shined here. I was really into this until Miz and Morrison got tossed over the ropes together and I knew they were about to drop the belts. So it came down to Jesse and Festus and Hawkins and Ryder. And then WWE pulled everyones pants down and stuck it to all of us.

We have Miz and Morrison, in my opinion the best tag team champions in a long time, and we end their lengthy title reign with a win by Hawkins and Ryder? In case nobody noticed, they’ve been hanging out with Edge since like February and they’re STILL awful. They contributed the least to this match (virtually nothing) and come away with the win over three much more deserving teams. Yes, that’s right, the team with the midget deserved to win more than they did.

Overall, I really enjoyed the match itself, but the finish and the subsequent rewarding of the least-deserving competitors really ruined it for me. Any other team winning here would have gotten this full value or possibly extra. But Hawkins and Ryder are just awful and I can’t say I was satisfied with this match as a whole.

Overall Value: $2.75

United States Championship: Shelton Benjamin def. Matt Hardy (c) via Pinfall (Gold Rush) – Price Tag: $3.15

It’s too bad this match didn’t get more of a build. It was barely mentioned prior to the PPV, which is a shame. Matt Hardy seems to have actually become LESS important since winning the US Title, which really pisses me off.

At any rate, this turned out to be quite the entertaining little match. This was Hardy being awesome and Benjamin doing everything he could to prove that he’s still got the goods after being title-less for over two years.

I was honestly surprised to see Hardy drop the title here, and I have my doubts about pushing Benjamin for the 50th time with him ultimately imploding…but we’ll see. Another match between these two at Summerslam could be fun, maybe throw a ladder in there? Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout…

Overall Value: $3.15

ECW Championship: Mark Henry (c) (w/ Tony Atlas) def. Tommy Dreamer (w/ Colin Delany) via Pinfall (World’s Strongest Slam) – Price Tag: $3.15

Wasn’t looking forward to this match much at all, nor was I really expecting it to be good. And from the looks of it, I was right on the money with both. Nothing against Tommy Dreamer, but does anyone really think at this point he’ll ever win a meaningful match again? Does ANYBODY take the guy seriously? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a shame he’s in the position he’s in…but that’s unfortunately the way it is.

Henry, also, is really nothing to write home about. I think everybody knows this. You can’t deny the guy works hard and does his best, he just isn’t that good. The match was slow, plodding, and stiff. Not entertaining, really. You know your match was lousy when the big news coming out of it is a Colin Delany heel turn. And speaking of which – what? The only positive to this heel turn is that it gives Dreamer an opponent that I can actually see him pinning.

Overall Value: $1.50

Chris Jericho (w/ Lance Cade) def. Shawn Michaels via Referee Stoppage (Detached Retina) – Price Tag: $4.75

Hands down, the match I most highly anticipated on the card this month. Jericho and Michales have built up one hell of a feud – one that is certainly more interesting than anything going on in the main event picture at the moment. I expected this to be a pretty brutal match and that’s pretty much what we got.

They started off with some technical stuff, but something seemed off with them. I think it was the psychology they were going for, but it didn’t make sense for them to be going for Jericho working Michaels midsection only to elbow him in the eye once and completely dominate him with punches to the head. Maybe that’s just me, it didn’t work.

Once the wrestling stopped and the brutality began, Jericho and Michaels both played their parts amazingly well. The heat on Jericho was insane, and you had to admire Michaels begging the ref through a crimson mask not to stop the match. They even teased Michaels possibly pulling out the miracle win, but in the end the referee had to stop the match to save him from Jericho’s righteous fury.

Overall, I really enjoyed the storyline of the match, but the seemingly off technical start to the match kept this from being worth more for me.

Overall Value: $4.75

WWE Divas Championship: Michelle McCool def. Natalya Neidhart via Submission (Brazilian Heel Hook) – Price Tag: $4.75

After seeing this, I’m really sorry they spent 2 months promoting this to the point of being a Class B outing. After building the title every week and with a talent like Natalya in the match, we get a four minutes of submission holds and little else? Seriously? That was it?

How many submissions did we see here? Surfboard spot, sharpshooter spot, brazilian heel hook, match over. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with submission holds in matches, but three submission sequences in a four minute match is kind of ridiculous.

On top of that, they book the face to go over? Where does the feud go from there if McCool wins the first match? Thanks for playing Natalya, hope your wrestling training serves you well in the next Smackdown! bikini contest. Failboat.

Overall Value: $2.00

World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) and Batista went to a No Contest via Double DQ (Crazy Kane Antics) – Price Tag: $6.30

I really hate that the build to this match was basically nobody thinking CM Punk was a credible champion compared to Batista. Seriously, when was the last time Batista had a memorable match with anyone not named The Undertaker? I was really hoping Big Dave would be called upon here to put over CM Punk as the new champ.

Things were looking pretty good for a while. Batista was selling Punks offense and things appeared pretty even. After a while, Batiasta managed to gain the clear advantage and looked to be on his way to another title reign. Punk seemed doomed to be the ultimate paper champion.

Instead, we got another storyline finish (theme of the night, by the way) featuring the tortured Kane with his tiny little burlap bag screaming about somebody being alive or dead. He nailed Batista on the outside, climbed in the ring and nailed Punk – boom, double DQ finish. Punk retains!

Strangely, I wasn’t that aggravated by this. I’m a big Kane fan from way back when, so I’m very curious to see where this angle is going. I really really REALLY hope he’s carrying around his mask in that purse. I would mark out hardcore if “he” turned out to be Kane himself with Kane bringing back the mask and resurrecting the true Big Red Machine.

While I enjoy the Kane angle, I kinda feel like this really hurt Punk. Sure, he retained the title, but only because of interference by Kane. Faces retaining titles via DQ doesn’t exactly make them look badass, especially when they won the title to begin with in a 6 second match. On, and Punk was further bitched out by sucking on a big fat Davebomb after the match. I don’t like this one bit…

Overall Value: $4.30

New York Street Fight: JBL def. John Cena via Pinfall (Thrown through a windshield) – Price Tag: $4.75

God did I hate the final build for this match, I think everyone did. The whole thing with JBL trying to run Cena over was just ridiculous. I was into the match prior to that angle last Monday, but then was left wondering what even more ridiculous stuff they’d do to top that travesty.

The first major spot of this match saw Cena electrocute JBLs nuts with a car battery without horribly burning or killing him. Mission accomplished, I forgot all about the rundown angle from Monday!

From there, things DID improve. We got some nice brawling, Cena getting thrown through a car door, JBL narrowly escaping a beer keg crushing his skull, and JBL lighting a car on fire. Yeah, on fire. I thought it was pretty hilarious how the ref was PLEADING with him not to do it, but still just kinda stood there watching him do it. Then, as soon as the car was in flames, he starts frantically screaming ‘OMG FIRE!’. Like, why didn’t anybody make an attempt to rescue Cena during the 30 seconds JBL was dousing the car in gasoline?

Cena slammed into a car with a forklift, which was actually pretty badass, and carried the car into the arena where he and JBL proceeded to brawl on the stage. In an ironic twist, Cena brought about his own defeat by showboating his ass off for too long, allowing JBL to recover and send him on a swan dive through the windshield Awesome finish, I loved this.

Overall, I’d say the match delivered because it more or less improved as it went along. It went a long way from electrocuting genitals to burning cars and forklifts and ultimately won me over. Plus, these are the best kinds of matches JBL puts on these days. It was really nice to see him come away with the win (largely the fault of Cena) after being the main event jobber since coming out of retirement.

Overall Value: $5.75

WWE Championship: Triple H (c) def. Edge via Pinfall (Pedigree)- Price Tag: $6.30

And so we came to the first meeting of Triple H and Edge for a major title. I was pretty excited for this match and kinda wish it had been saved for Summerslam. The finish reinforced those feelings, but we’ll get to that shortly.

Triple H got his ass handed to him initially and really sold the dangerous desperation of Edge. From there, they put on a pretty good match, although it was nothing fantastic. Although, Edge busting out the implant DDT for the first time in forever – on the concrete – was pretty badass. Apparently Triple H will sell for guys who he doesn’t think totally suck.

Edge actually looked like he might take the match when we saw the wedding planner chick run out and slide him the belt on to have Vicky be all “OH NO YOU DIDN’T!” and knock her ass out. Around this time, everybody was probably pretty suspicious that some wonky shit was about to go down, although I can’t for the life of me understand the logic behind what happened. Edge ‘accidentally’ spears Vicky – ok, that makes sense. But why would he have been trying to spear Alicia Fox to begin with? Doesn’t make sense, as far as I’m concerned.

Anyway, Edge stands there dumbfounded for a second and then gets planted in the ground with the Pedigree for the 3-count. The best I can say is that it was a mediocre storyline finish to a mediocre main event. The only interesting question coming out of this match is where does Edge go from here? He’s obviously not in the favor of the GM anymore, is he out of the title picture? And who will be the next to job to Triple H?

Overall Value: $5.50

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The Final Tally:

Overall Price Tag: $40.00

Match of the Night: NYC Parking Lot Brawl: John Cena vs. JBL – 121% Value ($5.75 worth, $4.75 price tag.)

Trash of the Night: Divas Championship: Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool – 42% Value ($2.00 value, $4.75 price tag.)

Overall Value: $33.70

Resulting PPV Rating: B (84% Worth)

Closing Comments:

Not the best showing from the ‘E this month. Neither main event really delivered in my eyes and the Divas match was a huge disappointment. The Tag Team Title and US Title matches were also enjoyable, but I found myself questioning the booking most of the night. The night was chock full of storyline finishes, most of which were not satisfying. Of everything, I’d say that was probably the aspect that hurt this show more than anything. Hopefully we’ll at least get an excellent Summerslam as a result of all the angle stuff they pulled tonight.
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Year in Review:

1. TNA Victory Road – A (93% Worth – $28.15 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: World X-Cup 12-Man Tag Team Elimination match – 144% Value ($3.25 worth, $2.25 price tag).

2. WWE Night of Champions – A (93% Worth – $37.20 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: WWE Championship: Triple H vs. John Cena – 111% Value ($7.00 Worth, $6.30 price tag).

3. WWE Backlash – A- (90% Worth – $36.25 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 101% Value ($7.00 Worth, $6.90 price tag).

4. WWE Judgment Day – B+ (89% Worth – $35.65 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels – 114% Value ($5.95 worth, $5.20 price tag.)

5 (tie). WWE One Night Stand– B (86% Worth – $34.35 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 112% Value ($7.75 worth, $6.90 price tag.)

5 (tie). WWE Wrestlemania 24 – B (86% Worth – $47.25 / $55.00)
Match of the Night: Career-Threatening Match: Shawn Michaels vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair- 116% Value ($8.00 worth, $6.90 price tag).

7. WWE Great American Bash – B (84% Worth – $33.70 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: NYC Parking Lot Brawl: John Cena vs. JBL – 121% Value ($5.75 worth, $4.75 price tag.)

8. TNA Slammiversary – B (84% Worth – $25.20 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: X-Division Championship: Petey Williams vs. Kaz – 111% Value ($4.50 worth, $4.05 price tag).

9. TNA Lockdown – B (83% Worth – $24.95 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe – 116% Value ($5.00 worth, $4.30 price tag).

10. TNA Sacrifice – C (74% Worth – $22.15 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: X-Division TerrorDome – 100% Value ($3.25 worth, $3.25 price tag).
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And with that folks, we’ll see you next time with another edition off…