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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Lethal Ninja
Image Credit: Vidmark Entertainment
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #618: Lethal Ninja
Ninja New Year!
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that is well aware that celebrating Ninja New Year would have made more sense in January but it just didn’t happen and we’ll all have to get over it and move on with our lives, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number six hundred and eighteen, we celebrate Ninja New Year for 2026 with a look at the low-budget action flick Lethal Ninja, which hit home video in the United States in the middle of March, 1994.
Lethal Ninja
Lethal Ninja, not to be confused with the 1991 action flick For Hire that’s also known in some parts of the world as Lethal Ninja, is a low-budget action flick that is somehow both competently made and incompetently made at the same time. And while it’s not exactly good, it isn’t completely horrible, either. It’s a movie that can be watched and sort of enjoyed, in a way. Sort of.
Lethal Ninja, directed by Joseph Wein, stars Ross Kettle as Joe Ford, a badass ex-CIA agent turned meditation specialist in San Francisco that decides to get back into the game when he finds out that his scientist wife Dominique (Karyn Hill) has been abducted while working on a special water project in Africa. With the help of fellow ex-CIA badass, fighting instructor, and best friend Peter Brannigan (David Webb), Ford heads to Africa to save Dominique. The name of the fake African country is named but I have no idea what it actually is. I think it’s called Oduba, based solely on the name of the lake Dominique is seen working at, but I could be wrong about that.
Now, what exactly happened to bring Ford out of retirement? Who the heck abducted Ford’s scientist wife Dominique? As we see at the very beginning of the movie, Dominique is abducted by an old man named Kray (Norman Coombes), who infiltrates Lake Oduba with his ninja army and kills several scientists and site workers. We also find out that Dominique was at that lake testing the water, as the water has become literal acid due to some sort of massive chemical contamination. Dominique and her boss, Dr. Johannsen (Len Sparrowhawk), were hired by the government to figure out how to reverse the water’s acidity. The government, as well as the country as a whole, believes in a prediction by Nostradamus that basically claims the water will get bad and entities from the east and the west will show up and do battle or something. We see this Nostradamus prediction right as the movie begins via a quote over a portrait of Nostradamus, although we don’t find out that it’s a Nostradamus prediction and a Nostradamus portrait until later in the movie when we see the same Nostradamus portrait on the wall of a hotel and a character starts talking about a Nostradamus prediction. I really have no idea why any of this Nostradamus stuff is in the movie, as it adds nothing to the story. Nothing. The plot never makes it clear why anyone in the world, let alone this African country, would give a flying shit what Nostradamus said about anything. I mean, it would be one thing if there was a moment in the movie where a native explained how the country used to be a European colony that was run by a guy that really believed in the words of Nostradamus and that attitude stuck around once the country declared independence, but nothing like that happens. I do remember there being a brief pop culture moment when I was a kid where the “prophecies of Nostradamus” were a big deal and there was a TV special about them, but it all seemed like a bunch of bullshit way back then. Is that why screenwriter Chris Dresser included Nostradamus in the plot of Lethal Ninja? Because it was “of the moment” when Dresser wrote the script and no one involved in the production took it out?
So Ford and Brannigan arrive in Africa, check in at a swanky hotel, and meet the hotel’s owner, the mega sleazy Omar Osman (Frank Notaro). After some minor chit chat and whatnot, Ford and Brannigan head to the hotel’s night club where they get into a brawl with the club’s gigantic bouncers. While that is happening, we see Osman meet the country’s president (David Phetoe) about the country’s ongoing water problem and some sort of big business deal that the president doesn’t seem to be all that interested in making with Osman. So then some stuff happens, we find out that Kray works for Osman and that Osman is the one that ordered Dominique abducted, and then we see Ford and Brannigan meet with their local contact Ndumo (Ken Gampu). Ndumo gives Ford and Brannigan some information and the keys to a jeep and a file, Ford and Brannigan drive around a little, and then multiple car bombs go off. Ford then checks to see if his jeep also has a car bomb, it does, and then he and Brannigan remove the bomb from underneath the jeep.
So then some more stuff happens, Ford and Brannigan talk about some stuff they glean from the file, and they head to what appears to be an abandoned factory out in the woods. Ford believes that they might be able to infiltrate the abandoned factory and either find Dominique there or someone that knows where she might be. While infiltrating the area around the abandoned factory, Ford and Brannigan are attacked by Kray’s ninja army. As Ford and Brannigan absolutely destroy the various ninjas (this is one of the least competent ninja armies in the history of ninja armies), we see Kray attempt to guide the ninja army via a computer command center that is either inside of the abandoned factory or is somewhere else (the movie doesn’t do a very good job establishing where anything is). Once they kill every single ninja sent after them, Ford and Brannigan get back into their jeep and are then chased around by two cars. A somewhat exciting car chase ensues.
So then even more stuff happens, Ford and Brannigan survive the car chase and blow up the outside of the abandoned factory with explosive crossbow arrows, kill several more ninjas, head back to the hotel, and then kill more ninjas there. After all of that, Ford and Brannigan come up with a plan to infiltrate an old amusement park that is also the actual headquarters of Osman and Kray. At least they assume that. I guess they figured if the bad guy HQ wasn’t that abandoned factory in the woods, it actually must be the old amusement park. It’s the only thing that “makes sense.”
So then even more stuff happens again, Ford and Brannigan infiltrate the old amusement park, they kill some more ninjas, Ford puts on a dead ninja’s ninja outfit, and then a group of ninjas on roller skates show up (yes, that’s what I said. Ninjas on roller skates). The final siege begins. Will Ford and Brannigan save Dominique, kill all of the bad guys, and save the water?
Like I said at the beginning, Lethal Ninja exists in this weird state where it’s somehow both competently made and incompetently made at the same time. The flick’s many martial arts fighting and action scenes are generally well done. Some of them go on for a bit too long but it’s not that big of a deal. The movie moves along at a brisk pace and, at least in the first quarter or so, attempts to explain what the hell is going on. As the movie progresses, though, very little of that information matters all that much. Again, what the hell is all of the Nostradamus stuff about? And why isn’t the “deadly ladybug” speech that Kray gives to Dominique followed up on at all? What the hell was Kray talking about?
And why is there a ninja army in the movie? Osman isn’t a martial artist, neither is Kray, and there is no sort of badass ninja leader like in American Ninja (1985). There is one “top” ninja, Chang, but we don’t know anything about him until the end of the movie. There’s also no indication that Osman hired a mercenary ninja army to be his own personal army. Osman just has a ninja army and that’s it. The movie could have had just one ninja, Joe Ford, and the Lethal Ninja title would had made sense, but it’s like the producers wanted more than one ninja in the movie and decided that Osman had to have a ninja army. It’s all so very weird.
And what’s the deal with all of the dubbed voices? Are they actually dubbed voices or did someone mess with the onset audio to make it sound like it’s all dubbed? I would actually believe it if someone told me that Lethal Ninja was shot without sound and they created the movie’s sound later on. The movie doesn’t exactly play like a low-budget Italian genre movie from the 1980s, but it gets close to that line. The rest of the movie’s sound is okay. The song that appears in the night club sequence is pretty good.
And then there are the performances. Ross Kettle does an okay job as Joe Ford, although there are times where you can’t tell if he’s trying to be funny/playing Joe Ford as some sort of parody or if he’s just winging it and his performance is what happened. Kettle does a great job in his various fight scenes. David Webb is hilarious as Brannigan. Webb is clearly having fun and plays Brannigan as a guy who knows that he’s “in on the joke,” even though no one else knows that a joke is being played. Webb doesn’t really do the martial arts thing like Kettle, and so his Brannigan fight scenes are rougher. And that’s weird when you realize that when you first meet Brannigan he’s teaching people how to kickbox in a gym. I will say that Kettle and Webb do have a strange buddy chemistry that works more than it doesn’t. In fact, that chemistry is the best thing in the movie (it’s what will get you through the points in the movie that you don’t understand).
Norman Coombes is diabolical as Kray. Coombes plays Kray as a total piece of shit, especially when he’s around Dominique. He likes the way Dominique looks (he’s definitely a “dirty old man”), but that’s all he likes about her. You get the sense very quickly that he would have killed Dominique back at the lake, but because he works for Osman and Osman needs her she gets to live. For now, anyway. Kray could also just decide to kill her and come up with an excuse for it later. Dominique is a woman, and Kray hates that about her. Frank Notaro does an adequate job as the main bad guy Osman. He doesn’t play Osman as all that evil until the end of the movie. I mean, as soon as you find out that Osman is the main bad guy you understand that he is evil and up to no good, but you don’t personally feel it until towards the end of the movie. Until then, it just seems like Osman is a guy that’s trying to achieve something but even he isn’t totally clear on what that thing is. Kimberleigh Stark’s Farida, Osman’s girlfriend, doesn’t get much to do beyond appear naked coming out of a hot tub and, at the end, being a double agent of sorts. She should have had more to do.
Even with all of its issues and weirdness, I didn’t hate Lethal Ninja at all. It’s fun and watchable, even when it doesn’t make any sense and you start wondering what the hell is going on and why the choices that were made were made. And why the hell didn’t we get a Lethal Ninja 2, where Ford and Brannigan have to fight another ninja army somewhere for some reason? And are there any other countries in the world that were created out of Nostradamus prophecies?
Ha. Lots of questions to ponder, that’s for sure.
Anyway, see Lethal Ninja. It’s bizarre, but worth checking out at least once. So see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Around 20ish.
Explosions: Several, both big and small.
Nudity?: Yes. Briefly.
Doobage: A helicopter flies over a wilderness area and then a place that’s been mined. A lake. People performing scientific experiments and whatnot. A guy breaking a rock with a sledgehammer for some reason. Another helicopter. An old guy wearing a white hat gets out of a car. Arrow to the back. Ninja attack. Multiple sword stabbings. Multiple neck snaps. Strangulation. Sword attack. Flying jumping side kick. Kidnapping. Multiple RPG attacks. Exploding camp. Public meditation. CIA bullhooey. A flight to Africa. Some bullhooey about ladybugs. A swanky hotel. Magazine loading. A night club with live music and fine dining. Serious testicle destruction. A major bar brawl. Gut punching. Glass pitcher to the head. Asking questions. Jeep driving. Exploding car. A car bomb. A destroyed campsite. A funny “switched airlines” joke. Exploding crossbow arrow tips. Another ninja attack. A car chase. A three car accident featuring a roll over, a leap off a cliff, and a wild flip over the edge in slow motion. Exploding factory. A notepad. Yet another ninja attack. Prisoners. More neck snapping. An old amusement park. Dead ninja outfit stealing. Ninjas on roller skates. Ninja sword throwing. A giant waterslide. Ninja high fall in slow motion. A top ninja fight. Torture. Orange juice drinking. Electrified panels. A double cross. Hostage rescuing. A ninja attack in the dark. An unexpected expected electrocution. Exploding guard towers. An argument. Gun throwing. One final ninja attack. A stab and chop final attack followed by a slow motion high fall. A montage.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: Nostradamus quote that starts the movie but we don’t know that it’s a Nostradamus quote until later in the movie. A Nostradamus portrait that we don’t know is a Nostradamus portrait until later in the movie. A ninja army. Loud whooshing sounds when ninjas turn around or appear. Acid burning. The Golden Gate Bridge. Public meditation. A kickboxing training montage. Somewhere in Africa. Talk about Nostradamus. Obvious voice dubbing (or so it seems). A merry-go-round. Ross Kettle putting on a headband. Fog. Shooting a ninja that attempts to attack with nunchucks. Ninjas with machine guns. Action scenes in the dark.
Best lines: “It’s not changing color at all.” “There’s no way this could have happened naturally.” “Sarah, you’re not breathing.” “Come on, man, we’re talking about Dominique’s life here!” “I thought you were dead, man. Yeah, so did a lot of guys.” “Come see Africa, he says. Come see my roots. Check this honky town!” “Do you like butterflies?” “Don’t move me, you bitch!” “I want a refund. I didn’t catch all of your act.” “I heard there was some trouble at the club tonight.” “Just because you share my bed does not mean you get to share my business secrets.” “Remember, this is strictly off record!” “Mr. Ndumo, where is the amusement park?” “Are you playing games with us? I never play games.” “So what’s the deal with the horsemen of the apocalypse? More like apocalypse now.” “I think we’ll keep this sucker for later.” “What the fuck you doing, man? What happened? Just wanted to get your ass over here, man. Now it’s ninjas?” “Just like old times.” “Just once on this trip let’s get into a fight we can win.” “You want brakes? I’ll give you brakes!” “You and your magical fucking intuition almost got us killed. Twice, remember?” “Something tells me this ain’t the Hotel California.” “Hey, pal, which one do you want?” “Ninjas with machine guns?” “Take them to the seesaw.” “So you’re the one behind the water scheme? Are you shocked? Yes.” “They must be punished!” “Can’t keep away from the barbecue, huh?” “You want this place destroyed? I’m just the man to do it.” “Come, little butterfly, you’re going to have a change of scenery.” “So we have a tough American cookie?”” When you hear the explosion, run like hell!” “What? What, you didn’t blow him up?” “I tell ya, man, why is it the bad guys always climb up?”
Rating: 6.0 /10.0
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Issue #1: Phantasm and Phantasm II
Issue #2: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead and Phantasm IV: Oblivion
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Issue #5: Scanners II: The New Order and Scanners III: The Takeover
Issue #6: Scanner Cop and Scanner Cop II
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Issue #11: The Marine 2 and The Marine 3: Homefront
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Lethal Ninja
Ross Kettle– Joe Ford
David Webb– Peter Brannigan
Norman Coombes– Kray
Karyn Hill– Dominique Ford
Kimberleigh Stark– Farida
Frank Notaro– Omar Osman
Ken Gampu– Ndumo
Douglas Bristow– Mac
David Phetoe– African President
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Joseph Wein
Screenplay by Chris Dresser
Distributed by Vidmark Entertainment and Millennium Films
Rated R for violence, language, and brief nudity
Runtime– 87 minutes
