411’s WWE Raw Report 12.12.05

To start things off we get to see an overview of last week when Eric Bischoff got his ass FIIIIRED!! They do a Court TV type highlight video of last week’s trial. Maria is still the hottest woman in the world!

**No Chance That’s What You’ve Got**

Vince McMahon is here with a mic.

Vince: Well as promised (gets tossed a new mic) – well as promised last week we took out the trash. It’s not some sort of bait and switch technique – last week I fired Eric Bischoff’s ass. I’ll tell you this – Eric Bischoff is going to stay fired. Not withstanding I would like to thank Eric for his contributions and thank he and his family a Merry Christmas. Who is going to be named the new general manager of Raw? I have some suggestions on that matter. As a matter of fact a lot of individuals come to mind. One might be my daughter, Stephanie McMahon. My son Shane McMahon (cheers). It might be one of those individuals – it may not be – there was some guy knocking on my door all afternoon. Theo Epstein. Then again maybe not. Hell, if Ted Turner wants to get pulled back into the rasslin’ business – it could be one of you! Just ribbing – it’s not gonna be one of you. Nonetheless the interview process begins to determine the general manager of Raw. An individual has been assigned tonight to be the interim general manager. That individual is thought of as a business icon. He’s thought of as a creative genius and one handsome son of a bitch. And that would be – Vincent Kennedy McMahon. So I’m going to take over where Eric left off. By the end of tonight we will know every member who will qualify to be in that Elimination Chamber. Because we’re gonna begin with Elimination matches here tonight. By the end of the night all five members will have qualified to face WWE Champion, John Cena. With that in mind we will start with that first qualifying match – and during one individual’s entrance you will not be censored.

**Kurt Angle’s music hits**

Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring as the fans chant “YOU SUCK!”

**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**

And from Charlotte, North Carolina – The Nature Boy Ric Flair!!

Match 1: Kurt Angle vs. Ric Flair

Lockup. Flair with a side headlock takeover. Flair off the ropes and takes down Kurt with a shoulder block. Kurt backs into the corner as Flair taunts him. Lockup again. Angle with a side headlock. Angle and Flair jockey for position in the corner. Jack Doan calls for a clean break, but he won’t get it as Angle pounds away on the face and skull of the Nature Boy. Flair switches it around and lands some knife-edge chops. Angle off the ropes, ducks and gets a big boot form Angle. Angle misses a clothesline and gets a big chop sending him to the mat. Another chop sends him sprawling! Angle back up with a German. Angle holds on, but Flair crawls to the ropes as Doan calls for a break. Knife-edge from Flair. Again….belly to back by Angle. The straps are off! Ankle lock locked in by Angle! Flair working his way to the ropes, but Angle pulls him back to the center of the ring. Flair crawling again and he’s there! Flair’s got the ropes as Angle grapevines the leg, but releases the hold at the four count. Flair rolls outside and we go to an….

Ad Break (3:09)

Ad Break Ends (6:12)

We’re back as Angle is in control with the leg grapevine on Flair. Flair works his way up as Angle has a side headlock locked in. Flair with a belly to back to get himself out of the headlock. Angle up with a rake of the eyes. Angle whips Flair into the buckle – head of steam by Angle and he meets the steel ring post. Clip to the knee by Flair. And again! Flair off the ropes and lands a stomp to the knee of Angle. Knife-edge by Flair and again. Knee-breaker by Flair! Figure four attempt! LOCKED IN! Doan starts a count that leads to a one count. Angle has the ropes so Flair breaks the hold. Both men up and Flair with another chop. Whop by Flair is reversed b y Angle. Flair off the turnbuckle and walks into an overhead belly to belly by Angle. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Flair slides off and lands a knife-edge that sends Angle to the outside. Angle has a chair, and he’s heading into the ring with it. Flair with the boot to the abdomen makes Angle drop the chair. Angle pulls something from his tights and cold cocks Flair. Looks like brass knuckles – and that’s all.

WINNER: Kurt Angle (9:40)

Turns out it was Angle’s gold medal that led to the victory and not the brass knuckles I had originally thought. So, Kurt Angle has qualified for the Elimination Chamber.

Angle on the mic: You suck huh? Well I guess I’m going to just have to take that for granted just like all you people are going to have to take for granted that every single week I come out here for you and have to listen to you. Well not anymore. Because next week from Afghanistan – Raw is War will emanate from Afghanistan – a special tribute to the troops. Now this was on a voluntary basis for the wrestlers. I’m proud to say that I did not volunteer. I want you to think about this. Why would I fly thirty hours and risk my life for these troops that represent a country that doesn’t respect me? Huh, tell me? (boos) I’m not that stupid. You people chant “You Suck” – ok that’s what I hear. Well guess what? I don’t suck. I won a gold medal with a broken neck! I did the ultimate thing that anyone in this world can do! And you wanna compare! Let’s compare! What have these troops down over there? Absolutely nothing. If – if and it’s a big damn if – they catch Osama then maybe I might go over there and sign a few autographs. But until then this Olympic boy ain’t going nowhere. Your perception of a hero is all wrong. Your hometown hero is a basketball player or a hockey player. Well let me tell you what I think of your hometown heroes. Daiviri are you ready?

Daiviri is in the back standing in front of a Bobby Orr and Larry Bird statue.

Daiviri: Am I ready? The question is – is Bobby Orr ready? Is the Legend of Larry Bird ready? I’ll show you who’s ready.

Angle: I’ll tell you what – come to think of it – I just thought of something. Why don’t we do to their hometown heroes exactly what they do to me? Daiviri desecrate them.

Daiviri spits on the Larry Bird statue.

Daiviri: That’s good Kurt, but I can do one better.

Daiviri shakes up a paint can.

Daiviri: Let me show you what I think of Boston’s hometown heroes.

John Cena is here! Cena hits Daiviri with the spray can.

Cena: Enough – Kurt, you send the bootlegging iron shiek to spray paint the statue of Larry Bird. That’s bush league. You’re better than that – but actually no you’re not. But for you to stand there in that ring in front of millions of people and say you’re too good to visit the people that are fighting and dying for you? That makes you a heartless bastard. You see, I’ve seen the soldiers who won’t be home for the holidays so you can be. That’s too good for Kurt Angle. Why? Because these people say you suck. Newsflash – half the people out there think I suck. This is America – people have fought and died for us to say what we want when we want. I don’t care how many gold medals you won. That is a privilege that deserves your respect. (USA chants) It’s time to face the facts homey. Without those troops that you’re too good for there’s no America. And with no America – there’s no American heroes. If you can’t get that then can’t see me.

Cena spray paints the camera. Good stuff.

Ad Break

Ric Flair is in back. Edge and Lita show up.

Edge: Did you lose another tough match? Are you going to go on the Mass turnpike and pull someone out of a car and beat the crap out of them?

Lita: Not a bad idea. That seems like the only way you can win these days.

Flair gets up to confront Edge.

EdgeEasy cowboy. What would your lawyers think if you were involved in another case of assault with a woman no less? WHOOOO!

Shawn Michaels is in the back. Shelton Benjamin shows up.

Shelton: Last week you asked for some attitude and I gave you attitude. But you left your partner hanging.

HBK: I did not. I was tuning up the band. You stuck yourself in a situation where you weren’t needed.

Shelton: Last week you were too busy being the Showstopper instead of being a team player. That’s why you just stood there and counted 1-2-3. I guess old habits die hard. Selfish to the end. The only attitude HBK’s interested in is HBK’s attitude. That’s why tonight I’m going to give Carlito a little piece of my attitude, and then I’m going to go to the Elimination Chamber. And I swear to God – I hope you make it in there too.

Tonight Shawn Michaels goes one on one with the Big Show, Triple H faces Kane, and Shelton Benjamin squares off with Carlito. All winners will go to the Elimination Chamber.

Ad Break

We’re back and John Cena is featured in a highlight video about promoting his album in Italy.

**Ain’t No Stopping Me Nooooooow**

Introducing first – from South Carolina, Shelton Benjamin.

**I Spit In The Face of People That Don’t Want To Be Cool**

His opponent, Carlito! So this is about match number five or six that I can remember of these two kids.

Match 2: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito

Shelton attacks Carlito before the bell and brings him in the ring with his hair. Shelton slams Carlito’s head into the turnbuckle. Shelton reverses a whip into the buckle. Carlito hops over Shelton and Shelton starts pounding on Carlito with the rights and the stomps. Carlito goes to the outside, but Shelton follows him outside. Shelton rolls Carlito back in. Carlito misses a clothesline and Shelton lands a belly to belly. Shelton still pounding on Carlito with those rights. Carlito goes to the outside again. Shelton up and over the top rope, Carlito moves – but Shelton lands on his feet and lands a big right. Carlito reverses a whip and sends Shelton’s lower back into the ring apron. Carlito rolls Shelton back in the ring. Carlito with a stiff left. Shelton fighting back now. Carlito goes for a kick, but Shelton catches him and spins him around. Belly to back attempt but Carlito slides out of it and pulls out an innovative backbreaker. Cover by Carlito gets two. Carlito whips Shelton into the buckle and Shelton walks into a backbreaker by Carlito. Cover gets another two count. Standing dropkick by Shelton, but Carlito held on to the rope and Shelton got air. Boston crab in Boston by Carlito! Shelton rolls through for ap in and gets two! Carlito back up and he walks into a Samoan Drop. Both men are down. Referee Chad Patton gets the count up to seven, but both men are up. Shelton with a clothesline – and again! Cover by Shelton gets two. Shelton off the ropes, but Carlito pulls the referee in front of him – Shelton with a sunset flip over BOTH MEN! That gets a two count. Shelton off the buckle, but Carlito catches him in a face-buster maneuver. Cover gets another two for Carlito. Carlito with a boot. Vertical suplex , but Shelton flips over onto his feet. Carlito off the ropes – T-BONE SUPLEX! Shelton not going for the cover very quick. Shelton thinks about covering, but he decides to head to the outside to grab Carlito’s apple! Shelton takes a bite of the apple, gets ready to spit in his face – but Carlito rolls him up! 1….2….3! Carlito is going to the Elimination Chamber!

WINNER: Carlito (6:05)

Vince McMahon walks in the back, and Trevor Murdoch asks if he has a minute. Murdoch says he should be the general manager. He says he has all kinds of ideas. Vince says that chewing is a disgusting habit, but he’ll give it some consideration.

Vince walks into his office and Candice Michelle is in there decked out in some rather revealing clothing. Candice says she has heard there is a position open on Raw. She is interested in the general manager spot as well. Vince asks what her qualifications are. Candice says she has the best assets to be the best general manager (while climaxing). She says she can also do “this” and does the Go Daddy dance.

Kurt and Daiviri bust into his office just as Vince is about to give it some “consideration” and says the party is over and they need to talk right now.

Ad Break

The WWE Rewind brought to you by M-Azing is the Big Show/Kane demolition of the rest of Raw’s tag teams last week.

**WEEEEELLLL – WELL it’s the Big Show**

Weighing in at 507 pounds – one half of the world tag team champions – the Big Show!! Don’t forget that Big Show and Kane will take on Rey Mysterio and Batista at Armaggedon.

**Oooooh…oooohhh….Shaaaawn**

His opponent, from San Antonio, Texas – The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels!!

Match 3: Big Show vs. Shawn Michaels

This is the first time in WWE history that these two have gone one-on-one. Show backs Shawn into the corner as Shawn tries to escape. Show shoves Shawn back into the buckle, but Shawn reverses it around and Show gets two chops. And another. Shawn up top pounding on Big Show. He gets to three until Show throws him off. Shawn off the ropes, Show grabs his throat – but Shawn lands another chop. Show charges and Shawn pulls down the top rope as Show goes sprawling to the outside. Michaels goes for a flying body press from the inside to the outside, but Show catches him and slams him face first into the ring apron. Show rolls Shawn back into the ring. Show with a big headbutt sending HBK sprawling to the mat. Shawn backed into the corner and Show lands a one of his patented overhand chop. Show walks over the chest of HBK. HBK off the ropes and Show lands a big boot. Show goes for a big elbow drop, but Shawn moves out of the way. Chops by Michaels. Off the ropes he goes and Show catches him in a massive bear hug. Michaels trying to fight out of it now as he hammers away on Show. Show lets him go. Shawn off the ropes and lands a knee lift. More chops from Shawn. Irish whip by Shawn is reversed by Show. Flying burrito attempt and Shawn is caught. Shawn with a flying burrito off the corner, but Show is only staggered. Kip up! Clothesline staggers Show. And again. And another clothesline attempt, but Show grabs Shawn by the throat. Chokeslam attempt, but Shawn counters it into a DDT! Wow! Michaels goes to the outside and up to the top – ELBOW DROP!! Tune up the band. 1…2….3….4…5…..6 – SWEET CHIN MUSIC!! But Show won’t go down! Tune it up again! Sweet chin music attempt, but Show throws his foot out of the way and lands a chokeslam! Both men are down! Here is Triple H with a chair! Trips pulls Shawn out of the ring, stares down Show, and nails…..HBK with the chair!!! Triple H wanted Big Show to be DQ’ed. Simply brilliant and nothing I’ve ever seen before.

WINNER: Shawn Michaels via DQ (5:38)

Shawn Michaels has qualified for the elimination chamber match, but the Big Show ain’t happy.

Angle, Daiviri, and Vince in the back. Angle wants to make a statement. He says he wants Cena in the ring for the WWE Championship tonight! Vince tells him to back off, and that he’s not Eric Bischoff. Vince says Cena will be in singles competition, but not against Kurt – but against Daiviri! The match will be in the first ever You Can’t See Me match. Cena will be blindfolded! Vince says: “By the way, you can knock our troops – you’ve got the right to do that as an American. You can make comments about Larry Bird. But the one thing you better never do again is interrupting me. Now get the hell out of here.”

Ad Break

The World’s Largest Love Machine Viscera is in the ring. How the hell did he get a qualifying match??

**Chris Masters music hits**

Chris Masters goes through his flexing spiel. Joey Styles points out that if Chris Masters wins tonight and at New Year’s Revolution he would be the youngest WWE Champion of all time!

Match 4: Viscera vs. Chris Masters

Lockup, but Viscera throws him to the mat. Viscera sends Masters into the turnbuckle. Masters off the buckle walks into a sideslam. Viscera with a big elbow drop and the cover gets two. Masters goes for a body slam, but Viscera falls on top of him for a two. Viscera with an irish whip – Master ducks under a clothesline. Masters goes for the Master Lock, but Viscera throws him off. Masters fighting back with some forearms. Viscera sends him into the buckle again. Masters slides off an attempt of a Samoan Drop. Another Master Lock attempt. Viscera backs him into the corner and smashes him. Irish whip again by Vis. Masters ducks under a clothesline and Viscera lands a side slam. Samoan drop by Viscera! Viscera with a head of steam and Masters lands a drop toehold sending Viscera’s face into the buckle. (BORING chants) Master Lock attempt is now locked in! And that’s all.

WINNER: Chris Masters (3:04)

Chris Masters joins Shawn Michaels, Carlito, and Kurt Angle in the Elimination Chamber at New Year’s Revolution.

Smackdown Rebound is the whole Randy Orton/Undertaker stuff.

Ad Break

During the commercial break on WWE Unlimited Trish Stratus and Mickie James had a little encounter. Mickie has a match against Victoria for the number one contendership. Mickie says that the last few months hanging with Trish have been amazing. Mickie talks about Wrestlemania XVII and says: “…you were totally sleeping with him.” Mickie says her grandfather died, but he is looking down on them now. Mickie says it would be awesome if they had a match at New Year’s Revolution.

Matt Striker is here…..???

Striker on the mic: For those of you that are educationally impaired or as you people would say – stupid. And you don’t know who I am or perhaps – hey listen sometimes things are your fault not mine – or perhaps you just can’t read. My name is Matt Striker, and I am your teacher. I’d like to lecture all of you on something that is quite near and dear to all of our hearts. Here it is – F-A-M-I-L-Y V-A-L-U-E-S. All together now – family values. What happened to this country? Where are all the values that we once held dear. I’ll give an example. I’ll use a term. Working mothers. Young man do you know what that means. Of course you don’t because the only work your mother does is the work she does on her back. Because the more kids she puts out the more money Uncle Sam will dish out. You people were not born from love. You were born from greed. And frankly I’m tired of having to pay because your mothers can’t keep their damn legs closed. So where are all the fathers you ask? Well some of the fathers are out with some of the women. Or here in Massachusetts – some of the fathers are out marrying other men. You people endorse those same sex unions. That’s something that is ruining our country. But I shouldn’t blame you right? It’s not your fault you’re out there smoking the pot or getting all tattooed up. No, you don’t know any better. You people are uneducated. And you see that’s where I come in. Are family values missing from your home? Judging from what I can see – they are. Don’t be afraid, look for new role models. (ASSHOLE chants) Look to a man like me. I will be your father figure. After all, I am Matt Striker – and I’m gonna be your teacher.

Vince is in the back testing the blindfold. Palmer Cannon is in the back and talking to Vince. Dusty Rhodes walks in. Cannon leaves. Vince says: “Maybe I should say the General Manager Dusty Rhodes.”

Ad Break

**Trish Stratus’ music hits**

Mickie James makes her way to the ring as Trish will take over and do some color for the match.

**I Ain’t The Lady To Mess With**

Victoria makes her way to the ring as she is flying solo tonight.

Match 5: Mickie James vs. Victoria

Victoria starts to hammer down rights and lefts before the bell. Victoria with a kick to the abdomen. Victoria lands a F-5 like maneuver. Cover gets two. Victoria with a hair whip. Victoria with a standing body slam. Victoria covers Mickie by just standing on her. Victoria steps off and goes for a standing moonsault, but Mickie gets the knees up. A bunch of rights By Mickie sends Victoria to the mat. Mickie with some more kicks. Victoria runs into a massive clothesline by Mickie. Mickie off the ropes and lands a flying forearm. Cover gets a two count. Victoria reverses a whip into the buckle, but Mickie gets her in a head scissors. Victoria counters that into a boston crab. Mickie gets to the ropes after some yelling and screaming. Mickie with a boot to the abdomen and lands a tornado DDT. And that’s all she wrote. Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James at New Year’s Revolution booooyz.

WINNER: Mickie James (2:42)

Mickie is going wild in the ring.

Triple H walks in the back. He takes on Kane – NEXT!

Ad Break

**Time To Play The Gaaaaame**

Introducing first, weighing in at 265 pounds – Triple H!

**Kane’s music hits**

And his opponent, one-half of the world tag team champions – the Big Red Machine Kane!!

Match 6: Triple H vs. Kane

Triple H goes for a sneak attack before the bell, but Kane takes him down with a clothesline. Big uppercuts from Kane. Kane misses a another big uppercut as Triple H ducks under. Straight right by Triple H, but Kane just laughs. Kane throws Trips into the corner and lands some rights and elbows. Kane whips Triple H into the corner. Triple H walks out and into a double arm choke. Whip by Kane sends Triple H into the buckle, but Triple H comes off with a running knee. Rights from Triple H now sends Kane down in the corner. Kane whips Triple H into the buckle and he goes ass up over the buckle out to the floor as we go to an….

Ad Break (1:45)

Ad Break Ends (4:50)

We’re back live as Triple H is in control. He covers Kane and gets a two count. During the break Triple H whipped Kane into the steel steps as well as slamming him face first into the steel ring post. Kane back in control in the ring and lands a side slam to counter the sleeper. Both men are down as the referee starts a count. Kane does his patented sit up. Kane and Game exchange rights until Kane sends him down. Kane sends Triple H into the corner and lands a clothesline. And again. And one more time! Triple H walks out of the buckle and walks into a running powerslam by Kane. Kane heads to the outside to climb the turnbuckle, but Triple H rolls out of the ring so he goes out after him. Kane picks up Triple H and drops him across the barricade. Kane rolls Triple H back into the ring. Kane heads up to the top and comes off with a massive clothesline! Kane calls for the chokeslam, but Triple H is rolling out of the ring again. Kane grabs himon the ring apron and pulls him in by his hair. Kane with an uppercut. Irish whip. Triple H comes off and lands a facelift! Pedigree attempt is thwarted by Kane with a backdrop! Kane picks Triple H up and lands a snake eyes into the turnbuckle. Kane off the ropes and lands a big boot to the face of……the referee. The referee is down as Triple H moved out of the way. Big boot this time connects on Triple H. Chokeslam attempt, but Triple H lands a low blow. DDT by Triple H! Triple H rolls to the outside, looks under the ring, and has himself ole sledgy. Triple H rolls into the ring – and here’s Big Show!! Show is walking slowly down the aisle. Kane sits up! Kane grabs Triple H by the throat and so does Big Show! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! Kane covers Triple H! 1…2…..3!!

WINNER: Kane (10:35)

Kane is the final member of the Elimination Chamber. This has to be the worst one ever – Shawn Michaels, Carlito, Chris Masters, Kane, Kurt Angle, and of course John Cena.

John Cena walks and prepares for his match – NEXT!

Ad Break

We are back with Daiviri in the ring getting ready for this baby.

**John Cena’s music hits**

Massive “CENA” chants. The Champ is HERE!!!

Match 7: Daiviri vs. John Cena – You Can’t See Me Match

Mike Chioda puts the blindfold over the head of Cena. Daiviri waving his hand in front of Cena to make sure Cena can’t see. Daiviri claps his hands in one direction and Cena goes chasing after nothing. Daiviri does the same thing again while stomping on the mat. Daiviri smacks Cena in the back of the head. Cena looking for a right, but Daiviri moves. Daiviri starts to taunt, but Cena nails him with a left hook. Cena has Chioda now, but Chioda screams that it’s him and lets him go. Cena starts the Jake the Snake Wrestlemania VII point stuff. This is pretty funny. I’m eating this up for some reason – so is the crowd. Kurt Angle is slowly getting up on the ring apron, and he nails Cena in the nuts. Daiviri starts pounding on Cena and choking him. Cena has Daivir’s legs. Cena is hammering away on Daiviri now. Daiviri tries getting away, but Cena grabs him by the pants. Cena has the STF-U locked on!! Daiviri taps!

WINNER: John Cena (3:40)

Angle is in the ring and pounding on Cena! Cena has the blindfold off and he is hammering on Angle, but Angle slips out of the ring. Daiviri is back in the ring and he gets the F U! Cena poses in the ring as Angle heads up the ramp.

Two pretty good (and different) shows in a row for the WWE. I’m guessing we get Big Show/Triple H at New Year’s Revolution as well. See ya’ll!