The WWE Unforgiven 2004 Breakdown

• WWE Unforgiven — 9/12/04

• Live from Portland, Ore.

• Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

• Chris Benoit & William Regal vs. Batista & Ric Flair. What exactly does William Regal wipe off of his feet when he’s on the apron? Benoit goes for the Crippler Crossface early on, but Batista scrambles to the ropes. Benoit gets a Dragon Screw leg whip and tags Regal. Awesome facials on Batista as he is pissed that he’s not getting another shot at Benoit. He settles for a cheapshot. Regal jumps him and the faces keep Batista in their corner. Batista tags out, and Flair gets caught in the wrong corner this time. He dukes it out with Benoit and loses. FLAIR FLOP! Benoit no-sells a kneebreaker and delivers an enzuigiri. FLAIR FLOP II! Flair’s on tonight. Batista tags in. He tries to slam Benoit, but Benoit slips out and goes for the Sharpshooter. Regal tags in, but Evolution isolates him. Regal and Flair exchange stiff shots. Regal wins, but Batista knees him from the outside. Flair clips his leg and locks in the figure-four. Benoit makes the save. Flair tries again but gets small packaged for two. Regal and Batista collide, and Regal gets the HOT TAG. Rolling Germans on Flair!! Benoit goes for the sharpshooter. Flair pokes Benoit in the eye to counter, but Benoit locks in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Batista picks Benoit up like a baby and slams him down. Well, there’s one way to counter. Batista and Regal brawl on the outside, enabling Benoit to counter a figure-four to the Crossface for the submission at 15:05. Hot opener and it’s good to see they gave them so much time. ***

• Elsewhere, Trish and Christian argue about who gets custody of Tyson Tomko. She says she’s worried that the mystery lady will attack her from behind. Christian says it won’t be the first time someone got her from behind. Ha ha! GOOCHED! Trish “influences” Tomko to come with her one last time. Christian calls her a slut.

• World Tag Team Championship: Trish Stratus (w/Tyson Tomko) vs. Victoria. Victoria takes Trish down with an armdrag and bridges her for two. Trish bails and talks things over with Tomko. Victoria has a bloody nose already. HARDWAY, BABY! Apparently she was doing blow in the back with William Regal. Trish climbs the ropes and chokes Victoria. Victoria does a military press into a gut buster. Wow! If Victoria is reading this, I’ve got a jar of pickles in my fridge that I can’t get open. If you could help me out, that’d be great. Victoria is about to dive out on top of Trish, but Tomko takes Trish to safety. Victoria follows her out, but it proves to be a mistake as Trish makes the comeback. Trish tries to bend Victoria in half. Victoria elbows away but takes a spinebuster. Trish applies a sleeper, but Victoria elbows out of that. Victoria gets the tilt-o-whirl sidewalk slam. ONE, TWO, THRE—KICKOUT BY TRISH!!! Victoria gets a standing moonsault for two more. She headbutts Trish but makes the mistake of diving out on Tomko with a plancha. He chases her back inside where Trish finishes her with Stratusfaction at 8:20. Started out really well, but went south about 5 minutes in. Still, damned good for a woman’s match. **ј

After the match, Tomko smacks Victoria around a bit, prompting “the mystery lady” to come out and make the save. “She” heads to the back until Tomko calls her back out for a match.

• Tyson Tomko vs. Stevie Richards. Tomko strips Richards down to his underwear and they do a long beatdown to dead silence. Well, that’s not fair. There are a few fans chanting, “You Suck” at Tomko. Tomko uses a neck vice. Now, the crowd’s getting into it…with a “boring” chant. Stevie comes back with the Testicular Claw. That wakes the crowd up. He fires away at Tomko, but gets distracted by his own bra and falls victim to the Dick Driver. (6:26) Just brutal stuff here and not in the good way. The crowd likes Richards but has no idea how to deal with this angle. O

• Recap of the Edge/Jericho/Christian angle leading up to the ladder match.

• Vacant WWE Intercontinental Championship, Ladder Match: Christian vs. Chris Jericho. Trash-talking to start. Christian slaps Jericho in the face, but takes a beatdown. After over a year, it looks as though “CLB” is starting to get over. Christian fights back and tosses Jericho, but Jericho lands on the apron and backdrops Christian all the way to the floor. Christian dodges Jericho’s ladder swing and stomps him once they get back in the ring. Jericho baits him into charging and Christian gets hung on the ropes. Jericho splashes him, and they go outside. Jericho launches a ladder, but Christian ducks out of the way. They fight into the crowd as dozens of poseurs grabs their cellphones to call home and tell their “posse” to look for them. Back to ringside, Christian delivers a wicked Unprettier on the floor. Christian grabs a ladder and makes the first attempt to get the belt. Jericho makes the save at the last second. Christian slams him face-first into the ladder and sets it up on the ropes. Jericho reverses the whip, though, and Christian goes into it face-first. Jericho goes for a clothesline, but Christian ducks and tosses him into the ladder again. Christian gets inventive and sets the ladder in the corner across the middle ropes and the CATAPULTS JERICHO INTO IT! Sick. Christian goes up, but Jericho stops him. Christian sets Jericho and the ladder up in the corner and charges. Jericho just hits him with the ladder. That spot wouldn’t have made sense anyway. Jericho goes to the top rope and drives the ladder into Christian’s back. Crowd starts a “Y2J” chant. Jericho goes for a bulldog, but Christian tosses him into the ladder. Christian ties Jericho into the tree-of-woe with the ladder (ladder-of-woe). Christian charges and delivers a Foley-ish knee. Jericho is out of it, so Christian goes after the belt. Jericho channels Vince McMahon and desperately flips Christian off. It works too as Christian comes down off the ladder and charges with it. Jericho dropkicks him and bulldogs him onto the ladder. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Christian rolls out of the way. Jericho injures his knee on the ladder. Christian tosses him and goes up…very…slowly. Jericho catches him and pulls the ladder out from under him. Christian dangles from the rope until Jericho smashes him with the ladder. Christian falls flat on his face. Ooooh. Jericho traps Christian under the ladder and goes up. Christian squirms out and tips the ladder over sending Jericho rolling to the outside. Jericho catches Christian going up and puts him in the Walls of Jericho on the ladder. That’s kind of a silly spot. Christian falls off but pushes the ladder out from under Jericho. Jericho falls awkwardly and lands on the ladder with his tailbone. They set up two ladders and Jericho bulldogs Christian to the mat. Jericho goes up and unhooks the IC Title at 22:36. The match had some decent spots, but there was nothing in between and there was absolutely no flow. The finish was especially anti-climactic. ***

• Todd Grisham hopes to get an interview with Kane but finds Lita instead. Lita says that she hopes Shawn Michaels crushes Kane’s throat and puts him in the hospital. That was lovely. Kane comes out and tells her that the match with HBK is now “no DQ.”

• Coach stands by with new IC Champ Chris Jericho. Jericho says that he feels awful, but he’s happy hold the record for most Intercontinental Title reigns. Edge interrupts and tells Jericho he’ll be coming for him. Jericho says he’ll be ready.

• Recap of the Lita-Kane wedding and how it led to the next match.

• No DQ: Shawn Michaels vs. Kane (w/Lita). Kane attacks early, but lowers his head on a backdrop. Shawn kicks him and delivers a Thesz Press. Shawn stomps a mudhole and sends Kane to the outside. Kane misses a clothesline and wraps him own arm around the ringpost. Michaels comes off the top, but Kane sees him coming and delivers a shot to the throat. Kane whips him to the corner and follows with a clothesline for two. Kane misses an elbow, and Shawn clotheslines him over the top. Shawn nearly takes both Lita and Kane out with a plancha. Kane uses Lita as a shield and cheapshots Shawn in the throat. Kane slams Michaels on the Spanish Announce Table. A second slam destroys the table. Back in for a cover — ONE, TWO, THR—NO! Kane exposes Michaels throat on the apron and delivers a pair of elbows. ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY~! Michaels gets a boot up on a charge but takes a sideslam for two. Lita tries to get the crowd fired up for Shawn. He fires back. Kane catches him, though, and delivers a two-handed chokeslam. You’d think that would be twice as effective as his regular chokeslam. Shawn punches his way back but takes a clothesline. He finally gets a DDT to turn the tide. They go toe-to-toe, and Shawn nails his flying forearm. Kane does the Zombie situp, but Shawn kips up for some MIRACLE VIOLENCE! Kane reverses a whip, sending Shawn flipping over the top to the floor. Shawn is busted open. Kane grabs a chair, but Michaels fights back before he can use it. Shawn hits a slap so loud you’d it was ladies’ night and Lawler is in town. Kane tries to crush Michaels’ throat again, but Shawn comes back and hits the flying elbow. He’s tuning up the band! Kane intercepts Michaels with a big boot. ONE, TWO, THRE–NOOOO!!!! Kane delivers a clothesline off the top and readies for the chokeslam. HBK counters with a the Lowblow of Aramathea and grabs the chair. He absolutely ANNIHILATES Kane with a chairshot. Kane is up first, though, and goes after the chair. Lita jumps in and grabs the chair. Kane and Lita argue allowing Shawn to recover. SWEET CHIN MUS—NO!!!! Kane grabs his foot and spins him around. CHOKESLAM TO HEL—NOOOO!!!! Shawn slips out of it and finally gets the SWEET CHIN MUSIC for the win at 18:00. The match really bogged down in the middle when Kane was on offense, but last five minutes lit the place on fire. ***Ѕ

• Mister Benjamin is returning. Hopefully, he doesn’t get lost in the shuffle.

• Triple H tells us that Randy Orton is just a regular guy whereas Hunter is great. He says people gravitate toward him. See, the nose has its own gravitation pull. He says Orton would be nothing without him.

• World Tag Team Championship: La Resistance vs. Rhyno & Tajiri. What’s that sound? No. No, it’s not human. Is someone sodomizing a cat? Oh, Grenier was singing. The ECW connection interrupts. Grenier takes Tajiri down with a shoulderblock, and they roll around on the mat for a spell. Conway tags in, but Tajiri takes him down with an armdrag. Rhyno comes in and wins a fistfight with Conway. He sets up for the gore, but Conway bails. Rhyno hurts his shoulder on a missed charge, and Conway works it further with an armbar DDT. La Res works the shoulder, but Rhyno hits Conway with a belly-to-belly and makes the tag. Tajiri goes wild with kicks and rolls Conway around the mat. He takes Grenier out with a handspring kick. Conway counters a Tornado DDT and tags Grenier. The heels isolate Tajiri Tajiri tags Conway with a thrust kick and makes the hot tag to Rhyno. Rhyno takes on both men and spinebusters Grenier for a nearfall. They do an inventive spot where Grenier gets whacked in the nuts with the flagpole. IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS!!! Rhyno delivers the gore, but Conway puts Grenier’s leg on the ropes to break up the count. The ref gets distracted by Conway and Tajiri, enabling Grenier to blast Rhyno with the flagpole and get the win at 9:41. Fun formula match, but given the months of build Rhyno and Tajiri probably should have gone over. **ј

I should point out that his match will have to be 49 minutes in order to use up the full amount of PPV time I paid for.

• World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs. Triple H. Big staredown to start. Oooh, epic! They jockey for position in the corner. Triple H gives Orton a little shove, so Orton slaps the taste out of his mouth. They exchange headlocks and headscissor counters until HHH shoves him again. Again, Orton slaps him and ups the ante with THE LOOGIE OF MORTALITY! I guess they’re going for a Flair-Steamboat sort of vibe. Orton goes to the chinlock pretty early. HHH forces him to the corner, and a slugfest erupts. Orton wins and slings Triple H to the floor. Note to Jim Ross: There is no “no man’s land” in Proverbs. Orton delivers a series of forearm uppercuts to HHH. Hunter slips out of a slam and clips Orton’s knee. He tries to wrap Orton’s leg around the ringpost, but Orton pulls him into it. Helmsley drop toeholds him and wrenches the knee with an Indian Deathlock. HHH goes to work on the knee with a splash and finally does slam it into the ringpost. HHH uses a spinning leglock to work the knee even further. Orton kicks out of it but takes a facebuster. HHH locks in a figure-four (on the wrong leg). Orton tries to turn it over, but HHH grabs the ropes behind the ref’s back. He tries it again, and Hebner catches him and breaks it up. HHH goes for another figure-four, but Orton shoves him into the turnbuckle. Triple H is cut open. Orton goes after it with punches. Triple H misses a clothesline and gets powerslammed for two. Randy hits him with a dropkick but injures his own knee and can’t capitalize immediately. Orton delivers a DDT for two. They exchange sleeper holds, and Triple H finishes with a backdrop suplex. Triple H comes off the second rope, but Orton gets his foot up. It’s his good foot, so I’ll get it go. Orton delivers the crossbody! ONE, TWO, THR–NOOO!!! Orton sends HHH over the top with a clothesline. Orton slams his face into the steps and tosses him back in. A stretch neckbreaker gets two. Orton goes for an RKO, but Triple H shoves him into the ref. Sadly, everyone in the arena turns to look toward the entryway for the run-in. HHH goes for the Pedigree! Orton reverses to the RKO. Flair runs out, but Orton takes care of him. Same with Batista. Triple H delivers a low blow and things get really stupid as JONATHON COACHMAN comes out with a referee’s uniform. ONE, TWO, TH-NOO!! Orton punches Coach but takes a spinebuster from Batista. Triple H covers. ONE, TWO, TH—NOO!!! HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Orton backdrops him over and hits Coach with the RKO. He takes out Flair with another RKO. Finally, Triple H hits Orton with the chair, which is apparently made of Kryptonite. He Pedigrees Orton on the Kryptonite chair. Batista tosses the ref back in. ONE, TWO, THREE. (24:47). I never thought I’d say this, but thank God Triple H is champ again. Match was ridiculously overbooked in order to get Orton over as a babyface. *ѕ

After the match, a bloody Triple H gets carried out of the arena. Orton looks pissed.

Final Thoughts: Well, no one expected much going in and the WWE didn’t deliver. It started out okay with a very good tag match and a surprisingly good Diva match. Then, it sort of bogged down. Jericho vs. Christian was exactly what I expected — all spots, no flow. Michaels vs. Kane was the lone standout, but even it was overshadowed by the marriage angle. After months of chasing, Rhyno and Tajiri come up short. In regards to the main event…ugh. I appreciate the efforts to get Orton over as a babyface, but their efforts tonight were so over the top it was laughable. Hopefully, they do something else with him tomorrow rather than the rebel babyface on a tear because he got screwed.

Thumbs down for Unforgiven 2004.

J.D. Dunn