411’s WWE Smackdown Report 02.27.03

WWE Smackdown for February 27, 2003. Taped from London, Ontario, Canada.
Report by Brad Jennette, EXCLUSIVELY for www.411wrestling.com

Can you feel it? Can you….feel it? The MANIA is coming! This is the very
last Smackdown report on 411wrestling.com. And before you ask, I am NOT
being replaced once the big relaunch happens. At least I hope not!

Anyways…

The week that was in wrestling.

No Way Out…

Kidman vs. Matt Hardy “Version 1” was solid as a rock like I expected. The
crowd wasn’t into it but what the hell do those crazy Canadian mother
canuckers know anyway? Paul E’s second to last wish before being “demoted”
(see: yeah right) comes true with Mattitude taking the strap away from Mr.
Vanilla, Billy Kidman. I just hope they don’t fuck Hardy over by making him
the proverbial “transitional champion” and have him do the J-O-B to Rey Rey
at Wrestlemania.

Big Show vs Undertaker was WAAAY better then I could have imagined it would
be. Taker had me on edge of my seat with the suicidal NO HANDS TOPE! Plus he
bumped his ass off and made Show look like at least a hundred thousand bucks
(Show just doesn’t qualify for looking like a million bucks). The locker
room leader got my respect back, for one night at least.

Brock & Benoit vs. The NEW masters and rulers of the world, Team Angle
(copyright: Sid Vicious) was the best thing on the show but just a notch
below the usual awesomeness these 5 guys can get out of each other. It made
me sad to watch my boys Shelton and Charlie look like pussies (especially
with American Jesus on the squad this time around) against Canadian Jesus
and the Terminator but I guess it was not all that unexpected. They still
got the gold baby!

The main event…. Rock was great again, Hogan was horrible again. The end
result was another average match with an ever worse finish.

Raw… Heel Rock is the best thing the WWE has outside of Angle and
Benoit going for 30 minutes, period. It really makes me sad to see him on
the dark side with PK and the rest of those Raw bastards.

As for the rest of Raw… to hell with it, this is the Smackdown report!

The video rolls, the pyro hits and we are TAPED FROM CANADA (stupid mother
canuckers)… it’s WWE Smackdown for February 27, 2003.
NO CHANCE! THAT’S WHAT YA GOT! Vinnie Mac opens tonight Smackdown with some
nice heel heat. You listening to this Hunter? He’s got some bad news for us
tonight. He also has some good news. The bad news is that the Rock isn’t
here. Vince informs the sheep that the Rock can do whatever he wants he
chose to go to Raw. DAMN YOU ROCK! The good news is that tonight HULK HOGAN
IS NOT THERE due to a family emergency! YES! A big “Asshole” chant breaks
out. Vince says the REAL reason Hogan isn’t on Smackdown tonight is because
Hogan is a COWARD and is afraid of Vince McMahon! No one screws with Vince,
Vince is the one who does all the screwing around here. Vince talks about
the master plan even pointing out the appointed referee was CANADIAN.
Tonight we will see the world broadcast premire of the ending of No Way Out.
Vince says that a new mania is running wild in the WWE, MCMAHONAMANIA! Vince
is such a dick as Mr. McMahon.

Michael Cole and Taz inform us that Brock will go head to head with BOTH
Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas tonight in our main event. It’s the third
straight week of OVW main events!

Speaking of Brock, doesn’t he seem like what Adolf Hitler saw in his mind
when tried to breed the ultimate human specimen, in his view, the Aryan
ubermensch. He’d probably like Brock Lesnar with his blonde haired, blue
eyed gigantacism a whole fucking lot. Then Lesnar would give Hitler an F5,
and we’d win the war anyway.

Commercial Break.

WWE Something of the Week: Funaki saving Torrie Wilson from further spanking
at the hands of Nidia. Does Torrie have a thing for Japanese guys or what?

Torrie and her newest Japanese beau vs. The Trailer Park Powers
The male portion of this could rock, Noble and Funaki are both pretty
fucking killer in the ring. The men start us off with some back and forth
offence until Noble kills Funaki with a neckbreaker. Noble beats on Funaki
for a while then tags in Nidia. Nidia hits a legdrop on Funaki! She follows
that up with a Kevin Sullivan-esque double stop to the chest! LOL! Noble
tags back in and he goes for the tiger driver but Funaki counters with a
slingshot right into Nidia. RUNNING BULLDOG! Funaki looks for a tornado DDT
but Noble COUNTERS! Double clothesline and both men are down. Noble makes
the take and Nidia heads to the top! Big splash misses. HOT TAG Torrie.
Torrie takes Nidia down with a Russian legsweep and slaps Noble around,
until he slams her! HAHAHA! Funaki baseball slides Noble to the outside and
then lands a plancha! Dawn Marie shows up but her interference is worthless
and Torrie rolls Nidia up with a schoolgirl for the win.

Winners: Funaki & Torrie

Stephanie comes out and teases that it is her posing for Big Gurl maga….I
mean Playboy. The real “winner” (what is this a contest?) is Torrie. Torrie
jumps around like a 5 year old and Nidia and Dawn Marie look all sad.

Commerical Break.

During the break: Torrie and Steph talk about Playboy and Girls Gone Wild.
Next week is the cover shoot.

Brian “Spanky” Kendrick (who is a tiny little shit) walks up to Stephanie
and asks for a job. She tells him thanks but no thanks. Come on Steph the
man SHOWED YOU HIS COCK on national TV! He said he had an idea. He would to
challenge Kurt Angle to a non title match. She laughed at him at first, but
later said that if he can last five minutes with Kurt Angle then he can be
the newest Smackdown member of Smackdown’s roster. The kid looked like he
creamed in his pants when Steph said yes.

Latino Jesus vs. Little Guido
The lowcard heel stable has a new entrance package with the FBI being
brought back. Tazz “remembers” them from somewhere. I wish they would let
Tazz talk openly about ECW, it could really spruce up the show. Eddy starts
but knocking Nunzio around with some forearm shivers and a picture perfect
dropkick. Eddy grabs the arm, runs up the ropes and his the TOP ROPE
ARMDRAG! SWEET! Stamboli and Chavo argue on the outside and Palumbo is able
trip Eddy coming off the ropes. Nunzio takes control and stomps and chokes
away on the mat. Nunzio just doesn’t do it for me. Eddy comes back with the
RUDO european uppercuts but the ref gets distracted again and Stamboli gets
a shot in this time. Nunzio earns a little of my respect back by DROPPING
THE PAD and DROPPING THE KNEE! Nuzio charges but Eddy catches him with the
tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Nunzio tries a rollup but Eddy COUNTERS. ELECTRIC
CHAIR! 2 & 1/2! T-BONE SUPLEX! 2 & 3/4. Eddy’s feeling froggy and he heads
up top, Nuzio moves out of the way but Eddy twists in midair and lands a
rolling senton. Nuzio runs over and rolls Eddy up, Eddy counters and grabs
the tights for the victory.

Winner: Eddy Guererro

Postmatch: The FBI ATTACKS! Rikishi makes the save! I don’t care!

Commerical Break.

Paul Heyman is seen sitting in Steph’s office. She informs him that Brock
will get any member of Team Angle in a steel cage next week on Smackdown if
he defeats the TAG CHAMPS in a handicap match tonight.

They show the video of Edge KO’ed at No Way Out. Benoit talks to Brock he
had the same neck injury and it isn’t fun. They suspect Team Angle to be the
deed doers (is that even a word?). Benoit tells Brock he better get revenge
for Edge tonight. Benoit says Angle isn’t the only one with friends. He
opens a door and asked his mystery man if he is ready, because they are on
next!

Commerical Break.

Canadian Jesus & A Mystery Partner vs. Version 1 & The little MFer
Matt Facts: He wears size 34 pants and thinks sweet potatoes are delicious.
Benoit’s partner is Rhyno! HELL YEAH!! Benoit grabs Shannon and whips him
right into a Rhyno lariat. Rhyno his a baby GORE in the corner on Shannon
and makes the tag to Benoit. Benoit comes in and back elbows Shannon in the
kisser. Snap suplex for Shannon. Matt ILLEGALLY trips Benoit coming off the
ropes and Shannon Moore(!) starts working over Chris Benoit? The fuck?!
Version 1 takes Benoit down with the Side Effect for TWO! Matt gets the
yodelling legdrop without the yodel and tags out to Shannon who works over
Benoit?! Shannon Moore has NO BUSINESS having Benoit sell anything for him.
Matt and Shannon double team Benoit and go for some old school Hardy boyz,
poetry in motion but Shannon misses. STEAMING HOT tag to Rhyno! Lariat for
Shannon! Lariat for Matt! PERFECT SPINEBUSTER on Matt! Shannon tries a spin
kick by Rhyno is all “fuck that” and powerslams him. Benoit climbs the top
and hits the FLYING HEADBUTT on Shannon. Rhyno heads to the corner and its
GORE GORE GORE on Matt for the win!

Winners: Benoit and Rhyno

Commercial Break.

The Undertaker comes out and TALKS again. What happened to “Shut Up and
Wrestle”. He calls out A-Train who comes out….with Paul Heyman. Paul
announces A-Train as the new member of his team. Then Paul calls down Big
Show and the two heels stalk the ring. They finally get in and Big Show
chokeslams Taker. They grabs a chair but Nathan Jones finally debuts and
clears the ring with some STEVE BLACKMAN-like kicks.

Five Minute Challenge Match: American Jesus vs. Spanky
A cool little countdown graphic is shown on the bottom of the screen. By the
way, Kendrick is TINY. I know I already said that but the kid is smaller
then me. Anyways…Angle gets in the amateur down position and lets Kendrick
try and take him down, but no dice. Kendrick tries everything until Angle
gets bored and takes him down. Angle slaps the poor kid in the head a few
times then lets up and backs off. Angle gives the kick another shot, only
this time Angle puts his hands on his head, looking very criminal. Kendrick
gets smart this time and kicks Kurt in the FACE. Of course Kurt pops right
back up and THROWS THE KID ACROSS THE RING with a belly to belly. Angle
pounds Spanky in the corner and then bitch slaps him over the top rope! LOL!
Angle rolls him back in and grabs the ankle lock, only to let off. The kid
ducks a lariat and starts unleashing the right hands on Angle! Angle says
“oh no you don’t!” and takes the kid out with a knee lift. Kurt looks for
the Angle Slam but he just drops the kid to the mat, wanting to punish him
some more. Kurt looks for more punishment but Kendrick comes back with a
facebuster! 2! ENZUIGIRI! 2 & 1/2! Angle charges, SPANKY MOVES! Spanky goes
for an Acid Drop but Kurt throws him off and kills the kid dead with a
lariat. Only like 20 seconds left in the match. Kendrick fights back and
looks like he might beat the deadline but Kurt gets a knee lift and Angle
Slams Spanky back to the midcard with only 2 seconds left!

Winner: Kurt Angle

Post match, Angle made fun of Kendrick by telling him to stand up. Kendrick
was standing and Angle said, “oh wait, you are.” Then he told him he had
guts, he isn’t gonna make it in THIS business…but he’s got guts. Kurt then
gave the little guy a hard lariat and an F5.

Commerical Break.

The ref from Rock/Hogan 2 came out and showed the showed the last five
minutes of the Rock/Hogan match from No Way Out. A lousy ending to say the
least.

Commerical Break.

A replay of Brock Lesnar giving John Cena an F5 into the ringpost two weeks
ago is shown. Then Cena gave another great rap about Brock. He said Brock’s
finisher may be the F5, but his is the F-U.

Brock Lesnar v. Team Angle
Brock starts off with Haas and pounds on him for a while. Mostly punchy,
kicky stuff. Haas tries to comeback but gives him a knee lift and does the
corner spears. Brock hits a backbreaker then a BLOCKBUSTER suplex. Haas
keeps getting pounded on until he can finally tag out to Benjamin. Of course
he can’t do anything and he gets overhead suplexed. Benjamin falls victum to
the corner spears and pounding just like Haas did earlier. Haas comes back
in ILLEGALLY and lariats Brock FROM BEHIND. Paul E gets some kicks to the
ribs on the outside while Team Angle distracts the referee. Brock gets
rolled back in and fires out of the corner and lariats Benjamin to the mat.
Haas dumps him again and Heyman and Angle get in some more shots. They roll
Brock back in and Shelton get a 2 count. Haas gets an overhead suplex and
hooks in a chinlock/body scissors. He holds this for a while then Brock
powers up to his feet and climbs the turnbuckle and jumps backwards. Haas
looks like he landed right on his leg. Benjamin comes back in and Lesnar
pounds on his and pushes him into Haas. Brock is in full control but Haas
comes back and Team Angle gets the AWESOME SUPERKICK/GERMAN SUPLEX combo. It
only gets a 2. DAMN YOU BROCK! You dont kick out of the…..anyone who has a
good name for that move e-mail me at [email protected]. Brock
makes a quick comeback and tries and F5 on Haas but Benjamin pulls Haas
down. Haas gets dumped and Shelton gets F5’d for the pin.

Winner: Brock Lesnar

Postmatch: Brock picks Paul Heyman to face him in the cage next week.

End of Show.

Smackdown Breakdown
Funaki & Torrie Wilson vs. Jamie Noble & Nidia: Fun little match. Jamie
Noble is really wasted on Velocity, the man has serious talent. I can’t wait
for next month’s Playboy issue
Eddy Guerrero vs. Nunzio: This was too short but had a nice pace and was
solid dispite its shortness.

Chris Benoit & Mystery Partner vs. Matt Hardy & Shannon Moore: GORE! GORE!
GORE! Rhyno is back baby! All we need now is Rhyno to turn to set up
Rhyno-Benoit at WM.

Kurt Angle vs. Brian Kendrick: I was seriously rooting for Spanky to beat
the deadline and was on the edge of my seat when he got in those hope spots.

Brock Lesnar vs. Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas: I love Shelton, I love
Brock, I like Charlie. All in all this was not as great as we have seen from
T.A. Brock but still entertaining. Gotta love that superkick-german combo.