wrestling / Columns
Your News, My Views 07.22.08
WELCOME~!
Welcome, one and all to everybody’s first resort for a news report, the jumble of words that isn’t for the birds, the missive of which you won’t be dismissive . . . YOUR NEWS, MY VIEWS! I am Ryan Byers, the Joan Rivers to Larry Csonka’s Johnny Carson. (There’s a reference that nobody in our target demo will get.) Big Boss Csonka is occupied this week, so you’re stuck with me. Try not to complain too much.
BUYS or NO BUYS
This is normally where Larry regales you with quick stories about professional wrestling, current events, and his personal life. You guys have absolutely no background in my personal life to go off of, so this should be pretty interesting.
Feel free to question my sexual orientation all you want, but I got my first pedicure a few days ago, and it was PHENOMENAL. At first I was a little bit frightened by the tiny Asian woman coming at my bare feet with what appeared to be dentists’ instruments. “If she screws this up, it will be more painful than a TNA Impact marathon,” I thought to myself. Fortunately, her performance was error-free, and my wee little piggies remained unmangled. The whole procedure struck me as a bit odd. Based on what I had heard about pedicures before, I figured that it would feel great as it was going on and like nothing special once it had wrapped up. In fact, the opposite was true. While my proverbial dogs were being groomed, it didn’t feel like anything particularly great. Yes, the massaging chair was very nice. Yes, the hot water bath in which my heels were soaking felt great. However, nothing about the pedicure itself felt all that great. Then, when I got out of the chair and started walking around, things felt HEAVENLY. I don’t know exactly how to describe it, but with my feet having been soaked, my calluses having been sanded down, and my stray bits of nail being removed from my skin, it was as though my feet were ten years younger. I’m definitely going back for a second one . . . or perhaps next time I’ll try to put the “man” back in to “manicure.”
I saw the movie Wanted recently. All I have to say is that I liked Fight Club better when it wasn’t horrendously dumbed down and was still called Fight Club.
I dug around online trying to find a picture to no avail, but indy wrestler Daizee Haze has a swank “Heart Punch” t-shirt that she’s been selling at various wrestling shows. If you’re a fan of Daizee, Ox Baker, or the general concept of caving in another human’s cardiac wall with your fist, I suggest tracking one down. If the Haze isn’t wrestling in your area anytime soon, you might ask her through her MySpace if she’ll ship you one.
Do you constantly bitch about WWE’s booking? Count your blessings, because at least they aren’t producing THIS:
She looks like a really tall kid? What?
The last time I filled in for Larry, I listed the five songs that I was listening to the most frequently at the time. I figured it would be filler, but I wound up getting some pretty decent feedback. As such, here are five more tunes topping my “most played” list these days:
5) Ouijia Radio – “Red Eye Fly”
4) Chixdiggit! – “Paints Her Toenails”
3) Fiona Apple – “Across the Universe”
2) Desparecidos – “Man and Wife the Latter”
1) Reggie and the Fully Effect “Girl, Why’d You Run Away?”
Go check these out if you haven’t heard them yet!
I can’t cook, and I’m a bachelor. As such, I’m often trying to cut corners with the food that I put in to my body, gathering up as many frozen and canned goods as possible. It’s horrible for my health, but it’s either that or I eat nothing but raw and/or unprepared fruits and vegetables. At least what I eat normally tastes good . . . but I’ll be damned if I didn’t find the most disgusting easy-prep food product in human history this week. When I go out to Japanese restaurants, I’m usually a big fan of edamame, which, for the uninitiated, are baby soy beans boiled and served in the pod. While digging through the back of my grocer’s freezer case a few days ago, I came across a bag of – you guessed it – frozen edamame. “This will be great!” I thought to myself. I was horrifically mistaken. The texture of the beans was all wrong, both on the inside and the outside. Let this serve as a warning that your favorite restaurant foods do not always translate well in to home versions.
You know what comic strip isn’t funny? The Family Circus. I don’t know how anybody ever became a fan of that one.
Today in Wrestling History
~ 1923: WWE Hall of Famer Lillian “The Fabulous Moolah” Ellison was born in Kershaw County, SC.
~ 1937: Hiro Matsuda, the Japanese wrestler credited with training Hulk Hogan and many others, was born in Yokohama.
~ 1958: David Von Erich, part of the legendary Von Erich wrestling clan, was born in Dallas, TX.
~ 1967: Shawn Michaels was born in Chandler, Arizona.
~ 1967: The Japan Wrestling Association drew 15,000 fans to the Kawasaki Stadium for a show headlined by the Giant Baba and Antonio Inoki successfully defending their All-Asia Tag Team Titles against Jessa Ortega and Art Mahilik.
~ 1974: Memphis Wrestling drew over 10,000 fans to the Mid-South Coliseum for a card headlined by Jerry Lawler defeating Bobo Brazil.
~ 1978: Mid-South Wrestling drew over 23,000 fans to the New Orleans Superdome for a card headlined by Ray Candy defeating Ernie Ladd in a steel cage.
~ 1985: Memphis Wrestling’s card at the Mid-South Coliseum saw the Fabulous Ones wrestle the Kiwi Sheepherders to a no contest in the main event.
~ 1989: Jumbo Tsuruta and Yoshiaki Yatsu pinned Stan Hansen and Terry Gordy in Kansas City, MO of all places to win the All Japan Pro Wrestling Tag Team Titles.
~ 1990: El Pantera and Joe Mercado (better known as Pentagon Black) beat Tarascos I & II in a mask versus mask match.
~ 1994: Smokey Mountain Wrestling drew 100 to a show in Fairlea, WV with a main event of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express defeating Chris Candido and Killer Kyle.
~ 1994: ECW drew 350 fans at the Farmers’ Market in Montgomeryville, PA for a show headlined by the Public Enemy retaining the company’s Tag Team Titles over Axl & Ian Rotten in a falls count anywhere match.
~ 1995: Bunkhouse Buck and Dick Slater defeated the Harlem Heat in Atlanta, Georgia to begin a brief reign with the WCW World Tag Team Titles.
~ 1995: ECW drew 600 fans to the fairgrounds in Orlando, FL for a show featuring the bizarre ECW Title match of Sandman defending against Marty Jannetty.
~ 1995: Smokey Mountain Wrestling drew 400 fans to East High School in Morristown, TN with Brad Armstrong winning a battle royale in the main event.
~ 1997: Ultimo Dragon beat Steven Regal to win the WCW World Television Title for the second time.
~ 1999: ECW drew 1,100 fans to the Civic Center in Houma, LA for a show headlined by Sabu defeating Justin Credible in a deathmatch.
~ 2000: Keni’chiro Arai defeated SUWA to win the NWA World Middleweight Title.
~ 2000: ECW drew 1,700 fans to a TV taping for TNN in the Peoria, IL Civic Center. Tommy Dreamer and Jerry Lynn defeated Steve Corino and Scotty “Anton” Riggs in a tag team main event.
~ 2001: Tsuki (formerly the WWF’s Max Mini) defeated Sexy Leoncito in a mask versus mask match in San Luis Potosi.
~ 2001: The WWF held its Invasion pay per view, featuring a series of matches pitting wrestlers representing the WWF against wrestlers representing the “Alliance” of ECW and WCW. Booker T. pinned Kurt Angle to win the ten man tag team main event for the Alliance.
~ 2002: John “Bradshaw” Layfield and Johnny Stamboli (Rellik is Killer spelled backwards) traded the WWF Hardcore Title back and forth under 24/7 rules at an event in Grand Rapids, MI.
~ 2007: WWE held its Great American Bash pay per view, featuring John Cena retaining the WWE Title over Bobby Lashley, the Great Khali retaining the World Title over Dave Batista and Kane, and Hornswoggle winning a gauntlet match to become the final Cruiserweight Champion.
~ 2007: Ayako Hamada defeated Meiko Satomura in the finals of the Battlefield WAR Tournament promoted by Sendai: Girls’ Pro Wrestling.
~ 2007: Naruki Doi, Masato Yoshino, and Magnitude Kishiwada defeated Shingo Takagi, Cyber Kong, and Jack Evans to win the vacant Open the Triangle Gate Titles in Dragon Gate.
My Views: When Michael Cole first got drafted to Raw, it upset me a good deal. I thought that it was outright idiotic. Now, though, I almost feel sorry for the former Smackdown mainstay. He’s the butt of many jokes online and presumably in the locker room as well given the above newsbit. However, I don’t think that he’s bad at what he does. Mike Adamle is bad. Eric Bischoff was bad. Mongo McMichael was bad. Cole certainly isn’t one of the greatest of all time, but he is in the unfortunate position of following the single greatest wrestling announcer in history, Jim Ross. (Yes, I think that Ross has finally surpassed Gordon Solie.) Worse still is the fact that, given the level of improvement that he’s shown over the last ten years in WWE, chances are good that Cole won’t be approaching Ross’ level at any point in his career. However, WWE does have to prepare for the future, as we all know that Good Ole’ J.R. won’t be around forever. Given that fact, I have to say that I hope WWE sticks it out through this current rough patch and allows Cole to continue in his current role. He’s in all likelihood not going to improve, but it will make the transition much easier than what we would have to go through if Ross suddenly retired or got fired and overnight left us in a world completely devoid of his unparalleled emotion and brilliant insight.
Your News: WWE failed in its efforts to receive an Emmy nomination.
My Views: This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. For those of you who missed the initial story, WWE was campaigning to get some of its programming (most likely “Tribute to the Troops”) on an Emmy ballot in some way, shape, or form. Well, the ballots are out, and not a single show from the E made the cut. This doesn’t mean that the company should stop trying, though. The fact of the matter is that we’re less than fifteen years out from the industry’s announcement that it is, in fact, “entertainment.” That was necessary in order for WWE to even be considered for an award like an Emmy, and the company may not have let enough time lapse between the admission of its scripted nature and its attempt to be considered high art. Once the mainstream is more accustomed to treating professional wrestling like any other television show as opposed that “fake sport” attempting to convince rubes of its legitimacy, nominations of this nature may be easier to garner. Keep reaching for the stars, boys.
Your News: ECW’s rating was up to a 1.42 last week despite going up against the MLB All-Star Game.
My Views: Apparently the reunion of the Hardy Boys was placed on ECW specifically to keep the rating afloat in the face of baseball. The strategy worked better than anybody would have guessed. Hopefully the company learns something from this and realizes that there may be a bit of money to be made out of one last run from the brothers Hardy as a tag team. On one hand it appears that the E may have failed to make that realization, as they took the Smackdown Tag Titles off of Johnny Nitro and Mike Mizanin on Sunday’s pay per view. Though they certainly weren’t THE factor that attracted fans to ECW this past Tuesday night, Mizanin and Nitro were part of the equation, and it’s not clear that the reformed Hardys would have drawn as well against any other team, nor is it clear that they will draw as well against any other team in the future. Team Extreme and Team Reality TV each had a win over the other coming out of Tuesday’s program, and it would have been easy to build a feud over who was going to win the rubber match. Now, assuming that a prolonged Hardy team-up is in the works, they almost have to be programmed against the Major Brothers, who are far less compelling of a team than the previous champs, both from a character standpoint and from an in-ring standpoint. Oh well, at least we still have DiBiase, Jr. and Rhodes bringing the tag team awesomeness on Raw.
If they do keep the Hardys, Miz, and Nitro apart, I will have to declare that WWE has failed to lead a tranquil life, making them an . . .
. . . yet another joke that nobody will get.
Your News: Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat’s sons are currently training under George South.
My Views: George South? That’s certainly not a name you hear very often these days. I’m not knocking him, though. The former Southern enhancement talent was always a good hand in the ring, and I have a feeling that he will be able to teach the younger Flair (Reid, not David) and Steamboat far more than they would be able to learn in a Florida Championship Wrestling system which features minimal spot shows and a roster rumored to soon number over seventy wrestlers. Even better is the fact that the young men are training together, because you KNOW that if they both wind up in WWE at the same time there will have to be some sort of “second generation” Flair versus Steamboat feud. Hopefully they can develop a solid chemistry together in their early years and then pull out a major league feud a decade or so down the road, much as their fathers did by wrestling each other constantly in Mid-Atlantic before having their legendary series of NWA World Heavyweight Title matches.
My Views: I hate to make it sound like I’m approving of anybody losing his job, but, if that really is the plan that Hayes had for Murdoch, I’m almost glad that his appearance on Smackdown never materialized. Montel Porter is at a point in his career in which he doesn’t need to be doing comedy. The guy had a great serious feud with Chris Benoit and followed it up with an even better serious feud with Matt Hardy. Porter looked like a true up-and-comer in both of those angles, somebody who was truly poised to take the leap in to the World Title picture by the end of 2009. Becoming a midcard comedy goofball could have done irreparable harm to that forward progression. Granted, Porter is currently behind Triple H, Edge, the Undertaker, Umaga, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and perhaps even Ken Kennedy on the Smackdown pecking order, so things aren’t looking good for him either way. However, I have to think that doing nothing is preferable to doing something that may get you typecast in a Santino Marella-esque role.
My Views: Now this is a story that irks me just a bit. I know that WWE’s modus operandi for several years has been to try to force everybody in to the same mold when it comes to ringwork. There are some advantages to that approach. It makes it almost impossible for fans to be confused by what a particular wrestler is doing in the ring, and it lessens the chances for miscommunication between the wrestlers. Yet, at the same time, I’m somebody who watches wrestling form many different promotions, many different eras, and many different countries. Given that fact, WWE’s in-ring product does come off as a little bland from time to time, though I will be the first to admit that their overall product is one of the strongest in the world. All they need to spice up that in-ring is a little variety from time to time, and they’re certainly not going to get that if they keep trying to breed unique characteristics out of their wrestlers. A little bit of legitimate lucha libre flavor is exactly the sort of thing that could add the aforementioned spice, and Caras, Jr., though not the best luchadore in the world, could have been a breath of fresh air on an otherwise homogenous roster.
Your News: Jenny McCarthy will be at the next Saturday Night’s Main Event Taping.
My Views: “The answer is Jenny McCarthy and professional wrestling.”
“What is ‘Things Whose Popularity Peaked in 1998,’ Alex?”
My Views: TNA posted a “news story” on its official website claiming that Frankie Kazarian has requested his release from the promotion and that he will be appearing on this Thursday evening’s edition of Impact in order to explain his decision. A frighteningly high number of people seem to think that this is legitimate. Please tell me you’re not one of them. If you are, let’s take step back for a second and look at the facts:
1.) Kazarian is in the middle of a “losing streak” angle in which he has (in character) openly talked about how he feels that he has disappointed himself and the company.
2.) Even if Kazarian were leaving, no wrestling promotion in the world would be dumb enough to give a man who is walking out the door television time which he could potentially use to either get himself over as a free agent or bury the company. I can’t even envision TNA being that stupid.
3.) Vince Russo is still involved in booking the company, and he loves himself a little worked-shoot action.
Sadly, that means we won’t be seeing Kazarian join Chris Harris on ECW as Braden Walker’s brother Hayden.
My Views: When I first learned that TNA was inking an Australian TV deal, I knew that it would be great thing for the company. Australia was a country absolutely in love with WCW until the bitter end of that promotion, with Aussies sticking through some of the worst booking in wrestling history and actually being responsible for a few of the biggest audiences that Turner’s company drew in its otherwise abysmal year 2000. Hell, even World Wrestling All-Stars (remember them?) managed to pack in a respectable number of fans in Australia with their WCW re-treads, hardcore midget matches, and World Champion NATHAN JONES. If latter day WCW can draw a decent gate in Australia and if WWA can stay afloat for a few months there, the nation down under could be an outright hotbed for the recently-profitable TNA. I may not like their product all that much, but even I can acknowledge when Dixie and her boys have stumbled across something good, and this is definitely one of those things.
Your News: TNA is considering bringing in former WWE star Savio Vega as an agent to replace Scott D’Amore.
My Views: If TNA does bring Savio on board, I would consider this a solid addition to the promotion. Frankly, the company has not made the best choices in the past when it comes to agents. After all, guys like Pat “Simon Diamond” Kenney, the Disco Inferno, and Johnny Swinger have all been running around TNA’s locker rooms at various points and attempting to help wrestlers put together segments and matches. I don’t mean to knock Diamond, Disco, or Swinger as performers. They all had their moments in which they entertained me, and they’ve all wrestled in awesome matches from time to time. However, I don’t think that they were ideal choices for the agent role. Diamond and Swinger were not that much more experienced than some of the wrestlers that they were supposedly employed to mentor, and none of the three exactly has a history of performing at a high level, getting superstar reactions from audiences, or drawing large crowds. Though American fans may not know it, Savio has the experience and the ability that many of TNA’s past and current agents have lacked. In addition to his tenure in the WWF, Vega is a twenty-one year veteran of professional wrestling and has at various points been a major drawing card for Puerto Rico’s World Wrestling Council and International Wrestling Association. That wealth of experience should be able to help the promotion’s younger performers prepare to take the next step in their careers.
A guy named Matt Speaks Out on the internet, but it’s not about Edge spearing his girlfriend!
Dance Break!
The UWF is Back! Run for your lives!
Impact is running off reviewers at record rates! Here’s the latest new guy!
GAIJIN ON THE RAMPAGE~!
Back when I had my own news report, I liked to track the activity of North American wrestlers who were plying their trade abroad, usually in Japan or Mexico. This was primarily because that was the sort of news I found the most interesting about international wrestling before I began to follow that aspect of the business myself. I think it gives American fans something to relate to and makes the transition in to an otherwise foreign culture a bit easier. As such, I thought that I would use this week’s “Special Essay” in order to once again take a look at U.S. and Canadian based talent currently making waves in other parts of the world.
It’s no surprise that the “Machine Gun” Karl Anderson wound up touring with New Japan Pro Wrestling. After all, the Southern California indy wrestler spent the last several years training at the NJPW dojo located in the Los Angeles area. However, what is surprising is that it took Anderson so long to get the call over to New Japan. His fans will agree that he has been “ready for prime time” for quite some time, making his presence felt not only in Pro Wrestling Guerilla but also in Ring of Honor and the National Wrestling Alliance, where he was a former Tag Team Champion with partner Joey Ryan. In New Japan, Anderson appears to have been temporarily relegated to a position just a step or two above the company’s “young boys,” primarily teaming with more noteworthy heels so that he can eat the pinfall in tag team matches. It’s not the most glorious job in the world, but the exposure and the experience will definitely be a boon to his young career.
His current tour with All Japan Pro Wrestling certainly isn’t Phil Atlas’ first go-round in the Orient. The graduate of Scott D’Amore’s Border City Wrestling academy made regular trips to AJPW in 2007 as part of a talent exchange in which he allegedly represented TNA. Unfortunately for Atlas, he was often stuck on the sidelines, watching as fellow D’Amore trainee Joe Doering got the majority of the spotlight and all of the opportunities to move up the card. Eventually, Atlas was not asked backed to the promotion while Doering continued to receive requests for his services. This summer, Phil was finally asked to come back to the Keiji Muto-booked promotion, just in time for a massive junior heavyweight tournament. Unfortunately for Atlas, he is having difficulty coming out of the blocks, not yet competing in the tournament but being beaten in a six man tag team match on the first show of the tour.
It wasn’t a surprise when Karl Anderson showed up in New Japan Pro Wrestling. However, when the world leanred that Rick Fuller was coming to NJPW, the news was met with a resounding, “Huh?!” Fuller hadn’t gained much previous notoriety abroad, and he hadn’t even gained that much previous notoriety in the United States. In fact, the most exposure he had ever received was in WCW in the late 1990’s, when he was nothing more than a heavyweight jobber who was lucky to get off of the company’s Saturday Night c-show. When WCW went out of business, Fuller apparently kept active in relatively obscure independent promotions and remained in great shape. How New Japan found out about his availability is anybody’s guess, but when they went on a hunt to find a replacement for Travis Tomko in the Problem Solver’s tag team with Giant Bernard (A-Train), Fuller is the name that the came up with. Given his physique and the fact that he was never embarrassing in the ring, I was always surprised that big Rick wasn’t given a crack at WWE. Now that he’s getting his name back in to the wrestling world at a high level, he might do just that.
Hey, remember the Heartthrobs? The gimmick tag team of Antonio Thomas and Romeo Roselli got rave reviews for their comedic antics in OVW, even if their ring work wasn’t quite up to snuff. Unfortunately for them, the pop that their over-the-top entrance got on a weekly basis resulted in their being called up to WWE programming far too early. They were green as grass, regularly embarrassed themselves in the ring on Sunday Night Heat, and were ultimately let go amid little to no fanfare. Since that time, the two men have gone their separate ways, with each remaining active on independents in the United States, traveling to Europe, and even grappling against some stars of lucha libre. Now Thomas, who likes to refer to himself as “The Promise” is on the road with All Japan, hoping to show the world that he can be a world class performer in the ring. That might be unfathomable to those who saw his work in WWE, but AJPW is the company where a formerly miserable Johnny Stamboli became a passable wrestler, where Mark Jindrak developed the skills that allowed him to become a superstar in Mexico, and where Umaga transformed from a decent big man in to a top tier worker. Hopefully Thomas can hit the same heights as his predecessors.
Your News: The Sandman was arrested at Lou Albano’s birthday party.
My Views: I honestly don’t think that there’s much more I could add to that sentence, so I’m not even going to try. Instead, I will just insert the “Cap’n Lou’s Corner” graphic from Herb Abrams’ UWF.
Look at how stern he is! I bet he looked just as stern when the Sandman’s glass-throwing antics broke up the Captain’s annual birthday game of pin the tail on the donkey.
Your News: The Flock reunites!
My Views: I can’t believe that I’m running two stories in the same news report that reference the Disco Inferno, but here we go. Apparently Disco was on an indy show in Bluffton, South Carolina this past Saturday evening, wrestling in the main event. That’s not too unusual. The unique thing about the card was that it featured a reunion of . . . THE FLOCK~! Yes, I’m talking about Raven’s Flock, specifically the WCW version. (Which, in this author’s humble opinion, was far better than the iterations spawned by ECW or TNA.) Former “sign guy” Lodi competed on the show’s undercard, defeating a local wrestler who clocked in at well over the three hundred pound mark. Then, in the main event, “American Male” Scotty Riggs paired with another former Flocker, Scott “Sick Boy” Vick to take on Disqo and a gentleman by the name of John Q. Flash. Yeah, I don’t know who he is either. Apparently the former disciples of Raven won the bout when a walk-out by the heels was thwarted by the amateur wrestling coach of the high school hosting the card. There is no word on whether Riggs wore his signature eye patch.
Why am I even bothering to mention this show? Part of it has to do with the fact that I was a huge mark for the Flock at one point in my life, especially Lodi. Another part of it is that I think this card is an interesting study in the power of television exposure in professional wrestling. Four wrestlers on this card had regular spots on the most viewed wrestling program in the world ten years ago. None of them were high profile stars with the possible exception of Disco, who got to hang around main eventers in his time as a member of the Wolfpac. Yet, despite the fact that a decade has passed and despite the fact that none of them were major stars by any stretch of the imagination, their time on TV STILL allows them to get work, and it STILL allows them to shoot to the top of an indy card ahead of many guys who would have worked for much less and probably drawn just as well.
The lesson, kids? If you get in to wrestling, get on TV, even if your career highlight is being verbally abused by a middle aged Jewish guy dressed as Kurt Cobain.
Your News: Shane Shamrock Memorial Cup a success.
My Views: One of the longest-running regular events in independent wrestling took place this past weekend as Maryland Championship Wrestling promoted its annual Shane Shamrock Memorial Cup. The event, which honors a young wrestler who was breaking in with MCW at the time of his untimely death, regularly gathers twelve of the finest names from the independent scene and pits them against each other in singles matches. The winners then move on to wrestle each other in a six-way match. (This format is what inspired ROH’s “Survival of the Fittest” tournament.)
This year, Derek Frazier took home the Shamrock Cup by winning the final match over ROH’s Rhett Titus, former WCW star Devon “Crowbar” Storm, Josh Daniels, Joey Matthews (formerly Joey Mercury of MNM), and independent standout Claudio Castagnoli. Also involved in the first round of the tournament were Delirious, Mitch Franklin, Pelle Primeau, Devon Moore, Champ Champagne, and Ruckus. Frazier’s name has regularly been popping up in independent results for the last several years now, and he seems like somebody who might be ready to take the next step up to larger indy groups like CHIKARA or ROH. Hopefully his Shamrock Cup win will give him the exposure necessary to do just that. Overall, the two-night event sounds like it produced some fine professional wreslting, and it will no doubt be available on DVD at MarylandWrestling.com in the coming months.
