411’s WWE Raw Report 4.14.03

411’s WWE Raw Report 4.14.03
Live from Richmond, VA
Announcers are Coach & The King
Report done *EXCLUSIVELY* for 411MANIA by PK

Intro to start out.

Kevin Nash comes out. He says that HHH, HBK and he are best friends, but week after week, they are out there killing each other. Coach announces a six man tag for Backlash; Nash/Booker/HBK vs. HHH/Flair/Jericho. Nash says that they promised each other to stick together though out their careers. HHH comes out, hugs Nash. HHH says that he and HBK will never be friends again, and he would much rather slap him in the face then shake his hand. HBK then comes out. HBK says that HHH is right, they will never be friends. HHH tells Nash to make a choice between HBK and HHH. HHH says that whether anyone likes it or not, he is the man around here. He then says that HBK will steal Nash’s spotlight again. HHH then says that the most success that the both of them have had was when they walked away from HBK.

Stacy is going through Test’s bag. She finds lotion, a towel, and Torrie’s Playboy. Test walks in, and Stacy yells at him.

Commercials.

Coach and King talk about missing JR, but how life must go on. They then start talking about what just happened with HBK/HHH/Nash.

VPJG: The King misses JR and talks to the Coach, and then talk about the Clique and their problems.

Test (w/ Stacy) vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho jumps Test to start. Test overpowers Jericho for a while, but Jericho chokes Test on ropes, while Stacy goes over and signs some guys poster. Jericho then shows off his 8minute abs to Stacy, to disgust. Test fights back, nails a sidewalk slam, then a tilt a whirl for 2. Jericho off the ropes, Test with his head down, gets kicked in the head. Test goes for a powerbomb, but Jericho sunset flips it. Jericho almost locks on the Walls of Jericho, but Test gets out of it. Stacy gets on the ringsteps and shows the crowd her ass. Test hits the Meltdown, but sees what Stacy is doing. Jericho nails a running bulldog, then the Lionsault for the win.
Winner – Jericho

Test yells at Stacy, then slaps the fan she signed the poster for.

VPJG: Test comes out with Stacey. Test is unhappy seeing Stacey show her butt to everyone. I can relate. When I dated Stacey, she showed her butt all the time to random people Pissed me off! Jericho comes out to the loudest ovation I’ve ever heard. Stacey looks concerned, but Test does not let his emotions betray him. Jericho is clean shaven and looks adorable. Jericho begins with kicks, then chops, in the best wrestling sequence of all time. Test reverses into chops of his own. Jericho begs off, but Test, the monster, does not back off. Flippy things with the ropes by Jericho. Press slam by the moster Test. Jericho gains the advantage. I don’t know how. I was typing. Jericho working the arm as the announcers go over the history between Jericho, Stacey and Test. Stacey signing autographs at ringside, and I see some guy with a pink shirt. What kind of man wears a pink shirt? He should be ashamed of himself. The storyline here is that Stacey doesn’t care about Test, and the King says that relationships are very strange. To quote him, “Sometimes I feel like I would be better off dead then letting another woman inside my heart, my soul. I am so alone.” More wrestling, as Test gets a couple of two counts from a running move thing and a full-nelson pump handle. Jericho rolls Test up, feet on the ropes, but Test kicks out. Stacey starts dancing for the fans for some reason. Jericho almost with the walls. Test with a clothesline. Test with his big slam pump handle thing, and Jericho puts his foot on the ropes. Test not happy with Stacey, turns his back on Jericho and PAYS for it. Bulldog, lionsault, GOOD MORNING CLEVELAND! Jericho wins. Test beats up a fan who flirted with Stacey. I will stake my reputation on that guy not being a plant.

Bischoff says he will do what’s right for all Stone Cold fans everywhere.

VPJG: Eric Bischoff talks about firing Stone Cold. Tonight, Eric will do the right thing for Stone Cold fans. I bet it involves calling them idiots or wife beaters.

Commercials.

We come back, and Test is yelling at Stacy. Test then compares Stacy to Torrie, and says she is much better, until he starts talking about her tits.

VPJG: Stacey bitches to Test. Test bitches to Stacey. Playboys are sold.

Trish Stratus & Ivory vs. Victoria (w/ Steven Richards) & Jazz (w/ Theodore Long)
Victoria jumps Ivory to start. Long joins Coach and King. Ivory receives a powerslam from Victoria, Trish tagged in, takes care of Victoria. Jazz in. pummels down on Trish. Trish in the corner, Jazz charges, but Trish moves, but Jazz comes back with some solid punches. Jazz goes for a splash, but Trish has her knees up. Ivory in, takes care of both Jazz and Victoria. Ivory nails Poison Ivory (X-Factor) on Jazz for 2, when Victoria breaks it up. All 4 melee. Ivory puts Jazz up for a SUPERPLEX, but Jazz fights it off, only for Trish to get the Stratusphere. Trish hurts her knee. Trish gets on Jazz shoulders and tries to roll through, but Jazz tosses her off, and locks on the STF.
Winners – Jazz/Victoria

VPJG: Trish and Ivory come out and dance. Then Victoria comes out. No dancing. Then Jazz comes out and moonwalks to the ring. You rule, Fit Finley! Jazz is now with Teddy Long. “Time to spazz with Jazz!” That one is free, WWE. Ivory and Jazz start it out. Trish is in, and gets a two count on Vicki. Louie Thesz press on Vicki. Jazz is in, double under hook lift into a full frontal drop. Trish into the corner, but Jazz misses a splash. Kicks by Trish, but misses something. I didn’t see because I was typing. King is not allowed to say “Playa” because he’s not black. Jazz dives onto Trish, but gets nothing but knees. Nothing but knees… AND PUDDING! Ivory in. Trish back in. Victoria over the top rope. Trish with her handstand thingy on Jazz. Half Boston Crab on Trish into the STF. Trish taps out! Trish taps out! I always knew she was weak. After 250 years of oppression, the black woman picks up the victory.

Goldberg is on the phone, Jesse for TE1 comes in and tells him that a ‘relative’ of his is here. Goldust comes in! Goldust welcomes him, and gives him a wig. Goldust then puts it on. Goldberg takes it off, says thanks, but tells him never to put that on his head again. Goldberg leaves, and Goldust admits to soiling his pants.

VPJG: A relative of Goldberg is here, and it’s Goldust! I knew these two would wind up together. Goldust is having a problem with speaking. He offers Goldberg a long, blonde yamica, then puts it on Goldberg’s head. Goldberg is so greatful he kisses Goldust full on the mouth. I did not see that coming.

Commercials.

Nash backstage thinking.

VPJG: Backstage, Kevin Nash ponders stuff. “Hmmm, I sure would like a hamburger.”

Stone Cold’s music hits, and Bischoff comes out and says that he fooled us again. He reminds us that Austin is gone. He shows us Stone Cold mechendise offer, calling it the “Steve Austin Farewell Package.” 2 T-Shirts and the WMXIX program for $39.99. This is for real, NULL