Csonka’s TNA One Night Only: USA vs. The World Review

TNA One Night Only: USA vs. The World Review

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Davey Richards defeated Tigre Uno @ 10:20 via pin [**¾]
– Taryn Terrell defeated Angelina Love @ 7:25 via pin [*]
– Austin Aries defeated The Great Sanada @ 12:20 via pin [**]
– Bram defeated Eddie Edwards @ 12:09 via pin [**]
– Drew Galloway defeated Jessie Godderz @ 9:54 via pin [**]
– Khoya defeated Gunner @ 5:10 via pin [DUD]
– Rockstar Spud defeated DJ Z @ 9:05 via pin [½*]
– James Storm vs. Magnus went to a double countout @ 4:55 [*½]
– Ethan Carter III defeated Sonjay Dutt @ 9:49 via pin [**]
– The Great Muta defeated Mr. Anderson @ 8:25 via pin [*½]

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– This was taped back in February.

Davey Richards (USA) vs. Tigre Uno (The World): Richards controlled early, working the grapplefuck and trying to ground Uno. Uno out shined Richards at one point, leading to Richards hitting a cheap shot so that he could lock in the subtle heel role for this match. For some reason Borash keeps talking about Samoa Joe, noting how odd it is to see Joe aligned with a guy like James Storm. Joe is not on this PPV. Seriously, who edits this shit? Richards worked a good heat, grounding Uno but not allowing it to get too slow. Uno made a flashy comeback, utilizing his speed and flying and changing the pace nicely. Richards got a near fall off of a belly to back superplex, which unfortunately got a pretty lackluster reaction. Uno fought back again and then they completely blew a reverse RANA attempt; come on guys you’re better than that. Uno crashed and burned on the phoenix splash attempt, Richards then hit the running kick, powerbomb and doublers stomp to pick up the win. This was a mostly good match, but the blown RANA and lack of crowd reaction took away from the presentation.

– Team USA up 1-0.

Taryn Terrell (USA) vs. Angelina Love (The World): Borash and Mathews were at their absolute worse, discussing “Canada being America’s attic and Mexico being America’s basement.” If that wasn’t bad enough we also got Canadian bacon jokes. The ladies posed for the crowd for about 45-seconds, and then Love tosses Terrell off the ropes and to the floor. After this fall, she just got back in the ring and did spots, not selling it at all. Love finally got the heat when Terrell went up top and tried something but crashed and burned. It was really difficult to tell what she tried, she just flung herself off the ropes and fell to the mat. Borash and Mathews continues to discuss not knowing that Nova Scotia was actually in Canada; shit like this is why people hate America. Terrell made a comeback, they brawled on the floor a bit and they teased Terrell getting counted out. They brawled on the floor again, Love got tossed into the barricade for another countout tease. Terrell countered the botox injection and won with the cutter. This really had a poor layout, with an uneven pacing and floor to the match, and on top of that they got about no reaction and it felt too long.

– Team USA up 2-0.

Austin Aries (USA) vs. The Great Sanada (The World): These two have had some damn fine matches in the past, so I hope things pick back up here. Aries and Sanada did comeback and forth grappling, including Aries biting the hand of Sanada. Borash and Mathews discussed Aries’ vegan diet and bowling. These two are completely useless. They did some unnecessary floor brawling and then Sanda got the heat on Aries. We got more brawling on the floor, and they are working the exact opposite of what made their previous matches so good. Sanada used his wrist tape to choke out Aries for a bit, and worked a slow and boring heat segment. Aries got the last chancery, but Sanda raked the eyes to escape. Sanada continued to control until he missed a moonsault, allowing Aries to make a comeback. Aries ran through some of his trademark offense, and then treaded some really slowly paced near falls that got little reaction. Aries finally hit the brainbuster and picked up the win. This was very disappointing, they didn’t even work a best of formula, this was just a bland match overall. They got the time, but did the exact opposite of what made their previous matches so enjoyable.

– Aries then ran down someone in the crowd for a bit, and then thanked the fans. Ok.

– Team USA up 3-0.

Bram (The World) vs. Eddie Edwards (USA): Edwards used clean technical wrestling early to control the match, and keep away from Bram’s usual brawling. During this time, Borash and Mathews discussed Earl Hebner going into the TNA Hall of Fame and EC3 being a douchebag. This is amazing considering that neither man was involved here, but hey, if you are going to ignore the match, go all the way. They eventually went to the floor, because why not everyone else has. Who ever is the agent for these shows continues to be horrible. Seriously, three of four matches with floor brawling for no real reason is lazy booking. It made sense to do here with Bram, but they didn’t save it. The worst part was that it was really lazy brawling, and then Edwards missed a moonsault off of the steps and about landed on his head, but Bram sold it for him even though Edwards missed him almost completely. They also just stayed on the floor forever wit no real cont or anything, it became completely annoying. Bram got what was technically the heat, although there really wasn’t any, and spent a while tossing Edwards to the corners and using clubbing strikes to slow the match to a crashing halt momentum wise. Edwards fought back, they did the mid-ring striking exchange to a mild response, and Edwards then hit a RANA off the ropes for a near fall. The rubber chicken was also back during this bullshit, and was more over than the competitors. It picked up a bit down the stretch, Edwards posted himself and Bram hi his DDT and that was that. This was boring, repetitive, lacked heat and went too long.

– Team USA up 3-1.

Drew Galloway (The World) vs. Jessie Godderz (USA): Godderz cut a horrible promo about the office and fans holding him back, and he deserves better because he is jacked and is better than everyone. He also claimed he would be TNA World Champion. Godderz talked a bunch of shit and showed off his muscles; he then slapped Drew in the face, and it was on as Drew just started to put the ass beating on him. Aaaaaaaaaaand FLOOR BRAWLING, we’re 4 for 5 on the night. That was boring and useless; they got back into the ring and Godderz attacked the arm and got the heat on Drew. For this match, Borash and Mathews discussed how COOL A TNA BIG BROTHER would be! At least there is a loose association with Godderz, but they do not care about the matches at all. So Godderz worked the arm for a bit, and then fell into generic heel offense and forgot about the arm. Drew made a comeback to almost no reaction, which is now just sad at this point. We got some back and forth, Godderz raked the eyes and ht the powerslam for a near fall. Godderz would eventually go back to the arm, they went to the ropes and fought up top, Drew hit the spider suplex and future shock DDT and that was that. This was variations on a theme, as the match felt very similar in structure and lack of heat as the previous two.

– Drew then cut his I LOVE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING PROMO… again.

– Team USA up 3-2.

– Gunner gave a long promo about fighting in real wars. It all boiled down to this – AMERICA, FUCK YEAH.

Khoya (The World) w/James Storm (USA) vs. Gunner (USA): Mathews trying to explain whey Khoya is Khoya and with James Storm here was hilarious. They did a quick back and forth brawl, and then Gunner worked hammerlocks and standing arm bars. He tried to keep things as basic as possible, because Khoya is not good at all. Khoya awkwardly started, stopped and started a running corner splash, looking completely confused in the ring. Watching Khoya stumble around here as Borash discusses his improvement and how he has connected with the fans was hilarious, the one time you try to do some analysis and you look like a fool. We got a ref bump, Storm superkicked Gunner, and Khoya won with the sly high. Well that was absolute shit; the good news was no floor brawling.

– Team USA up 3-3.

Rockstar Spud (The World) vs. DJ Z (USA): Like every One Night Only PPV, they did comedy involving DJ Z’s laptop and his “BA BA BA BAAAAAAAAAAA” gimmick as well as DJ Z’s headphones. Yes, after this, DJ Z attacked Spud for grabbing his headphones. DJ Z then had mystery music hit and danced in the ring. Spud got pissed and attacked, tossing him to the floor. Spud then put on the headphones and danced. They then argued over the headphones, more comedy with eye pokes and DJ Z not being able to see. After nearly five minutes of bullshit, DJ Z got the heat and they actually started to do wrestling moves. DJ Z missed a dive, and then Spud hit a big cannonball from the top to the floor. Spud then ran wild for a bit, getting some solid near falls to try and turn this thing around. DJ Z countered the underdog, but made the mistake of slapping Spud around. Spud then made another big comeback and hit the underdog for the win. Comedy wrestling is fine when done well, but when it’s a variation on the same shit I see on these shows, it becomes a chore to get through.

– Team World is up 4-3.

James Storm (USA) w/Khoya (The World) vs. Magnus (The World): They were actually working some really enjoyable back and forth, and then Khoya interfered and hit Magnus with the Revolution flag, allowing Storm to get the heat. It didn’t last long as Magus fought back and then took out Khoya. Storm hit a lung blower and sent Magnus to the floor, Gunner then arrived to beat down Khoya and then everyone started to brawl for the double countout. It started ok, we went into the predictable Revolution stuff and then the non-finish. Moving on…

– Team World is STILL up 4-3.

Ethan Carter III (USA) vs. Sonjay Dutt (The World): EC3 was still wearing the arm brace back then; he used it to stall at the beginning and yell at Dutt for trying to attack his arm. They then repeated this to kill time. Dutt fired up and hit dropkicks, EC3 to the floor and more stalling and such. Dutt finally attacked him and told him to shut up. So just when you thought Dutt would get some actual shine, EC3 just cuts him off and gets the lack of heat with the mandated chinlock. Slow segment with EC3 not doing much of anything, Dutt made his comeback and worked hard to pick up the pace and got a near fall off of a standing moonsault. The lack of crowd reaction continues to make this feel so depressing. A guy like EC3 always gets reactions, but even he isn’t getting much from them. EC3 tried to use his arm brace, the ref took it away and Dutt scored with a DDT and running shooting star press for 2. Dutt actually tried to use an arm bar, which was good thinking, but EC3 got the ropes. EC3 ended up using the arm brace when the ref got shoved out of the way and picked up the win. The ending stretch helped this a lot, but it was just another match. I like Dutt, but EC3 shouldn’t have to resort to cheating to beat a guy like him. Carter is a main event guy for you, and there are just guys that he should beat without issue, and Dutt is one of them.

– I know you’ll be shocked here, but we are tied at 4-4, and have to go to a sudden death match.

– We get a big highlight package of all the action we have witnessed tonight.

The Great Muta (The World) vs. Mr. Anderson (USA): Anderson got almost no reaction for his entrance gimmick with almost no one doing the repeat gimmick with him. Muta, who they pushed as a legend, got no reaction to his entrance. That was depressing. They did some slow motion grappling, and not in the wacky CHIKARA kind of way. Muta made a comeback after Anderson dominated the grappling portion, hit the dragon screw leg whip and then the STF. Muta continued to work the knee, hitting another leg whip and then a knee bar. Anderson made his comeback and watching Muta try and feed for his comeback was rough because he was so slow in getting back to his feet. Muta then got a chair, the ref took it so Muta MISTED Anderson and hit the shining wizard and that was that. It wasn’t bad, but it surely wasn’t good. Anderson was not the best choice to go in there and try to sell Muta’s offense, and due to that and Muta being so broken down, this was an overall very poor main event.

– Team World wins 5-4.

– The show ended at 10:41 PM ET.

* End scene.

* Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

2.5

The final score: review Very Bad

The 411

Like most of these PPVs, this was a disappointing and lifeless show, featuring nothing that you need to seek out and there was certainly nothing worth paying $15 for. It’s shame that these shows continue to be poor, and only exist due to contractual obligations, because the idea is actually good in theory. Its so frustrating to watch these shows, there is talent on the cards for sure, but they are never put into a position to succeed. The matches feel meaningless and repetitive, they largely run together and the commentary team continues to amuse themselves instead of focusing on the product in the ring. You're better off watching Impact, the matches are better on average and you don’t have to pay $15 for it.