The Wednesday Wire: 9.14.11: The Return

I checked the archived records here at 411 Wrestling and it has led me to the realization that it has been exactly four years to the day that I published my last column for this internet enterprise…

… is what my first sentence would have been if last Wednesday hosted my return to the ranks of the 411 writer’s galley. Technically it still is my first sentence, but it has been elongated with the post-scripted note that such a statement would not be a truthful one to make. That said, I have indeed returned after four years of getting my act cleaned up. There are a number of reasons for why I am excited about wrestling again, all of which will eventually come up as a topic of discussion here. A great deal has changed in my world since I left you last. Things such as the haircut I got last Thursday. That was a pretty big deal. Wrestling, as tends to be the case, has done a lot of changing and a great deal of staying the same.

Now that the welcome wagon full of harangues and hurrahs is over with, it seems like I may be well served to begin part two of my 411 adventure. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out like one of the many iterations of Matt Hardy.

411’s Nick Marsico
(9.17.2004 – 9.7.2007)

411’s Nicholas A. Marsico
(9.13.2011 – probably some September down the line)

VIDEOS
(Grouped For Your Convenience)

Z! True Long Island Story: Episode 30

WWE ’12: Power To The Miz

TNA: Sting vs. Flair on IMPACT WRESTLING and Bound For Glory on 10/16

TNA: Jeff Hardy Returns to IMPACT WRESTLING

WWE’s Greatest Rivalries: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

ROH Videowire 8.31.2011

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla: Eight

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla: Battle of Los Angeles 2011

THE NEWS
(That I Feel Like Printing)

“I want to help without destroying the product.”

In response to being questioned as to whether or not he feels pressure to get in the ring, Hulk Hogan spoke in circles, as Hulk Hogan tends to do. I brought in a translator for some help, and this is what I was given: “No. Nobody has asked me to get in the ring even though I keep hinting at it. And it’s frustrating, man, you know? It’s like they’re looking at me and wondering if Dixie really keeps inviting me back or if I’m just a confused old man that she feels sorry for.”

Remember, this is just what the interpreter said.

“I beat, The Miz,Terry Funk, and 2 others guys with a brokrn[sic] neck!!”

Roddy Piper has apparently been walking around for a couple years with a broken neck. He didn’t want to go under the knife, so the doctors had to convince him to undergo traditional surgery by telling him that they couldn’t repair him the way he wanted them to since the hospital was all out of bubblegum.

“Rosa Mendes doesn’t go on a rant for no reason.”

But if she was yelling and screaming in the middle of an empty forest, would anybody care to listen? Who knows what she’s bitching about, but on Twitter this week, the SmackDown (RAW? NXT?) diva let the claws out by calling some of the other girls names.

“If i’m making people upset, I don’t really care. I’m sick of seeing the Divas division ruined by these rookies. Sexy, smart, powerful!”

I’m curious as to what she means… the only girls getting any true TV time are Beth Phoenix, Natalya, the Bellas, Kelly Kelly and Eve. None of them are rookies and all of them are pretty darned good. The attack is supposedly against former NXT competitors AJ and Kaitlyn, although as far as being on TV is concerned, all they’ve ever done since NXT ended was get beat up by the aforementioned divas.

“Stay in FCW and stop shopping at Target chicas!”

As a frequent buyer at America’s favourite French store, that statement personally offends me. My feelings aside, what do some of 411’s readers think?

“so much for not being a bully and being a star, huh WWE?” – Mr. Mack

“Rosa Mendez is coming at the rookie Divas? Really? The same Rosa Mendez who got her WWE deal as a Diva Search reject and hasn’t improved in any measurable way since 2005? Wow. Someone needs to put this useless bitch in her place.” – The TradeMark Experience

“I’m sure this is all for work purposes, but I just wanted to comment that Rosa peaked on WWECW as Ryder’s girlfriend.” – G-Walla

(Random Thought)
Imagine what it would be like if Twitter was around in the mid-late 90s. I bet Tony Schiavone would have accidentally made viewers tune in to watch RAW every week.

“Stop being a bitch and come on.”

Torrie Wilson and Tiny “Zeus” Lister Sign On For New Reality Series

This was the headline of the news byte that 411 put up. Do yourself a favor; don’t open the link unless you wish to be disappointed.

Shouldn’t it be Tom “Tiny ‘Zeus'” Lister?

“I don’t listen to them! It doesn’t bother me at all!”

Isn’t that what everybody who has ever existed always says when they get their feelings hurt? This ain’t worth more column space, though, so just click the link if you want to see more.

“How much did I rip the fans off of a better time they could have had?”

Road Dogg gave what looks to be a very good interview to Wrestling Voice Radio, in which he appears to take full responsibility for his self-destructive actions and shows little-to-no ego when discussing his shortcomings as a singles wrestler. He said that he has been clean for about 10 months, and in my opinion that has done him a lot of good. He may be one of the lucky ones that can get away from their addictions and live past 55. And one of the lucky ones that doesn’t waste everything and make themselves out to be old fools because they never grew up.

“I don’t always hire sleazy bearded wrestlers, but when I do I hire [Joey Ryan].”

People seem to be very divided by the concept of the Wrestling Revolution Project. I am on the bandwagon for this one. Unlike the multitude of other companies that have claimed that they were locked and loaded and ready to do some mind-blowing things in the world of professional wrestling, Jeff Katz and crew are actually a group of professionals who have actually done significant things in the media and entertainment world. That gives Mr. Katz and Co. the advantage right from the start, and the fact that WRP has deals already set up with Netflix and iTunes along with a successful and legitimate production and distribution company in Image Entertainment just seals it. This isn’t going to be big news for 2 months and then fizzle out. It’s not going to be a competitor to WWE nor will it try to take over the world. It’s going to be a television series and it’s going to be interesting. I’m very excited for this one and I can’t wait for it to come out. Here’s the current cast as of Tuesday night:

– Scott Colton (Colt Cabana)
– Len Olson (Dr. Luther)
– Ken Doane (Kenny Dykstra)
– Alex Zikos (Alex Reynolds)
– Tyson Smith (Kenny Omega)
– Hassan Assad (MVP)
– Sam Johnston (Sami Callihan)
– Dara Daivari (Daivari, Sheik Abdul Bashir)
– Emil Sitoci
– Drew Hankinson (Luke Gallows)
– Fergal Devitt (Prince Devitt)
– Ben Muth
– Jonathan Figueroa (Amazing Red)
– Michael Oberegger (“Psycho” Mike Rollins)
– Chad Allegra (Karl Anderson)
– Joseph Ryan Meehan (Joey Ryan)
– Lance Evers (Lance Storm) as a producer

Have the announcements, if you have been following them, gotten you to check out any of these guys you have never heard of?

TELEVISION
(Or: How We Raise Our Children)

“If you can’t say anything nice…”

Until I can find a reason to sit through an entire episode of IMPACT WRESTLING (does it really need to be in all caps?), I will comment on certain clips I watch on their Youtube channel only. I will, however, try to comment only on the ones I have something positive to say about, unless, of course, something bad that necessitates commentary occurs. Most years TNA puts on a pay-per-view that has a number of good-to-great matches with a negligent amount of inconsistencies and unsatisfying moments that gets me excited about the company and gives me incentive to give it another shot. I continue to assume that one of these times they’ll actually hook me and I’ll care to watch every week. Please be aware, as I noted above, that this will not be another weekly column that takes every opportunity to attack TNA. It does nothing for anybody. I’ll focus on the positive stuff and otherwise I’ll generally just shut my mouth.

“Aww shucky ducky!”

Don’t ask me. I just love Booker on commentary. Like most everyone else, I could do without Cole stepping on and interrupting everybody else for his increasingly redundant and uninspired heel schtick. I am one of the few whom honestly did not have much of a problem with Cole when he was just plain old Michael Cole, commentator. Be it losing his voice calling WrestleMania, coining the term “vintage” for moves that have sometimes only been done on a handful of occasions or being just a little too happy-go-lucky for his own good, he rarely got on my nerves. He worked hard and did his job. By now most of us probably wish Heidenreich would come back for a repeat performance.

I actually liked Heidenreich during his stint as one-half of the LOD 2005. The facepaint ruled.

“Very scrawny and kinda seedy-looking.”

Sheamus can continue with his stories from Ireland for as long as he pleases. I like it when a guy uses metaphors to relate his life to his career. I also like it when he can use it just to insult somebody. Steve Austin can keep his “CLB” to himself. Christian is definitely more of a Seedy-Looking Pup than a Creepy Little Bastard. As long as JR, Cole and company don’t do everything in their power to get “SLP” over as a disparaging nickname. That was stupid. Why saddle a guy with something like that?

Sheamus versus Christian should be very entertaining both in-ring and out. I do hope that Sheamus and Mark Henry can get their rubber match in at some point, though. That rivalry was a perfect way to turn Sheamus to the light side (granted he would be hard pressed to ever truly get too far away from it*) and they had a pair of matches that most would label as “surprisingly” good. Two count out finishes lend themselves to a third contest, but Orton had no further challengers and they want both Sheamus and Henry to continue looking strong, so right now we don’t get a satisfying conclusion. One would surmise that eventually the unfinished business will be resolved somewhere down the road. I personally look forward to it.

(Random Thought)
Ever notice how Wade Barrett’s jacket mocks Vince McMahon’s walk?

“All I can do is ask.”

Are we buying Jeff Hardy’s apology/contrition from TNA last week? I’m willing to give him the “one more shot” he’s asking for. I don’t really have a reason not to. When he wants to be, Jeff can be damned good. I’m not paying him, so why not give my own personal blessing to have him get back in the ring? Is TNA ballsy (stupid?) enough to have him fake remorse only to go back to Immortal? Just like with his brother, I don’t want to see anybody (for the most part) fail. I hope the most recent events in both of their lives legitimately have made them start thinking about how they handle themselves.

“Vintage!”

I haven’t had the opportunity to see RAW yet, but from reading the results and reports I can say that outside of Orton vs. Rhodes, everything was just… there. I’m sure it will be much better when I actually get to see it, so there’s that. I have to check out the Orton/Rhodes match from SmackDown as well. I’m told that’s worth going out of my way for.

The Punk/Triple H stuff sounded fun as well, but things are going to have to start happening soon. It’s a bunch of insider talk, whining and spinning. I think I share the opinion of a lot of people that this started off amazing and has gone downhill slowly, but steadily, every week.

MONTAESOPP’S FABLES

The Mantaur and The Love
(from “The Ant and The Dove”)

The kind, gentle-hearted Mantaur was minding his own business, preparing for his match with “Make A Difference” Fatu. Suddenly, the half-man half-beast found himself being accosted by Max Moon. In dire straits, the frightened minotaur froze. A beautiful woman, known for her self-centered ways, was walking back from her spray tan appointment, happened upon the situation and took action, giving Max a “moon” that he could enjoy and distracting him long enough for Mantaur to reach safety. Mantaur would recover and go on to defeat his Samoan foe later on in the evening.

The following afternoon, Mantaur saw a group of women gathering up to teach the hated Angelina Love a lesson she would remember. Recognizing Angelina as the beautiful woman that saved him from certain doom the previous day, he came to her rescue and let out a roar that sent the other women for the proverbial hills. The grateful Angelina Love rushed toward the heroic beast, promising to forever change herself for the better. Mantaur, being more beast than man, trampled and mauled her.

The moral of our story: One good turn deserves another.

PAY-PER-VIEW WEEKEND
(Thoughts and Predictions)

I’m looking forward to seeing what they have in store for us at Night of Champions this Sunday. My biggest concern/curiosity lies in two divisions, those being the Tag Team and Divas. Every year since they started running this show, it looks like they may start paying some attention to these belts, but it never happens. This year the build for the two divisions seems stronger. What do you think? Is WWE trying to make the Tag Team and Divas divisions stronger?

Also, what happened to the US and IC titles? I don’t know that Dolph has even ever defended his belt, and Cody, though he has been doing some great stuff, has no challenger. Odd.

My choices for winners are in bold:

US Champion Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison vs. Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger
– I would be more interested if they gave it to Morrison and put Ziggler and Swagger together as a team that didn’t hate each other.

Divas Champion Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix
– I’ve been enjoying the greater emphasis put on the women, but where do we go from here?

WWE Tag Team Champions Air Boom vs. The Miz & R-Truth
– Air Boom are the kind of team you can start to build a popular division around and the others need to continue complaining about the conspiracy for a while.

World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
– I don’t know if I hope I’m wrong about this one or if I actually believe that I am wrong about this one. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of match they have.

WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
– I love ADR and I think his promos are hilarious. They kind of remind me of Nick Cannon.

CM Punk vs. Triple H
– I don’t know if I’m foolish in thinking Punk will take it, but I do. Should be good, though.

That’s all I’m good for this week. Hope you enjoyed. Provide some feedback if you like. I’ll have the whole look spruced up and prettier next week, too. I’m a busy man, don’cha know.

– Nicholas A. Marsico