411’s TNA Impact Report 9.02.10

So there’s still confusion with the Hogan/Vince Heads, so to help clear things up, here’s how I use them as a rankings system.

1 Head = Bad
2 Heads = Average
3 Heads = Good
4 Heads = Great
5 Heads = Best. Match. EVAR!!!

Yeah, they’re kind of similar to star ratings, but kind of different too. Like say if there’s a squash match, I’d probably give it 2 Heads instead of 1 whether or not it accomplishes its goal of putting a wrestler over. So now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get started with TNA Impact…

-We kick things off with the opening video. We then follow with Hogan, Eric and Ms. Tessmacher entering into the Impact Zone. Hogan asks what’s up TNAmaniacs? Everytime he comes to work, he loves being in the back because TNA has some of the greatest talent in the business. We’re down to the semifinals in the war for the TNA title. He calls out Mr. Anderson. Hogan then proceeds to call out the Pope. The creatures of the night are in the house, let’s hear it for their leader, Jeff Hardy. And here comes Hardy. And last but not least, the man Hogan considers as the baddest man on the planet, Kurt Angle. And here comes Angle. Hogan says this is are fatal four. Everybody in TNA knows what happened to RVD, and whoever becomes the new TNA Champion has to raise the bar. TNA can’t have anything ever again happen to their champ that what happened to RVD. This is their chance to raise the bar. Eric says he knows the decision to put them in a tag match was controversial, and it will be one of the biggest challenges in their careers. Here comes Abyss. He makes his way into the ring. Hogan says he didn’t hear anyone call Abyss out. Abyss says he comes out here tonight bearing news from them. Hogan tells Abyss to knock the crap off and that everyone knows who them is, Fortune. Abyss says Hulk is just as ignorant as all of them. The they he refers to was never EV2, never Fortune. Ric Flair is a liar. They have told Abyss that the chess pieces are in place and the plan is ready to proceed. They’ve given him the date of their revelation. A date that comes only once a century. 10.10.10. Hogan says they better tell Abyss to get out of his face. Abyss tells Hulk that at 10.10.10., that when they arrive, they’re not only taking TNA over, but they’re going to turn it upside, starting with the removal of the president Dixie Carter, and continuing with the systematic extermination of Hulk, Eric, Dinero, Hardy. Apparently we’re taking a commercial break mid speech. Hardy attacks Abyss as we head to commercial. Good job TNA.

-We get a video package of The Beautiful People vs Madison Rayne and bicker chick feud.

Match 1: Madison Rayne and Biker Chick vs The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky and TNA Knockout’s Champion Angelina Love)

JB introduces the Beautiful People, and Madison Rayne and Biker Chick make their way out through the crowd instead. Angelina and Velvet make their way out anyway. LET THE PIGEONS LOOSE! We get a huge brawl on the outside of the ring to start things off. Velvet throws the biker chick into the guardrail. Madison backs off from Angelina in the ring, and turns into Velvet. They keep her from exiting as Madison tries to beg them off. They both trade shots on her. Angelina grabs Madison in a front face lock and tells Velvet to spank her, but the biker chick runs in and breaks it up. The bell rings and here we go. Angelina grabs Madison and stomps her in the nether region. Pin but only two. Velvet gets the tag and takes down Madison with clotheslines. Pin but only two. Angelina gets the tag and stomps Madison in the gut. Front slam by Angelina. Velvet gets the tag. TBP take out the biker chick on the apron. Double suplex to Madison. Pin but the biker chick breaks it up. Angelina takes her down with a spear. They brawl on the outside. The biker chick grabs the helmet. Velvet goes to hit Madison with a DDT or something, but the biker chick clocks her from behind with the helmet. Madison covers and wins.

Winners: Madison Rane and the Biker Chick (Alright, so the match was pretty bad. The Beautiful People basically dominated Rayne until the biker chick took out Velvet so they could win. I guess it worked well for the angle, but the match was pretty boring.

Angelina grabs Madison but the biker chick clocks her with the helmet too. Madison and the biker chick continue beating down the Beautiful People. The biker chick takes off the mask, and it’s Tara. Shocking.

-Apparently Stevie Richards has been asked all day if he’s afraid of facing Abyss. Well, Stevie says he isn’t. He’ll overcome the adversity known as the Monster Abyss, but he’ll step out of the shadows of his comrades and stand on his own. Good to know.

-We get a video highlighting Abyss’ recent actions along with wrestler’s thoughts.

-Next week we’ll hear from RVD.

Match 2: Stevie Richards vs Abyss

Abyss makes his way out through the crowd. Stevie attacks him early on and they brawl on the outside. Stevie runs at Abyss but eats a boot for his troubles. Abyss throws Stevie back into the ring. Stevie avoids a splash in the corner and goes on the attack. Stevie Kick blocked and Abyss hits him with a clothesline. Splash in the corner by Abyss. Chop in the corner by Abyss. Stevie tries to fight back, but Abyss starts reigning down with clubbing blows. Abyss picks up Stevie and drops him down with a front slam. Abyss heads to the outside and grabs a chair. He brings it in the ring and shoves the ref away. Stevie Kick! Pin and it’s over.

Winner : Stevie Richards (Why did Stevie win this? I mean if Abyss is getting pushed, why have him lost to Stevie. Still, the match was mainly Abyss dominating with Stevie just getting a lucky shot in to win)

Abyss attacks Stevie post match. Shock Treatment. We see EV2 brawling in the back with Fortune. Back in the ring as Abyss throws the ref to the outside. Black Hole Slam to Stevie. Abyss goes to the outside and grabs Janice. Kendrick comes out and drills him with a baseball slide. Stevie and Kendrick run off as Abyss looks pissed.

-Anderson says he doesn’t know why Dinero doesn’t like him, he’s saved him like 10 times and they should be best friends. Dinero shows up behind him and starts laughing. He says if you think Pope is buying into this stuff, it’s not happening. Anderson says he’s not selling anything. He’s selling the fact that they have to work as a tag team tonight and win their match. 3 days from now, they can beat the crap out of each other, but tonight they have to act as a tag. Dinero says he doesn’t like or trust Anderson, and Anderson better not screw them over. Anderson says he’s not planning on screwing anybody. Tonight, when Anderson sticks his hand out for Dinero to tag, he needs to know if Dinero will do the same. Dinero says he’ll see what happens.

-We’re back, and EV2 are in the ring. Dreamer says if Fortune wants to fight in the back and hurt Foley’s angle. He’s sick of talking. He calls out Fortune. And here they come. Styles asks if Dreamer has something to say. Well say it. Shut up. They don’t want to hear it. This is AJ Styles’ house dammit. He calls people out. Styles tells Dreamer to look at himself. Do you really think that they’ll have a chance at No Surrender. Does Sabu think he’s going to have a chance against Douglas Williams for the X title? Douglas Williams will slaughter him. And Rhino. Rhino and Abyss in a FCA match, again, Abyss will slaughter him. And then there was Tommy Dreamer and AJ Styles in an I Quit match. How great will that be? How phenomenal will it be when the Innovator of Violence in AJ’s house says I Quit. Styles is going to embarrass him in his own house. Dreamer says he doesn’t have to wait for the PPV, let’s do it now. You see AJ, yes, this is AJ’s house, and the people in the house thinks AJ sucks. So how about 4 of them vs the 4 of us (EV2). Apparently it’s on, 4 on 4, EV2 vs Fortune tonight.

-Jarrett is in the back with Joe. He tells Joe that Joe doesn’t owe him anything, but Jarrett is going out there for TNA, Samoa Joe, and all of Joe’s friends in the locker room. It’s up to Joe to do the right thing. Joe says if there’s one thing he’s learned in the business, it’s that you should mind your own.

-Up next, it’s Sting vs Jeff Jarrett.

-Jarrett says he’s doing this because Nash and Sting are going to destroy everything. Jeff just hopes someone stands up and stands by his side.

Match 3: Jeff Jarrett vs Sting (w/ Kevin Nash)

Sting’s got the red face paint. Tie up to start. Jeff runs off the ropes but Nash trips the leg. Tie up, and Sting takes control. Right hands by Sting. Jarrett blocks one and gets in some of his own. Jeff runs off the ropes but Nash trips the leg again. Sting back in control, reigning down clubbing blows on Jarrett. Jarrett with a kick, and here comes the right hands. Clothesline, Jeff runs to the outside and takes it to Nash. Sting runs out but Jeff takes him out too. Sting rakes the eyes and slams Jeff’s face into the guardrail. Clothesline on the ramp by Sting. Sting throws Jeff back in the ring, but Jeff gets back in control and starts slamming Sting’s head into the turnbuckles. Jeff goes for a suplex but Nash trips the leg and Sting falls on him for the pin and win.

Winner : Sting (I mean, I guess the match was alright, but this feud really just sucks. Sting and Jeff sort of went through the motions while Nash did his little interference thing. Something interesting really needs to happen and soon)

Nash gets in the ring and Jeff attacks. Sting wraps the bat around Jeff’s neck, and here comes Hogan. Joe runs in the ring and takes it to Nash. He goes after Sting but Sting points the bat at Joe. Joe tells Hogan he’s got this. Sting tells Joe he’s at the wrong place at the wrong time.

-We get a video showing some clips of parties and whatever, saying Shore is coming soon.

-Taz and Tenay run down No Surrender.
Abyss vs Rhino – Falls Count Anywhere
AJ Styles vs Tommy Dreamer – I Quit match (I don’t think this is for the title)
Mr. Anderson vs The Pope – TNA World Title Tournament
Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy – TNA World Title Tournament

-Desmond Wolfe, Magnus and Chelsea are in the ring. Wolfe says while the Cap Guns and Queer Money have been trying to prove who the best team in TNA are, London Brawling have been beating every wanker put in front of them on Xplosion. They’re the best team on TNA, and they’re going to prove that at No Surrender. Magnus says he sees it in all of us. We’re embarrassed to have the Guns as the tag champs. But fear not, because Magnus and Wolfe are hear to save the day. Save all of us. The point is, those belts are coming off the boys and coming to the real men. And here come the Guns.

Shelley says if they think for one minute that they killed themselves in 5 matches with Beer Money in order to lose these belts to them at No Surrender, they’re wrong because they’re the best tag team in the world and if you don’t believe it, ask the people. Sabin says for the record, they may be the #1 contenders, but they haven’t seen them beat anybody. From the look of things, they only tag teaming Wolfe and Magnus have been doing lately has been with each other. Wolfe says he gets it, they think he and Magnus fancy each other. Wolfe says he doesn’t want to ruin his comedy routine, but they’re the only fella’s in the ring with a bird (he points to Chelsea). Magnus says he should worry about growing more hair on his nuts. Shelley says he’s 4 years older than him. Why does Chelsea always have a lousy look on her face. Shelley has 10 dollars, 5 minutes and 1 dog tag, what can that get him? Sabin says obviously she doesn’t want to be with them, she just needs the money just like any other hard working call girl. Wolfe tells Chelsea to tell the wankers how Wolfe rocks her world. Chelsea looks confused. The biggest? If there was a sword fight in the ring right now, lets just say Wolfe’s weapon would fall a little short. Wolfe is pissed. Wolfe and Magnus attack the Guns. Wolfe stomps the tag belt into Shelley’s chest. Magnus with a side walk slam as Wolfe hit the running knee.

-Dreamer says they’re losing this whole thing. They’re all going down. Dreamer asks the official if Foley can work tonight. He says no. Kendrick walks in and says he wants to offer his services. The 3 of them need him. Dreamer says Kendrick is his friend, but don’t get involved. Kendrick loves their creativity and wants to create reality with them. Foley says Kendrick’s out of his mind. He’s perfect for EV2.0. Kendrick tells Tommy he needs this. Dreamer tells him not to screw up. Kendrick shakes all of their hands before walking out.

-Hardy and Angle are in the back. Hardy says there’s a lot of pressure on both guys. If Angle loses, his career might be over. Angle says he’s right, but he doesn’t plan on losing. Tonight they have two of the top two wrestlers in TNA. At No Surrender, Angle doesn’t plan on losing. They shake hands and walk off.

Match 4: Fortune (TNA Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money and Kazarian) (w/ Ric Flair and Doug Williams) vs EV2.0 (Tommy Dreamer, Rhino and Sabu) and Brian Kendrick – 8 Man Tag Team Elimination match

Rhino and Storm start things off. Headlock by Rhino. Shoulder block follows. Rhino counters a hiptoss, Storm ducks a clothesline and gets an uppercut. Kaz gets the tag and starts working down Rhino. Shots by Rhino, but Kaz cuts him off with a kick. Dropkick by Rhino. Sabu gets the tag. Springboard clothesline. Right hands to Kaz. Boot in the corner by Sabu, and he hits a springboard tornado DDT. Pin but only two. Sabu goes springboard, but Williams trips the leg. Oklahoma roll by Kaz, and Sabu’s out.

Eliminated: Sabu by Kazarian

Sabu clocks Kaz and suicide dive’s Doug Williams. They brawl on the outside. Dreamer’s in and avoids a dropkick by Kaz. Texas Cloverleaf applied, and AJ runs in to break it up. Kendrick’s in and nails Kaz with some kicks. Jumping high kick by Kendrick. Pin but only two. Kendrick goes for a springboard crossbody, but Kaz counters into a gutbuster. Roode’s in and hits Kendrick with shoulder blocks in the corner. Knee’s by Roode to the gut of Kendrick. Back suplex follows. Pin but only two. Kaz gets the tag. Gutwrench suplex. Pin but only two. Kaz goes for the reverse piledriver, but Kendrick counters into a pin. Series of pinfall attempts end in nearfalls. Huge high kick by Kendrick. Pin and Kaz’s out.

Eliminated: Kazarian by Kendrick

Styles runs in but Kendrick takes him down and starts choking. And again. The ref pulls Kendrick off and Kendrick dropkicks him. It’s an all out brawl in the ring now. Foley starts to make his way to the ring as we head to commercial. This match will continue.

We’re back, and Roode and Storm hit Dreamer with a backdrop. Apparently Kendrick got DQ’d during the commercial.

Eliminated: Kendrick via DQ

Beer Money whip Dreamer into the corner. Storm stomps the arm of Dreamer. Roode gets the tag and hits Dreamer with a shot to the gut. Slam follows. Apparently Kevin Nash and Sting will face Jarrett and Joe in a tag match this Sunday. Dreamer gets a boot up as Roode dives at him. Spinebuster by Dreamer. Rhino gets the tag and starts cleaning house. Spear in the corner. Superkick by Storm countered into a belly to belly. Gore’s coming up. GORE! GORE! GORE! Pin but Roode breaks it up. Belly to belly to Roode. Rhino wants another Gore. He runs out of the ring and starts brawling with Abyss. They make their way through the crowd.

Eliminated: Rhino via countout

Roode gets the tag and clotheslines Dreamer. Pin but Dreamer kicks out quick. And again. Styles gets the tag and punches Dreamer. Roode gets the tag and continues working down Dreamer. Storm now in and they go for the double suplex on Dreamer, but Storm can’t get him up. Dreamer falls down and goes for the DDT on Roode. Styles goes for the Flying Forearm, but Dreamer drops Roode down for the DDT as Styles takes out Storm by accident.

Eliminated: Robert Roode by Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer rolls up Storm for the pin.

Eliminated: James Storm by Tommy Dreamer

Styles and Dreamer are the last two guys. They start to brawl. Chop in the corner by Styles. Styles Clash coming up, but Dreamer counters out. Crossface by Dreamer. Styles gets his foot on the rope. Dreamer goes for the Dreamer Driver, but Styles slides out the back and nails the dropkick. Knee drop misses. Dreamer DDT countered into a FLYING ARMBAR! Dreamer gets his foot on the ropes. Slam by AJ. He goes up to the top, but Dreamer cuts him off. Superplex by Dreamer. Dreamer goes for something, but Flair distracts him. Dreamer goes for the Figure Four, but Morgan starts to make his way into the ring. Dreamer crotches him on the top and knocks him out. Foley and Flair begin to brawl on the outside. Thumb to the eye by AJ, and the Pele follows. Pin and it’s over.

Winners : Fortune (Before the commercial this was sort of a mess, but it got more interesting when we came back. We got AJ and Dreamer showing off some submission moves in preparation for their I Quit match which is good, and plus Fortune picked up a win. Good stuff)

Match 5: Mr. Anderson and D’Angelo Dinero vs Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle

Glad to see this one’s getting time as we’re kicking things off at 10:54. As Dinero and Anderson argue, Angle runs at Dinero and hits him with a back suplex. European uppercut by Angle. And a right hand. Hardy gets the tag. Poetry in Motion. Watching Angle get down for Hardy is sort of weird. Hardyac Arrest follows. 5 Up to Hardy, and Pope tags in Anderson. Hardy blocks a right and gets one of his own. Reverse atomic drop, and the leg drop to the groin. Pope runs in but gets hit with the windmill kick. Anderson takes out Hardy with a clothesline. Pin but only two. Pope tags himself in. Snapmare to Hardy and he drops a knee. Pin but only two. Pope tags Anderson in. Slam by Anderson. Pin but only two. Sleeper hold is applied by Anderson. Hardy fights out. Mic Check countered into a Twist of Fate. Dinero and Angle get the tags. Clotheslines by Angle. Dinero gets a boot in the corner but runs into a belly to belly suplex. German for Anderson. Angle Slam to Dinero. Pin but Anderson breaks it up. Anderson and Angle both clothesline each other. Anderson runs out of a german attempt and Hardy hits Angle with a Whisper in the Wind by accident. Mic Check to Angle, and Pope covers for the win.

Winners : D’Angelo Dinero and Mr. Anderson (Way too short, but they crammed a ton in to the little time they had. This did a solid job of continuing both rivalries and gave us a solid main event)

Dinero and Anderson argue, and eventually come to blows. Pope spears Anderson and himself out of the ring. Angle and Hardy start to argue now. They come to blows. Anderson and Dinero are brawling on the outside while Angle and Hardy make their way to the outside too. Security runs out to break it up as we fade out.