411’s WWE Raw Report 11.05.07

Are you ready?

…

I said, are you ready?!

Welcome all, to 411’s LIVE Raw Coverage, and from the looks of things we are in for an interesting show tonight. Apparently WWE and USA are going all-out due to sweeps month, and that’s evident by the line-up.

All week long, WWE has been hyping the one night only reunion of Triple H and Shawn Michaels as DX. Tonight, they team and do battle with foes Umaga and WWE Champion Randy Orton.

Plus, Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Raw tonight. What will he have to say to Santino Marella who has publicly bashed Austin on several occasions?

Plus, stemming from an announcement regarding a 5-on-5 Traditional Survivor Series match for the upcoming pay-per-view, Jeff Hardy will team with SmackDown’s Rey Mysterio to face Mr. Kennedy and SmackDown’s Finlay.

All of this and so much more on tonight’s Monday Night Raw!

Make sure you stay right here on 411Mania.com for all the best coverage. And if you notice any other website using this material, I encourage you to porn spam said websites’ forum.

Raw starts now!

Don’t try this at home.

WWE SmackDown vs. Raw ’08 is out Friday and sponsors WWE.

The following program contains flashing lights!

In memory of Lillian Ellison aka “The Fabulous Moolah.” RIP Moolah, RIP.

Cue the intro vid, and cue Monday Night Raw!

*Pyro*

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are live in Los Angeles in the Staples center. 17,000 on hand!

Are You Ready!

DX is out to kick off the show. Triple H has brought some of those glow sticks with him. OK this is officially cool again. Trips throws the sticks out to the crowd. Michaels tires himself out running around in circles. “DX!” – LA. For one night only, but are you ready? No, he said, ARE… YOU… READY! There’s a resound “yes.” For the thousands in attendance and millions watching around the world…

Hornswoggle’s music plays and he comes out from under the ring. He chases Shawn around the ring and trips. He points to his green jacket. Triple H says he needs to go back under the ring. He doesn’t think he understands. Shawn looks for a run sheet but can’t find it because of all the merchandise, AVAILABLE ON WWE SHOP!

They have the run sheet. Segment 1 -9 o’clock (East Coast Time!). No Hornswoggle in it. Hornswoggle is due in the short segment. Michaels laughs so Hornswoggle locks in a short arm scissors. Shawn makes a judgment call – for tonight, he’s in!

Triple H tries to get him to go back under. Hornswoggle says there’s a monster. Shawn checks. We’re all clear. But Shawn gets dragged under. He comes back out and has worms in his mouth.

“I’m the Boogeyman, and I’m coming to getcha!” Boogeyman is here. He was under the ring. Hornswoggle hides behind DX. Triple H – “OK! Yes that is a midget between my legs!” He’s the Boogeyman and he’s coming to see if he can join DX! Glorious! Shawn makes an executive decision – he’s in. You can only have enough worms, freaks and weirdos!

The Great Khali is here. Shawn knows where Trips is gonna go. He doesn’t want to be turned into a human slim jim. Triple H tells him to get to the back of the queue so he does!

Coach is here! Enough is enough (and it’s time for a change)? He’s shutting this nonsense down. These people came to see action, not DX antics. Triple H says he’ll tell the translator to tell Khali what Coach said about him earlier. Triple H whispers in his ear. “Ask Shawn, you know Shawn can’t lie!”

He translates it for Khali. Coach says they’re lying and gets chopped! Khali follows Coach up the ramp. The ring is cleared. Shawn says he’s getting old. Shawn – “I don’t know who writes this crap, but this is the worst debalicle since that Katie Vick thing!” Trips says no-one writes this crap because they’re all on strike! “But we’re not!”

Let’s get ready to suck it! And if you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for ya!

SUCK IT!

Awesome! There’ll be people who bitch about killing kayfabe and whatnot, but that was hilarious. End of.

Tom Green is at ringside, as is Luke Perry.

We see clips of Beth Phoenix’s destruction last week.

Oh my God Jericho on Raw! Oh, it’s just a sponsor advertisement of the TV show called “Jericho.”

Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Stiff clothesline to Kelly. Fisher-woman’s suplex and it’s over.

Winner – Beth Phoenix NR.

Santino is backstage! Unfortunately, Steve Austin won’t be here tonight, like he said last week – he would have showed up already. But just in case, a paper bag so he can try and act his way out of it!

Carlito vs. Joey

Oh, but it’s not cool, so Carlito has a replacement.

Joey vs. Snitsky

Oh joy. Joey gets tossed to the corner, big booted and is dead. The pumphandle slam finishes it.

Winner – Snitsky NR.

Carlito slides in and raises his hand. Big boot to Carlito! Pumphandle slam!

We get a Jeff Hardy video set to “Rooftops” by my boys in Lostprophets! It’s actually an awesome video package as per usual and the song is really fitting for Jeff. It reminds me of those old “Desire” videos they used to run, only this song is much cooler! Standing on the rooftops everybody scream your heart out! I love it. He is Jeff Hardy!

Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio talk backstage! They’re up next!

At Survivor Series – MVP, Umaga, Big Daddy V, Kennedy, Finlay vs. Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Kane, Rey Mysterio and Triple H!

Mr. Kennedy and Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy

Everything about this match screams “awesome.” Finlay and Hardy start off. Elbow tie-up and to the corner they go. Clean break. They lock up again and Finlay and Hardy collide but stand off. Finlay goes behind and controls the arm, taking Hardy to the knees. Finlay gets a 2 count and Hardy counters to a pin of his own for 2. Go behind by Hardy but Finlay rolls through into a cover. Back up and they go to the ropes. Shove and a slap by Hardy. Finlay charges and clotheslines Hardy to the floor. Kennedy and Finlay get in each others face as Rey makes the save heading to the break!

We’re back with Rey telegraphing Kennedy. Springboard crossbody connects. Tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Rey to the apron – Springboard Senton. Kennedy dropkicks Rey in the knee though. Finlay in and they begin working over the knee. Finlay scoop slams Rey’s knee across the rope. Singe leg Boston crab applied by Mysterio and I’m loving the fact that we’re getting some wrestling after 2 squashes. Finlay cheap shots Hardy and tags in Kennedy. Kennedy stomps away at the knee of Rey then uses the ropes to torque it. Finlay in with a spinning leg drop across the knee. Kennedy in with boots to the knee. Finlay in now and bullies Rey in the corner but gets caught with a wheelbarrow-bulldog! Hardy in and takes down Kennedy 3 times! Cover gets 2. Splash in the corner connects. Hardy goes up and nails the rope-assisted dropkick in the corner for a near fall! WHISPER IN THE WIND~!

Hardy goes for the pin but Finlay tosses Jeff to the floor. Rey knocks Kennedy and Finlay to the ropes. Finlay moves. 619 on Kennedy! Rey dives onto Finlay on the floor! SWANTON BOMB CONNECTS! One…two…three!

Winners- Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio ***¼

Maria tells Santino that Austin is here. That is a rumour. Hollywood is filled with them. Santino is on his way to the ring right now. Oh my God if Maria gets Stunned I will be pissed!

Santino Marella is here with My Maria. Tonight he will put all the rumours to rest. Steve Austin is not going to be here. It’s not all bad because we have an actual celebrity in the audience, the director of The Condemned, Scott Whalberg. Santino asks is he wished the shot guns were real so they could blow his brains out. Oh, that was the audience. Steve Austin is as phoney as the people in LA. There’ll be no glass breaking, no mud pies, no ass-hip and no “JR orgasms.” And that is the bottom lines cause…

GLASS SHATTERS!

Thankfully, My Maria has left the ring. Stone Cold is here. He shakes Santino’s hand. Austin has The Condemned on DVD. It’s not a can of ass whip, it’s whoop ass. Jesus Christ kid, it’s a mudhole, not mud pie. “I understand, I speak English!” It’s the bottom line, not bottom lines. “Sometimes I like to say more than one things!” Austin doesn’t think Marella watched it at all. Santino calls Austin a Redneck. Austin asks about the fighting scenes. Santino had to get up and leave the room become it was so violent. Austin asks about the bonus features. After the movie he was so upset he turned off the TV – 90 minutes he cannot get back.

Austin wants to drink some beers and shake hands. Marella wants Vino Roso. Steve Austin wants to give Marella a copy of The Condemned. He gives it to him. Santino throws it down! Stomps on it and kicks it away! STUNNER~! I’m not a doctor but the son-bitch looks thirsty, he’ll be right back. Maria helps out Marella as Austin goes to the back.

BEER TRUCK~! BUDWEISER~! HOSE~! BEER BATH~! Marella flops around. Right hand! Middle finger salute! Maria helps out Santino. My Maria is drenched in beer, too. Austin soaks Maria!

Break The Code! The Code is Answer! The Answer is Code! Save us! Launch 19.

Vince McMahon says size will matter when Hornswoggle battles Great Khali at Survivor Series!

The official Survivor Series Theme Song is “Tick Tick Boom” by The Hives!

The card:
Hornswoggle vs. The Great Khali
Triple H, The Hardys, Kane and Rey Mysterio vs. MVP, Umaga, Big Daddy V, Finlay and Kennedy
Hell in a Cell – Batista vs. Undertaker
WWE Championship – Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Triple H has been asks to… waste time, because they’re trying to clean up Austin’s mess. Shawn’s here. The DX dancers are here… Big Fat Naked Oily Guy. Shawn doesn’t know what cool is. Triple H brings in The Girls Next Door. JR – “Put your hands back on the table~!”

Trevor Murdoch gets wished good luck from Mickie James on the way to the ring. Cade brushes her off.

Cody Rhodes w/ Hardcore Holly vs. Trevor Murdoch w/ Lance Cade

Elbo tie-up, chop by Murdoch. Uppercut by Rhodes but he gets kicked in the chest. It’s clubberin’ time. Snapmare by Murdoch and he locks in a chin lock. Rhodes fights back with elbows, but he gets cut off. Rhodes flips out a back suplex and hits a dropkick. Bulldog by Rhodes connects. Scoop slam now by Cody, knee drop gets 2. Cody gets telegraphed and tossed into the corner. Murdoch runs into a boot. Cody knocks Cade off the apron and gets a roll-up on Murdoch for 3!

Winner – Cody Rhodes *

We get a video package on The Fabulous Moolah. Big “Moolah!” chants follow from the LA crowd.

Dusty Hill of ZZ Top is at ringside!

Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Super Crazy vs. The World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas and Crazy go at it. Slam by Haas. Benjamin in and he slams Crazy now. Haas back in and slams Crazy. And another slam. These slams are getting old, guys. Slam by Benjamin. Oh, come on! Shelton cheap shots Hacksaw. Crazy gets a quick roll-up for 3!

Winners – Hacksaw and Super Crazy! NR.

Um. OK.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton and Umaga

It’s on! 4 man brawl! Michaels sends Orton to the floor and they double team Umaga. He throws himself over the top. Senton by Michaels takes out Umaga! Triple H uses the guardrail to beat down Orton, then the announce table. They go in and Michaels gets the tag and they work over the arm of Orton now. Michaels stomps on the arm of Orton but the champ regains the advantage and Umaga is in now. Michaels tries a sunset flip but nearly gets sat on. The Game in now and he tees off on Umaga’s head. DDT by The Game! More rights by Triple H. Umaga charges and eats a boot but Umaga nails the Samoan spinning side slam. We go to one final commercial break.

And we’re back with Umaga dominating Triple H in the corner. Umaga misses the ASSALANCHE~! Orton in but he charges into a boot. The Game takes him down from behind. What? Both men down… hot tag! Chops by HBK to Orton – FLYING FOREARM~! Inverted atomic drop. Umaga knocked off the apron. Scoop slam, to the top – ELBOW DROP! Umaga in and kills Shawn with a clothesline. Umaga tagged back in who puts Michaels down with a head butt. Umaga fires off with right hands to a fallen Michaels. Umaga chokes Shawn out but is forced to break the hold. In the corner now and Umaga pummels Michaels who tries to fight back but in the end goes down. Orton in and nails Michaels with a straight right hand. Dropkick gets a 2 for Orton. GARVIN STOMP~! He’s stomping a mud pie! Michaels slugs it out and they trade blows in the middle of the ring but Orton gets a drop toehold. Umaga in now and splashes across Michaels’ back. NERVE HOLD OF DOOM~! It holds your nerves! The fans get behind Michaels. Where are the other member of DX? Hornswoggle? Boogeyman? Khali? Umaga puts Michaels down with a head butt. He goes to the top rope but misses the flying head butt. Both men are down, bah gawd! Enziguri to Umaga! Hot tag no. 2! Tags on both sides. Down goes Orton, nails Umaga. High knee to Orton. Face buster on Umaga! Umaga into the ring post! And again on the other side! Spine buster on Orton! Game on! Kick, Pedi- SPIKE~!

Orton crawls across but Triple H kicks out just in time! Umaga tagged in now and drags Triple H to the corner. ASSALANCHE connects! And a cheap shot to Michaels. DX is being dessimated! Triple H gets a low blow on The Game. Orton in and tries to kick The Game’s head off.. he changes his mind and wants an RKO… Orton shoved into Umaga! Umaga to the floor! Tag to Michaels! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! One…two…three! ***¼

Winners – D-Generation-X

For the most part, this was a very, very fun show. The DX and Austin stuff was great, and we got two really good tag team matches. The problem is with the lower card – no one cares about Cody Rhodes, Hacksaw Jim Duggan et al and this week they grouped all of that stuff together and it killed the show’s momentum. But for the most part, an awesomely fun show!