411’s WWE Raw Report 03.31.08

Well Wrestlemania is in the books and I didn’t get to sleep last night until past 5am. Naturally I’m completely spaced out and not 100% aware of everything that’s happening. If I miss anything this evening that’s my already pre-prepared excuse. So, everyone enjoy Mania? General consensus of opinion seems somewhere between yes and maybe. I’ll take that over ‘no’ any day of the week. I enjoyed it up to a point. Just for kicks here’s my thoughts and snowflakes on the evenings work.

• 24 Man Battle Royal. I didn’t see this, if it was on Sky at all, because I got in 2 minutes before Wrestlemania started and had time to make myself a sammich. Therefore missing John Legend. Ah well. So, Kane gets the win immediately creating the “smoke break” match later on. If Tommy Dreamer had won I’d have marked like a small child seeing John Cena tagging with The Rock and Jesus Christ. I guess this’d be a ‘last run’ reward for Kane’s service. Handily out of the way on ECW where no one will see it because he’s so broken down.

• JBL v Finlay. I love stiff shots and this match had bags of stiff shots. Any match that makes me go “ooooohhhhh” every couple of minutes is ok by me. JBL & Finlay go way back and used to tag in Europe so its not a shock they have good chemistry from the off. Finlay’s suicide dive was major mark out material too. Call that **3/4. Good choice for an opener and I was totally into the show from the off. PS throwing trashcans at midgets = pure gold.

• Money in the Bank. I really didn’t think they’d go with Punk. I’d personally picked Jericho thinking that he’d end up feuding with MVP over it afterwards. I was way off. Not a total left field pick by the WWE but usually when everyone online collectively says “hey, this guy is really good and underpushed” the WWE goes “really? What the fuck you do you?” and de-push them immediately. Rumours have him coming to Raw, where there’s a heel champion and that makes good logical sense, rather than hanging around Smackdown where he’d get more time to do stuff. I think Smackdown is the better bet for actual in ring competition but if he survives the politics, like, like, erm. Erm. Ok, if he joins a group that contains Triple H he’s set for life. Otherwise Smackdown is a better option. MitB was good fun though and innovative considering pretty much every ladder spot has already been done. Jericho was the only guy really regurgitating previous ladder match spots. Punk winning pushes this up a notch too. Call it ***3/4. About the norm for the MitB match. Again it got me right into the action and I was on the edge of my seat.

• Hall of Fame. I tried watching this on YouTube but only saw JBL, Brisco’s and The Rock before it all stopped loading and I’m guessing the WWE got it taken down. BOO-URNS! What I did see was great and I’m getting the DVD to see Flair talk for 90 minutes. He is IRONMAN!

• Umaga v Batista. I really heeled on Dave in this one. Redje was trying to back him with shouts of “he is mighty”, which he is, but unless they put him in that blue costume with the antenna I just don’t care about him. Meanwhile Umaga has won me over by sheer force of effort. I found myself cheering him on, and I wasn’t alone by the sounds of Orlando. Blowing the finish made me a sad panda. Also putting Dave over made me a sad panda. *1/4.

• Chavo v Kane. I was taking a break. I missed the entire 10 seconds! And Raven Symone afterwards. I think I’ll live.

• Ric Flair v Shawn Michaels. “Flair’s last match”. Wow. What a way for Flair to go out. I was glued to the screen and as the match was winding up I was getting increasingly choked up. I couldn’t speak. This lump was forming in my throat. I don’t think I ever quite crossed over into tears for the great man and his wonderful legacy but I’m glad I was able to watch Flair’s final match live to experience the emotion. And what a great finish. “I’m sorry. I love you”. I’m saying that before I kick anyone in the face. It makes it ok. I think the WWE made a huge mistake by not putting this on last though because I was just emotionally drained by the time it was over. If it was last I could have brought myself back from the grave to get excited again. Sticking in the middle just killed the main events for me because I found it so hard to get back into the show. Wonderful match. It’s never five stars although I can appreciate being sentimentally calling it a five star match. It’ll probably be the most memorable match of the year. But then Rock-Hogan was the most memorable match of 2002 but it wasn’t the best match by a long stretch. I reckon it’s around **** for emotion and storytelling alone though. And the best match Ric Flair has had in about 15 years. How long before we start declaring HBK the greatest of all time for his continued work in the field of miracles? Flair’s legacy is not only the great matches but everything else too. His career will go down in history as one of the best in wrestling history. Perhaps only contested by the great Lou Thesz as the greatest of all time. WOOOO! PS that table spot was fucking badass!

• Bunnymania. I spent the entire match checking out how nice Mickie James looked. I don’t even remember who won. Just the weird kiss that followed the match. That Santino will put everyone over eh?

• Randy Orton v H’s v John Cena. This was a shock for me. I could only see H’s going over. The King of Kings going back on his throne! I guess the original plan was for Hardy to win MitB and take the title off Orton after this match. Instead Randy gets his big win at a big show. I know I’ve said in the past I felt he needed that big win to legitimise his title reign but I didn’t think they’d actually go and give him the win at Mania. I guess that’ll help them build some kind of title match at Backlash. I’ve always been somewhat indifferent to Orton but they tried to keep a high pace in this one. Like I said during the Flair-HBK coverage I was so emotionally drained that I struggled to get into the match. I really wasn’t that bothered about who won. No offence to any of these guys but it wasn’t built up that well and nothing could really follow Flair-Michaels and do that well. Probably call the match *** but I really wasn’t into it. I probably would have enjoyed it better if I’d been recapping the show myself.

• Floyd Mayweather v The Big Show. Now, I don’t like Floyd going over. I’ll say that right away. I think with Show as he was, coming back that strong, that they could easily have established him as a HUGE star and done it on the back of him crushing Mayweather. While he did dominate the match…he still lost. That said this is easily, in my mind, the best celebrity match…ever. Floyd came wanting to work hard and with enough athleticism in his system, at his peak if you will, that he was able to perform at a high level. He really won me over with his effort and desire. His willingness to take things that, if they’d gone wrong, could have cost him millions of dollars in fight revenue had he been seriously injured. You have to admire that kind of dedication. You know what Floyd? You’re welcome to come back. **1/2. Which is somewhere around ***** in terms of celebrity matches.

• Edge v Undertaker. Redje’s insistence that Edge would win and retain his title kept me amused throughout this one. It suffered a little bit from some unfortunate mistakes and Taker looks another yard off the pace from last year even. It also started tentatively and took it’s time to get going. But when it did they had a bash at getting Edge over a legitimate main eventer. Crowd didn’t care. But I appreciate him countering the shit out of Undertaker’s trademark stuff even though the kicking out of finishers business was getting a bit silly towards the end. Especially the totally no sold spear into the gogoplata to finish. Best bit in the match for me? The back suplex onto the rail. Taker took that bump like a MOTHERFUCKER. He must have landed square on his neck. With no camera coverage! What were they thinking only having one camera cover that shit? Great spot, botched, but looked fantastic and they don’t get two cameras on it? Dang. I wanted 12 replays. Ultimately I probably care less when it comes to Taker winning something because I’ve never liked him as a character and I find I rate Taker matches way lower than other people. That said I reckon this was around ***1/4. Good match but there were too many mistakes to offset the great countering. The lack of crowd didn’t help. But like myself I think a lot of people were emotionally drained by Flair’s retirement. That was hard to recover from. It’s a moment that you’ll never forget. Then you have four more matches to sit through.

• Overall. My initial reaction was “meh, I’ve seen better”. Which is probably true but it’s certainly a decent Wrestlemania because almost all the matches delivered in the ring. They may not have won the crowd over all night like HBK-Flair did but the circumstances of that match elevated it. Lots of stuff did deliver though so I reckon it’s a thumbs up. Not sure I concur with Larry’s snowflakes though. I think he was a little on the generous side. It was like walking into a blizzard reading through that recap! Well, I’m glad he enjoyed himself. Even if the cynic in me held back my enjoyment after HBK-Flair. Thumbs up.

ONTO RAW!

We’re in Orlando, Florida. Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.

CLIPS – Wrestlemania. Shawn superkicks Flair. “I’m sorry”. Flair’s kids cry. Standing ovation.

TONIGHT – Ric Flair’s Farewell Address.

PROMO TIME – John Cena. Or is it? His music kicks in then stops. Then HHH’s music kicks in. JR apologises for this being live and mistakes happen. But H’s isn’t coming out either. Because WWE champion RANDY ORTON is. Perhaps even cockier looking than usual. JR points out 92% of fans thought Orton would lose his title last night on the SMS poll. He also suggests that a 3-way is the hardest match for a champ to retain because he doesn’t have to be involved in the fall. “Boo” – Orlando. “Expecting someone else?” – Orton. HEEEL! He mentions that everyone was debating who was going to beat him at Wrestlemania. Whether it’d be Cena or H’s. No one thought he was going to win (8% actually Randy and Bayani Domingo!) He says he now deserves respect. He’s beaten all challengers and won in the main event of Wrestlemania. He says H’s & Cena don’t deserve a re-match. He tells us to forget Hulkamania & Attitude because this is the Age of Orton. We’re joined by JBL. He agrees with Orton. He says Cena & H’s don’t deserve a title shot but he does. He says Orton has come out here to brag but his match with pathetic because he was lucky. He says his whole reign thus far has been lucky. “LOOK AT ME, BOY”. OOOOHHHH! JBL says his title reign, the longest in Smackdown history, was dominating. He says at Mania he took the toughest guy at Wrestlemania and beat them at their own game. He tells Orton he can’t beat him. He declares himself #1 contender for the WWE title. He passed the torch. “I want my damn torch back”. JBL walks off without letting Orton respond. Orton grabs the mic and says that everyone who’s challenged him has lost. He claims to be the most dominant champion this show has ever seen. MATT HARDY! He runs in from the crowd and lays Orton out. Referees run out to break it up and we get no word from Hardy as to why he’s out here. Ad break!

BACKSTAGE William Regal asks Hardy who the bloody hell he thinks he is. Hardy says Orton took 3 months of his life and nearly took his career when he kicked him where his appendix used to be. He demands a match. Regal says he’ll think about it.

LANCE CADE/TREVOR MURDOCH v CRYME TYME

Look who’s back! Yo, yo, yo! Lawler makes a joke about Cryme Tyme doing 6 months in Rikers Island. “Welcome back” – Orlando. Shad starts out with Cade who calls him a “piece of crap”. Shad clotheslines him and tags JTG in. He rolls Cade up for 2 but then gets slammed. Cade with a big clothesline and Murdoch comes in to work JTG over too. Cade gives Murdoch a boost on a legdrop for 2. JTG gets a cheeky roll up and steals the win!

Winners: Cryme Tyme via pinfall. ½*. Short and cheerful.

FLAIR MEMORIES – Flair beating Harley Race at Starrcade ‘83.

BACKSTAGE Shawn Michaels walks. He’s coming out to talk next.

PROMO TIME – Shawn Michaels. Crowd is positive with a quiet “HBK” chant. He says he’s feeling a lot emotions and none of them are good. He says he was asked to do a job and be the Showstopper. Shawn gets choked up and can’t finish his sentence. He says he doesn’t know how he feels about doing his job last night. Ric Flair asked for his A-game and he had too much respect to have given him anything less. He says he had a chance to pull the trigger and he did. Now the career of the greatest wrestler who ever lived is over. And he’s the man responsible. He calls it a burden that he’ll be carrying with him the rest of his life. “Lucky me”. That’s it from Shawn. He tails off and leaves.

TONIGHT – Jericho v CM Punk & Randy Orton v Matt Hardy!

BACKSTAGE Shawn is moping. William Regal turns up to tell him he did what he had to and it should have been done a long time ago. DAVE BATISTA is also there. He looks less happy. Shawn walks off without saying anything while Dave still stares.

PAUL LONDON/BRIAN KENDRICK v HARDCORE HOLLY/CODY RHODES

Not for the tag titles. JR says he’s surprised that Londrick are back together after Kendrick walked out a few weeks ago. Kendrick starts with Cody as JR says Londrick reminds him of the Midnight Rockers. Kendrick gets a slam but Cody picks his leg off while he’s celebrating. Bob tags in as does London. “Let’s go Holly” chants Orlando. London avoids strikes and even gets a few forearms in. Bob recovers and chops London over! More vicious chops in the corner. WOOO! The last one chops London CLEAN OUT OF THE RING. He 360 bumps a clothesline for 2. Cody back in. He goes for a high crossbody but London rolls through. He gets backdropped but lands on his feet and tags Kendrick in for babyface basics but Cody bulldogs him. London breaks the fall and low bridges Holly over the top. Cody clotheslines him out but Kendrick rolls up Cody for the win!

Winners: London & Kendrick via pinfall. **1/2. Awesome little match. Great speed from Londrick and great intensity from Holly. Do we have a tag team division again? Holy shit. Did they hire a new booker or something?

FLAIR MEMORIES – Flair-Steamboat from Wrestlewar ’89. Great series of matches. Lots of chops. Flair rolls through a slam for the win for his 6th world title.

RINGSIDE – Rev Theory who provided one of the two songs for Wrestlemania “Light It Up”.

CLIPS – Wrestlemania XXIV. The venue looked awesome btw. So did Kim Kardashian. Nice girl, bit dim. “Have a nice dizzle”. Loved Umaga kicking Dave in the face. What’s “I’m sorry, I love you” in Samoan? Laddersault! Wrestlemania looks fantastic in clips.

CHRIS JERICHO v CM PUNK

Not for Jericho’s IC title. They replay the finish of Money in the Bank and Jericho looks annoyed. Lots of Punk signs in the crowd. They start out by kicking the legs. Jericho wins out and hits a Spinal Tap. “CM Punk” – Orlando. Jericho grabs a headlock. Punk shoots him off but Jericho gets a shoulderblock. Crowd reacts but its hard to tell whether it’s positive or not. Punk with an armdrag but Jericho blocks another into a backslide for 2. “Y2J” – Orlando. Punk sets too early and gets kicked into a clothesline for 2. Backbreaker from Jericho. Duelling chants now for the two babyfaces. LOUD duelling chants. They trade on forearms before Jericho wins out with a knee to the midsection. Jericho looks happy again as he lands a running senton. Jericho with another leg kick and he dumps Punk on the ropes. Punk ducks the springboard dropkick. Jericho crashes and burns. Punk tries to follow up but Jericho backdrops him out of the ring. Jericho slides out after him and Punk kicks him in the temple. Back inside Punk gets a springboard clothesline to the back of the neck but then he runs into a boot. Jericho holds the ropes to dodge a dropkick but Punk dodges the lionsault and kicks the leg. Shinbreaker! High knee in the corner. Jericho escapes the bulldog but Punk avoids Jericho’s too. GTS is countered into the Walls of Jericho but Punk has too much leg strength. CODEBREAKER! Jericho gets the win.

Winner: Chris Jericho via pinfall. ***1/4 for a great fast paced match. Here’s hoping for an extended feud or at least Punk hanging with some other solid midcard guys.

FLAIR MEMORIES – 1992 Royal Rumble. Naitch comes in at #3 and wins for his first WWF title.

TONIGHT – Maria is wrestling Santino Marella in a match.

PROMO TIME – The Big Show . He’s sporting heavy makeup bruising on the jawline from the brass knucks shot. He’s still smiling though. “Big Show” – Orlando. He congratulates Floyd Mayweather, and his manager, and six bodyguards, and the chair and the brass knuckles…”Floyd Mayweather, greatest fighter on the planet”. Show moves on to the Hall of Fame. He says Flair talked about breaking in the business with Andre the Giant but he looked Show in the eye and said he’s the greatest big man he’s ever been in the ring with. He says he’s going back to what he does best; no one can stop him one on one. This brings GREAT KHALI (sidenote – Show is great fun as a wrestler because he manhandle people and I love watching him throw guys around, so why do they always book him against other big guys?) “You can’t wrestle” chants Orlando. Show tells him to get out of his face. Khali spits abuse at him. “Seriously” – Show. Khali backs up a touch but continues to mouth off. Show is all ‘ok, let’s go’. “Show’s gonna kill ya” – Orlando. Is this an ECW show from 1998? Khali wusses out and walks off having sent a “message” to Show. “You suck” – Orlando.

EARLIER – The Orton-Hardy scrap. I like how Orton sees him coming on the Titantron.

BACKSTAGE Matt Hardy warms up.

ELSEWHERE Santino warms up. Maria turns up as he cheats his way up from 5 to 88 reps. He asks Maria is she got her shots after kissing Snoopy Dogg? Did he take you to dinner? Kibbles and Bits? Maria has been to Regal to stop tonight’s match but only Santino can. She wants the match called off. Santino says he should have been in the Royal Battle but he got stuck with the divas. He says the divas should be at home making pasta and babies. He needs to release his frustration unless Maria has any better ideas to release it? Maria belts him one. “Fine!” Match is on. No DQ.

FUCKING. GREAT. PROMO.

RANDY ORTON v MATT HARDY

Orton gets caught coming in and Matt gets a few rights in and a backdrop. Matt punts Orton out of the ring and follows running him into the rail. TWICE. The second time was intense. Matt wails away with rights and Orton goes back inside to avoid him. Hardy hangs him on the ropes and drops an elbow for 2. Hardy with a left arm lariat for 2. Orton bails, again trying to distance himself from Hardy’s aggression. Hardy follows again not giving him space and punches him back into the ring again. Swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Hardy makes the mistake of going up top and Orton pulls him off by the leg but he’s taken a beating so far and it’s a double down as we go into an ad break. We come back with Orton cranking on a chinlock. Seems he took over with the round the backbreaker. Matt punches his way out. Duelling chants again. Garvin Stomp from Orton. Orton tries for a back superplex but Matt elbows out into a moonsault press for 2. Matt gets a bulldog for 2. SIDE EFFECT for 2! He wants the Twist of Fate. Orton turns into it but blocks into a forearm uppercut. He goes for another but Matt counters into a backslide for 2. Neckbreaker from Matt and that’s been his focus to set up the Twist of Fate. Yodelling but no legdrop because Orton bails and Matt has to dive off the apron instead into a flurry of punches. TWIST OF FATE ON THE FLOOR~~~!!!! Orton with the twitching unconscious sell. Orton has to be rolled back in as dead weight. All that effort gives Orton recovery time though – RKO! It’s over!

Winner: Randy Orton via pinfall. ***. Intense brawl. Matt got the majority of the match too making him look like he could hang at the top end of the card. He even got his finisher off just in the wrong place. The suddenness of the RKO allowed Orton to get the duke regardless.

BACKSTAGE Dusty Rhodes says he’s wined and dined with Kings and Queens and he’s wrestled Ric Flair. He still thinks about wrestling Flair. 60 minutes. “Chilled up inside”. He says every time they wrestled it was monumental. He says the word legend or icon is thrown around a lot but Flair is a national treasure.

ELSEWHERE a tired Randy Orton is joined by JBL. He borrows the WWE title, looks at it then gives it back and walks off.

Intergender match – SANTINO MARELLA v MARIA KANELLIS

The divas heard what Santino had to say about them earlier and they ALL turn up to kick his ass. I think they have all of them in the there. Maria takes advantage of the opening to headbutt him in the groin and SEX PIN HIM for 3.

Winner: Maria via pinfall. HAHAHA. The divas leave to make pasta and babies together.

CLIPS – Once again the Flair-Michaels match last night. More importantly the ending of.

PROMO TIME – Ric Flair. WOOOOO! I’ll miss this music. And everything else. WOOOO! He says he wrestled his last match last night at Mania. He’ll never wrestle again. “BOOO”. He’s not sad and we shouldn’t be sad. We rejoice in the greatest wrestling career in the history of pro-wrestling. Last night he lost to a great wrestler. “Boo”. And a better man. Rejoice in him wrestling in front of more fans, and raised more hell every day of his life. He says he’s been tearing up all day long about not being able to come out anymore. He says he’s in a good place. “Thank you, Ric”. “Let me thank you, thank you for the memories. Thank you for the support and thank you for making me who I am today. WOOOOO”. He’s about to put the mic down when out comes TRIPLE H. He says the fans aren’t the only ones who want to say thank you. Flair is crying already before he even gets in the ring. H’s says Flair has another thing coming. He hugs Naitch. H’s says he had to come out here and tell him that he loves him. “Thank you…thank you”. HHH does the bowing before Flair. He says there’s a few other people that want to say thanks. HHH says there’s one group he was talking to earlier…FOUR HORSEMEN MUSIC!!! TULLY, ARN, JJ DILLON, WINDHAM! HORSEMAN REUNION! Flair is choked up again. He’s not even finished hugging people when DAVE BATISTA comes out here. More hugging. We’re not done. RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT!!! HARLEY FUCKIN’ RACE!!! Flair is trying to hug people before they’ve even got in the ring. GREG THE HAMMER VALENTINE! Flair manages to hug him before he’s in the ring. DEAN MALENKO!!!! Flair manages a laugh at how Malenko is still doing the wrist grapping thing on his way out here. Once a pro…CHRIS JERICHO is out next. He has a lot to say. Flair looks touched. JOHN CENA. After they hug out comes Flair’s family and he can’t stop the tears now. “Thank you Ric”. Now out comes SHAWN MICHAELS. He still looks depressed. Dave is still staring at him despite wearing sunglasses. Shawn hugs Flair. H’s congratulates them on matching watches. H’s invites everyone else out here. And EVERYONE comes out here including Edge, Kane, JBL, Big Show, Orton, Punk. They give him a standing ovation. Festus is still in character. The locker room chants “thank you, Ric”. Then the entire crowd follow suit. “Thank you, Ric”.

End show.

That may be my favourite Raw, ever. It’s certainly up there. Just a great show with wrestling, character and angle advancement and one last moment with one of the greatest wrestlers that ever lived. What more do you want?