411’s TNA Impact Report 12.15.16

On this, the last show of new content for Impact Wrestling, Christmas has come early. Tonight, prepare to embrace the vision in his true Broken Brilliance, Matt Hardy promotes and presents Total Nonstop Deletion!

The entire world of professional wrestling shall be watching as for one night, Matt and “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy, Reby Hardy, Senor Benjamin, Vanguard 1 and King Maxell have taken over the entire show!

Tonight the Hardys have invited not only the Superstars of Impact, but the best of all tag teams in time and space to participate in Tag Team Apocalypto! The World Tag Team Titles are on the line. Also, Lashley will challenge Eddie Edwards in the Dome of Deletion for the World Heavyweight Title, and King Maxell will make his in-ring debut! Rosemary will defend her Knockouts Championship, and so much more from Cameron, North Carolina. But how did this all begin?

Even Bray Wyatt, Batista, and the WWE themselves have taken notice of what will truly be a memorable night in the history of our sport. For the first time, Josh Matthews could actually be right in saying social media is buzzing about this special event. Thank you for joining us here at 411Mania. Hello everyone once again, my name is Aaron,join the TNAListers and myself, and unleash your brilliance in the comments section. Match times are not exact, your card is subject to change, let’s get on with the show! DELETE! DELETE!! DELETE!!!

Death Doom & Destruction- it’s the Holiday Season! Cameron TV, WCAM-TV is urging people to stay in their homes! Gilbert and Betty Sue are standing near a live volcano as Itchweeed is there to scream about Total Nonstop Deletion!

Josh Matthews and Vanguard 1 present Total Nonstop Deletion with an aerial view of House Hardy. The Broken Hardys enter their compound as a six sided ring. Jeremy Borash has joined Matthews on commentary as there is a crowd in the Hardy gym chanting “DELETE!”

“Tonight, I have invited, fifty, of my most loyal soldiers, and they’re here at their own risk.”

Matt says Cameron has been shut down by authorities because of Apocalypto. The Seven Deities have told Matt they must keep the titles or lose their direct lineage to the Deities themselves. He announces King Maxell will make his debut-

Rockstar Spud interrupts!

Spud says no one is getting deleted tonight! He tells off Matt and says his greenhorn one year old son is taking his TV time. He made the trip to end this nonsense! He wants the kid gone, so if anyone’s gonna have-

And Spud yells that the crowd has made Maxel more over than he is! Matt agrees and sanctions the match! He calls for a licensed official, Kevin Keenan enters. Matt orders it to be a No Disqualification Match!

Maxel drives to the ring in a plastic car and enters and as the match begins!

Rockstar Spud vs King Maxell

Senor Benjamin tases Spud from behind! Maxel gets the pin!

OFFICIAL RESULT: King Maxel at 0:47, Senor Benjamin’s Taser

WCAM-TV again as Gilbert says roads have been closed due to Tag Team Apocalypto. Up drives Gregory Shane Helms, he of the Helms Dynasty in his pickup truck. Everett and Lee are in the bed as they zoom through the roadblock.

The Express that Rock and Rolls have shown up to prove they are the greatest tag team that ever lived.

Sienna is in the ring, mic in hand. She’s been looking all over the back for Rosemary. JB says Decay are banned so Sienna says since she isn’t here, she’s making herself the number one contender for the Women’s Championship. She is issuing a challenge- to ANYONE in the WORLD who will challenge her.

VANGUARD 1 ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE!!

The drone circles and the Ref says no and throws him out!

ODB is back! BAM!

Sienna vs ODB

Number One Contender’s Match

Presented by ODB Whiskey Barbecue Sauce, One Dirty Bitch rushes out and takes it to Sienna! Sienna attacks her and fireman’s carry into a fallaway slam!

KICKOUT at two!

ODB avoids the piledriver, Meehamahan would be pleased.

ODB runs over Sienna with a clothesline after ducking and hits the Face Full of Stuff! THESZ PRESS! KICKOUT!!

ODB whips no, SIENNA crashes into the Referee! Sienna floors ODB but there is no referee- Sienna has a chair!

Looking to DELETE ODB, Sienna slams the chair and ODB ducks and hits the chair into her face! She has the pin as the fans count and Vanguard 1 comes in to make the count!

NO the Referee drags him out! During the distraction Sienna smacks ODB with the chair against the spine, and she has the three! Sienna is your new number one contender!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Sienna at 3:25, Chair & Silencer

After the match is over, ODB rewards Vanguard 1 with the ultimate closeup of her um, chestial region. Yay V1!

Backstage, Helms and Hardy insult Trevor Lee. All of a sudden Matt has a premoneetion! He calls for his Scribe, who appears and chronicles the vision- that tonight we shall have the most upsetting reincarnation yet! Then Hardy tells the Helms Dynasty to bring it to Apocalypto, he will render all three OBSOLETE!

Itchweeed vs Chet Sterling

House Hardy Rules

Itchweeed slams the shoulder, he drops the fist and wraps away on the sleeper and falls asleep himself! Both are asleep in the ring? Referee count-

“WAKE UP WAKE UP!”

ITchweeed socks the punch! He takes one! Both brawl with dueling chants, Chet takes a drop toehold into the middle rope! Itchweeed hits the dropkick off the ropes, the 919!

Itchweeed pulls out a table, elbow off the apron to put the man down through it! Inside the ring, the Pesticide Elbow and Itchweeed gets the win!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Itchweeed at 3:43, Pesticide Elbow

Post Match, Itchweeed carves up Chet’s clothing scaring the hapless jaybrone from the ring!

Flashback to the soul of George Washington inhabiting his giraffe. They advise Jeff fighting the soul of Smokin’ Joe Frazier with a fighting Kangaroo.

Eddie Edwards vs Lashley

World Title Match

Lashley attacks before the bell! Running no, Eddie off the no LASHLEY crashes him down! Big Eddie Chants, Lashley lands the elbow.

Lashley sends Eddie sliding through the ropes to the floor! Edwards hits the railing, he tries to rise and Lashley is on the floor runs into a chop! The Champ with a chop, and Keenan gives him the Mandy Leone treatment.

Eddie battles back as Lashley grabbed a fan!

The fans are holding Lashley as Eddie slams the man with a running forearm!

Lashley dives inside the ring and Edwards gets a chant as he comes on from the commercial.

Edwards is still in control wow, that never happens.

Lashley gains it back and a “Stupid Headband” chant breaks out. Two Count Only.

Lashley wraps in the throat, holding it tight as Edwards makes the valiant babyface comeback but Lashley lands the back elbow to lay out the Champeen.

Lashley works the heat segment with a wrap around the neck once again, earning chants for his erstwhile opponent. Eddie hits the shoulderbreaker but Lashley fires back with the Snake Eyes!

Stepover Armbar with the knee pressure on the neck.

Cover for the one, two, no. Kickout again.

“YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM!”

Lashley sits Eddie up top and fires the fist, he scales up to the second turnbuckle, Eddie throws him down! Edwards off the top front missile connects! Lashley goes to the floor, Eddie Edwards Suicide Dive through the ropes into Lashley! SHOT OF CAFFEINE!

SHINING WIZARD INTO LASHLEY! ONE! TWO! NO!!

Edwards goes to the top rope, climbing up top, misses the Double Stomp off the top and Lashley lands the lariat and the Argentine Backbreaker SLAMS him down! Cover gets the two. Edwards kicks on instinct.

Lashley is ready for the Spear, runs and misses! Eddie runs into an elbow as Lashley goes up, Eddie kicks him off the top rope!

Lashley catches Eddie off the top and powerbombs him into the audience taking out at least ten human beings!

Lashley brawls with Eddie, beating him across the ringside area, he runs at him and DRIVES HIM THROUGH A DAMN WALL!!

Well the match will apparently continue but we have got tob begin with Tag Team Apocalypto!

Tag Team Apocalypto

World Tag Team Title Match

Broken Matt and Brother Nero call out the other teams to the Dome of Deletion. The Helms Dynasty make their way out, Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee. Then come the Rock N Roll Express!

Decay make their entrance and Hardy orders the public to evacuate the property!

The Rock N Roll Express and the Hardys shoot fireworks at the Dynasty and Decay!

Lee and Everett make it to the truck but as Helms drives away Matt and Lee brawl in the truck bed! Jeff and Referee Kevin follow on a dirtbike!

Decay have brought the cruiserweights to join them! At the city limits, the Helms Dynasty fight

CRAZY STEVE BREAKS SOME DUDE’S NECK! PIN!

The Bravado Brothers show up as Spud is waiting on his partner…

The Helms Dynasty assault the Hardys and attack the Ref. Abyss catches The Ugly Ducklings and hits a stereo chokeslam to eliminate them!

At the train tracks, Hardy fights back, brawling with both. Showtime enter Apocalyto and get into a fight with Decay! They spit mist and smash people with rocks!

Decay argue with Spud through the gate, and his partner arrives.

HORNSWOGGLE!

At the Lake of Reincarnation, Lee kicks Matt with the enzugiri and SKARSGARD interferes to attack and break up the pin! The Helms Dynasty attack the dilapidated boat and Matt shoves Helms into the Lake of Reincarnation!!

THREE COUNT UNITE! Sugar Shane and the Three Count dance with their green circles! Helms insults them and the double superkick him into the lake!

The Bravados attack and fight with the Dynasty!

The Rock & Roll Express call out The Hardys! Ricky and Roert Robert dosey do a whip and land the lariats, leaping sunset dive Jeff breaks it up!

In the woods, Lashley is still about to toss Eddie into a pole, and he slides off the back and sends Lashley into the post instead!

The Bravados brawl into a porter potty bringing out a Ref, and Harlem and Lancelot send the Dynasty back inside the Dome!

As Gibson and Hardy brawl in the ring, Jeff and Ricky grapple from sky lifts high above the ring. Ricky has the figure four on Broken Matt! Ricky bites Jeff’s hand and drags the man over the side, as Matt kicks Robert into the corner!

Matt gets control of the lift and sends it all the way up!

In the Dome, the Bravados hit the wheelbarrow Cutter for a two on Lee!

JEFF HARDY SWANTONS OFF THE LIFT AND MISSES!

MATT hits the Twist of Fate on Gibson!

Ricky is stuck up there. Talk about a face in peril.

In the Dome, everyone is down so Spud and Swoggle rush down and Swoggle has the chair, He chairshots the Bravados and Spud gets the pin!

SWOGGLE POWERBOMBS SPUD! He goes up top!

TOAD SPLASH!

He leaves Spud to Everett who gets the pin! The Dynasty are still alive as Lashley and Edwards are brawling through the swamp!

Morton is still up -ANIMAL!

Meanwhile at the Gate, the DCC show up to Decay!

They attack en masse and Abyss throws them down! Some dude named DCC rushes in and gets taken out by Steve and James Storm’s team is eliminated. Oh well.

Over by the volcano, the Dynasty, Decay and the Hardys and Lashley and Edwards brawl as it explodes!

The Hurricane emerges from the Lake of Reincarnation, and flies off to bring a reckoning!

Decay and The Dynasty bite and beat down Nero, and send Matt into the graveyard of Hardy Symbols! Inside the ring, Jeff comes back with a double clothesline! He goes for the Twist but takes a Chokeslam from Abyss!

ABYSS HAS JANICE!

Hardy has a Roman Candle – no STEVE smashes the Lowblow!

VANGUARD ONE ARRIVES SHOOTING FIREWORKS AS ABYSS SHOOTS ROMAN CANDLES BACK!

The Dynasty attack Matt but as they go to smash him with shovels The Hurricane arrives and saves Matt! They literally bury this young promising talent and Matt gives a shout out to Triple H! LAWLZ.

Back at the Hardy compound, Swoggle spears Lashley and falls down. Edwards comes off the bannister to land on his challenger!

Decay and Jeff battle in a field lighted on fire, the Hardy symbol blazing away as they brawl. Matt and Steve trade off punches amid the fiery symbol, and slowly Abyss and Crazzy Steve get the upper hand. Abyss goes for Janice, as Steve and Nero do battle atop the volcano!

MATT has JANICE!

HE SLAMS IT INTO ABYSS’S GUTS! Oh Janice, you bitch.

Crazzy Steve goes to render Jeffrey obsolete, but Hardy kicks him and hits the Twist into the Volcano! The volcano spews Steve up into the air and he lands in the ring, Matt gains the pinfall to retain the blessing of the Seven Deities and save the existence of Cameron! As they celebrate, Reby says she’s pregnant.

What a tremendous celebration indeed!

OFFICIAL RESULT: The Broken Hardys at 43:08, Volcano Eruption