411’s WWE Raw Report 11.27.06

I really don’t feel so good. Before I kick things off here’s a few shills to stuff I’ve done this week though – Furious on Film #64, watch me creep towards the #100 mark. I’ve now been writing these things for like 18 months. And there are still hundreds of films to go. It’ll never end! Great American Bash ‘95, Bash at the Beach ’95 and Survivor Series from yesterday. All for your perusal if you’ve got nothing else to do.

This evening we are in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

TONIGHT – The Hardyz have their first RAW match in 4 ½ years. It’ll be a title shot v Rated RKO.

PROMO TIME – Ric Flair. He points out he won last night but also got the hell beat out of him by a bunch of male cheerleaders. We see clips. Flair says he’s sent word to the Spirit Squad. He wants this to end tonight. He says he has partners lined up so he wants the Squad in a match tonight. He’s interupted by the SPIRIT SQUAD. All five of them. They suggest Flair should retire and make their way to the ring. It’s five on one but Flair has aces up his sleeve. Here comes DX. Shawn does the “we’re not worthy” worship while HHH offers up a hug to make up for the whole attempted crippling last year. HHH says he’s sick of kicking the Spirit Squad’s ass. The crowd agree so HHH “guarantees” this will be the last time we ever see the Spirit Squad. They jump the Tripper to kickstart the match.

SPIRIT SQUAD v DX/RIC FLAIR

HHH picks off Mikey and gives him a kicking. Flair comes in and chops away. Mikey runs himself into a backdrop. More chopping and Shawn gets a tag for chopping of his own. Flair back in for more chopping. Kenny cheap shots him with a kick to the back. Flair finds himself getting a beating in the heel corner but DX pile in and clear all of the Squad out. Shawn wipes them out with a slingshot senton. The faces style and profile. WHOO! And we’re into the first ad break of the night. We return with Shawn taking heat but he sense we’ve come back from the break and back suplexes his oppressor. Nicky throws him into the heel corner though for more weight of numbers abuse. Kenny gives Mikey a boost on a backflip splash. Kenny with a short arm clothesline and he starts screaming abuse at Shawn. HBK battles his way out of the heel corner but Kenny shoves him right back in there. The Squad work a tower of doom spot but Mikey misses off the top and off Kenny’s shoulders. That allows HBK to tag HHH in. High knees and facebusters all round. Spinebuster and in comes Flair to strap on the Figure Four. He has to chop heels away but in comes Shawn and HHH to hit their finishers on a couple of the Squad guys. The other two come in so we get TRIPLE FIGURE FOURS and everyone taps out.

Winners: DX & Ric Flair via triple Figure Four on three Spirit Squad members

POST MATCH Flair does the crotch chopping with DX who pay tribute to Naitch. He retiring or something? He looked awfully emotional for a tag match on RAW.

DURING THE BREAK – Triple H breaks out the sledgehammer causing the Squad to freak out and run away.

BACKSTAGE It appears as if DX have murdered the Spirit Squad and packed them into a box. Shawn sticks an “OVW” label on it. Shawn tells the courier it must be delivered in 3 or 4 weeks. “This crap ain’t worth nothin” says HHH when asked if he wants insurance. Shawn signs for it “McMahon”. Wow, talk about a burial!

SHILL – December to Dismember. This coming Sunday. Extreme Elimination Chamber, which means more weapons. Hardyz made an open challenge to any team to face them.

BACKSTAGE Johnny Nitro addresses the Hardyz challenge. And look if it isn’t Joey Mercury back from rehab. MNM will be at the PPV. Melina says it’s for “one night only”.

DIVA BATTLE ROYAL

Winner gets a shot at Mickie James. She comes out here to check it out from ringside. Competitors in this one are: Melina Perez (good GAWD look at that rack), Candice Michelle, Torrie Wilson, Maria Kannellis, Victoria and that’s it. Mickie is “totally excited” to be at ringside. Some of the faces go after Victoria but she’s too powerful. Torrie gets her pretty face messed up and eats some knees before Melina slaps the taste out of her mouth. Victoria encourages Melina to charge Torrie but then turns on her with a lariat and Melina gets tossed. Maria tries for a flying headscissors but gets dumped onto the apron. Victoria runs Torrie into her and then throws Torrie out. Maria can’t even get into the ring so Victoria clotheslines her out too. That leaves Candice who jacks Victoria up and throws her over the top but she lands on the apron. Candice chops away but Victoria shoulderblocks her back in. Victoria throws Candice through the ropes and smacks her in the face just beforehand to try and break her up.

Winner: Victoria

POST MATCH Mickie tells Victoria there’s nothing between them but air and opportunity but Victoria is far more keen on slapping down Candice with the Widow’s Peak. Mickie calls Victoria crazy, which coming from her really means something. Victoria eliminated everyone in that match btw.

EUGENE v JIM DUGGAN

Duggan looks super pissed off. You’d think he’d be happy about getting a big win in the main event of Heat. No? Duggan chastises Eugene for being so cowardly in recent weeks. Eugene slaps Duggan right in the face. HEEL RETARD! Duggan hip tosses him and casually slams him. There’s a receipt on the slap. Backdrop scores. THUMBS UP! “USA”. Duggan calls for the Three Point Stance but Eugene bails on it. Eugene cowers a little but suckers Duggan in to hang him on the ropes and bash his head off the ring post. Neckbreaker gets the win.

Winner: Eugene via pinfall following a swinging neckbreaker

POST MATCH Eugene gets the mic to tell the fans to stop making fun of him and laughing at him. “I’m special”. HAHAHA. Wow, Eugene has gone completely insane.

BACKSTAGE DX take a stroll and run into Dusty Rhodes and Arn Anderson. They’re impressed with the respect DX have shown Flair. Shawn has a party lined up for later “I got us a karaoke machine. Awesome”. HHH has booze and broads in mind. Ron Simmons is here. “DAMN”.

THIS WEEK IN WRESTLING HISTORY – November 29th 1999. Stephanie’s wedding to Test. Obviously Triple H comes out and ruins it thus making himself the main heel in the company and kickstarting the McMahon-Helmsley regime.

CUTTING EDGE

Edge is out here for his interview show. Before his guest he congratulates DX for “beating up male cheerleaders”. He reminds us he’s beat down the Hardyz over the years and tonight it’ll happen again when they defend the tag belts against the Hardyz. He dedicates the forthcoming win to Lita. The guest is…no one. Edge says he’s just going to end the show right now but RANDY ORTON butts in saying he has Edge’s guest. Edge has to go and confirm. They drag a body out here and it’s RIC FLAIR covered in blood. Edge points out DX should be running out to make a save here but they’re too scared and selfish to do so. Edge wants to send out a message to DX. It’s a Conchairto for Naitch. WHAMMO! JR says something so unpleasant it gets bleeped out. Orton decides he wants to bash Flair in the noggin as well and does so. DOUBLE WHAMMO! Flair sure is bleeding a lot. JR somehow blames DX for it. Slip of the tongue?

JERRY LAWLER v CHRIS MASTERS

Masters overpowers and slams Lawler with ease. Lawler avoids a few charges so Masters straps him in a bearhug. Lawler bites the nose to break it. Dropkick~! Lawler mounts the buckles for the Fist Drop. Make that a pair. Make that three. Masters gets back up and backs Lawler into the corner. Suplex but no pin. Masters goes for his own fist drop but misses. Lawler starts throwing punches. Masters goes to the eyes complaining of being hit in his beautiful face. Lawler gets caught in the Masterlock and you know that’s curtains but out comes CARLITO. Masters ends up breaking the hold himself because he’s an idiot. Carlito apple spits him and Lawler gets the roll up for the pin.

Winner: Jerry Lawler via heel stupidity

RINGSIDE – the Steelers.

PROMO TIME – Armando Alejandro Estrada w/Umaga tells us there were winners and losers last night but Umaga was unstoppable. Estrada runs through all the guys Umaga has crushed. He says it’s now time for Umaga to win the WWE title. The challenge is officially laid out to the champ. JOHN CENA is clearly in the mood to answer because he’s out here. He accepts the challenge and it seems as if he wants to go now but Estrada is satisfied and wants to leave. Estrada will pick the time for that match.

RINGSIDE – Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler address someone on Fox News. A comedian. I would guess it’s Michael Richards. This would be a reinactment as out comes CRYME TYME. Shad kicks him in the face. This segment was only saved by Shad stealing “Richards” wallet. That was woeful.

BACKSTAGE Edge comes in to mock Jeff telling him he used to beat him up in the old days. He’s a 12-time tag champ, 2-time world champ. He calls Matt the “most over rated piece of crap” in the WWE and tells Jeff that Matt is dragging him down. Jeff calls him a clown so in comes Orton and Matt to even things out.

SHILL – January 1st 2007. RAW sees John Cena v Kevin Federline.

TAG TITLES – EDGE/RANDY ORTON (C) v HARDY BOYZ

Orton & Jeff start out. Orton shoulderblocks and poses. Jeff hip tosses him. Lawler talks psychology saying the Hardyz should keep Orton in there because he’s not familiar with the Hardyz style. Edge in and Jeff can’t get a jawbreaker on him. Edge kicks him over and mocks Matt a little. Orton in and Jeff absorbs some heat. Garvin Stomp and a kneedrop from Orton gets 2. Edge with a standing dropkick for 2. Rated RKO go for a double backdrop but Jeff counters into a double DDT. Matt gets the hot tag and cleans house. Bulldog/clothesline combo from Matt. Jeff in to help on a double suplex for Orton. Opposite corners for the Hardyz but Edge shoves Jeff off the top. Orton goes after Matt but can’t take him down. Moonsault misses however. Edge comes in and stalks Matt. Which doesn’t sound like a good time for a break but that’s where we take one. Did the spear connect? Possibly? We return with Orton chinlocking Matt. Edge comes in to chinlock instead. We get a replay and Edge DID hit the spear but Jeff saved. Matt fights out but Edge flapjacks him for 2. Matt battles back but Edge is smart enough to drop toe hold him and tag out. Orton in to club away at the chest area. Kneedrop gets 2. Edge back in and Matt elbows him off the buckles before hitting a moonsault for 2. Orton tags in and prevents the hot tag. Matt battles back again and escapes a suplex to tag Jeff in. He aims at Edge and mule kicks him. Orton is legal though and he gets the Whisper in the Wind for 2. Matt takes Edge down with the Side Effect. Team Side Effect on Orton gets 2. Jeff legdrop thing with Matt adding the Yodelling legdrop for 2. Edge pulls Jeff out but Matt hits him with a pescado. Poetry in Motion misses as Orton just moves. Jeff avoids the Rko and pushes Orton into the Twist of Fate. Swanton Bomb but Edge saves with a belt shot for the DQ.

Winners: The Hardyz via DQ

POST MATCH the champs put a beatdown on the challengers. So we leave with the heels in charge.