The Fink’s Payload 04.03.08: Wrestlemania XXV

Wrestlemania has come and gone again. I’ve been hearing a lot of talk on this site about how people were not afraid to cry on Sunday night. Some people shed a little tear when Shawn Michaels said “I love you,” some people bawled through the entire match, and I think even heard one dude say that he suffered from tearful breakdowns in thirty-minute intervals all weekend. No kidding! Now, I’m not naturally a very competitive person or anything, but I just want to start off by saying that I have been crying non-stop since 1987 and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.

So beat that, suckers.

Okay! And now we’re going to talk about next year’s Wrestlemania. Last Saturday, I asked you all to write in and tell me what you thought about the card for WM XXV. Will a new superstar rise to the top and claim the ultimate Wrestlemania Moment? Will there be a never-before-seen battle between wrestling’s biggest legends? How many languishing midcarders will they try to cram into a ladder match this time? Let’s find out!

Opinion #1: Daniel Wilcox
“Your Old Host Weighs In”

Hey Drew, I’m glad to see the Payload has been taken over by a real fan of fantasy booking and I know you’ll do a good job of it. Anyway, here’s my entry. I’m thinking that you’ll get about half a dozen “Batista vs. Cena” type entries but I thought I’d try and make a few new stars as well as give a really good show.
WWE Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. John Cena
Far-fetched? Maybe. Potentially awesome? I think so. And it’d be easy to set up too, with MVP either winning MITB at Mania 24 and cashing in against the WWE Champ or him being drafter to Raw later in the year. The guy has potential to be a huge player and I see no reason why he can’t be main-eventing shows this time next year.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Batista (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
Again, this would have to be the result of one guy getting drafted and also the result of Batista turning heel, something that he should have done prior to last year’s WrestleMania actually. But if WWE wants to back Hardy again after his drug issues, this would be a really good underdog story and potentially great big man-little man match-up.

Triple H vs. CM Punk
I know it’s hard to see Triple H on a Mania card yet not in the main event, but this would work and also possibly serve to giving Punk a big rub. When Triple H sets his sights on putting a guy over (Benoit, Batista, Hardy) he does it with style and I see him turning heel again sometime in the summer and Punk getting drafted to either of the bigger brands (in this case, Raw).

Interpromotional Match: Santino Marella vs. The Undertaker
OK, so there’d be absolutely no threat to the streak, but tell me that a rivalry between these two would not be glorious? Despite Marella being not-so-great in the ring, he’s better than some past main-eventers and a hell of a lot more charismatic than others and this would be a good stage for him to show what he is capable of and use his talents to advance up the card.

Tag Team Match: Rated RKO vs. Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair
What, you don’t think that they’re going to trot Flair out for a match every now and then? Truth be told, I couldn’t find much for the other three guys to do so I came up with this. Let’s say Michaels has problems with Orton on Raw and stemming from the Rumble, he has problems with Edge. After weeks of them attacking HBK and beating him down, Shawn makes the challenge for a tag match and brings out his partner, Ric Flair. Tell me it wouldn’t kick ass.

Street Fight: Vince McMahon vs. Cactus Jack
I’ve really wanted to see this match for a while now. It could have happened last year but didn’t. It could have happened this year but didn’t. Let’s pull this trigger already. In a hardcore environment, both men can produce a good match and their history will hopefully get the fans very much into Mick Foley again.

Money in the Bank V: Chris Jericho vs. Matt Hardy vs. John Morrison vs. Kane vs. JBL vs. Finlay vs. Umaga vs. Rob Van Dam
And here’s a bunch of guys I couldn’t find anything else for on the card, plus Rob Van Dam who I can see returning sometime within the next year. A really wish I could have found something more for Y2J to do, but alas he is stuck in MITB again. I don’t know who I would book to win this, but I think JBL would be the most fun as the new Mr. Money in the Bank.
ECW Championship Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio
ECW is in such a rut right now and it’s hard to explain why considering the talent they have over there. I think Chavo is kind of weak as champ, so let’s have Rey come back and get revenge on him and take his title, only to lose it to Benjamin. Rey would then chase Benjamin for a while, leading to this big encounter at Mania.

BunnyMania II: Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Maria, Ashley and Torrie Wilson vs. Melina, Jillian Hall, Beth Phoenix, Layla and Victoria
Yeah, I just want to see Kelly’s tits in Playboy next year.
The only big attraction I couldn’t find a place for on the card is The Big Show, but his value within the company changes from month to month, so he may not even make it.

WHAT DO I THINK?: I’d like to thank you, Mr. Wilcox, for kicking off the new era of the Payload with this creative response. I’m a fan of the title matches at first glance because they are fresh matchups and not just rehashes or continuations of the current feuds and I totally agree that another “draft lottery” might be necessary to create new chemistry in the title landscape. But Batista bores the hell out of me these days and I’m doubtful that MVP could climb the Monday night ladder as fast as you predict. I think the WWE title belt probably has to make the rounds between Orton, Cena, and Triple H over the course of the next 12 months and MVP might get lost in the mix just like Kennedy (and Jericho) in 2007. A McMahon/Foley street fight has potential because both men greatly benefit from “relaxed”-rule environments. But dude, I would be kinda mad if Flair unretired as soon as next year. You just can’t have a huge retirement match and then come back like that. People cried, man. They cried because they had seen Flair’s LAST MATCH. People don’t want to find out that they cried for some guy’s SECOND-TO-LAST MATCH or THIRD-TO-LAST MATCH. That’s why it really sucks to be that one guy on Long Island who sat in his mom’s basement in tears after No Way Out 2000. Overall, it feels like you wanted to mix things up with a major heel turn (Batista) and some trades (Jeff, Mysterio, MVP) – that’s good thinking. Oh, yeah! Mysterio/Benjamin? I’m on board! Here’s hoping they get more than eight seconds to work with.

Opinion #2: Kyle from Baltimore
“Long-Term Hate”

There is no natural show closer for WM 25. Immediately following WM 23, we all knew Edge-Taker was set for this year. We also knew HHH, Cena and Orton would in some order be there too. And look at that, we got all three. Next year’s main events need to have some fresh faces and allow the show to have a true mid-card. The best PPVs are the ones with well-developed storyline feuds that have nothing to do with titles. The focal point of the rivalry needs to be based on animosity between two opponents. Here we go with a full card, because yes, Andrew, I’m feeling frisky.

Money in the Bank: Shelton Benjamin, John Morrison, Umaga, Finlay, Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes
Breakdown: We go back to the 6-man MITB because the show is much deeper with fewer competitors in this match. It also allows each wrestler a chance to be greater showcased. Shelton needs a couple feuds between now and then but unless he gets off ECW, they aren’t putting a non-ECW Title match on WM. At this point, Morrison could be a threat, Umaga is a constant threat, and so is Rey. Finlay will bring some dirty offense and the exposure would be good for Cody. MITB is a good rub just to participate.
Winner: Morrison. The Shaman of Sexy has tremendous potential and after a great performance in this year’s mask, he could be on the same trajectory Jeff Hardy received this past year. As a cocky heel, he could really succeed. I’d like to see him moved to Smackdown and join up with Edge as both portray the rock star image.

Women’s Championship: Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix
Breakdown: The two best women’s wrestlers going need to go out and put on what could be a classic for the division. We don’t need Playboy involved when Mickie is incredibly hot and charismatic along with Beth Phoenix (who ain’t too shabby herself) as the dominant female.
Winner: Mickie after a long chase for the gold

Undertaker vs. Big Show
Breakdown: The two faced off in a tag team match a few years ago that involved the legendary Nathan Jones and Prince Albert. Arguably two of the greatest big men of all time could put on a hell of a power match with Big Show as the “Biggest athlete in the world is also the biggest threat to the greatest record in Wrestlemania history.”
Winner: Ha, do I need to say it? Taker.

Extreme Rules – ECW Title: Elijah Burke vs. Tommy Dreamer
Breakdown: I’m ranking this here on the card because it’s where the ECW Title belongs. It’s essentially taken place of the European Title, so it shouldn’t be higher than this. Also, this is the one that is least predictable because Lord only knows who’s going to be on ECW and what kind of talent exchange will be going on. This just happens to be the match I would like to see. Elijah Burke is one of the most talented young wrestlers on the entire WWE roster and his jobber-dom has been depressing. I’d love to see him move up and get the ECW gold as Morrison and Punk are moved onto bigger and better things. Bring back the “leader of the New Breed” gimmick and run that against the defender of the old school, Tommy Dreamer. Let Dreamer throw some chairs and wreck some trash cans and it will work.
Winner: Dreamer gets his Wrestlemania moment.

WWE Tag Team Titles: Chris Jericho/Kennedy vs. London/Kendrick
Breakdown: This could be an awesome match and with Jericho and Kennedy both in about the same spot on the card right now, they could team up and really elevate the division. By turning Jericho heel, you have a fantastic bad guy team that the crowd will hate. Let them run the Highlight Reel together and flash the belts. I’d even involve Vince McMahon in this match with Jericho and Kennedy as his cronies. A London/Kendrick victory leading to a Jericho/Kennedy split with Kennedy getting a big push will benefit all parties involved.
Winners: London/Kendrick.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
Breakdown: Whether this happens this year or some other further down the line, it is a must. While in a perfect world, this is a main event at WM 26 or 27, with Matt’s knack for getting injured and Jeff’s continued struggles, I’d put it together for next year because if you wait too long it will never happen. In order to avoid having to turn either super-popular face heel, this will be the culmination of an Intercontinental Title tournament following the belt being made vacant. There will be dueling chants throughout the match creating a memorable match.
Winner: Matt Hardy.

Batista vs. MVP
Breakdown: I’d hope MVP would have more of a feud at this point, but since I have top faces Hardy, HBK, Cena and Undertaker already involved in matches I’d prefer to watch, he’s left on a bit of a treadmill. Batista is on the downside at this point but can still give a big rub. An up-and-comer like MVP could take a big win here and move forward.
Winner: Montel Porter

Street Fight: HHH vs. HBK
Breakdown: It’s been done a million times but there are few rivalries in the last 25 years that can match what these two have done in the ring, on the mic, or anywhere on a wrestling program. An extended blood feud between these two beginning prior to the Rumble with proper booking could create the match of the night. Then if you involve Flair in this feud in some managerial role, starting as a close friend and mentor for HBK before screwing him over to help HHH because Michaels ended Naitch’s career the year before.
Winner: HBK

World Title: Edge vs. CM Punk
Breakdown: These two have worked excellent matches together and they are truly the future of the company. We all know Punk is going to get the huge push once he is moved to one of the big shows and during the year, nobody is going to get more pops than Punk. I don’t think he’ll be quite ready to carry the show or the championship, so I would give Edge the victory here and let Punk go back to the drawing board with a huge rub and a spot in the main event scene permanently.
Winner: Edge

WWE Title – Last Man Standing: John Cena vs. Randy Orton
Breakdown: This should be the main event this year. The storyline of Orton being the one to take out Cena and never beating Cena for the gold is compelling enough without HHH involved, but that’s a different story. Love him or hate him, Cena wrestles the big match as well as anybody not named Shawn Michaels in the world today. Throw in the no holds barred, beat down, drag out component to the match and you’ll have a good ride.
Winner: Cena

WHAT DO I THINK?: In my book, you couldn’t have done better right off the bat – you trimmed the extra fat in the MITB match! Eight guys is a clusterfuck! No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I’ve thought about the possibility of putting Edge and Morrison together again (they worked together on Raw in early ’07, I think) because of the similarity in their rock-star characters so I totally feel you on that one, buddy. Jericho and Kennedy in a tag team? As Vince’s cronies? Instead of the Hulkamaniacs, call them the Ego-Maniacs. But it’s a bit of a stretch to think that Vince is going to focus his energy on the tag titles, and let’s face it, when Vince hates you, it means you’re getting pushed. Do I think London and Kendrick will get that kind of push on the biggest of all big stages? Not really. Hardy versus Hardy has been done before (Vengeance ’01) but both of them have substantially progressed since then and another match would have a leg up on the original simply because it won’t involve Lita. I’m worried about your main events because you described several matches which have already been done before (HHH/HBK, Batista/MVP, ‘Taker/Show) and a few which are continuations of feuds that we have going on right now (Cena/Orton and Edge/Punk, kinda). While it’s not unheard-of for a feud to last for months (see: M. Hardy v. MVP), the fans might tire of seeing Orton and Cena going at it for eighteen months running. Other than those minor quibbles, I’m pretty impressed with the way you got everyone involved in some sort of meaningful match (except Umaga and Kane, but they’re not on my must-see list, anyways)… so thanks for the quality work!

Opinion #3: Stephen Straka
“Smackdown Takeover”

I’ll stick with the major programs for now. It’s interesting that they booked Orton to retain at WrestleMania this year as that actually blows open the main event scene. A lot of people thought he was simply a placeholder until Cena got back and would fall back after Mania while Cena and Trips feuded for the title during the summer. This is now a perfect time to have a fourth person get elevated and challenge Orton while Cena and Trips have a non-title feud with the winner being the #1 contender afterwards. The smart booking would be with Jericho given that their feud wasn’t really settled. However, as much as I’d love for this to happen, Jericho’s best role right now is in the midcard working with the up-and-comers to get them ready to step up, like what Benoit did with MVP last year.

Enter CM Punk. I’d have Orton and Jericho have a short feud, ending just after the inevitable post-Mania draft. During the draft, CM Punk, who still professes his desire to cash in MitB for an ECW title shot, is traded to Raw. After Jericho’s done losing to Orton, he and Punk feud, trading the IC title a few times. After bouncing around between Jericho, Umaga and a very brief and unsuccessful WWE title challenge, he finally cashes in MitB close to the end of the year, winning the ECW Championship.

As for ECW itself… well, ratings are in a slump and with Punk leaving to Raw it’s probably only going to get worse. It’s been reported that Sci-Fi execs aren’t liking wrestling in between their Star Trek, Doctor Who and Battlestar reruns despite ECW still being one of if not their highest rated program and the departure of Bonnie Hammer from Sci-Fi last year just makes things worse. I honestly expect ECW to be done by 25. I’d run a hostile takeover angle with Vickie absorbing ECW into SmackDown. As part of this, she orders a title unification match between the World Heavyweight Champion at the time and the new ECW Champion CM Punk. Perfect timing. Of course, the question is who the WHC is at the time. Given that Vickie’s in the middle of a shitload of power-mongering, let’s make it After a hardfought battle, Punk finally gives Edge the G2S to win.

For Raw? As much as we want Cena to turn heel or at least be edgier, it’s not happening until his fanbase either grows up or stops watching. Cena will be in the exact same position as he is now: top merchandise seller, loved by marks, hated by smarks. The IWC will bitch about it but he will be in the WWE Championship picture come Mania 25. As for his opponent? I say have Jericho build up Punk and another midcarder (maybe feud with Jeff Hardy?) and then have him win the Royal Rumble and challenge Cena for the WWE Championship.

As for the other big matches… I say why not pull the trigger on Taker/HBK given that this is the 25th WrestleMania. We’ll also need Vince’s Moneymaking Personal Involvement match though I think this time around it’ll be more like the Vince/Trump feud with two wrestlers who act as proxies. I think let’s have Vince concerned with Vickie’s powermongering and have a Raw vs. SmackDown 5-on-5 match at Survivor Series. Vickie then announces she wants to take over Raw as well, leading to another Raw vs. SD match at Mania. If SD wins, Vickie controls the company. If Raw wins, Vickie is fired, Teddy Long is restored as full GM and the crowd goes home happy. Of course, Raw wins. We’ll put the big names who aren’t doing anything else in this match and have Triple H and Batista vs. Khali and Big Show. Raw wins and everyone’s happy.

WHAT DO I THINK?: While I’m sure everyone was very swept up with this very brief view of the year 2008, I’ll admit to at least being a little confused about what the actual WM XXV matches are here. I really enjoyed the fact that you bring one storyline (SD’s hostile takeover of ECW and rivalry with RAW with Vickie Guererro playing a very aggressive heel SD GM) to the forefront and make it the reason behind two matchups – Edge vs. CM Punk and HHH/Batista vs. Khali/Show. In this scenario, does the ECW/World Championship unification match happen at WM? If so, it would certainly be a momentous occasion for CM Punk and that’s the kind of thing I would totally expect to see at this show. If Vickie and Edge continue their Friday night reign of terror until next year it would be great to see this kind of payoff where Vickie loses her GM spot and Edge loses the World title on the same night. It all comes crumbling down! I’m also totally digging your prediction of Cena/Y2J for the WWE title and I agree with you that even though the IWC wants to see a heel John Cena or a tweener John Cena or an anything-less-than-squeaky-clean John Cena, it probably won’t happen. Fantastic work and thanks for the thoughts!

I’d like to thank everyone who gave their input during the first week of The New Fink’s Payload. Now it’s time for me to reveal what I think is going to happen. I went for the gusto here, folks, and booked the entire card!

Tag Team Championship: Big Show and Great Khali (c) vs. Carlito and Kofi Kingston
We saw the beginning of the Show/Khali feud this week and I’m predicting that those two will fight each other for a few months before being paired together as “wacky mismatched used-to-hate-each-other partners” in the Unified Tag Team Championship tournament that leads up to Survivor Series 2008. Carlito will be drafted to ECW and form a partnership with Kofi (the Caribbean Connection?) to challenge for these titles at the Royal Rumble. They will lose that match, but earn a rematch at the big show.

Intercontinental Championship: Umaga (c) vs. Mr. Kennedy
This belt has to be defended at this show. I told myself that over and over again when I was planning this card. And then I booked everything else and these two guys were left over. If the WWE continues using Kennedy the way they have been, he might still be hanging around in the midcard when this show rolls around. If Umaga held the title he could be made to look like a guy who has beaten every available challenger and, really, anybody can be a babyface against the monster, even Ken.

Money in the Bank V: Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Rey Mysterio vs. John Morrison
This is basically a ladder match wet dream. Other than those who think that Matt and Jeff should be in the main event, nobody can really argue with any of these choices. I’d pick Morrison as the winner. That kid has a future and I think he’ll be aiming for the WWE Championship in 2009.

Falls Count Anywhere: Triple H vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
This is a unique matchup and I hope they take advantage of it in a big way. MVP can take a HUGE rub from Triple H and the best place to do it is at Wrestlemania. If MVP is T.O., HHH is Jerry Rice. If there was ever a time when MVP would have to “put up or shut up,” it would be in a match against Hunter. I’m all for it.

Hulk Hogan vs. Edge
They already wrote the storyline for this match. Edge, a young man, watches Hulk Hogan in the main event of WM VI in his hometown of Toronto. Edge, a young wrestler, wins the tag team championship with Hulk Hogan in the summer of 2002. Edge, a hardened badass superstar, challenges Hulk Hogan to prove to himself and everyone else that he has accomplished every man’s hidden desire: to kill as an adult what they loved as a child.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Rock
It’s Wrestlemania XXV and this is the dream match of all dream matches, for me at least. I know they have issues, I know “Dwayne” is happy in Hollywood, I know, I know, I know. But money talks. And so do these guys! They’re two of the best promo machines the ‘E has ever seen! Honestly, they don’t even need to have a match. I’d be fine if they just talked shit about each other for a few weeks. But imagine the match! Simultaneous kip-ups! Top-rope elbow and People’s Elbow! Tuning up the band and the People’s Eyebrow! SWEET CHIN MUSIC AND THE ROCK BOTTOM! Holy shit! I need a nap.

The Undertaker vs. John Cena
For this match to work, I think Undertaker will have to turn heel in the fall. These two have never met before and I’m sick of face-face matches at Wrestlemania. Screw “mutual respect” and all that crap. How about Undertaker starts doing all kinds of creepy nonsense and Cena challenges him to save the world? It’s about the only way that the streak is going to end, anyways. I like ‘Taker and all, but he’s getting older and somebody has to break it.

World Championship: Batista vs. Randy Orton
They still haven’t really given us this big blowoff from the Evolution stable of 2004 and I think both guys will still be firmly cemented at the top of the card come this time next year. I really wanted to get some of the new guys into the mix but it seems like this is one of the “big” matches that they have saved for something special. They could have put it on a PPV in the fall of ’05 but didn’t. I don’t have much else to say about this one, really. Maybe this could be Batista’s final title reign, since he’s getting older, and maybe he’ll have some other recently-retired guy in his corner. I think Orton should go over, though this probably won’t last on the card.

WWE Championship: Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk
I see the belt moving from Orton to Cena to Jericho by Survivor Series, and then Y2J carries the ball into ‘Mania. I don’t think he came back to wrestling without some assurance that he would hold the title during his first year. He will lean towards the “rock star” gimmick more and turn on the fans to win the belt. Punk, the straightedge, will be on Raw at this point and won’t condone of the party-boy as champion. Maybe he saves the MITB contract, maybe he wins the Rumble, I don’t know. But if they keep these guys away from each other (aside from the two matches this past week)… this could be a match for the ages and make CM Punk the next huge star.

Well, that’s it! What do you think? Post your thoughts in the comments section or include them in an email.

Now, on to this week’s question. We’re about three weeks away from Backlash, so I’ll save that topic for another day. And there might be a draft lottery coming up, but we’re not sure about that yet. One thing we are sure of is that Jeff Hardy’s suspension is of the 60-day variety. So that’s where we’re headed this week!

Question Two (due date: Tuesday, April 8 @ 11PM)
How would you plot Jeff Hardy’s return to active competition on the May 12, 2008, episode of RAW? It’s the week before Judgment Day… does he want revenge on Chris Jericho for taking his Intercontinental Championship, or does he have his sights set on the WWE Championship again? Did he defeat his demons or will he fail miserably upon his return? YOU DECIDE!

Oh, and check it out! We’re on Thursdays now! Check out the new due date! See ya next week!

Send your thoughts and responses to [email protected]!