wrestling / Columns

The Wrestling News Experience 08.02.10

August 2, 2010 | Posted by Stephen Randle

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

Release The Kraken!

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and in case you ever wondered what could possibly scare two ten-pound, male cats, you should try an eight-week old, two-pound, female, Yorkie-Pug mix. I know, I’m fully ashamed of my boys.

It’s interesting, in real life I’ve been sitting here for twenty minutes staring at a computer screen and drawing a blank on what to type, but as far as you know, I never stopped typing between the last paragraph and this one. The journalistic illusion of progress!

Okay, let’s get this started or we’ll be at it forever

Last week, as anyone would expect, the egos in John Cena’s alliance of WWE Superstars seemed to disintegrate almost immediately, as Raw ended with six of the seven members engaged in various levels of violence against each other. While Bret Hart is training hard for his return in Calgary, when he returns, will he have a team at his back by SummerSlam? Can Cena hold his group together until the big match?

Meanwhile, Randy Orton continued to stalk the WWE Champion and also took a second to RKO the Miz out of another attempted Money in the Bank cash-in. With Orton on a roll and Sheamus under attack from all sides, is the Celtic Warrior’s time as WWE Champion running out?

And the Nexus continues to have their fingers in everything, from showing their unified strength against another seven-man squad of WWE Superstars, to curiously showing respect to the Great Khali, one of their seven opponents at SummerSlam. What is this larger purpose that Nexus claims to serve, and what will they do to serve those ends tonight?

All this, and Alicia Fox continues to seek a new challenger to her title, tonight on a live-on-tape WWE Raw!

The Least Surprising List Since My “People I’m Going To Get Revenge On One Day” List.

Oh, don’t look so shocked.

Well, here’s a list of everyone that TNA has confirmed will be in attendance at the upcoming HardCORE Justice (the capital letters are the source of its power):

– Tommy Dreamer
– Mick Foley
– Raven
– Rob Van Dam
– Stevie Richards
– Team 3D
– Rhino
– Al Snow
– Simon Diamond
– Johnny Swinger
– Balls Mahoney
– Axl Rotten

Well, at least the three guys on the bottom haven’t already been under TNA contract for a long time. Listen, I know ratings are up and HardCORE Justice will probably do slightly better buys than TNA PPVs have been doing lately, but frankly, combined with the announcement of the big August 12th PPV-style Impact, one can’t help but feel like TNA has essentially given up on PPVs and will ride out the rest of whatever contract they have until it expires and they can move to an entirely TV-based model. Which, actually, isn’t a horrible idea, given that most sources suggest that PPV isn’t a profit center for TNA (begging the question what does make money for TNA, given that they run limited tours and house shows and the Impact Zone tickets are free), and also given that Spike TV seems incredibly pleased with the product’s presence on their network.

Just do me a favour, TNA. If this is the plan, please don’t have Mike Tenay go on Impact and spin it as “listening to our fans”. I’m pretty sure every time he has to do that, he dies a little inside, and he’s not getting any younger.

Get Well, Bobby

Unfortunate news to report, as WWE Hall of Famer and legendary wrestling manager/announcer Bobby “The Brain” Heenan has been seriously injured, suffering a broken shoulder and hip while rehabilitating a previous injury. The last few years have been tough ones for everyone’s favourite Weasel, and hopefully he can come back stronger from this latest setback.

His New Old Role

Bad news, also, for those who have been enjoying the open and snarky commentary out of our favourite Oklahoman and former voice of WWE (no matter what he may say) on his internet blog. Apparently the days of Jim Ross not being controlled directly by WWE are on the way out again, as he will be re-instating the long-running Ross Report on WWE.com. One can expect far less angry, sarcastic comments about Internet fans and far more banter about how many young Superstars could be the next big thing, if only they can do that one thing that will put them over the top. That one thing, of course, will vary depending on a wrestler’s weight, height, gender, and whether or not Vince likes him at that point in time.

On the bright side, maybe they’ll put his voice clips back in the WWE intro.

It’s Still Real To Guinness, Dammit!

Yes, Steve Austin was the recipient of another award this past week. Unfortunately, it was not for any acting he’s done lately, but rather the good people at Guinness have decided to recognize him for holding the world record for most WWE Royal Rumbles won.

You read that correctly. Most WWE Royal Rumbles won.

They do realize that wrestling is a scripted show where the winners are determined on a variety of factors which do not, strictly speaking, bring athletic ability and skill into it?

Then again, does anyone even read the Guinness Book of World Records anymore? I remember getting a copy of it some years back and I read it once. Well, I skimmed it. Do they really still put those out every year? I can’t imagine those records are changing much on a yearly basis.

Ah well, at least they might have gotten Steve Austin’s beer business. That’s a sweet plum.

Did We Seriously Call This “Not A Bad Fake”?

And just when you thought there was no real news out there, you are proved to be correct, as our top story, at the moment, is this alleged new WWE Logo that has been floating around the Internet.

Really? We’re supposed to believe that this is the real deal? I’m pretty sure I could make a better new logo with my copy of Photoshop, a two-four of Canadian, and an hour or two of free time. Actually, that sounds like an idea.

Anyway, there’s no way this came out of the WWE graphics department. Therefore, I fully expect to be proven wrong almost immediately. At which point I may break down into uncontrollable sobbing.

#1. The Nexus

Swept the Raw “B” team in a preview of SummerSlam, and had the added benefit of watching the WWE Team fall apart at the seams. I do have to question their apparent plan to woo the Great Khali onto their side. Of everyone on that team, that’s who you want?

#2. TNA TV Title

Possibly the most renamed title in history, but at least now that it’s called something to which specific rules can be followed and around the waist of someone who TNA might be interested in keeping over, the sky is the limit for the TV belt.

#3. Kane

Kane starts and ends Smackdown as the dominant force, plus he’s apparently found out who vegetablized his brother. For anyone who cared or still doesn’t believe that he did it. Come on, his entire WWE character is based around occasionally trying to kill the Undertaker.

#4. The Miz

Twice now fortune has not favoured Cleveland’s default favourite son (now that the real one is in Miami), but how long can people keep standing between Miz and a nearly unconscious WWE Champion?

#5. Randy Orton

If Miz doesn’t get to him first, Orton looks pretty much a sure thing to dominate the Celtic Warrior in their SummerSlam encounter. If he wins the title, well, that’s another story.

#6. Abyss

Abyss uses violence to get what he wants, and that means he’ll have a TNA Title shot at the upcoming TNA “Free-Per-View” (aka the August 12th Impact). Plus he beat Tommy Dreamer. Nobody ever does that.

#7. Motor City
Machine Guns

Well, apparently when you win, you get your opponent’s space on the Power Rankings. Who am I to mess with tradition?

#8. Dolph Ziggler

Well, he got the title match he wanted, but at what cost? Frankly, I’m not sure a title shot balances out the fact that you have to pretend to like Vicki Guerrero and also get the crap beat out of you by Kofi when Vicki interferes in your match.

#9. Christian

A surprising victory over pet project Drew McIntyre probably won’t last past this week, but hell, he’s got that win for now.

#10. Eric Young

Well, it’s another character shift for Young, possibly his most insane yet, and that is saying something. And you all thought he couldn’t sink any lower in pursuit of continued employment in TNA.

DISCLAIMER: TWNE Power Rankings are compiled at the very last minute based entirely on what little I can remember of what happened in wrestling in the last week after seven days and many shifts of work, including twelve hours on Sunday before I write this column. Let’s see you try to be funny and clever after that, you bastards. I’m sorry, I don’t mean that. I’m a little edgy and full of caffeine. We can still be friends, right?

Inactive List as of 07.26.10

WWE Raw

– Ezekiel Jackson, out 6 months as of April 10th (torn quad)
– Melina, out indefinitely as of January 4th (torn ACL)
– Triple H, out indefinitely (arm surgery)

WWE SmackDown

– Beth Phoenix, out indefinitely as of May 14th (torn ACL)
– The Undertaker, out 2-3 months as of June 1st (broken orbital)

TNA

– No reported injuries

Transactions

– Eli Cottonwood, NXT, eliminated from NXT competition

– Murphy and Gunner (TNA Security Forces), TNA, made TNA in-ring debut on July 29th Impact

WWE

WWE Champion: Sheamus
– 43 day reign, defeated former champion John Cena, Edge, andRandy Orton in a Fatal Four-Way match on June 20th (Fatal 4-Way PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Randy Orton, SummerSlam PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: Kane
– 15 day reign, defeated Rey Mysterio by cashing in Money in the Bank on July 18th (Money in the Bank PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Rey Mysterio, SummerSlam PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston
– 71 day reign, defeated Drew McIntyre on May 23rd (Over the Limit PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Dolph Ziggler, August 6th Smackdown

WWE United States Champion: The Miz
– 49 day reign, defeated former champion R-Truth, John Morrison, and Zack Ryder in a Fatal Four-Way match on June 14th (Raw)

WWE Unified Tag Team Champions: The Hart Dynasty
– 98 day reign, defeated ShoMiz on April 26th (Raw)

WWE Women’s Co-Champions*: Layla and Michelle McCool
– 80 day reign, defeated Beth Phoenix in a Handicap Match on May 14th (Smackdown)
* – WWE currently only recognizes Layla as the Women’s Champion

WWE Divas Champion: Alicia Fox
– 43 day reign, defeated former champion Eve Torres, Maryse, and Gail Kim in a Fatal Four-Way Match on June 20th (Fatal 4-Way PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Rob Van Dam
– 105 day reign, defeated former champion AJ Styles on April 19th (Impact)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Motor City Machine Guns
– 22 day reign, defeated Beer Money Inc on July 11th (Victory Road PPV) to win the vacant titles

TNA X-Division Champion: Douglas Williams
– 78 day reign, defeated Kaz on May 16th (Sacrifice PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Madison Rayne
– 11 day reign, title reverted to former champion after appeal of match ruling at Victory Road on July 22nd (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: The Beautiful People
– 147 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde & Sarita and Tara & Angelina Love on March 8th (Impact) to win the vacant titles

TNA Television Champion: AJ Styles
– 11 day reign, defeated Rob Terry on July 22nd (Impact)

Larry has the Wrestling 5 & 1.

Harrison has The Bell-to-Bell News Report.

Hubbard has The Contentious Ten.

Martell has The Triple Threat.

Ari has Column of Honor.

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