411’s WWE Raw Report 11.13.06

Today would mark the one year anniversary of Eddie Guerrero’s death. The WWE continues to run angles concerning said event, which is kind of sad. I think it was time to put that to bed a long time ago and let Eddie rest in peace. Of course there are any number of arguments that the crowd still care about Eddie. This is reinforced by myself. I watched a few Eddie tribute videos a few weeks back and got so choked up I found tears streaming down my face all over again. So I watched my number one mark out moment in wrestling history again – Eddie’s title win at No Way Out when he bested Brock Lesnar. Emotionally one of my favourite matches ever. Still miss you Eddie.

You know what RAW needs? A really fucking great worker. I’m talking at the Dynamite Kid, Bret Hart, Dean Malenko kind of level where everything looks realistic and everyone they wrestle gets over as a result. Smackdown has Benoit, Finlay and Regal but the closest RAW has to a great worker is Shawn Michaels and he’s years past his epic best. Seems the new guys haven’t really learned from him or from Ric Flair even. If he wasn’t such a jerk I’d suggest a monster push for Charlie Haas. He’s probably the best young guy they’ve got. Time to throw so much money at Bryan Danielson that he has to take it and then actually push him. OR bring in Doug Williams. After all they gave him a try out.

We’re in Manchester, Lancashire, England. Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler. 15,000 in the MEN Arena.

PROMO TIME – DX. Lawler’s grasp on how English people speak appears to be derived from Wallace & Gromitt. The announcers plug the Survivor Series match where DX will oppose Rated RKO who are also “Co-Captains” of their team. HHH encourages the crowd to be nice and loud as they chant “DX”. They appear to be ready. HHH doesn’t have anything new and funny to say this week so they just run the usual. He says they have a list: Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, Eric Bischoff that they’ve all knocked off. HHH says no authority figure can tell DX what to do. We get clips from Eric’s humiliation ritual last week. Then again in super slo-mo. “I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit” – Shawn. HHH says all that’s left to oppose them is Edge & Orton, which brings out THE COACH. Crowd isn’t happy to see him. He says that Orton & Edge have a re-match with Flair & Piper this week for the tag titles thanks to the DX inteference last week. Shawn speculates that Coach is about to attempt to ban DX from the building. Coach says they can stay here all night, crowd drowns him out for a while, but Coach has a bounty on DX tonight. He has £5200/$10K for whoever takes DX out. HHH calls him a “cheap bastard” saying they’re worth more than $5K each. Coach says it’s more than enough money to ensure DX get taken out tonight. He books a 4 on 2 tag match right now so four guys can take their shot at that $10K.

DX v LANCE CADE/TREVOR MURDOCH/VISCERA/CHARLIE HAAS

JIP as it started during the break. DX aren’t dressed to wrestle. Shawn finds himself isolated courtesy of the four heels. He doesn’t stay that way and chops at Cade. Murdoch comes in as Cade sets Shawn up for the big boot. Murdoch tries to come off the top but he eats boot. Vis tags in and hits the Black Hole Slam. He grinds away and tags in Haas who pins for 2. Haas slams Shawn and spinal taps him. Cade in with a backbreaker for 2. He can’t stay in charge for long and Shawn clocks him with an Enzuigiri. Haas tags in but so does HHH. He cleans house on anything that moves. Facebuster for Cade and he gets clotheslined outside. Murdoch is backdropped out too. Spinebuster for Haas. Vis gets superkicked off the apron. He falls on the others while HHH cues up the Pedigree for the 3 spot.

Winners: DX via pinfall when HHH pinned Charlie Haas

SHILL – RAW Vs Smackdown 2007. JR also plugs Flair/Piper v Orton/Edge, which is tonight’s main event. Also plugged is Nitro defending his IC belt against Jeff Hardy.

BACKSTAGE the SPIRIT SQUAD plan tonight’s antics. Like ambushing DX and taking that $10K. But DX dodge them all without even trying.

HIGHLANDERS v SPIRIT SQUAD

Representing the Spirit Squad are Kenny & Johnny. No other Squad members because DX have knocked them out. Robbie headbutts Johnny in the early going and they kick his ass. Rory hits a crossbody off the second for 2. Kenny gets a tag and drags Rory into the buckles. Johnny in and Kenny backdrops him into a splash on Rory. Squad tag again and Kenny punches Rory in the ribs for 2. Kenny goes all maniacal shouting “where’s your hero now” and laughing like a madman while he controls a chinlock. Rory sidesteps Johnny on a charge though and Robbie tags in. “Does nobody have a last name anymore?” – JR. Heh. Double dropkick from the Highlanders. Johnny saves Kenny from the double reverse suplex. Kenny throws Johnny at Rory to knock him out of the ring and scores the win with a roll up on Robbie.

Winners: Spirit Squad via pinfall when Kenny rolled up Robbie

LAST WEEK we see clips from Lawler getting a handcuffed beating, from Chris Masters. Lawler says he’s taking the Masterlock challenge tonight.

MASTERLOCK CHALLENGE – Jerry Lawler is accepting the Masterlock Challenge on it’s return from hiatus. JR seems less concerned about Lawler’s wellbeing and more concerned about plugging Wrestlemania 23. He stops to point out that the Masterlock has never been broken. Lawler gets a healthy pop. JR claims the Masterlock is a modified Full Nelson. Modified in what way? Masters stalls a bit so Lawler gets off to chair to shove him. Masters slaps him in the Masterlock for it and throws him around like a freakin’ rag doll. King tries to power out to no avail. He goes for elbows instead and nearly gets a break but Masters tightens the hold up. Lawler takes another shot at powering out, once again to no avail. Masters takes him down to a knee and he’s done. The Masterlock remains unbroken.

BACKSTAGE DX hang out. EUGENE takes a shot at the bounty announcing it in the process. DX let him in and HHH gives him a roll of kitchen towels. Eugene tries a charge but Shawn shuts the door on him. Eugene tries another charge and wipes out the buffet. No bounty for Eugene.

ELSEWHERE LITA gets interviewed by Todd Grisham. She says she Mickie James twice last week so she’ll beat her at Survivor Series easily. She calls herself the greatest women’s champion of all time.

ELSEWHERE DX hang out some more. HHH wants to go and take a crap, which nearly gets him jumped by CHRIS MASTERS who’s standing on the toilet. Shawn thinks HHH was having a spot of indigestion. “Holy cow, you crapped a masterpiece”.

ELSEWHERE UMAGA warms up.

JOHN CENA v UMAGA w/Armando Alejandro Estrada

This is billed as the main event but it’s bang in the middle of the show. Todd Grisham has replaced Jerry Lawler on commentary. JR is instantly very dismissive of him. We get recaps of last week showing Umaga destroying Maria before Cena prevented her getting outright killed. Heat for Umaga and a mixed reaction for Cena. Grisham talks about the pain of taking the FU last week. Cena works Umaga over in the corner and hits a bulldog. Umaga totally no sells it and levels Cena with a right hand. Samoan Drop. Umaga doesn’t pin instead slapping at the back of Cena’s head. He goes for the nerve hold. Cena powers his way out of it while the crowd do a duelling chant. Throw Back but Umaga pops back up. Few shoulderblocks leaves Umaga reeling. He ends up getting caught up in the ropes. Cena wails on him so Estrada jumps onto the apron. Cena drags him in but the BIG SHOW runs in for the DQ.

Winner: John Cena via DQ after outside interference

POST MATCH Show and Umaga continue to beat Cena down. Samoan Avalanche! Running splash from Umaga and Show drags him back up. Chokeslam! Show drags Cena up again and he takes a Samoan Spike as well. Cena just destroyed in that 2 on 1 beatdown.

BACKSTAGE The COACH guarantees someone will cash in tonight. DX show up to talk to him. They can’t take the pressure of being attacked all the time. Coach tells them if they leave they can’t come back. HHH quizzes Coach on whether they can have the ten grand. But it doesn’t matter because Shawn has stolen it without Coach noticing.

IC TITLE – JOHNNY NITRO (C) w/Melina v JEFF HARDY

Hardy backs Nitro into the corner and he briefly bails out. Hardy shoulderblocks him for 2. Nitro misses with a slingshot splash allowing Hardy time to hit a slingshot dropkick. Hardy punches Nitro down in the corner and hits that drop double kick. Hardy heads up top so Nitro bails out. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes and hits a pescado. Time for some paid advertising. We’re back and Hardy is still in charge. He does his double legdrop into the stomach area for 2. Hardy tries a jawbreaker but Nitro knees him in the guts and hits a springboard front kick for 2. JR and Grisham aren’t getting along on commentary. Chinlock from Nitro as the crowd happily chant along for Jeff. Nitro uses the hair for his advantage but his breakdancing legdrop misses. Hardy with the Brisco corner roll for 2. Melina screeches a lot. Nitro goes back to the chinlock. Hardy elbows out but can’t follow up. Nitro gets backdropped groin first onto the ropes. Hardy takes a breather while Nitro rolls around holding the crown jewels. Hardy with a few clotheslines and the mule kick for 2. Backdrop sets up the double legdrop pin for 2. Whisper in the Wind misses. Melina screams some support. Nitro with a wheelbarrow bomb of the sit out variety for 2. Nitro mocks the Hardyz Yodelling legdrop but as he dives off Hardy catches him in a powerbomb for 2. Hardy heads up and the Swanton Bomb hits. Melina gets on the apron to cause distraction. Jeff has to break his own cover. Nitro is recovered and Melina tries for the trip. Nitro hangs Hardy up on the ropes and hits a neckbreaker. Nitro decides more mocking is in order as he goes up top. Corkscrew Moonsault gets 2. Nitro is too cocky on the pin though and Hardy rolls him up to regain the IC title.

Winner and NEW champion: Jeff Hardy via pinfall

POST MATCH Grisham debates whether it was a fast pin. Nitro nails Hardy with a DDT. He then pulls out a ladder from under the ring and beats him with that too. Looks like we have a ladder match for the belt next week.

OUTSIDE DX hang out. They decide to buy some tickets to go back inside and mess with people. HHH sees a few scalpers but it’s CRYME TYME. They have tickets but HHH doesn’t speak ebonics. Shawn “speaks jive” so he organises some tickets “fo’ shizzle”. Triple H’s facial reactions during this whole segment were priceless. Cryme Tyme have a little dance to celebrate scoring some chedda while DX head back inside. The forums give this segment the big thumbs up. Probably for channelling Airplane.

BACKSTAGE CARLITO eyes up the Page 3 Girls in the Daily Star. TORRIE WILSON and two model chicks turn up. Carlito says he was reading the sport section. He predicts that Man Utd will beat Celtic. Torrie wants to go to a club tonight but Carlito can’t go because his hotel is over the town. Torrie says he can crash at her hotel. “Cool”.

SHILL – “Are You Ready” by Hazen Street. The theme music of Survivor Series. Plug of the PPV follows. Team Cena v Team Big Show, King Booker v The Mighty DAVE~!, Team Flair v Spirit Squad, Benoit v Chavo, Undertaker v Mr Kennedy – First Blood, Team DX v Team Rated RKO.

ELSEWHERE DX are at the merchandise stand. They clear out the entire stock of DX shirts and start giving away freebies. Looks like they’ve blown all Coach’s money already.

LITA v MICKIE JAMES

Lita gets on the stick first while the crowd calls her a “ho”. Lita tells Mickie the good news is she doesn’t have an arm tied behind her back but her legs will be shackled together instead. COACH comes out here to enforce the shackling. Mickie points out that Lita is the one who needs her legs tying together. Tag! Lita beats her down, which isn’t tricky due to Mickie’s immobility. Lita punches and kicks away in the corner. Lita gets distracted by DX as Mickie blindsides her. That doesn’t last as Lita puts the boots to her. HHH leads the crowd in chanting “Lita’s a…hooooo”. Lita takes exception and goes over to have words. She shoves HHH, which gets her squirted in mustard. Mickie has a huge sausage. No really. She bashes Lita with it and DDT’s her for the pin.

Winner: Mickie James via pinfall

POST MATCH Todd suggests that Lita may have been hit in the face with a sausage before.

TAG TITLES – RIC FLAIR/RODDY PIPER (C) v EDGE/RANDY ORTON

The heels instantly get into an argument with DX. COACH is out here and tries to get DX kicked out for spraying Lita with mustard. DX take a walk. I notice a fan trying to steal Shawn’s hat. JR stops off to plug Nitro v Hardy in an IC ladder match next week. The heels try and pick off Piper before Flair even gets out here. Edge chair shots his knee and then the back of his head. Flair shows up a little late to save Piper and Edge gives him the Conchairto. Flair tries to protect the fallen Piper but he’s too late. The damage is done. Flair is now left 2 on 1. Crowd busts out the biggest WOOOOOOOOOO sign I’ve seen in some considerable time. Officials drag Piper out of here. He’s done. Orton puts the boots to Flair who chops back. Orton clotheslines him out of the ring. Orton follows out to suplex Flair on the floor. Orton slaps Flair around and rolls him back in. Edge in to mockingly strut. Jr brings up Flair’s plane crash again so Grisham shoots that down saying it was “50 years ago”. Flair positions the referee and punches Orton in the groin. Edge gets a quick tag in and he’s met with chops. Edge gets backdropped and chopped some more. Orton jumps in there to blindside Flair but gets picked off. Flair is looking for the Figure Four but in the process Edge spears him for the pin.

Winners and NEW champions: Edge & Randy Orton

POST MATCH DX’s music kicks in again and they run in with security chasing them. The heels do a runner while DX lay out the security guys. One gets superkicked and another one eats a Pedigree. Too late to prevent the belts changing hands though and the heels celebrate on the ramp as the show goes off the air.