wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (12.4.1993)
Loading...-Originally aired December 4, 1993.
-Your hosts are Les Thatcher and Dutch Mantell. Les announces that the SMW Title changed hands in Boston last week, and Dutch promises that the footage will air as soon as “the tightwads in Stamford” agree to release it. Daryl Van Horne cuts a crazed promo, calling Tim Horner “a used Kleenex in the peep show of life” and saying that Prince Kharis shocked the world at Thanksgiving Thunder.
TURKEY TITLE MATCH: BOBBY BLAZE vs CHRIS CANDIDO (WWA Champion & U.S. Jr. Heavyweight Champion)
-Joined in progress, as will probably everything else be this week. We pick up with Candido coming off the top rope and taking a dropkick to the stomach. Blaze comes to life with a backdrop and a series of Irish whips. Back suplex into a bridge gets two, because the bridge wasn’t quite natural enough.
-Candido fights back with a neckbreaker. He goes for another, but Blaze turns it into an overhead suplex with another bridge for two. Candido stops him from mounting a comeback and goes to the top rope, but Blaze stops him with a GOOD-looking kick and tries for a superplex, but Candido turns it into a powerbomb off the top rope and the crowd gives him a sincere round of applause for that before going back to chanting “Bobby.”
-We jump ahead to the finish, with Candido rolling Blaze up and grabbing a rope for leverage without the referee seeing it, and Candido gets three. Blaze cuts a promo after the bell and says he’s a man of his word and even though he thinks this is crap, he’ll take the tar and feathers because he agreed to it.
-That brings out Sandy Scott, who orders the match to continue. Candido attacks Blaze from behind before the bell sounds, then grabs the tar and feathers and dumps it all over Blaze anyway. Sandy Scott grabs the mic one more time and fines Candido a thousand bucks. That was just bizarre, as they weaved from Candido looking like a cheater to Blaze looking like a tough guy to Candido getting the result he wanted anyway.
-We go back to the all-over-the-building brawl and Smothers & Dirty White Boy looking like they’re gonna make up but then not doing it.
-Brian Matthews is with Tracy Smothers. He knows the fans are on Dirty White Boy’s side now, and he gets that, but he absolutely cannot bring himself to support DWB in any way, and going forward, he doesn’t even want DWB’s help in the future.
-Les Thatcher announces that the upcoming Christmas Chaos tour will include a triple threat match for the SMW Heavyweight Title: Brian Lee vs. Tracy Smothers vs. Dirty White Boy. DWB says that he ain’t beggin’ for anyone’s friendship, he just wants a piece of Brian Lee.
“White Lightning” TIM HORNER vs PRINCE KHARIS (with Daryl Van Horne)
-So after months of hype, we finally get to see the wrestling mummy. Cornette’s money mark was a fan of old monster movies and asked for a mummy character, and SMW wasn’t doing nearly well enough for Cornette to say “God no!” so we get a wrestling mummy. And apparently Cornette’s money mark was also a fan of Webster, hence the name Karras. The mummy, we’re told, is 4,000 years old and was awakened by an incantation, and was flown from Egypt to the southern United States to become a wrestler, and if that isn’t just perfect for a WWE Studios DVD release, I don’t know what is.
-Horner throws a chop and dust flies off the mummy, and Thatcher just totally buries the gimmick on commentary, apparently deciding he doesn’t have enough polish for this turd and pointing out how stupid you’d have to be to believe that a 4,000-year-old member of an Egyptian royal family would become a pro wrestler.
-The character is ported straight from the Undertaker, with a lot of the same mannerisms, and he even does a zombie sit-up when Van Horne holds up an urn—er, no, a sacred ancient parchment, which gives Prince Kharis his power.
-Missile dropkick by Horner finally gets Kharis dazed. He gets distracted by Van Horne and Kharis sneaks up and knocks him out with a loaded thumb to the throat. Referee sees Horner out cold and instead of covering him, Kharis just retreats to the corner and lets the referee raise Horner’s arm three times. Horner’s arm drops all three times, but he puts a foot on the bottom rope, which the referee doesn’t catch, and the commentary is all about how Horner got robbed here because he had a foot on the ropes, but who gives a shit, he let his arm drop three times. I’d bet money that finish was Horner’s own idea because that totally sounds like a wrestler in search of a compromise.
-Kharis strangles Horner after the match. SMW security runs in to break it up, but Kharis shakes them off like nothing and continues the attack…until Dirty White Boy unexpectedly comes to the rescue. DWB hits him with a chair shot hard enough to bend the chair.
-We watch Mike Furnas getting assaulted by the Heavenly Bodies last week. Furnas’ voice when he’s angry sounds EXACTLY like Mr. Mackey from South Park.
-Mike Furnas says that after only three weeks of training, he’s not much of a wrestler…but he’s definitely a fighter. That leads to the announcement of “The Homecoming.” Doug Furnas is coming back from Japan to team up with his brother and fight the Heavenly Bodies.
-The Heavenly Bodies aren’t afraid of a bunch of dumb jocks who need pads and helmets. Wrestling is pure flesh and bone.
SINGAPORE SPIKE MATCH: THE BULLET vs KEVIN SULLIVAN
-Sullivan takes it to the floor right away and destroys Bullet with tables, chairs, and “the metal device that we use to ring the bell.” Bullet fights back, but Sullivan rushes back in and tries to find the spike in the boxes. Bullet heads back in and dukes it out with him Killer Kyle shows up and roots through the boxes that haven’t been opened yet. He finds the spike and we get a nice suspenseful series of spots where all three guys trade the spike but nobody can quite make contact with it, until Kyle accidentally stabs Sullivan with it, and Bullet pins him right away.
-Jim Cornette offers The Bullet “my house, my mama’s money, and everything except my dog Snuffles” if he’ll put that damn mask on the line against Dick Murdoch.
-We get a rebuttal from The Bullet. He’s thought about what it’ll take for him to risk his mask against Dick Murdoch, and suddenly he gets excited and says he’s just realized what Jim Cornette has that he wants…but he’ll tell us next week.
-Tammy Fytch is awesomely whiny and sulky about the triple threat match.
STREET FIGHT: BRUISE BROTHERS vs HEAVENLY BODIES
-Brothers unleash an ass-kicking before the ring announcements have been made, which gives us a FANTASTIC visual of Jimmy Del Ray taking a flying bump into a propped-up door in the corner. That’s not quite enough, so they send Del Ray’s head through the door and Del Ray’s head is stuck for a moment!
-We jump ahead to Mark Curtis being wiped out by a Del Ray moonsault, so we got no referee. Cornette whips out an ether-soaked rag and uses it to incapacitate one of the brothers, which is weird because this is a street fight and you don’t need a ref bump for that. Other Bruise Brother uses a table to take out Cornette, then smothers Tom Pritchard with it. He rolls his brother out of the ring so Mark Curtis doesn’t see that he’s still out, and Curtis, back on his feet, counts out Tom Pritchard, giving the win to the Bruise Brothers. Cornette is so mad he blows his whistle to bring out the Moondogs, and they straight up kill the Bruise Brothers. I bet I know another match for Christmas Chaos.
