411’s WWE Smackdown Report 01.30.09

Welcome to 411’s Weekly Smackdown Report. I am JP Truss your interim play-by-play man for Smackdown!

Tonight, the fall-out from the Royal Rumble! What are Matt Hardy‘s motives? Is he also responsible for the ‘accidents’ his younger brother has been in? Will there be another live sex celebration for Edge’s seventh World Title win?

No time to answer that (thank God) because we get a recap video from last Sunday’s match to distract us!

Matt Speaks!

Smackdown! come to us from Indianapolis, Indiana. No intro video, no pyro. Matt Hardy gets a somber ring intro and no music as he comes down the ramp with a steel chair. He let’s the crowd get a few shots in before;

“Finally, I don’t have to share the spotlight with my brother.”

Well Matt, you’ve got my attention now.

A montage of home videos start playing as Matt begins explaining that he’s always been a good older brother. He’s already taking care of him. Matt then brings up the accidents, saying that no one can prove he was responsible. But, everyone can prove what he did at the Royal Rumble. Matt tells the crowd how much of a burden his brother was and calls him a constant mistake. He lists the phone calls asking where Jeff was and having to cover him. Matt declares his brother a psychological wreck, while he is healthy and happy. If his survival meant Jeff’s destruction, so be it.

And now Matt turns to the fans. He talks about his ten years trying to please the crowd, being a role model, but all the people cared about was the “self-destructive screw up” known as Jeff Hardy.

Nice dig. Especially coming from a Hardy.

Now Matt only cares about himself. Matt then looks at the camera and makes a decree that the Hardy Boys have ceased to exist and disowns Jeff. A ‘We Want Jeff’ chants as they cut to commercials.

Matt does a good job here, but it’s dented by the video cut-ins and ominous music. Having it silent and dark would’ve definitely spun this segment to the next level, but as a far as heel turns go Matt put forth an incredible psychological effort that was definitely the right direction to go. If you missed it, go and see it online and we’ll wait for you.

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Good? Good.

R-Truth vs. The Brian Kendrick w/ Ezekiel “The Green Mile” Jackson

R-Truth cannot rap and walk down a staircase at the same time. For some reason I find that interesting

J.R. and Tazz are back on the mic as TGM and R stare each other down. Finally the ref sends him to the back and Kendrick takes advantage with a cheap shot. R-Truth gets in a quick offense but Kendrick is back on him with a heel kick. Kendrick is focusing on the head and neck area, using a wristlock/sleeper combination to wear R-Truth down. R-Truth fights out of it and counters with a powerslam. R-Truth gets a two count. Kendrick charges and gets caught with the corkscrew forearm. Can you dig it?! Axe Kick connects and this is one is over.

Winner: R-Truth (via Pinfall at 2:12) * Considering the early pace of the match, you’d think it would last a pit longer. If you didn’t see it, you didn’t miss anything.

We get a package showing the formation of the first Wrestlemania before the commercials. It beats Did You Know.

We’re back and the trailer for 12 Rounds will air later tonight.

Chavo Guerrero vs. MVP

Chavo is in the ring, waiting for his opponent. No tunnel or pyro for MVP. That’s not very ballin’, but oh well.
Chavo and MVP tie up and they trade some quick mat wrestling only for Chavo to take the lead once they get to their feet. MVP answers back with a back body drop and an arm drag into an arm bar. MVP works the shoulder before going for a pin, only to target the shoulder again once Chavo stands. Chavo answers back with a rolling heel kick and gives MVP an arm drag/arm bar combination of his own. Good ring psychology here in the early going.

Chavo switches over into a Fujiwara armbar as MVP tries to get to his feet. Chavo keeps MVP off his feet for a while until MVP fights back with a flapjack press. MVP gets a few elbows in and hits a overhead throw, good enough for a two count. MVP gets Chavo on his shoulder but Chavo fights out of it and hits two of the Three Amigos before MVP fights out. Chavo gets MVP off his feet again and goes to the top. Chavo takes too much time taunting and MVP blocks him. MVP goes for a superplex but Chavo fights him off. Chavo goes for the Frog splash and misses! Drive-By Kick! MVP wins it!

Winner: MVP (Pinfall via Drive-By Kick at 5:12) **1/4 This was a vast improvement over the first match. The pace was set well enough for both men to build up to the conclusion. It was just a taste, but more than enough to show what both are capable of given time.

Tazz is in the ring and asks him how it feels to be off his 20 week losing streak. MVP tells the crowd that the cornrow wearing, (insert trash talk here) Mack is back! And he’s coming for his US Championship!

Umaga’s video package from last week is shown. Tonight; the Saaaaamoan Bulldozer is BACK!

– Did You Know more people watched Smackdown than the X Games last week? Because you know those families all across the US was crowding around their TVs for the X Games.

We get a back and are treated to a package highlighting the Elimination Chamber. This has been one of the WWE’s better concepts in the past few years. No Way Out overall is something I believe TNA could learn from with Lockdown, but who am I to judge? Someone must want to watch a whole night of cage matches, right?

Umaga vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Umaga is back and he has new music! Decent, but something about those old drums and tribal yelling just worked for the guy. Commercial break before the victim opponent comes out.

Big Show skinning the cat? Are you kidding me? Someone needs to give that guy some more air time. I would love to see him try something off the top rope.

We’re back and J.R. shares my skepticism. So does Jimmy Wang Yang. Blink and you may miss this one folks.

Jimmy Wang Yan tries to avoid Umaga in the beginning but Umaga catches him with a Swinging Side Slam. Wang Yang’s wife beater is torn as Umaga beats him down in the corner. Umaga backs up, “WAAHHH!!!” and the Samoan Wrecking Ball connects. Okay, that’s going to need a new name while I’m here. U-Train? Samoan Sunset? I’ll get back to you.

The crowd wants to see a Samoan Spike; Umaga gives them what they want. The pin is academic.

“For everyone in the Smackdown locker room, Umaga is back!” Well said, J.R. Well said.

Winner: Umaga (Pinfall via Samoan Spike at 1:44) *1/2. It was a squash. Everyone new it would be a squash and didn’t try to hide it. Good for Umaga’s first time back, just try not to make it a habit Smackdown.

–Edge: A Decade of Decadence. BUY! BUY! BUY!

-Just because I’m curious, I want anyone who watches “Street Patrol” to comment.

We get another video package of Vladimir Kozlov’s training. Okay, that’s great…now do it in the ring.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

The Undertaker makes his way to the ring as only he can. For some reason, I’m curious how this entrance would go if the Undertaker was in TNA. One can dream can’t they?

Mark Henry and Tony Atlas come out. Henry’s ring work has been well done since last year. It took the WWE a while but they finally get it with Mark Henry.

Undertaker puts Mark Henry into a headlock in the early going but Henry fights out of it, knocking Undertaker off his feet. Tazz notes that’s unusual and Henry muscles the Undertaker into the corner, but Undertaker fights out of it. Undertaker tries to whip Henry to the corner but Henry reverses it and hits a clothesline. Henry tries to take control but Undertaker fights back and goes for the arm. Undertaker goes to the top and goes for Old School, but Henry catches him mid-air. Henry forces Undertaker in the corner and Atlas gets in a sneak attack. Undertaker slips out of the ring. Henry doesn’t let him rest and gets him back into the ring. A slugfest commences and Henry wins out, scoop slamming the Undertaker and hitting a jumping elbow drop. If that hurt anywhere as much as it look like it did, damn. Good for a two count.

Henry puts in a side headlock and Undertaker fights out of it. Both men get on their feet and trade blows. Henry out punches Undertaker and charges, but Undertaker gets up the boot. Undertaker bounces off the ropes, ducks under a clothesline and catches Henry with a big Flipping Clothesline. Undertaker goes for a chokeslam, but Tony Atlas provides the distraction. Henry clotheslines him over the ropes. Undertaker takes out Atlas, knocks Henry back long enough to get in the ring and hit a big chokeslam! Undertaker locks in Hell’s Gate for the win.

Winner: Undertaker (Submission via Hell’s Gate at 5:26) **1/2. Easily the best match of the night so far with the style fitting both men. Like Benjamin, Henry was allowed to get in enough offense during the match not to be hurt by a loss.

-Remember what I said about “Street Patrol”? Same thing goes for “Vice Squad”.

We get a recap of the media coverage surrounding Mickey Rourke possibly appearing at Wrestlemania. This is definitely interesting and the WWE is doing the right thing trying to downplay it as much as possible so that The Wrestler won’t have any baggage or stigma with the Academy Awards. I just hope it will happen.

Edge Celebrates his Championship!

Vickie introduces Edge and he comes out with an almost Federline-esque swagger. Not sure if that was what he was going for, but it works. Edge comments on the allegations with the Jeff Hardy ‘accidents’ and tells everyone that they were DEAD WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

The “You Suck” chants come in but it doesn’t stop Edge from wanting to open a ‘line of communication’ with the people. He wants people to be able to tell others that they talked to their seven time champion. He wants everyone to stand and surprisingly it happens. Edge wants the crowd to say their sorry, but it’s not happening. Edge begins pimping his DVD and gives all of those with flash photography a five second pose!

VINTAGE EDGE!

Serious mark out moment for me, although it just may have been me. Edge and Vickie swap spit before the Big Show’s music hit. Big show gives Vickie a big ole bear hug and Edge looks dazed and confused. Show tries to touch the belt but Edge knocks his hand away. Edge and Vickie leave as we head to commercials.

Everyone who’s seen Edge knows what to expect and he gets the job down here. His usual work with a throwback moment for us long-time fans. Big Show’s moment cut it just at the right time. Now if only the wrestling can catch up to the talking.

A note to anyone interested in recapping a television broadcast; eat either before or after the show. If you try and eat during the show one of two things are destined to happen; A-The food will be undercooked or B- You will burn the food. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
Big Show vs. Festus

“Well this is going to be interesting.”

I must be channeling J.R. tonight. Something weird is definitely going on here.

The bell rings and Big Show just shakes his head as Festus freaks out. Festus actually gets the Big Show off his feet before Show hits the DDT. That was…wow. That was something else.

Big Show chops Festus across the ring and works him over with punches to the gut. Festus begins fighting back and nails Big Show with a Tornado DDT from the second rope. Good for a two count. Festus’ chest is blood red as he tries to capitalize, but is stopped with another chop. Big Show picks up Festus and hits the Alley-Oop! Haven’t seen that one in a while. Festus sells it well.

Big Show loads up the fist and nails Festus right across the jaw. That is all she wrote.

Winner: Big Show (Pinfall via KO at 2:39) *1/2. Predictable squash. But, it gets a little extra just because it’s rare to see someone nearly dead-lift Big Show.

Jesse comes in to check on his partner but Big Show puts a stop to it with a big chokeslam.

-Did You Know more men watched Smackdown than any other show last week? I don’t know how they came up with that one, or what guys they asked, but then again I really don’t want to know.

We get to see the 12 Rounds trailer again. I will say this; it looks like it will have more substance and story than The Marine.

Eve is in the back and Michelle snatches the mic from her. She’s begins the trash talking and Eve answers her with a slap. Michelle walks off smiling. An okay segment that keeps the Divas’ angles alive.

The Main Event is next!

-I would love to be in one of those idiotic truth just to mess with those guys. I’m not a smoker, but I’m willing to be that these commercials created a few.

-We get it Bowflex! “Size matters”!

We come back and get a recap of Raw. Excellent work for Randy Orton…not so much for Shane McMahon.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
Triple H. vs. Vladimir Kozlov vs. The Great Khali

A HHH chant starts and HHH goes after Kozlov . Kozlov tackles HHH into the corner but Khali tosses him off. Kozlov and Khali faces off and Kozlov gets a chop for his trouble. Khali boots Kozlov out of the ring as we got to a commercial break at 1:10.

MyNetwork TV just gave away the end of the match while promoting next week’s Smackdown. Was it obvious? Yeah. But still, it was kind of weird

We are back at 4:44 and Khali and HHH are brawling on the outside. HHH takes down Khali with a chop block and he goes to Kozlov who is still down. HHH rolls Kozlov into the ring and goes for a running knee but Kozlov counters into a powerslam. Kozlov gets a two count and backs HHH into the corner, hitting a few shoulders into the gut before nailing a clothesline. Kozlov goes for a pin; Kozlov gets a two count. Kozlov picks up HHH for a powerslam but HHH counters with a DDT. HHH gets a running start again but is caught by Kozlov, who hits a Last Call. A pin attempt gets a two count.

Kozlov backs HHH into the corner and goes for a running headbutt, but HHH gets the boot up. HHH nails Kozlov with a facebuster and follows up with a AA-style Spinebuster. Khali comes in and knocks HHH down, stopping his momentum. Khali locks in the Vice Grip and HHH struggles until Kozlov hits Khali accidently with a running headbutt! HHH breaks free and throws Kozlov to the outside! HHH hits the Pedigree on Khali and gets the win!

Winner: Triple H (Pinfall via Pedigree at 9:03) *3/4 Not a terrible match, but it had no real reason for being the main event. Especially considering the involvement of the Great Khali and Vladimir Kozlov. A mediocre end to a mediocre show.

Triple H celebrates as Smackdown closes.

Final Thoughts: Considering how well done last week’s show was, I can’t help but feel disappointed. There was good angle progression and the segments with Matt Hardy and Edge were definitely worth watching, but other than that the show had a very disjointed feel to it which can be attributed to the lackluster card. With the exception of Chavo/MVP and Undertaker/Mark Henry, everything felt off. Not that it was terrible, it just felt…off. With Wrestlemania in the horizon that’s not good for the brand. Hopefully next week will see improvements in the ring as well as the continuation of their major storylines.