411’s TNA Impact Report 8.26.10

So there’s still confusion with the Hogan/Vince Heads, so to help clear things up, here’s how I use them as a rankings system.

1 Head = Bad
2 Heads = Average
3 Heads = Good
4 Heads = Great
5 Heads = Best. Match. EVAR!!!

Yeah, they’re kind of similar to star ratings, but kind of different too. Like say if there’s a squash match, I’d probably give it 2 Heads instead of 1 whether or not it accomplishes its goal of putting a wrestler over. So now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get started with Impact.

And just remember folks, I’m missing the Burn Notice season finale, so you don’t have to.

-We kick things off with a video package highlighting the Fortune/EV2.0 feud.

“Hogan’s Cavalry”

-Bischoff and Dixie are talking in the back. Dixie says she needs to handle this herself. Dixie walks away and makes her way down to the ring.

She says that the company has had some challenging times, but it made the success that much sweeter. It’s been through the hard times that TNA has become stronger, more unified and become a family. The critics gave them 8 weeks, and here they are 8 years later, having more success than ever before. There have been countless people who have contributed to get to where they are today. She made a vow to make sure that nobody hurt this company, and she intends to keep that promise. She then proceeds to call out the Nature Boy.

And here comes the Naitch. Flair circles around Dixie, checking her out. He says she is drop dead gorgeous. Why don’t he and her go back to the hotel, and resolve this like two grown adults. Why air their personal business on national TV? Dixie says really. When Flair came to TNA, Dixie was so excited. He said he was going to mentor the young guys. Well he’s failed miserably at that the past couple of weeks. Hogan and Eric warned her, and she didn’t believe them, but Flair proved her wrong. Flair’s actions have been horrendous. He will be treated the same as everyone in the back. Unfortunately, he’s now suspended. He brought this on himself. Flair says without making this any more person, does that mean she’s suspending Fortune too. She says no. Flair says Fortune and Flair are one in the same. And here comes Fortune. Flair says this is TNA. These are some of the greatest professional wrestlers he’s ever seen in his career. Dixie agrees, but says each one of those guys were with her building the company before he got here. While Flair is sitting on the sidelines the next 90 days, Fortune will be wrestling, but Flair won’t be with them. Flair is pissed. He takes off his coat. Dixie’s husband runs in the ring but Fortune holds him down. Flair yells for Fortune to bring him to him. And here comes Hogan.

Not just Hogan, but Angle, Dinero, Anderson and Hardy too. Hogan tells Flair and his boys to let him go. Flair says this is no mans land for him. Angle knows better. He’ll take that gold medal and shove it up his ass. Hogan gets in the ring. He says the smartest thing Flair and Fortune can do is listen. Hogan says he and Dixie made a deal to run the company 50/50. And now that Dixie is up to her neck in crap, he’s gonna override what she just said. It would be too easy to put Flair on the shelf. He’s not suspended. After what Jeff and he felt at the hands of Fortune, that would be too easy. If Flair wanted to piss him off, he did a good job of it. But there’s one thing Flair needs to realize, this is the real TNA (he points to Hardy, Dinero, Angle and Anderson). Flair says Fortune is TNA. They are here now. That’s what Abyss has been telling him. They won’t be taking over tonight. Hogan asks why not tonight. Flair says because he’s not ready. Hogan says if they don’t wanna do it tonight, Beer Money’s already going to be busy, so why don’t the other four guys take on his four. Flair says no, but Hogan books it anyways.

Fortune backs up the ramp, and EV2.0 runs out and attacks. We’ve got a massive brawl on the ramp going on as we head to commercial.

-Commercial plays hyping up Bound for Glory.

-We get a recap of the opening segment.

-Angle says the World Title is the most important thing to the four of them. Without the title, there would be no Kurt Angle. Tonight, it’s not about that. It’s about something bigger. TNA. They are going to kick Fortune’s ass.

Match 1: Orlando Jordan vs Samoa Joe

Jordan grabs So Cal from behind and feels her up and stuff. Joe’s music hits, meaning that shit is about to get fucked up. Joe gets right int Jordan’s face and here come the rapid fire jabs. Elbow in the corner, and the SSC enzuigiri follows. Coquina Clutch locked in, but Jordan backs up into the corner. Joe breaks it, and Jordan gets an elbow. Right hands by Jordan, and he starts choking Joe. Elbow by Jordan, stopping a charging Joe. Jordan mounts Joe in the corner and starts hitting him with the rights. Joe drops him down for the atomic drop, nails a boot and hits the back senton. Clotheslines by Joe. T-BONE! Joe sets Jordan up to the top. MUSCLE BUSTER!!! Forget about it.

Winner: Samoa Joe (Just a squash and a way to get Joe back on TV)

Joe celebrates the win and here comes Jeff Jarrett. We’re heading to commercial.

Jarrett says it’s been 5 years since Joe joined TNA, and Jarrett knew since the first day he saw Joe, he knew he wanted him to be apart of TNA. Jarrett says Joe knows it, he knows it and the people know it. He’s come a long way in 5 years. Jarrett says he’s helped a lot of young guys, but he’s not here to ask Joe any favors. He wants to know if Joe wants to be in his corner when he (Jeff) takes on Kevin Nash tonight. Joe knows what Sting and Kev are all about. They’re trying to rip out the heart and soul out and spit in the face of each of the fans. Joe knows it’s all served up from selfishness and knows they’re pissed off because they’re not the top dogs. Hulk has his hands tied up with Flair and Fortune. Jeff will take care of Kev, but will Joe take care of Sting if he shows up? Deal or no deal. Joe thinks about it. He says first off, Joe doesn’t choose sides because he doesn’t have to. And if there’s one thing Jeff needs to understand, he only knows how to play for one team. His own. Joe then walks off. And here comes big Kev.

Match 2: Jeff Jarrett vs Kevin Nash

Kind of wish we could have saw some interaction between Joe and Nash on the ramp, but whatever. Nash grabs a chair. Jarrett goes to attack, but Nash pulls him to the outside. Nash then whips Jarrett into the guardrail. Nash then slams Jarrett’s head into the ring, and then into the steps. Nash throws Jarrett back into the ring and hits him with a big right. And another. Knees in the corner by Kev. Elbows follow. He then proceeds to choke Jeff with his boot. Nash picks up the chair and drops it on the mat. The ref picks it up and brings it to the outside as Nash exposes the top turnbuckle. Nash picks up Jeff, but Jeff slides out the back and pushes Nash into the exposed steel. Right hands by Jeff. Running guillotine attacks in the rope follows. Jeff slides to the outside and hits an uppercut. Jeff goes to the second rope and hits a double axe handle. Nash dives off the second rope again but gets goozled. Chokeslam countered with elbows, but Nash throws Jeff into the exposed steel. Chokeslam connects. 1…2…No. Jeff ducks a clothesline and an elbow and locks in a sleeper hold. Nash backs Jeff up into the ref. Jeff avoids a snake eyes again and slams Nash’s head off the steel. Stroke connects. Pin but the ref is out. Here comes Sting (w/ ref face paint). He hits Jeff with the bat. He leaves the ring and Nash covers. Pin and it’s over.

Winner : Kevin Nash (This match was kind of slow and plodding, but it wasn’t terrible. Both guys sort of did their thing and put on a watchable match. Plus, the crowd was really into this, which helped. OK, maybe I was wrong about them being into it, but I still thought the match was acceptable)

Sting goes to pick up Jarrett, and Hogan’s music hits. it’s Eric Bischoff though. He says really? Has it really come to this? Kev couldn’t handle Jeff by himself so Sting has to come out? Sting says he wants Hogan. Eric says Hulk’s busy, and he could go check with him, but is that what Sting really wants? He needs to be careful of what he wishes for, because he might get it. But he’s not sure if Sting’s man enough to understand that. Hogan shows up behind Sting with a chair. He hits him with it. Hogan picks up the bat and Nash slides out of the ring. Hogan’s music hits as he checks up on Jarrett. We’re heading to commercial.

-Dreamer and Hogan are in the back. Hogan says they need to back off for one night. Dreamer says no problem. Hogan says Dreamer needs to take out Abyss. Dreamer says they can do it, no problem.

BEER! MOHNAY!

Match 3: Beer Money vs The F.B.I (Little Guido and Tony Luke)

Beer Money charges the ring and goes right on the attack. Double hiptoss catch into a slam to Guido. Gutbuster to Luke, backcracker follows. Storm starts choking Guido. Roode gets the tag. Enzuigiri on the apron by Storm and Roode nails a boot. Guido starts fighting back, but Roode catches him and nails him with a full nelson slam. Small package by Guido, but only two. Guido kicks Roode off and tags in Luke. Roode caches him off a dive and nails the spinebuster. Roode gets the tag. DWI connects. Forget about it.

Winner : Beer Money (Good squash here as it was short, but did what it needed to do in order to put over Beer Money)

Guido starts fighting Roode, but Storm nails him with the beer bottle. Storm nails Luke with a Last Call Superkick. Storm starts cutting Guido open with the glass. DWI to Guido. Beer Money poses to the crowd.

-Later tonight, Fotune vs Angle, Hardy, Anderson and the Pope is still to come.

-Angelina and Velvet are coming to the ring next.

-Dreamer asks the EV2.0 guys if they saw what Beer Money just did to the FBI. They need to take out Abyss. Richards gets all intense and says they’ll have Abyss’ head on a stick.

-And here come the original Beautiful People, with the old entrance and all. I’ve always wanted to say this. DAT AZZ SQUARED!! Angelina says for the record, she knows she’s made a lot of mistakes in her life, but she’s learned from her mistakes. She and Velvet had a friendship that was very hard to come by. She knows that she’s not always a perfect little angel, and she can be a pretty mean bitch, but she values the friendship that they had and wants to forgive and forget so they can move on. Velvet says at this point in the game, there’s no sense in rehashing the past. So why not let bygones by bygones so they can pick up where they left off and do what they do best, dominate the Knockout’s Division again. They hug, and here comes Madison Rayne, along with the biker chick on the motorcycle. Madison says if she wasn’t such a lady, she would barf in the middle of the ring. First of all, both of them will be hit with a lawsuit for copyright infringement. They will never come out to her song again and never, ever, refer to themselves as the Beautiful People. She’s the only beautiful person in the ring. And she’s all natural unlike them two silicone whores. She doesn’t know if the botox has got into her brain, but it was her who brought her (Madison) into TNA, because TBP needed beauty and class. Angelina was at the end of her road before Madison got her to the main event again. Velvet, she is, and has always been one thing only, and that is her little bitch. Velvet spears Madison. The biker chick attacks, and Angelina attacks her. Huge brawl in the ring. CATFIGHT!!! Security breaks it up. They break through and this isn’t over.

-The Guns are in the back playing Rock Band 3. They say they get extra perks because they’re the champs. It’s about championships. What they hold dear to their hearts. They have Generation Me tonight, and Wolfe/Magnus have been breathing down their necks. They paved the way for smaller, high flying tag teams. They’re match is next. They go back to playing Rock Band.

-Wolfe and Magnus are shown walking down the street and arriving at a mall. Magnus say they need to get some cool threads. They can’t wait for September 5th, when they have a tag title shot.

Match 4: Generation Me vs TNA World Tag Team Champions Motor City Machine Guns

This should be one bad ass match. Sabin and Jeremy start things off. Tie up to start, roll up by Jeremy. Headlock follows. Sabin pushes him off and gets a shoulder block. Jeremy ducks under and gets a drop toe hold. Oklahoma roll, kick out and Jeremy locks in another headlock. Jeremy slides through the legs, Generation Me get a double hip toss and a double basement dropkick. Pin but Shelley breaks it up. Max goes for a roll up, but Shelley hits an reverse atomic drop, dropkick to the knee, Shelley floats over and Sabin nails the dropkick. Shelley kicks Max in the gut. Slam, and a single leg crab is applied as Shelley steps on the face. Tag to Sabin, and he leapfrogs over Shelley onto the arm. Snapmare and a knee drop follows. Pin but only two. Sabin throws Max into the boots of Shelley. Snapmare by Shelley and he drops a knee. Pin but only two. And another pin but again only two. And again. Shelley stepping on the hand of Max to prevent him from getting the tag. Submission by Shelley. Max fights out but Sabin gets the tag and springboards in for the axe handle. Elbow to Sabin, and Shelley gets thrown to the outside. Sabin catches a boot, Max rolls through and tags in Jeremy. Clotheslines and dropkicks galore. Shelley catches Jeremy but gets nailed with an elbow. Slingshot sitout facebuster kills Sabin!!! 1…2…2.9895!!! Max with a diving basebal slide. Jeremy with a top rope springboard moonsault!! Max with a spear. Springboard splash/standing moonsault combo! Max grabs Shelley with his legs and Jeremy nails the superkick. MORE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK COUNTERED!! SLICED BREAD TO MAX!!! Sabin grabs Jeremy. Splash/neckbreaker combo!

Winner : Motor City Machine Guns (Great match here that could have used more time, but got just enough to tear down the house. These teams are so damn similar to each other and both have some awesome, balls out chemistry. Fantastic match here)

-The Guns shake the hands of Generation Me.

-Next week, Angelina and Velvet will face Madison and the biker chick.

-Flair says he’s pissed off. He’s TNA. He is the man. He’s got 5 or 6 guys who have the heart and soul of the company, and Hardy/Anderson/Angle and Dinero will find out why. Sting grabs Flair from behind and chokes him with the bat. They say once they’re done with Jarrett, they’re comign for him.

-We get a video with some party footage, and says SHORE. I’m assuming it’s hyping up Cookie and the other guy who had tryout matches.

-Here’s the No Surrender card.
AJ Styles vs Tommy Dreamer – I Quit match
London Brawling (Desmond Wolfe and Magnus) vs MCMG – TNA World Tag Team Championship
Mr. Anderson vs The Pope – TNA World Title Tournament
Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy – TNA World Title Tournament

-Stevie Richards is shown beating up Abyss in the back. Abyss whips Stevie into some trash cans. Abyss starts stomping Stevie and throws a bag of trash at him. Abyss says he’s going to introduce Stevie to his girlfriend (Lauren?). No, it’s Janice. He goes to hit Stevie, but misses. Stevie starts wailing on Abyss and throws him into a trailer. Stevie throws Abyss into a rail and starts choking him. Abyss gets back in control and slams Stevie’s head off a table. Abyss says for Stevie to tell the rest of the EV2 guys that the same thing that happened to RVD is going to happen to all of them. The brawl continues as we head to commercial.

-We’re back, and Rhino is in the ring. He calls out Abyss and tells him to fight him now. Abyss is shown walking to the ring with Janice. He shows up in the crowd and Rhino meets him head on. He slams Abyss’ head off the ring steps. He wants the Gore. He charges but Abyss hits him with a boot. They start brawling through the crowd now. Abyss throws Rhino into a wall. They start making their way to the Spanish broadcasting table. Rhino fights out of a chokeslam and throws Abyss head first onto the announce table. They start brawling on a high structure. Rhino throws Abyss into some object. He wants the Gore. And he gets it. GORE! GORE! GORE!

-Styles says Pope, Anderson, Angle and Hardy haven’t built this company. Fortune are his guys. It was AJ who gave Dixie the opportunity, he made this company and made her. If he has too, he’ll tear it down.

Match 5: Fortune (Kazarian, Matt Morgan, TNA X-Division Champion Douglas Williams and TNA Television Champion AJ Styles) (w/ Ric Flair) vs Mr. Anderson, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle

Fortune comes out to a rap remix of Flair’s theme. This match will start when we come back from this commercial break.

Anderson and Kaz kick things off. Kaz works down the arm, and Anderson counters. Kaz slaps Anderson and locks in a headlock. Anderson pushes off and Kaz gets a shoulder block. Hiptoss by Anderson, scoop slam follows, and then he slaps Kaz. Dinero gets the tag and elbows the arm. Kaz rakes the eyes and tags in AJ. Running tackle by AJ. Dinero ducks under and gets a flying forearm shot. Elbows by Dinero, and that big elbow follows. Pin but only two. AJ rushes Dinero into the corner and tags in Williams. European uppercut by Doug. Kaz gets the tag and stomps the gut. Styles gets the tag and chops Dinero. And another chop. Snapmare by AJ and he kicks the back. Dinero fights for the tag but Morgan tags in. Morgan tells Dinero to tag in Hardy. Hardy gets the crowd into it. Rear waist lock by Hardy, but Morgan hits him with a big elbow. Morgan throws Hardy into the corner but misses a splash. Right hands and kicks by Hardy. Hardyac Arrest to Morgan. Running forearm shot. He runs off the ropes but AJ grabs the lag. Hardy elbows Kaz and Williams off the apron, but runs into a big clothesline by Morgan. Morgan poses over Hardy and then starts choking him in the corner. AJ gets the tag and slams Hardy. Vintage knee drop follows. Pin but only two. Styles drags Hardy to his corner and tags in Morgan. Elbows in the corner by Morgan. Big suplex follows. Doug Williams gets the tag and starts stomping Hardy. Williams drops Hardy throat first on the top rope. Dinero runs in the ring as the double teaming commences on Hardy. Flair with a low blow to Hardy on the outside. Williams with a big knee drop. Pin but only two. AJ gets the tag and stomps Hardy’s face. Hardy starts fighting back but to no avail. Williams gets the tag and locks in the submission. Hardy fights out but Williams headbutts the gut. He runs off the ropes but Hardy hits the spinning sleeperslam. Kaz gets the tag but so does Angle. Angle with clotheslines to Kaz. Backdrop follows. AJ runs in but gets belly to bellied. Huge german to Kaz. Ankle Lock locked in to Kaz. FLYING FOREARM BY AJ! STO by Dinero. T-Bone by Williams. Green Bay Plunge. Discuss clothesline by Morgan. Whisper in the Wind! Wave of the Future! Angle pulls down the straps. ANGLE SLAM! Pope got the tag behind Angle’s back and runs in for the pin.

Winner : D’Angelo Dinero, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderosn (Really fun main event here. Each guy got in a good amount of offense and the crowd totally dug this. Really good stuff)

Pope and Angle argue. They come to shoves. Anderson tries to break it up but Fortune goes on the attack. Roode and Storm run out too. AJ sets up a table on the outside and goes to put Hardy on it. Sabu and Dreamer run down to the ring and beat down on Styles and Williams. Foley’s out too and he’s beating on Flair. Sabu throws a chair at Williams. Sabu jumps off the apron and puts Williams through the table with a chair. The brawl continues as we come to a close. Reaction is covering the rest of this angle.