411’s WWE Smackdown Report 09.25.03

The opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author, and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.

Welcome back. I see I haven’t been thrown out on my ass yet, so I’m assuming last week’s Recap was well received. Let’s see if we can go 2-0, shall we?

Non-wrestling night suggestion: I’m not sure when it’s regularly on since I’m only ever able to catch repeats late at night, but MTV’s animated Spider Man series looks pretty damned cool. It’s CGI but yet 2D (explain that one to me), and the action sequences look awesome. The character bits (read: the parts with Peter Parker out of costume) need some work since they play like “The Real World: Animated” and no one seems able to change clothes, but all in all worth checking out.

A promo spot beforehand tells us that the aftermath of the IronMan will be earth shattering. Heh. You don’t say…

Once again, for those of you who played:
Cash 3: 901
Play 4: 8799

SmackDown! – 092503

Michael Cole and Tazz welcome us to TONIGHT!:
Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri – Cruiserweight Title (which I would have popcorn in hand for, were I not too busy taking notes), Los Gurreros vs. Matt Hardy & Shannon Moore, and Eddie Gurrero vs. Charlie Haas for the US Title which Tazz puts over as being the 1st time on SmackDown that someone defends 2 titles in 1 night. Well, why not? Makes sense to me…

The red carpet and the WWE Title are in the ring as Vince comes out with Sable the Skag Whore. He puts over last week’s IronMan match, as well as its winner, Brock Lesnar. He introduces the new champion, and instead out comes Kurt Angle. McMahon decides to put words in Kurt’s mouth (Why not? He already puts money in his pocket) and says Kurt was cheated and he wants to bitch and whine his way to a rematch tonight. Nope, Kurt gets to work his way back up from scratch. Kurt doesn’t want a rematch; he just wants to whoop up on Brock. He can either come out and take it like a man, or Kurt is going after him. We get…neither, as John Cena interrupts the proceedings (!). Cena gets one line of his rap out involving the word vagina before Kurt lets him have it and ejects him. Enough of this – he’s going to the back and after Brock.

In the back, Kurt hunts down the champ and finds his dressing room. Kurt goes in after him, but no one’s home. On the way out, Cena jumps Kurt as we go to:

Commercial.

A Rob Zombie with 2 new songs and a DVD full of all the videos? Sure, I’ll jump!

We’re back to a replay of the paragraph before commercials, plus During The Break: Cena hauls ass in a pickup truck and Angle follows him – in Vince’s limo!

Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore vs. Los Gurreros (c) – WWE Tag Team Titles
Eddie and Chavo are out in a sweet lookin’ blue lowrider (with www.lowriders.com on the windshield – so THAT’S where they get those things!). We see a replay of last week’s Tag Title win before Moore & Hardy are out. Matt Facts: Matt has wrestled with strep throat and Matt hates taking medicine (haven’t they used that one before?). By the way, WrestleMania XX tickets are on sale this Saturday, if you have a spare $750 lying around the house to blow on ringside seats…
Matt and Eddie start with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, broken by Matt to pose some. Collar and elbow again results in a side headlock by Eddie. Into the ropes and Chavo makes the blind tag as Matt and Eddie run the ropes before Chavo meets Matt with a dropkick. Drop toehold on Matt before another tag, this time the drop toehold into a senton double-team. That was pretty, but it only gets 2. Matt gets the boots put to him in the corner, before another double team – a snapmare by Eddie into a dropkick to the face by Chavo. That was pretty, too, but it also gets only 2. European uppercuts by Chavo before Shannon drags him outside. They fight until Matt lands a baseball slide to Chavo’s grill. More underhandedness ensues before Chavo is tossed back in. Matt covers for 2 then tags to Moore who hits a back suplex for another 2. Another tag followed by a corner beatdown on Chavo followed by another tag. Chavo is whipped backfirst into the turnbuckles. Irish whip results in a funky-lookin’ DDT by Chavo. Eddie gets the tepid tag and backdrops Shannon Moore before hitting the Mucha Lucha Takeover~! (Moore by the arm, Hardy by the head). Matt kicks Eddie for the Moore neckbreaker for 2. Edie ducks another shot, ensuring that Hardy pops Moore one. Eddie drops Matt and Shannon drops Eddie in return for 2. Shannon gets whipped into a cross body off the top by Chavo for 2. Matt’s Twist of Fate is countered but Shannon takes Edie down for 2. Whip into the corner and Shannon misses a summersault splash. Back suplex by Chavo + frog splash by Eddie = 3 count and the champs retain. Chavo celebrates with the lowrider as Matt catches Eddie in the Side Effect on the championship belt as we go to:

Commercial

Back to replay and During The Break: Charlie Haas slips in from the crowd and locks Eddie in the Haas of Pain before Chavo saves.

A-Train is out, without Sable. Whatever happened to the “romance” between those 2? Eww, never mind, why am I even asking? I’ll take my blessings where I can get them. A-Train is pissed off and tossing stuff around. He’s tired of getting his ass handed to him by Benoit, and he’s willing to take on anyone to prove how bad he is – the audience, Cole, Tazz, you name it. He settles for the timekeeper, putting him in the Crippler Crossface. Benoit, taking exception to having his move stolen, runs in and beats on A-Train before putting him in the Crossface. A-Train stands out of it (!) before tossing him outside and pasting Benoit with a chair, leaving him out cold as A-Train walks away.

In the back, the Trainer suggests Eddie not wrestle Haas in his condition. No way, Jose (was that stereotypical?) – he’s gonna do it anyway as we go to:

Commercial.

There’s a commercial for David Maus Toyota here in Orlando featuring Haku…and he’s gotten rid of the afro! That’s great!

Back to Vince and Sable the Skag Whore, getting ready for some old people hanky panky. If you can knock the dust off of it, Vince, then go for it. A PA that Vince summoned 20 minutes ago interrupts them. Vince tells the PA that the ego stroking—err, the Title Presentation will go on before showing him the door and getting back to some wrinkled lovin’.

Josh Matthews interviews Charlie Haas, who promises to take out Eddie like Los Gurreros took out Shelton Benjamin last week, not to mention taking Eddie’s US Title like they took the Tag team Titles last week.

Back to ringside as Cole and Tazz take us through the Mysterio/Tajiri feud. Quit teasing us and let’s get it on, already!

Tajiri in the back, kicking the crap out of stuff as we go to:

Commercial

Back to another preview of The Rundown (Still not interested. Sorry, Rock.)

Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio (c) – WWE Cruiserweight Title, sponsored by Rob Zombie: Past, Present and Future, YJ Stinger and WrestleMania XIX for GameCube. Next week we’re in Milwaukee, WI.
Collar and elbow tie-up to start, broken, Tajiri gets a kick in. Chops by Tajiri followed by a whip, which Rey slides under before hitting an armdrag. Arm wringer by Tajiri, Rey flips out but gets caught in a bodyslam. Knee to the head for 2. Forearm by Tajiri followed by a whip into the corner but Rey flips out and over into a headscissors takeover. Victory roll gets 2 before Tajiri reverses for 2. La Majistral by Tajiri gets 2 again. Dropkick by Rey for 2. Jesus, there’s more falls here than AOL’s stock. Forearms and Tajiri into the corner. Rey charges and misses, and Tajiri gets the Tarantula! Ref calls for the break and Tajiri undoes the turnbuckle. As the ref gets it back on, Tajiri goes for the Mist, but Rey kicks him and undoes THAT strategy. Rey kicks Tajiri outside and hits a lovely springboard plancha before the:

Commercial.

Back to Rey coming off the top, only to be met by a kick to the ribs by Tajiri. More kicks before Rey gets dumped on the top rope. Another 2 count by Tajiri. Tajiri locks in a Ѕ nelson/abdominal stretch combo. Rey elbows out, but takes another kick to the ribs for 2. Wait, am I see psychology in a Cruiserweight match? I’ll be damned! Another kick to the ribs for 2 before Tajiri sinks in a bodyscissors on the mat. Rey chops away to escape, but Tajiri answers them and keeps Rey locked in for another 2 count. Tazz puts over the idea of Rey’s constant kickouts causing more pain to the abdominal area and ribs. This is why I love Tazz. Rey finally elbows out, only to get another kick to the ribs. Rey whipped into the corner, but he jumps on the ropes, then onto Tajiri’s shoulders and ends the sequence with a bulldog. That was decadent. Tajiri swings and misses and Rey hits a doublejump Asai moonsault from the top. Tajiri finally hits a wheelbarrow back suplex for 2. Tajiri ties Rey in the Tree of Woe – facing backwards, no less – before Tajiri runs and hits a dropkick to the back of the head. Oww…! Michinoku Driver by Tajiri (Oww…! again!) gets 2. Charge and a miss and Tajiri runs into the ref. Rey ducks as Tajiri inadvertently kicks the ref in the head. He should be done for the night. Handspring elbow by Tajiri meets a dropkick to the back by Rey. 619~! follows, then Rey goes for the West Coast Pop. Tajiri answers with a straight kick to the jaw, ensuring Rey is off of solid foods for a few days. A new ref is out as covers for a NEAR fall. Tajiri clubs Rey before a whip into the ropes and a kick. Tajiri goes for the powerbomb, but Rey counters into a hurracanrana/pin combo, but the ref is seeing to the other that was knocked silly. As this ensues, Tajiri breaks the cover with the RED mist. Patented Tajiri kick to the side of the head results in a cover for 3…! Tajiri is your new Cruiserweight champion! An excellent finishing sequence makes sure that this ain’t over between the 2 yet, which is fine with me! Let them trade the belt a few times while they’re at it.

Commercial

Next week, we’ll have an interview with Zach Gowen. Last Monday, WWE and Hip Hop (represented by Russell Simmons and Rev RUN!) teamed up for the SmackDown Your Vote campaign.

Cole announces that SmackDown was the #1 rated show on UPN last week. Thanks, everybody!

The Basham Brothers vs. Jamie Noble & ??
We take you back to last week as Shaniqua left the rest of the chicks laying. Noble announces that Billy Gunn is out injured, so he spent his money on a new partner – Bradshaw! That makes sense; I mean, they have the same hair and all now. Noble pats Bradshaw on his ass before the duo rushes the ring and open fire on the Bashams. Bradshaw hits a back suplex (popular move tonight) on Doug Basham. Tag to Noble, whip and a reversal and Danny holds the ropes down for Noble to stumble outside. Shaniqua whips on Noble and Danny tosses him back in for 2. Tag and a double flapjack on Noble followed by a double kip-up (nice touch, that). Tazz: “Doug is all over Noble like he owes him money or something.” Stop, thief! That’s my line! Big CHINLOCK, and Noble escapes. Knee by (I think that’s) Danny is countered by a legdrag and a sunset flip for 2. Swinging neckbreaker and Noble tags in Bradshaw. Uh oh. Bradshaw beats on Danny with clubbing forearms and chops before getting a suplex and an armdrag on Doug. Clotheslines for everybody! Fallaway slam, but Danny jumps Bradshaw. Noble cuts off Doug on the outside. Shaniqua goes after Noble, but Nidia goes after Shaniqua. That gets answered with a nasty clothesline. Won’t these chicks ever learn not to screw with an AMAZON? Back in the ring, Doug breaks the cover. Bradshaw proceeds to clean house and hit the Clothesline From HELL, and this one is ove—NO, Shaniqua beats on Bradshaw and we have a DQ. Doug and Danny Basham join in on the beatdown. As they leave, Bradshaw is MAD – he just got his ass handed to him by Shelton Benjamin?
Later tonight, Eddie Gurrero vs. Charlie Haas for the US Title as we go to:

Commercial

Back to footage from the Rundown premiere in Hollywood. Wait, I thought The Rock was on Raw now…

A beautiful highlight package airs of last week’s IronMan match (which is apparently long enough to have excised the Big Show handicap match) with clock, scores, and all. The match was excellent, but somewhere in the middle; better than Bret/Shawn, but not as good as Triple-H/Rock. I’m sure it didn’t top the Hart/Flair IronMan matches from the early 90s, which I want to give props to Dani Richardson for bringing my attention to via e-mail. I’mma hafta look for those matches…

Big Show is out – and he’s finally ditched the suit! – as we go to:

Commercial

Back to
Charlie Haas vs. Eddie Gurrero (c) – WWE US Title
Big Show joins Cole and Tazz on commentary and accuses Cole of having his head up his ass. Eddie is showing NO signs of the earlier beatdown. Big show fixes that by jumping Eddie on the outside and ramming him backfirst into the corner post. Haas hops outside to stomp on Eddie before throwing him in the ring and officially starting the match. Haas with a back suplex on Eddie (there it is again!) for 2. Kicks to the ribs followed by an Irish whip and a back body drop. Charge by Haas and Eddie ducks, sending Haas flying outside. Haas is back in and met with rights by Eddie. Irish whip is reversed in to a Haas dropkick, and NOW Eddie’s feeling the ribs. Double leg takedown by Haas gets 2. Backbreaker into a submission by Haas, but Edie won’t give in. Eddie escapes and goes to the apron, but Haas cuts him off with elbows before sending him rib-first into the corner post (Owch!). The ref stops Haas from following Eddie out as Chavo checks on Eddie. Haas goes out anyway and pops Chavo one before rolling Eddie back in. Referees hold Chavo back. Cover by Haas and Eddie grabs the ropes before the 3. Haas locks in the Haas Of Pain! again but Eddie makes it to the ropes for the break. Eddie dumps Haas outside and Haas grabs the US Title. A tug of war ensues with the referee and the ref wins. As they argue, Eddie grabs the belt himself. Let the CHEATING begin! Eddie sets up the belt on the top turnbuckle. Haas charges and Eddie moves, resulting in Haas bonging his head on the belt. Frog Splash, but Eddie is slow to cover due to rib damage. He finally does for 3 to retain the US Title. Nicely done.
The Title Presentation is next as we go to:

Commercial

No Mercy comes to you live, October 19, from…Baltimore, MD! The Mike’s home away from home! Word!!

Back to Vince and Sable the Skag Whore in the ring already as Vince introduces Lesnar. Cole still can’t over the fact that Brock CHEATED to win the title last week. Oh, and it’s okay for Eddie to do the same the match before? Vince puts Lesnar over and congratulates him before handing over the belt and calling for a speech. Big, fat “You tapped out!” chant garners an even bigger “SHUT UP!” from Vince before Brock says it doesn’t matter because HE’S the champ again! Brock thanks Vince for reminding him that he’s The Real Brock Lesnar and says that he had Kurtis (?) in the palm of his hand last week. Brock says he is UNSTOPPABLE, which brings out the Undertaker. Cole calls ‘Taker the conscience of the WWE. Huh? ‘Taker’s left arm is in a brace as he hops off the bike and enters the ring. Man, they need to change his music back to the instrumental version. This theme sucks. ‘Taker says he didn’t interfere in the match last week because he has too much respect for the Championship (Funny, that didn’t stop him from interfering in the LAST IronMan match…!). He dares Brock to step to him before declaring that he respects the title, but not Lesnar. He reminds Brock that he cost ‘Taker his shot at the title a couple of weeks ago and that he neither forgets nor forgives. He advises Brock to shine, cherish, enjoy, and even sleep with the title (kinky, but whatever works…) because Brock’s 1st defense is against the Undertaker at No Mercy. Vince wants to know on whose authority this match was made, and he is answered by the arrival of Stephy. She announces that SHE signed the match, and Vince gives her a chance to change her mind or else she’ll have to face him. Stephy won’t do it, so Vince makes his own match for No Mercy – Vince vs. Stephy in an “I Quit” match. Oh, Jesus Christ, you’re kidding. Baltimore, I am so sorry. Brock nails ‘Taker with the belt and puts it in his face. ‘Taker answers with a chokeslam as he celebrates with the belt to end the show.

Not bad, overall. 3 good matches and the beginning of the buildup for No Mercy. Bad news, of course, is the “I Quit” match. Ever seen a snack match as a main event? You will, thanks to Vince McMahon.

L8.