You’re An Idiot And Here’s Why 7.12.07: Kane?

Before we begin loyal readers I’d like to take a quick dash into an area I promised my editor I would never return to…

You’re A Genius And Here’s Why – Dusty Rhodes

It’s a stroke of genius to have Dusty involved in the Great American Bash, especially in a old school match like a Texas Bullrope. Dusty was incredible on Raw, he oozes charisma and I’ve not seen a promo carried off with quite so much passion in a long while. Now compare Dusty’s speech to John Cena’s on the same show. Dusty didn’t get every word out right. Dusty even stumbled over a word and had to repeat himself. But he carried so much natural intensity in his words that I believed he did want to beat Randy Orton down. John Cena got every word right. He didn’t trip or stumble over his words. He hit all the right phrases. But guess what? It came off like he was reading from an autocue. I know a thing or two about the TV world and I’m willing to bet hard cash-money that the ‘live’ segment with Cena was pre-recorded on his end. The problem with ever TNA and WWE interview is that they’re not interviews, not like sports-caster do on other sports shows. The interviewer merely gives the wrestler a reason to spout his catch phrase. I want some more realism from my show and to get that I’d quite happily see wrestlers stutter, trip over words or repeat themselves.

Also…sniff, sniff what’s that? Do I…do I smell a heel turn? By Cody?

This Week’s Idiot: Ummmm….Kane?

Look, it’s been a slow week for Idiots. Nothing’s really happening on any show, and everyone is playing it cool in the wake of the Benoit Family Tragedy. Raw isn’t doing much. Smackdown isn’t doing much. ECW isn’t doing anything really.

Potential Idiots? What exactly ECW thought it was doing showing a replay of a match from Vengeance during which the crowd chanted “WE WANT BENOIT!” I don’t think I’ll ever know. Don’t they pay guys for this kinda crap? Whadda they call ‘em…editors? I dunno.

Raw got a glorious deal in the Draft with King Booker, Mr. Kennedy and the black-hole of charisma that is Bobby Lashley. But they’ve done nothing with them! They’re just reverted to form. Lashley and Cena seem to be replaying Cena/HBK, two face rivals who want the belt. Mr. Kennedy and King Booker are fulfilling their Legal Obligation as Raw’s heels to always team up and go everywhere together. Blah, blah, blah. Shall we look to the IC division to save us? Oh, no, wait…there’s Umaga. Not that there’s anything wrong with Umaga, but IC belt doesn’t do anything anymore. No one wants the damn thing. It gets traded between the same two people or stuck on one person for an ungodly amount of time and never defended.

But I guess if I had to pick an Idiot from this lacklustre bunch it would kinda be Kane’s sudden re-emergence into the main event of Smackdown.

Yes, that’s right, apparently we’re supposed to believe he’s no longer jobber to the stars, and fresh off his title win in 1998, Kane is back! Yes that’s right, apparently Teddy Long saw Kane get his ass handed to him by Mark frickin’ Henry at One Night Stand and thought “That’s just the guy worthy of being World Heavyweight Champion!”.

Remember how electrifying Kane’s feud with Edge was last year? No? Oh sure you do, it was when Kane was playing the part of Matt Hardy because Matt was fired for being an emo online. Well anyway, now we get more of it. I do so hope they bring up Kane and Lita’s miscarried child.

If they pulled this shit last year when Kane’s movie was coming out, then fair enough. I can dig product synergy. But it seems like Smackdown looked around after they got raped by Raw in the Draft, held up their hands and cried “Who the fuck is left?”.

You’re An Idiot Because: It’s Kane! Have You Been Asleep Since 1998?

My computer been on the blitz and this is the crap that’s been filling up my mailbox since I last left you children alone.

Mr. Halden,

Without a doubt you are my hero. No one can go on an obscenity laced tirade about the utter pile of shit our beloved obsession has become lately. To you I say, KUDOS!

This Chris Benoit thing is just something that nobody will ever understand. It’s easy to point judgmental fingers at steroid use, alcohol, or pain killers. Admitted I have never done steroids but I have abused the drink and the PK in my time and never have killed anyone. I maybe in denial or simply naive but I believe this horrific event was something so personal and destructive within his family relationship that he snapped.

Everybody breaks down. If you look at Chris Benoit’s recent past he took a hiatus from wrestling due to burn out. His best friend tragically died not more than 2 years ago. His relationship with his wife has been rocky for a few years based on police reports she filed. All those personal demons plus the strain of traveling 250-300 days a year in a business that beats up your body and mind…. it’s just a time bomb ready to explode. You can’t just use the sad poor steroid excuse.

You are right Rob. The mainstream media doesn’t know wrestling because the only mainstream coverage it ever gets is from reporters like Phil Mushnick, (who has had a vendetta against WWE for years now) ESPN (who has the belief it makes legitimate sport look bad), and the coverage it gets from when a superstar dies. It’s sad because if a non wrestler or non athlete did this they would actually do some investigative reporting instead of going with pre mature assumptions.

However…. this is wrestling. No matter what people will always see it as fake fighting, a soap opera, and all the cliche’s. Wrestling will never get respect and I’ve accepted it. So, although the media coverage is horrid… who can say they expected anything less?

E.E. Jacobsen

Jacobsen is an esteemed mind and authority on the world of professional wrestling.

Craig McNicoll
The only problem with that theory is, this type of match was actually done by ECW first. It was how Sandman and 2 Cold Scorpio won the ECW tag team titles in a singles match and how Mikey Whipwreck won both the ECW tag team titles and the ECW TV title at the same time, in a singles match.

Good point. Remember everyone, it’s not only recently that ECW began to suck.

William Reid
I just had a few thoughts regarding the “steroid” situation in WWE and pro-wrestling as a whole.

After the Eddie Guerrero situation, and especially recent events, the entire IWC is coming down on steroids just as hard as the mainstream media. Everyone is demonizing the drug and substance abuse by wrestlers, but there’s an underlying contradiction throughout this all. The mainstream media is pinning this on McMahon right now, because of the age old misconception that you need to be a huge, ripped, statuesque bodybuilder to be a professional wrestler, and while this may be true to a certain degree, there’s an entirely different side to this. I’ve been coming to 411wrestling.com for years and other wrestling sites, and although many of you despise McMahon and his “big man” pushes and meatheads like Chris Masters, you guys can be just as critical as a McMahon or a Johnny Ace. Here’s a few examples of comments that I’ve heard over the years :

Edge is too skinny.
Carlito looks too “soft”.
Back in about 2002-2003 the IWC started giving Jericho shit about losing his “physique” and getting pudgy.
Trevor Murdoch needs to hit a weightroom or call Trim Spa.
HBK’s gotten smaller than he’s ever been.
etc etc.

This is just a little insight into the situation. I believe the IWC is the biggest voice in professional wrestling besides Vince McMahon, and the IWC is just a reflection of the fans’ interests (smark of casual) and I believe the IWC needs to lighten up or just accept this one reality about the WWE :

It’s sports entertainment! These guys are on the road close to 300 days a year and don’t get many chances to hit up a gym. They perform in front of thousands of people everyday, and have to not only impress the boss, but they have to impress those fans! This business puts more pressure on an individual than most people are capable of handling! So a lot of these guys take drastic measures to save their “spot” so they can bring home a paycheck. That’s why you see heavy drug abuse, alcoholism, marital problems, affairs backstage, and premature deaths! How many WCW guys died while that place was around? A good amount! WCW was in the same type of business as WWE; a road show, with hundreds of dates, and backstage politics, and pressure from the fans, it’s bad news.

So, either WWE cuts down on it’s schedule and profits to give these guys a break, and risk losing the worldwide fanbase they’ve accumulated over the years or people acknowledge professional wrestling for what it’s always been! It’s a rockstar lifestyle! Drugs, Sex & Violence! It’s always been that way, and it will always be that way. WWE’s been trying to stop it, but when you’re on the road pressure and temptation are the biggest enabler for that type of lifestyle!

I’m sure other people will, but I don’t want to talk about steroids or any of that crap anymore. Unlike my ability to deal with my ex-girlfriend, I’m moving on.

ReY
I have no problem with former wrestlers speaking out on the Benoit family tragedy. I dont even have a problem with Debra Marshall bad mouthing Steve Austin. At least all these people lived the life. They know about pro-wrestling.
But to see Geraldo Rivera, Bill “Sexual Harrassing” O’Reilly, Sean “I pray at the feet of Dick Cheney” Hannity speak on the matter is infuriating. I caught the shows where O’Reilly and Glann Beck had audacity to blame NANCY FREAKING BENOIT for her own and son’s death.
I don’t condone the use of steroids. Yet for the media to only focus on that aspect of the case is appalling. What about the countless other drugs Chris was probably taking? Steroids is rampant all across pro sports. But where are the other murdered families? Based on the logic of Fox News, Rafeal Palmeiro should be on a suicide watch.
I use to watch every breaking story about the case.Now I dont even bother as the speculation has become ridiculous.

I burned myself out early on the story because I was off work at the time and had nothing better to do. Seriously, I was just staring at 411wrestling.com and hitting ‘Refresh’ every three minutes. Wait, what do you Americans call it? Reload? Cuz everything’s a gun, right? Great nation.

Rob,
Once again you prove your self to be the biggest piece of monky shit on God’s green earth by trying to show the media in a very bad light. These man and women of the 5th eastate are doing the right thing but dragging the “dirty” secrets of pro wrestling out for the world to see. I appulde them for doing this and I though it would be fitting that I am no longer will be watching any wrestling until the “sport” is cleaned up. I encourge others to do the same.
Kenny

Gotta love a guy who can’t spell monkey.

Aaaaaaaand finally…..

A Girl! A Girl! Oh Lord I found a Girl!

Adela Sakul
Just a thumbs up for you supplemental idiot of the week Chyna. I would like to add many ex wrestlers apart from Lance Storm and Chris Jericho in that boat that have appeared on the television lately.

I used to be the biggest Chyna fan in the world (When she first started with HHH and During the DX era) I was a chick who was into wrestling and here for the first time was a chick who wasn’t just arm candy but a useful member of her team.

Her latest interview as the last straw for me, (even after forgiving that horrible sex tape -thank god I haven’t seen it.) since her leaving the WWE she had many oppotunities both in Japan and TNA to prove herself, but all she did was either suck or no-show but she wasn’t getting the star treatment that she wanted.

But all she has done has taken advantage of the people she was associated with. Look at the interview she did after Anna-Nicole’s death? And now for her to go on TV and say she never did steroids, it’s as believable as Paris saying she never did drugs.

But sadly she’s not alone. Hulk Hogan, Debra, and many others feel like their two cents are worth something, people who have not been around Chris Benoit for a long long time (if ever) feel like their opinons on him and the WWE mean anything.

Fuck the media, but fuck the ex-wwe wrestlers who have given them more and more sensationalistic quotes and crap for them to feed off.

The only two ex-wrestlers who haven’t come off as complete turds to me is Jericho, Hart and Storm(and Bischoff), men who actually knew Benoit who have been trying to be as fair and honest with their opinions while all the others seem to profiting from this horrible situation.

PROFITING!

Oh Del, until now I thought that girls watching wrestling was a myth. You have proved me wrong. Also, you display a cynical slant on the world that I can only admire.

I’d like to you ask you to become the Official Idiot Female Reporter! Or Idiot Reporter With Girl Parts. Up to you. I’d enjoy a regular female point of view on the wrestling world, and since I don’t know any actual real girls (or at least ones I’m allowed within 100 to 200 yards of) send in more e-mails and I’ll spotlight them here in the column.

Okay, that wraps us up for this crappy Idiot week of no godamn Idiots.. I look forward to hearing from all you Kane fans out there. I’m sure I’m really in for it.