411’s WWE RAW Report 8.10.15

411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 8.10.15

* Welcome.

My Top Five Summerslam matches are all from the last five years, and are only main events. I’d give you a link, but you can Google it.

---

RAW!
IS!
YES!!!

Speaking of Yes, be sure to check out the BEST Facebook Group on the interwebz! YES! Wrestling!

We start RAW with Rollins. Oh, ok, something new. And if you didn’t get enough footage of John Cena’s nose being broken, we’ve got more!!!

Rollins is all smiles. He welcomes us to Monday Night Rawlins. He is the man, the man who broke the face that runs the place, Mr. You Can’t See Knee, YOUR WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Seth Rollins. “You sold out” chant. He says “so what.” He brings up the challenge from last week, regarding both titles on the line at Summerlam, and it’s been a week with no reply. Nothing. Complete silence is all he got. He knows Cena’s in bed licking his wounds, but what is he doing? Jamming to the new Dr. Dre? Cena isn’t Straight Outta Compton, he’s Straight Outta Action. How topical. Seth destroyed Cena’s career just like he destroyed his face with his knee.

It interests Seth that John has yet to answer his challenge, and if Cena doesn’t want to show up at Summerslam and lose like a man, then he can come to Brooklyn and forfeit his championship to the rightful, and true champion. Seth will walk out at Summerslam as the first man ever to hold the WWE Title and the US Title at the same time. Seth has been hearing rumors that Cena will be showing up at Tough Enough tomorrow night. Seth sees the irony in this. Seth wishes Cena was half the man that he says he is – that he would show up and…..wait, what? Seth hears something. He wants to know if they’re serious…Cena is here?

Oh, wait, Cena is here VIA Satellite. So he’s really going to show his face? Seth warns Cena that….

Oh, yay, Photoshop fun. We get a still image of Cena on the screen.

The above gif is better than the photoshop we have via WWE.

Anyway, Seth mocks Cena, saying that he is going to Tough Enough to try and apply. He has changed HLR to Surgery, Recovery, and Rehab. He tells the Universe to never give up unless Seth breaks your face. Seth then asks Cena-Seth if this means he’s giving up. Cena-Seth says yes, he looks like he’s got a nose job from Picasso. Seth-Seth says that the universe deserves a fighting champion, and that fighting champion is Seth Rollins. He proved this last week when he successfully defeated Neville in the very first Open Challenge for the WWE Title. Neville gave it all he had, came really close, but he doesn’t quite have what it takes to be a champion – to be the man. To be the man in this ring, you have to defeat every single…

Insert Cesaro.

Cesaro calls Seth out on his droning. There is irony of Cesaro stating that Seth is going “on and on and on” numerous times. Cesaro brings up the Open Challenge. Cesaro wants to be first in line to challenge Seth tonight. Seth tells Cesaro to stay dressed, he didn’t say anything about an open challenge for tonight. That was last week. Besides, what has Cesaro done to earn a shot?

Kevin Owens is here.

The answer Seth is looking for is nothing. Cesaro has done nothing to deserve a title shot. He may think he deserves one, because last week – and this week – some idiot printed out thousands of Cesaro Section signs, welcoming sheep to the show. That is not enough to earn a title match. Owens, on the other hand, has beaten John Cena, which is something neither of the men in the ring can say. In fact, Seth, if he remembers correctly, Seth tapped out two weeks ago to Cena. So…..If anyone deserves a title match tonight, he has it under good authority that it’s Owens.

Seth says they’re both deaf and dumb. He never said he was going to defend his title.

Randy Orton is, apparently, deaf and dumb (but not STUPID). He’s here next.

Cute, he says, he likes what they’ve got going on. Has Owens put on weight lately? Cesaro, nice glasses. Orton says that if anyone deserves a title shot tonight, it’s Orton. He rushes into the ring. All three men stare down Seth. Seth says Tom Brady has a better chance of getting a free meal in Seattle than any of these three have a shot at his title. The only thing that matters is what Seth thinks, and he thinks they should all leave the ring.

The Authority is out next…bet you NO ONE called that.

We have Triple H all on his own. He takes a bit of offense with the “I don’t care what The Authority thinks” line. Triple H says they are two weeks away from Summerslam, and doctors are telling Triple H that Cena is 50/50 at best. This creates a lot of turmoil as it relates to the title. Then again, that turmoil creates great competition, doesn’t it. In that ring tonight, there will be a triple threat match. Cesaro vs Kevin Owens vs Randy Orton. Winner of that match will be in tonight’s main event, being against Seth Rollins for the title.

Cole calls this a bombshell. Everyone else calls it….about ten minutes ago.

Ringside for the next match is Team BCP (wow, they really went above and beyond their creativity levels for that name…).

Team BAD gets a pre-match Promo and calls the Bellas “The Belldashians.” hahaha.

Match 1: Team B.A.D. vs Team Bella
Naomi and Alicia Fox to start. Alicia with a sick looking headlock takedown. They trade blows (giggity) then Alicia hits a backbreaker and pin for 1…2..NO! ALicia works the arm then tags in Nikki. They trip up Naomi and we get a cover for 1…2..NO! Nikki works the left arm a bit, driving her forearm into the back of her arm. Naomi tries to turn out of it but Nikki sends Naomi nito the corner. Naomi hops up and does the booty shuffle. Naomi tags in Sasha after a nice chant starts for her. Sasha hits an elbow and a pin for 1. Sasha grabs the hair and sends Nikki in the corner. Tag to Naomi who drives a boot to the chest of Nikki. Whip to the ropes is reversed by Nikki, sending Naomi into the corner. Nikki drops Naomi down and pins for 1…2..NO! Nikki with a whip, reversed, Naomi runs into a n elbow. Nikki bounces off the corner and hits an enziguri! Wait…what?

We are back, and Sasha has Nikki’s arms crossed, pulled back behind her. Sasha shoves Nikki to the ropes then hits a clothesline. Pin for 1..2..NO! Sasha with a knee to the face. She runs to knock Brie off the ropes, then drives a knee atop of Nikki. Tamina with a cheap shot, and Sasha covers for a pin. 1..2…NO! Sasha grabs the arms of Nikki and locks in a submission again. Nikki stands up and shoves back, driving Sasha into the corner. Again. Nikki tosses Sasha across then tries for a tag. Sasha stops her, but only for a second. Tag to Brie. Brie with a kick to Sasha. Dropkick to Tamina. Sasha on her knees. Brie with kicks! The crowd chants YES! Kick again. She hits the corner. Sasha runs into an elbow. Brie with a dropkick from the 2nd rope. She goes into Brie Mode, but Tamina got herself a tag and clotheslines the shit out of Brie.

Tamina knocks the girls off the apron. Tamina goes for a Superkick, but Brie ducks. Rollup and a pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Team Bella
Extra time doesn’t equate to better quality, BUT they are trying, and we asked for this, so I’m willing to give them credit and time.
Rating: **

Team BAD attacks Brie! Nikki and Alicia try to help until Team Paige head into the ring. We get some tossing, leaving Brie, Becky, and Charlotte in the ring. Brie sends Becky to the outside. Charlotte with a spear to Brie!!! Charlotte stands tall by herself until Sasha gets in her face. Here’s Becky and Tamina, Naomi and Paige. They look to fight, but then turn their heads to Team Bella. Sasha backs Naomi and Tamina back, thinking this will be better later.

Nice to see that The Bellas are faces this week. Talk about a lazy ass story telling. Chyna is calling the holes here wide and gaping.

Back to the show, and The Arrow is in the crowd. We’re getting action with The New Day here.

Match 2: New Day vs Los Matadores
Kofi and….um. El Matador. Rope work and we end with Kofi getting flipped, landing on his feet, then hit with a dropkick. He’s head scissored into a tag, and Big E hits a hard tackle. Big E dusts his houlders off, stomps in the corner. Kofi tags himself n and gets some stomps in as well. Backstage, Primetime Players are taking notes. Young is aging by the day. Big E with the stomps. Tag to Kofi. Kofi whipped into the corner with a dropkick while Woods yells incoherently by the corner. Kofi with a kick and a pin for 1…2…NO! Kofi with a resthold. Kofi drops the Matador then tags in Big E. He steps on the foot, and Big E hits a splash. cover for 1..2…NO! Woods cant take the heat, so removes his jacket. Big E claps, then is hit with a jawbreaker, but still is able to stop a pin, he hits a back suplex, but Matador lands on his feet, then shoves Big E into the corner, shoulder first. Big E holds the foot of Fernando, I think! It’s Diego! Shit. Anyways, they get a tag. Some nice ring work resutls in chops to Kofi who whips, misses a clothesline, another, gets stopped, then OLE’d! haha. Drop toe hold. Big E on the apron. We get Primo hitting Kofi, he hits the ropes. Woods moves Kofi, El Torito is there for the head scissors. He gets it with the assist.

In the ring, Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise after a tag from Big E. He misses. Big E grabs up the matador, sets up for the Big Ending. Kofi is here to help. Double team move. Pin. 1..2….3!!!
Official Result: New Day
Big E is the greatest thing to happen to the entire world.
Rating: *

BIG E DANCES and it’s the BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!

877-CASH-NOW!!!!!!

Primetime Players hung out with the Seattle Seahawks earlier today.

Holy shit…..New Day have changed the lyrics to 2 Live Crew’s “WE Want Some Pussy!” YES!!!!

Fucking awesome.

Renee Young is here to announce that they were just made Number One Contenders, and they will face Primetime Players come Summerslam…alongside Los Matadores. Kofi seems angry, but gets over it. Triple Threat. Ok. Big E….finds it harder to keep control, but does as well as he can. Kofi mocks the decision, asking if we could just add a few others to the fray – you know, like Harlem Heat? Doom? Men on a Mission? hahaha. Woods says it’s alright, and they clap a bit. It’s great.

Further backstage, Seth is talking to Triple H. He says that he has proven how good he is, he’s not a lump of coal crumbling under pressure. He’s beaten Orton, Ambrose, Lesnar. H says that this takes time. His legacy. Tonight, Seth will defend the title, yes, but against a guy who has just competed. Triple H says that Seth opened this door. Neville pushed Seth to the brink but Seth showed the world who he was. If Seth wants to be the man, then he’s gotta do that every single night. Seth says that H is right. If Cena can do it every week, Seth can do it better.

We get a clip of Roman Reigns issuing a challenge to the Wyatts, and I’m noticing that Reign’s facial hair is about as sloppy as mine currently is…thus making me feel superior to everyone else.

We are back to the show, and all three members of the Triple Threat are already in the ring. No entrances for you, fuckers! Who cares, this should be great.

Match 3: Kevin Owens vs Cesaro vs Randy Orton
Owens shoves Cesaro first, but Orton turns him and goes for an RKO. Nope. Uppercut from Cesaro, one from Orton, another from Cesaro. Whip to Owens, and Owens rolls out of the ring. Orton with a rollup for 1..2..NO! Cesaro slides out of the ring to stand tall towards Owens. Owens backs up and turns into a clothesline from Orton. Cesaro heads back in the ring along with Owesn, and drops him down. He goes for the swing, but Owens isn’t tired enough. Cesaro with the double stomp to the gut of Owens. Whip to Owens by Cesaro. Leaping uppercut to Owens. A whip to the corner and another uppercut. Orton is back in the ring. T-Bone Suplex to Cesaro! Pin by Orton 1…NO! Owens hits the ropes and goes for a senton, but Orton moves, so it hits Cesaro! Orton with a T-Bone to Owens! Orton gets Cesaro on the apron, looking for the DDT, but Owens reverses and Owens is there to fuck it up. He sends Cesaro into the ring post then hangs up Orton. He rushes in the ring, hits a Senton and pins for 1..2..NO! Owens with a stomp to Orton. FIGHT OWENS FIGHT chant. Owens with right hands to Orton. Boot to the neck and chest. Owens mocks Orton’s pose then smiles. He hits a forearm to Orton, then whips him into the corner. Orton with a shoulder out of the corner and does his pose rightfully. Stomp to Owens. Orton grabs both legs and stomps, but in comes Cesaro with a clothesline, tossing Orton to the outside. Owens hits Cesaro, who falls off the apron. He goes for a right hand but Orton ducks and hits a back suplex to Cesaro atop the barricade! Owens is here but Orton with a whip to Owens into the barricade!

Orton stands tall on the outside. He grabs Cesaro and whips him. Cesaro grabs the head of Owens, though, and goes for a suplex over the barricade. Owens fights it and hits one of his own, sending Cesaro onto the barricade gut first. Orton waits, then hits a back suplex to Owens atop the barricade!!! Orton enters the ring, sees Owens. Covers. 1…2…NO! Cesaro is still in the crowd, knocked out by some guys with matching shirts. Suplex from Orton, and Owens kicks out at 1, which seemingly bothers Orton. Orton hits a knee to the face of Owesn then sees Xesaro entering the ring. Cesaro hits some uppercuts, sending Orton inot the corner. Owens with an uppercut to Cesaro. Another. Another. Owens shoves Cesaro right back to the outside. Owens with a whip to Orton, which is reversed. Backbreaker to Owens. Cesaro on the apron. He hits shoulders to Orton. Cesaro with a high cross body off the top rope! Pin for 1..2…NO! Cesaro with an uppercut. He shakes it off. Orton hits an uppercutt. Cesaro. Orton. Cesaro gets the YAY. Orton gets the BOOs. Orton with a clothesline out of the corner! Cearo turns! RK-NO!!! Cesaro reverses it into the Crossface!!!! Orton scurries over to the ropes, but Orton doesn’t realize this is a Triple Threat, I guess. Orton continues to move himself to the outside. He does, stands on the outside, and escapes the hold. Owens in the ring! He sends Cesaro to the outside! Owens hits the ropes! SENTON OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!

Back to the match after a break, and Cesaro is seated in the corner. Owens with a cannonball to Cesaro. Pin for 1…2..NO! Owens, bloodied elbow and all, heads to the top rope. He sees Orton coming, but it’s too late. Orton hits a hard right hand to Owens. He sets up for a superplex, but Owens hits a headbutt. Cesaro is up, and hits a dropkick, however! Cesaro looks to Orton. He wants a double team. They both head up to the top rope! We’re getting a double Superplex! They hit it! Owens sells the shit out of it.Cover for Cesaro. 1..2..ORTON stops it!!! They get in the face of one another, and Cesaro’s left eye is noticeably yellowing. We get some uppercut tradeoffs unti lCesaro just shoots for the legs and drops Orton. He calls for the Big Swing! He gets it!!!! Cesaro stops! SHARPSHOOTER on Orton! Orton reaches forward again. Owens is here! Cesaro sees it coming, drops Orton, then shoots the legs of Owens. He wants the Swing, but Owens sends Cesaro running into Orton. Owens goes for a pin, but doesn’tr get it. He whips Cesaro to the ropes. Cesaro flips over, and big boots Owens! Orton is up! Power slam! Owens is on the apron. Cesaro, too! Orton sees. He grabs both heads! We get a double-DDT off the ropes!

Someone breaks Michael Cole, and he says Vintage Vintage. Orton is standing tall. He’s hearing voices! Cesaro is up. RKO attempt! Cesaro shoves Orton to the ropes. Owens grabs him and drags him outside the ring. Fallaway Slam INTO the barricade!!! Owens screams, primally! Out of nowhere, Cesaro spins out of the ring onto owens, and lands on his feet!!! Cesaro sends owens into the ring. Cesaro goes to the top rope! Crossbody from Cesaro, but Owens rolls through! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Cesrao hits the ropes! Springboard, super FUCKUPSOMECOMMAS spinning uppercut!!!!! Pin for 1….2…NO!!!! Cesaro grabs the head of Owens. Uppercuts in the corner. He sets up Owens on the top rope. Owens with a right. Cesaro with one of his own. Cesaro goes for a suplex, but Cesaro slips, seemingly. Owens with a Swanton Bomb, but Cesaro with the knees up!!!!! Owens heads to the corner. Cesaro runs….RIGHT INTO A HUGE BOOT TO THE FACE!!!

Owens with the Pop Up Powerbomb! But Orton slides in, and Cesaro hops over, lands on his feet near the ropes! RKO TO OWENS!!! RKO TO CESARO! Pin to Cesaro! 1…2….3!!!!
Official Result:
If this was just for a seemingly non-title change match at the end of the RAW, why NOT give it to Cesaro or Owens?
Rating: ****

Backstage, Dean Ambrose is standing too close to the camera.

He claims he had no friends growing up, and it may have been nice. Luckily, as he got older, he did have a friend. You always want someone to call when you get arrested and….he’s interrupted by Reigns. He thinks what Dean’s trying to say is that Reigns is his first real friend. Here’s the thing; Wyatt continues to talk about family. Luke Harper would do anything for Bray, but Bray wouldn’t do the same thing for Luke Harper. They’re brothers. Harper and Wyatt aren’t even friends.

Reigns, how does he take his coffee? Ambrose: Hot. Water? Room Temperature. Beer? ICE COLD! BOOM!

Ambrose says he’s going to beat dat ass. Reigns wants us to believe that.

Video package highlighting The Streak.

Michael Cole saying, “I cannot wait for Summerslam” like a virgin is super creepy.

And of course,

WrestlingWithText
Does NOT disappoint!

Before the match we are about to see, Luke Harper goes to Byron Saxton and…TAKES HIS CHAIR!!! Bully….

Match 4: Dean Ambrose (w/ Best Friend Forever Roman Reigns) vs Luke Harper (w/ More Like a First Girlfriend Bray Wyatt)
Ambrose and Harper work in the corner. Harper with a slap then an uppercut in another corner. Ambrose turns Harper into the third corner and hits a flurry. Whip is reversed but Ambrose hits a fist to the forehead. Kick to the leg, and Ambrose hops on the 2nd rope, rubbing the forearm into the head of Harper. Snapmare to Harper, Clothesline to the seated Harper. Pin for nothing. Throat Thrust from Harper. Uppercut to Ambrose, who bounces off the ropes and hits some forearms. He gets a few punches to the body then runs right into a HARD side slam. Pin for 1…..2…NO! Harper has Dean in the corner. Grabs the hair and pulls him to the center of the ring, where he hits a body slam. Another body slam from Harper. Harper misses a clothesline, then runs and tumbles down over the top rope. Dean with a dropkick between the ropes! He hops on the apron and flies off onto Harper on the outside.

Back from a break, and Harper is looking to slingshot Ambrose right into the ropes. He does. Pin for 1…NO! Harper with the Gator Roll. The crowd chants for Byron to sit down. hahaha. Side headlock from Harper, but Ambrose fights out. Headbutt, and he runs right into some Snake Eyes to the 2nd turnbuckle. Pin for 1…2..NO! Harper grabs Ambrose by the head, pushes him into the corner, then hits a right hand. Another knocks Ambrose down. Harper picks Dean up just to send him back down. Harper with a whip, but this time Ambrose grabs the head and slams Harper down. He lifts the boot, and Harper runs into it. Tornado DDT from Ambrose, and it looks like he hit his own damned head. Ambrose is up. Chops and rights to Harper. Harper won’t go down. Whip, but Ambrose with the sunset flip! Pin for 1…2..NO! Kick to Harper. Ambrose goes for Dirty Deeds, but Harper escapes, kicks, looks for the powerbomb! Ambrose escapes. Body slam to Harper. Both men in the corners. Ambrose bounces off, hits a shoulder, looks for a bulldog, but Harper shoves Ambrose. Ambrose in the corner. Harper runs with a big boot, but Ambrose moves, and Harper tumbles to the outside. Ambrose rushes to himm, Bray is up. Ambrose shoves Wyatt over the announce table! He vbounces off the apron and clotheslines Harper! Harper back in the ring, and Ambrose goes on the attack. he’s sent to the outside after a clothesline, and we can see Bray looking to attack! Ambrose ducks a clothesline, and Reigns is RIGHT THERE WITH A SUPERMAN PUNCH!!! He tackles Wyatt and attacks until Harper breaks it up. Suicide Dive from Ambrose!

Ambrose and Harper back in the ring. Ambrose in the corner. He runs out. HARD Clothesline from Harper to Ambrose! Pin for 1….2…..3!!!!
Official Result: Luke Harper
That clothesline….damn.
Rating: **1/2

Back to RAW, and MizTV is just about to begin. Miz is lookin super Douche, and rightfully so. He welcomes us to MizTV. Before he begins, he mentions one of the hottest young actors in Hollywood. Miz gives him a nod, then tells Steven to watch and learn, and when Stardust is done running through him, Miz will rebrand him and teach him how to act.

Speaking of building brands, he wants to introduce us to….

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Miz plugged him from obscurity and mentored him to greatness….DANIEL BRYAN!!!

Yup…..still such an awesome sight to see the crowd, in unison, shove their fingers simultaneously into the air.

Daniel Bryan chant as both men take a seat.

Miz welcomes Bryan back to MizTV, but the chants won’t stop. Miz holds his hand up.

“When my hand goes up, your mouth goes shut!” haha. Miz…

He says he has a show to run here. He welcomes Bryan back yet again. Bryan thanks Miz for welcoming him back. YES! Chant starts up again. Bryan jokingly says that Miz wants them to shut up, and they better be quiet. This ushers in a NO Chant! Bryan takes over. He says he has to be honest, he didn’t come here to be on Miz TV, he came here to quell the possibility of him missing RAW in his homestate of Washington! He starts a Sea hawks chant!! Miz says he is actually a Clevend Browns fan. Miz wants to talk about how he made Bryan’s career. Bryan takes offense to this, and mentions how Miz loves to take credit. Miz can take credit for a lot of things – for his A-list Hollywood career, as people can see in his upcoming movie Santa’s Little Helper, which he is sure will be a HUGE success (NO! chants). Miz says yes it will be, out this Christmas on DVD and Blu-Ray. So Miz can take credit for that. He can take credit for Miz’s amazing wardrobe, but his accomplishments are thanks to hard work and to everybody here tonight, and all the people that have supported him his entire career.

Miz says they’ll have to agree to disagree, but one thing they can agree on is Bryan’s medical status – which is the fact that Bryan is still not cleared to return to the ring. Miz calls Bryan a broken old toy, which no one wants to play with. Miz says he’s never experienced an injury in the WWE. What’s it like to sit at home, do nothing, and dwell on the past.

Bryan says it’s tough, because, Bryan has been kind of busy, actually. In a nod to Mick Foley, he’s been busy writing a book that just so happens to be a New York Times Bestseller called “YES! My -insert long ass title here-” and Bryan also happens to be a judge on Tough Enough. Miz says that he flipped through the book, and was disappointed that there weren’t more Miz moments. Miz calls himself the most qualified judge on Tough Enough, and his wisdom is priceless. He feels like Miz taught Bryan the value of being a champion, the integrity it takes, because when Bryan was injured, he did the right thing and doesn’t Bryan think that Ryback should follow Bryan’s lead and do the right thing? Shouldn’t he cancel the triple threat match at Summerslam and hand over Miz the title.

The Big Show doesn’t seem to like this idea, and heads out with a mic. He says that it amazes him how much crap comes out of Miz’s mouth and he still has white teeth. Miz is like a cross-dressing Jedi manure spreader. Miz honestly thinks he has a chance at winning the IC Title? Ha. Show then looks to Bryan, and is about to say something to him until the crowd asks him to retire. Big Show tells the crowd to find someone to retire him….

FEED! ME! MORE!

Ryback makes his return, and so do his veins. Ryback enters the ring to stand head to head with Big Show while both Miz and Bryan leave the ring. Miz is in the center of the screen, smiling, watching the potential collission. Bryan notices, grabs The Miz, and tosses him into the ring, right in between Ryback and Big Show. Miz pleads his case while Bryan watches on. Show shoves both men in the corner then tosses Miz into the opposite side. He runs into Miz, but here’s Ryback to run into both Show and Miz. Ryback sends Big Show to the outside. Bryan enters the ring. Miz struggles to stand up. Bryan points to Miz. FEED ME MORE turns into a YES Chant which then turns into a FEED ME MORE CHANT! Miz stands. Meathook to Miz! Miz gets hit so hard, his shoe sells for Ryback. In the ring, Bryan holds Ryback’s hand up high.

For Austin Powers!

Back from the break, and we get a video package of Charlotte. How many weeks late is this? Another mention of Rousey, and a pretty solid package – accentuating Charlotte’s determination.

Recap of earlier tonight where the divas went buckwild after their match. This leads to the announcement of a Divas Three Team Elimination Match.

Rusev is here to wave his freak flag. Or his freak and his flag.

Lana is on commentary. They ask her how Dolph is. She says he will be back after Summerslam. Mark Henry is here, and he remembers how Patriotic he can be, so brings out a flag and is wearing his super American gear.

Match 5: Rusev vs Mark Henry
Rusev tries to get things started, but is whipped, which is reversed. Henry hits a clothesline. Another. He shoves Rusev into the corner and hits a splash in the corner. Summer Rae hops on the apron to yell at Mark Henry. Henry whips Rusev into the corner, but Rusev hits a superkick hard! Lana decides to grab Summer Rae and pull her down off the apron. Summer Rae tosses Lana into the ring, and Rusev stands in front of her. Lana stands up slowly, then is shoved by Summer Rae, calling a DQ I guess…

Official Result: No Contest
…..
Rating: NR

Summer takes her jacket off and continues to beat down Lana. Rusev grabs Henry on the outside and shoves him into the steps then heads back into the ring. Summer continues to slam Lana into the mat, face first. Summer cackles until Rusev picks her up. Summer Rae composes herself. Rusev yells for Summer Rae to CRUSH!!! Summer hops on Lana’s back and locks in The Accolade.

Brazzers, take notice.

It makes me feel weird. Summer Rae’s cackle is disgustingly annoying. Rusev stands proud, as the Bulgarian flag drops down, this time with Rusev front and center.

We switch gears to Neville’s Strange Week. We get a video package that is altered comic-book style, looking pretty cool. It’s spliced with Cody Rhodes, and focuses on Neville’s pandering to the crowd by giving them one more Red Arrow to feast their eyes on.

This report sponsored by Mountain Dew:

Match 6: Neville vs King Barrett
Lockup to start. Barrett uses the hair to get Neville into the corner. Stomps leave Neville prone to a knee to the spine by Barrett. Cover for 1. Forearm to the upperback. Wade sends Neville to the outside, but he hangs on and stays on the apron. Wade with more clubs to the back. Neville is laid in the corner. Wade goes for a knee, but Neville moves.

Kick to the face. Neville up top. Red Arrow to King Barrett. Pin for 1…2..3!!!
Official Result:
.
Rating: NR

Stardust rushes the ring and attacks Neville! He turns to Amell. He hops over the ropes and shows his start to the Arrow. Stardust turns, then shoves the head of Amell. Amell hops the barricade and rushes the ring and attacks Stardust!!! Security is here to stop him!! They pull him back and in an AMAZING little piece of awesomeness, Wade Barrett sells the shit out of it like it’s an attack on a fellow wrestler. Seriously, THAT little bit was great.

Backstage, Triple H is here to yell at Amell. He says that he is lucky that homeboy even walked out of that ring. Neville says that it was Stardust who started it. H says he’ll deal with Stardust. Amell says let “us” take care of Stardust. H says that Amell is an actor, he’ll never be a wrestler. Amell takes offense, says that he is an actor, but also a man, and he wants to defend himself. H says he’s done talking. The parking lot is to the left. Amell says hold th fuck up, he’ll sign whatever his lawyers want him to sign, he will. Make the match. H smirks. “You want to play Tough Guy, huh? You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.” H says he wants the paperwork signed by 9 AM, and he will not be responsible for Amell’s funeral, but if he wants it, fine. Wade Barrett and Stardust vs Neville and The Green Arrow at Summerslam. Might be a bit more compelling if Barrett didn’t just get squashed in a minute.

On the plus side, Triple H’s defense of one of his wrestlers gives a lot of credibility to Stardust.

Backstage, JoJo is with Sheamus. Up next, Orton takes on Seth Rollins for the WWE Title, what are his thoughts? Sheamus says he’s been thinking about who he will be rooting for…the slimy little snake, Randy Boreton? Or the skunk-haired weasel, Seth Rollins. Although he finds Seth entertaining, particularly what he did to Cena’s nose. He says Cena will have a spot on the new reboot of The Goonies. He then laughs awkwardly. JoJo stops him, but Sheamus wasn’t done. Jerk. Geez. Sheamus says one thing is for sure….the briefcase. He says the right time may be tonight with regards to cashing in.

Match 7: WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins
Seth makes like he wants the lockup, but instead heads out of the ring. Seth gets back in via steps, and tells the ref to back Orton up. Seth enters through the ropes, looks to lockup. Kick to Orton. Uppercut and a few kicks in the corner, sending Orton down. Seth is backed up by the ref, then runs in with a right hand. He scrapes Orton’s face against the ropes. Seth backs Orton into the corner and hits some shoulders. Seth backs out of the corner at the 3 count. Whip to the corner, reversal, and Rollins flips, lands back on his feet…..DAMN NEAR INTO AN RKO!!! Seth escapes, barely, and heads to the outside.

Back after a break, and we’ve got a resthold on Orton. Orton turns into it,but Seth turns along with him. Orton tries to stand out of it, but Seth stands tall, keeping the hold in. Orton reaches forward, stands up, moves the arm, turns into it. Right punch to the gut. Right to the face. Whip, and Seth hooks the head and slams Orton down. Pin for 1…2..NO! Seth with a hit in the corner. Neckbreaker. Orton heads to the outside. Rollins hits the ropes and looks to dive, but Orton with a right hand!! He heads back into the ring and hits a clothelsine, antoher. He goes for the powerslam, but Seth holds onto the ropes. Orton with a pin, but only gets two. He goes for a backbreaker, but Seth hops out, only for Orton to hit the powerslam! Pin for 1…2..NO! Seth opts to leave the ring. He goes to grab the title and leave, but Orton is close behind and sends Seth into the timekeeper’s area. Orton with a back suplex ONTO the announce table! He sends Seth back into the ring. Seth tries to escape rampside, but Orton is there to grab the head. Seth with an elbow. He sends Orton into the ref – or tries to, but Orton stops himself. Rollup from Seth. 1…2..NO! Orton with a rollup of his own! 1…2…NO!!! Seth is up! Kick to the face of Orton! Both men down! Seth heads to the top rope. He’s looking to fly, but Orton hits the ropes, and Seth is crotched. Orton heads up top. SUPERPLEX from Orton!!!! Orton crawls to the cover. 1…2…NO!

Orton grabs Seth up by the head. Seth with a kick to Orton. He hooks the arms! He wants The Pedigree, but Orton slips out and sends Seth to the apron. He looks for the DDT, but Seth escapes and hits a high kick to the head!! Seth then grabs Orton’s head, who is on the apron! Seth wants the DDT! He sets up! HE HITS IT!!! ROLLINS HITS ORTON WITH HIS OWN DDT!!! Rollins. Seth takes it one step further, and stomps the mat with his fists. He waits for Orton to stand, presumably to hit the RKO. Kick to Orton! Pedigree attempt! Orton misses. Some miscommunication and sloppiness end with Rollins on the apron.

Seth heads to the top rope! Flies off! RKO to Seth Rollins! Pin for 1…2…..NO!!! Sheamus is here to pull the leg of Orton and attack, causing the DQ!
Official Result:
A good match, a boring story.
Rating: **1/2

Sheamus tosses Orton over the barricade! He looks towards Seth! He enters the ring! Sheamus removes his shirt! He holds the briefcase! He sets it down! Seth turns! BROGUE KICK!!!! Sheamus goes to the ref. He wants to cash it in! The ref is seemingly uninterested in this plan, because he doesn’t make a move. Orton is behind Sheamus! RKO to Sheamus!

End Show