The Furious Flashbacks – WEW Busted in Miami

The Furious Flashbacks – WEW Busted in Miami

Moving to another city was not going to fix this companies wrestling issues

This is my fourth WEW show. Seeing as they release so many of these damn things I could easily be reviewing them for years. Oh boy.

BACKSTAGE Bill Alfonso changes with the lady referees proving that nudity in this company isn’t limited to the women. I’m not kidding here; if you ever want to see Fonzie’s junk this is the DVD for you.

ELSEWHERE Bald E. Dangerously gives Psycho Bitch a pep talk. At least I think he does but they do it right next to a refrigerator or an air conditioner or something so I can’t hear anything he says. I know he’s running Tai Weed down, which makes little sense because they didn’t have the common fucking sense to book Bitch & Weed in a match together in order to capitalise on what little heat they have. What really irks me is them walking away and into an area by the elevators that has NO background noise. Why not just shoot the interview there? This isn’t fucking rocket science. “I hear a buzz on the audio”. Ok, let’s move then. Sorted.

We’re in Miami, Florida (duh). Hosts are Eric Gargiulo and Jeffrey James. They recap the last show and how the PWO stole the WEW title with Kristy Kiss scoring the pin in a battle royal. Apparently the Smoke has already vacated the title thus denying us of any payoff of the entire angle. The PWO are so angry with this decision that none of them bother to turn up to exact revenge. Another well planned and perfectly executed angle.

Incidentally I’m pretty sure this show is taking place in a strip club.

Oh and Jeffrey James is doing ring announcing so they’re still pretending that the commentary is live (HA) so he leaves the booth every time he has to introduce people. Referee Isis does some dancing to kick the show off. I’ve no complaints about that. However if the commentary is live and they throw to something how come they can only see what’s happening some of the time. Like when its convenient for booking purposes? Do their monitors keep breaking down? It doesn’t make any logical sense.

Psycho Bitch w/Bald E. Dangerously v Cassidy

Cassidy looks pretty but apart from showing midriff isn’t dressed sexy like Isis is. Bald E spends the match yelling, which just shows how quiet this “crowd” is. Psycho Bitch is limited in the ring but Cassidy brings nothing by comparison. Nothing at all. She gets splashed for the loss in short order with a huge cut in the middle of the nothing match. DUD. Moving on…

POST MATCH Bald E continues his rambling, which has been practically non-stop, bringing out Tai Weed. She’s so set on getting answers/revenge that she goes and does some pole dancing. In a hilarious moment Tai falls over the ring steps. Can this promotion get any more laughable? Tai wants an impromptu tables match and its on!

Psycho Bitch v Tai Killer Weed

Why not just have this match instead of that opener? This isn’t hard. Build up a match then put it on. Psycho Bitch no sells everything. This match has every lazy booking thing in it ever. They bump the ref, powder in the eyes, manager getting accidentally speared through a table. Tai adds insult to injury by doing the worst handspring back elbow in the history of professional wrestling. Psycho Bitch has to sell that shit for ages until Tai delivers her topless legdrop for the win. In a tables match. Idiots. -***. On the upside there were tits.

POST MATCH Isis one up’s Tai on the worst handspring elbow in history by falling over in the middle of it. Although quite why the ref is kicking the ass of the biggest wrestler in the company is anyone’s guess.

BACKSTAGE a confusing segment sees Isis explain what happened with Bill Alfonso to a flaming homosexual.

POST NOTHING Isis comes back out to dance some more. That’s followed by the arrival of WEW commissioner The Smoke. Question for you; is the Smoke a heel or a face? Because he pushes over the heel commentator. And he stripped the heel champion, Kristy Kiss, of her title. And then he cuts a heel promo. The only interesting part of which being Eric Gargiulo telling us that “the crowd erupts” as 3 people at the bar chant “T and A”. The Smoke brings out the homosexual from backstage whose name I miss. But he’s the replacement referee. Which is odd because Isis and he were all pally backstage just 2 minutes ago. Its like this company can’t remember things that happened literally seconds ago.

BJ v Candie

BJ used to be the ref but she’s become a wrestler…for no reason. She wasn’t provoked into it or coerced. There’s no storyline. She just used to be a ref and now she’s a wrestler. Excellent storytelling guys. Excellent. Fucking Shakespeare would be proud. This is a bra and panties match and BJ, being a fucking idiot, is wearing a dress. So Candie hits a DDT, strips the dress off and wins. DUD. At least BJ looked hot in her underwear but as a wrestling show its not got underway yet.

POST MATCH Candie strips anyway. Wait, was she the face? Missy Hyatt is out here. No surprises that she’d turn up. This promotion was practically made for her. She takes over the ring announcing gig.

The Smoke v Sinnamin

This match moves at quarter speed. Sinnamin is awful. The Smoke can’t exactly compensate but does amuse me with his Rock mimicry. Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow finishes. DUD.

BACKSTAGE Fonzie runs into Amanda Storm. He says he’ll call it right down the middle tonight although Amanda may have convinced him to not do so by mentioning the 27 inch dildo she fucks her boyfriend with.

ELSEWHERE GI Ho has a chat with lady ref Mimi.

Jesse “The Kat” Venturi v Alexis Laree

The Kat isn’t the WWE one. She’s tall, leggy and muscular. The name being a play on Jesse “The Body” Ventura. In case you missed that subtle little reference. Alexis has her recognisable gear now. She tries to get the crowd going but they seriously don’t give a fuck about wrestling so she’s got no chance. She brings the satellite headscissors and even gets the crowd to count along with the corner punches until Venturi powerbombs her. Oh shit…they booked an actual wrestling match! They fuck up the corner sunset flip but, and this is key, they wing it and make it look like a counter. Venturi bails for a table, which would make this the second impromptu tables match tonight. Did they buy a load on bulk discount? Isis gets laid out, again. She’s not having much luck tonight. Venturi goes for a superplex through the table but gets shoved off and the table hardly moves let alone breaks. The result is Venturi getting folded up and possibly breaking her spine. Alexis gets the easy pin. **. Should be enough to secure match of the night. Competent.

POST MATCH Gargiulo and James debate the main event’s ref despite Bill Alfonso being all over this show. Damn it, just accept they can see the backstage stuff.

Miami Lubrication Match: Sinnamin v Tai Killer Weed

Two ladies I didn’t particularly want to see do double duty. Mimi has become a referee now because no one needs a nurse. James tells us Kiss got stripped of the belt and Gargiulo denies all knowledge of it despite announcing that at the top of the show. Jesus, get some production. Some, any. Maybe shot the in between match bits at ringside and did live commentary so everyone knows what the score is? Oh, and there’s this match. Which is the other side of male entertainment. Its not wrestling its oil wrestling, which is more titillation than sport. They end up making out and Tai takes her top off again. Call it a draw.

POST MATCH we see Holly Halston and Jennifer Steele goofing around at a hotel. Fake tits, ahoy!

BACKSTAGE Bill Alfonso introduces himself to the audience. He tries hard to get this shit over but can’t even remember the name of the company.

Jennifer Steele v Holly Halston

Steele goes by Pyro XXX so I’m not sure which is her ring name. She has a topless fire eating act, which would be less disgusting if she didn’t have the worst breast implants in the company. Big isn’t always best. Both ladies are representing PWO despite the rest of the porn stars not bothering to make the trip down south. There’s nothing really approaching wrestling in the match. They don’t even bother turning the music off just accepting this is a form of stripping. Holly climbs the pole (to get down the sex toy that’s up there) but Jennifer blows “fire” into her eyes. Jeffrey James laughs at how bad the finish is. DUD.

WEW title – GI Ho v Amanda Storm

This actually makes sense as these were the final two in the Battle Royal before the nonsensical finish. So they’re battling for the belt. I don’t really understand them putting the title on a heel and then not allowing the babyface to get the belt back. It makes GI Ho look weak. That and her name. And her wrestling. They’re now laughably referring to the WEW title as the “world title”. The Smoke comes out to announce the surprise referee Bill Alfonso…even though he’s appeared in so many backstage segments already that I’ve seen his penis. I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t tell WEW any secrets because they can’t even keep their own for 80 minutes. So Fonzie is the ref. The match is sloppy but Amanda keeps my interest piqued by treating GI Ho like a ragdoll. The commentators argue over the names of moves while Fonzie points out how nice GI Ho’s ass is. Not that we’re supposed to be taking this seriously or anything. Gargiulo invents a new name for the Sheik’s Clutch; the Camel Toe Clutch. Which is accurate as it is entertaining. GI Ho can’t really bump, which limits what Storm can do. Storm uses her power advantage well. James points out the belt is hung above one of the poles thus making this a pole match? I think. They’re never really sure what their own stipulations are in WEW. The match then falls apart (well, more apart) as Mimi gets her tits out, Fonzie is bumped and the match goes to the floor. Amanda tries to climb the pole but Fonzie stops her. Eh? Amanda gets hit in the, erm, cunt. GI Ho gets the belt down and wins the title. Super. *. Sometimes passable as a match but infrequently. I didn’t hate it and its certainly better than most of the undercard. Most of it makes no sense until GI Ho jumps onto Fonzie. Looks like he’s not calling it down the middle…as per usual.

POST MATCH we see GI Ho getting it on with Mimi back at the hotel. Which provides the best pornography the company has produced so far as they manage to select two girls with good bodies and let them loose sans clothes. Its pretty clear after seeing this why GI Ho is the companies top star. If you catch my drift.

The 411: Horrendous. The wrestling has pretty much bottomed out now. I can’t imagine them putting on a worse wrestling show. Maybe when they lose Alexis Laree! She’s carrying their in ring at the moment and she’s not got much to work with.
Final Score:  1.0   [ Extremely Horrendous ]