411’s WWE Raw Report 9.30.19

WELCOME TO THE SEASON PREMIERE OF 411’S WWE RAW REPORT! Yes, I’m just as shocked as you are that we have seasons.

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We kick off RAW with the new announce team, followed by Rey Mysterio! He brings up facing Seth tonight for the title. He goes half Mexican on us and brings up his son and he owes this match to him. Tonight, he’s bringing the title home.

Oh, but someone disagrees. Out comes Brock Lesnar from the skatebaoard ramp, and pyro is back! Heyman is all smiles. He is about to do his introduction, but Rey snatches the mic from him! He goes in on Spanish, but Brock just grabs Rey and F5s him! Another one for Mysterio.

Brock stares down Rey’s son. Dominic gives him the eye back. Brock saunters over to the corner, looks back at Rey, then back at Dominic. He hops the ropes and leaves the ring, gets closer and closer to Dom. Dom opts to sit. Brock reaches over the barricade and grabs Dom! He pulls him over the barricade. Brock lifts Dom and sends him back first into the post! Body slam to Dom!! Brock sends Dom into the ring. Brock lifts Dom. GERMAN to DOM! Rey watches on. F5 to Rey!!
Brock leaves the ring, then reconsiders and heads back in. Huge suplex to Rey. He grabs Dom, who they are sure to express is a teenager, and hits a suplex to him as well. Rey crawls over to his son to check on him as Fit and Noble come down to check on Rey.

BROCK’S NOT DONE!!! He pummels some red head. Fit is next. Brock kicks him out of the ring hard, then grabs Rey and sends him outside as well. Brock tosses Dom out of the ring by the shirt.

Crowd with an ASSHOLE chant. Brock loves it. He smiles and removes his shirt and we go to break.

We return to find out that Dom was stretchered out while Rey apologized in English and Spanish so you know it’s real.

The beautiful Sasha Banks is out after the replay for her upcoming match. Alexa is out next, followed by Becky who joins commentary.

Match 1: Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss
Sasha with a harsh toss down of Alexa. She mounts and punches. Sasha grabs Alexa and sends her into the corner. Alexa blocks and reverses. Kicks to Sasha. She runs and gets lifted over. Sasha with a right, knocking Alexa off the apron. Sasha gets to the top rope and starts shouting to Becky from the ring. Becky holds the title up in the air as the crowd chants her name. Sasha continues to talk shit.

We come back after a Batista commercial and Sasha is on the outside of the ring. Alexa slides, and Sasha gets her trapped. She hits a right, then another. King tries to talk Becky out of interfering in the match. Becky is wrapping her wrists up. Sasha sends Alexa into the ring for the cover. 1..2..NO!!! Sasha stomps Alexa in the corner, and puts the boot to the chin. Becky continues her pre-match ritual on the top of the announce booth while Sasha drives the knee into the back of Alexa and pulls the arms back. High knee from Alexa while King informs us that Brock is being questioned by “The Authorities” Alexa escapes the hold, ducks a right, hits a clothesline of her own. Another. Alexa drops knees, back flips, lands on her knee, running knee from Sasha. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Alexa lands on her feet, goes for a neckbreaker, gets shoved by Sasha.

Sasha tries to hold her back, calls for Bayley, Alexa is fooled, Sasha kicks the leg and covers for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Sasha Banks

Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: ***

Becky walks down the ramp. She enters the ring. They go at it! Becky shoots the legs. Becky with a back hand, kick, uppercut. Sasha rolls out of the ring and leaves through the crowd.

Becky on the mic, says they were just getting started. She tells Sasha she can run now, cuz come Sunday, Sasha ain’t leaving the cell till she’s done. Sasha made it personal, Becky’s going to make it painful. The Man, The Boss, The Cell. Retribution is coming around.

Recap of The Fiend doin fiendish things last week on RAW.

Seth cuts off Charley ,but Seth is very upset about what Brock did to Rey and Dom. He’s not surprised, but he is disappointed and disgusted, cuz that’s a line you don’t cross. As for The Fiend, he doesn’t know how to game plan, but this title means too much for him to go quietly. At HIAC, he will survive and walk out the champ. Tonight, it’s the season premiere. Rey is in no shape to compete, so tonight he will do an Open Challenge. Tonight, he’s going to burn it down.

Match 2: WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Heavy Machinery vs Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode
Tucker and Dolph start off. Tucker out muscles Dolph. Dolph is Dolph. He does Dolph things. Tucker goes for a stalled suplex. Tag from Otis. He comes in to take over the suplex and drops Dolph. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Otis grabs Dolph’s foot, Dolph with some right hands. Dolph is able to get a tag to Roode, but Otis clotheslines both of them. In comes Tucker to suplex Roode while Otis suplexes Dolph.

We are back, and Tucker sends Roode off the apron, then gets a nice hip toss to Dolph. Tucker hits the ropes. Roodeholds the ropes. Tucker tumbles down. Dolph ith the tag. Roode sends Tucker into the barricade, then into another. Knee then a kick to Tucker. Roode sends Tucker back in the ring. Stomp to Tucker. Boot to Tucker. Tag to Dolph. Dolph with a neckbreaker. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Dolph locks up the arm from behind. Otis wants the tag. Ziggler with the Sleeper. He turns it into a cravat, using his position for leverage. Tucker begins to stir, tries to turn into the hold. Right hand to Ziggler. Again. Kick. Tag to Roode. Whip to Ziggler into Tucker with a splash. Spinebuster from Roode. Pin for 1..2….NO!!! Ziggler talks some shit, but Tucker grabs the legs and catapults Ziggler face first into the turnbuckle. Tag to Roode. Tag to Otis. Otis trucks Roode down, splashes Zigger in the corner, lifts then swats Dolph, drops Roode. Roode kicks, Otis leg shakes. Hop to Otis, and Otis thrusts his pelvis. Another right and Otis with a T-Bone. Otis is up. He wants the caterpillar, but Dolph hops in, gets caught, Otis spins, splashes Roode in the corner, both he and Dolph are down! Otis in the corner. The Caterpillar!!!! Dolph rolls to the outside. Otis lifts, Roode floats over, kicks out of the corner. Roode on the 2nd rope. He flies. Otis catches.

Tag to Tucker. He runs. Goes for a finisher, but Ziggler with the Zig Zag to Tucker! Superkick to Otis! Superkick to Tucker. Kick from Roode. Glorious DDT! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode
Nice finish
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **1/2

The Miz is out to send his thoughts and prayers to Rey and Dom. He then introduces Flair.

Flair is loving Miz’s suit. Miz introduces Hogan.

Crowd is lovin it. Flair is over it. Miz says there’s three legends in the middle of the ring, not including Jimmy. This is an honor sharing the ring with them. Flair says he loves Miz, but he’s had to listen to Hulk’s music for over 30 years and he’s over it. Hogan WOOOOs, and Miz says they love it. Flair says not to change the subject. They all take a seat and talk about Raw.

Hogan would like to tell me, his brother, something. He loves being here with one of the greatest of all time.

Flair is on the mic, and here’s the deal. Hogan may be recognized as the greatest draw, but as far as being in this damned ring, nobody touches Flair. Does Hogan got a problem? He’ll take second fiddle for a lot of things, but in this ring, he has no equal.
Miz takes a step back. Hogan says it sounds like Flair wants one more run at the 24-inch pythons.

FLAIR REMOVES THE JACKET!!!

They go face to face. Flair hits the ropes. Hogan points the finger. Flair stops. They shake hands. Ah, it was all a farce. They fooled me. Hogan admits they are no longer spring chickens.

ONE MORE MATCH chant.

Flair wants, for once in his life, to have a paycheck with as many zeroes as Hogan, so where he’s going, Flair is going. Miz has a huge announcement. On October 31, at Crown jewel, there will be an historic match

Team Hogan v Team Flair

A 5 on 5 tag team match with these two as coaches. May the best team win.

Hogan says there’s only one more question for Flair, and introduces his team captain, Seth Rollins. King doesn’t recognize the music, as he questions who its for.

Seth cuts a mini promo to talk about a five year old or some shit.

Flair is about t announce his guy, but his guy doesn’t want to hear the drunken and slurring man anymore and just comes out to his music. Randy Orton is the captain, and Flair is ecstatic.

Orton wants Seth’s 100% undivided attention, so please crawl out of Hogan’s ass for a second. They are the Captains, and over the next few weeks, they will pick their teammates. Seeing as it’s the premiere of RAW, however, and they’re both in the ring, how about a captain’s match?

Seth says he was looking for someone to step up. Seth wants it.

Before the match can start, Corbin comes out in crown, cape, and scepter. Orton cheap shots Seth. In comes Corbin to attack Seth. They double team Seth, beating him down for a bit until……

RUSEV comes down!!! He attacks Orton. Swinging leg lariat to Corbin. Shoulders to the corner. RUSEV DAY chant! Orton goes for an RKO. High kick to the head of Orton! Superkick to Corbin from Rusev. Another from Rusev! Suicide Dive to Orton!

So apparently, we missed Dominic being rushed to the ambulance as if he’s about to die. Rey is lookin pretty limber.

We get a blurred visual of Rey removing his mask and saying this is all his fault.

Back after a break, and Rusev is asked about Lana. He says nothing. He then challenges Seth to a match tonight for the Universal Title.

We get an AOP video package again, where they do far more in another language than they’ve done uring their entire run.

Match 4: The Viking Raiders vs The OC
Gallows and the fat one start. Tag to Anderson, and he gets sent into the corner. Tag to Erik. Erik whips Anderson into a knee, then Ivar does the same into Erik.Back to Ivar and Anderson. Knee to Anderson. Cover for 1..2…NO!! Ivar works the arm from behind, Whip and Anderson kicks off the ropes, then tgs in Anderson, who floats over and lands on his feet then hits an elbow in the corner. Body shots from Gallows. Headbutt. Elbow to the face. Ibar tries to fight back, but Gallows stops it and hits a knee. Rope work and a boot to the head. Elbow drop to Ibar. The match is so boring my feed stopped working. Ibar rolls under a right hand and tags in Erik. Anderson gets tagged in, too, and eats a right hand. Erik yells at Gallows. They stare down. Anderson up. Knee to the face!!!

We return and there’s a tag to Luke. We get a double team neckbreaker. Cover from Luke. 1..2…NO!!! Luke drops elbows on the shoulder, then locks the face with a cravat. Tag to Ivar. Side slam. Splash to Anderson. Ibar goes for a splash in the corner, dodges, gets squashed anyway, cartwheel, he drops Gallows. Tag to Erik. Springboard clothesline from Ibar. Cover from Erik. 1..2…NO!!! Big Boot from Gallows. Erik eats an uppercut. Side suplex to Anderson. Gallows in. Kick and knee to Gallows. Gallows with a chokeslam. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Ibar in the ring. Suicide Dive! Gallwos in. Tag to Erik. Body slam.

Ibar is on the top rope. Splash. 1..2…3!!!

Winners: The Viking Raiders
Meh
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/2

Charley informs us that neither Rey nor Dominic will return tonight, but Brock and Heyman are still here.

Cesaro wonders who cares what people think. There was nothing criminal abut hat Brock did. The only thing criminal is that he stole Cesaro’s opportunity to beat the crap out of his son. If they were here, he would.

In comes the Booty Blaster, Ricochet, who says that even though he’s taller than Rey, he’s half the man Rey is. Cesaro says he’s literally twice the size of Rey. Ricochet wants to prove it out there IN the ring.

Match 5: Cesaro vs Ricochet
Cesaro in his capris catche Ricochet out of the air and hits an elbow. Ricochet sends him over the top rope. Ric hits the ropes and flies over onto Cesaro! Up to the top rope. Ric flies off. Cesaro catches Ric and drops him hard then pins for 1..2..NO!!! Uppercut and another pin for 1….NO!!! Ric hits the ropes, but Cesaro presses him up in the air then kicks him in the mid section as Ric falls down. Cerao locks the head between his legs. Ricochet rolls through, but Cesaro lifts. Right rom Ricochet. Cesaro kicks hard. He shoulders the post. Ric kicks the turnbuckle into his face .

Springboard front flip onto the shoulders of Cesaro, INTO A DESTROYER!!! HOLY FUCK! PIN FOR 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Ricochet

Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

Time for some Firefly Funhouse! All the usual puppets are there, and they are showing some great fear. The rabbit passes out. There’s a cake in front of the pig. Bray shows up and checks on the rabbit. He says he’s gone. Oh well. Bray asks what’s going on, and Abby says she is terrified when Seth and The Fiend fight. The pig is fearful as well. Bray tells everyone to calm down. It’s ok to be scared. To be honest, he is too. There’s nothing like Hell in a Cell. It’s like a world without chocolate. Only worse. It’s horrible, terrible, awful place. A place you can enter but never forget. Their good friend Seth will be trapped in there wih “him.” Mercy asks what will happen. Bray says HE will always protect t his place and us, and he would die in hell, but He will come back no matter what. He doesn’t think Seth will be so fortunate, though. He has a very bad feeling that He cannot wait to hurt Seth.

Bray has an idea. He will go and find Him and tell him to be nice to Seth.

Bray is kidding. He laughs maniacally, then asks to be let in. He waves goodbye to everyone.

Match 6: WWE United States Championship Match
AJ Styles vs Cedric Alexander
Styles starts off hot, but Cedric locks the head and takes down AJ. Cedric covers for 1. NO! Cedric with rights, but AJ with a jawbreaker. Dropkick from Cedric. He rushes with a running knee. Aj rolls to the outside. Cedric hits the ropes. He looks to dive, but AJ is up on the apron and hits a hard right. AJ rushes the corner. Cedric dropkicks the knees and AJ eats buckle. Alexander on the apron, flies, lands on the shoulders of AJ, but AJ with the firemans lifts and drops him on the roeps! Springboard flying crossbody to the outside from AJ!

Back from the break, and AJ is beatin dat ass. He sends Cedric on the apron, but Cedric flies through the ropes for a springboard flatliner. Knee to Styles. Whip to Styles. Reversed. Springboard. Neuralizer. Forearm from AJ, he goes for a backhand, but Cedric hits an elbow. Fireman’s. Push up to Aj, and a kick to the face! Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Cedric goes for Lumbar Check, nut Aj escapes, floats over, drops Cedric with a reverse DDT. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! AJ calls for Stlyes Clash. Cedric walks himself back to the corner. Forerarm from AJ. Springboard, wants the Phenomenal, rolls through, Falcon Arrow from Cedric!! Pin for 1…2….NO!!!!! Springbaord from Cedric, tries to roll over AJ, bu AJ locks the hips. German. Faceplants Cedric. Pin for 1..2….NO!!!

AJ goes for Styles Clash again, but Cedric rolls up for 1..2..NO!!! Goes for Lumbar check, Stlyes counters, rolls through. STYLES CLASH!!! PIN 1…2…3!!!

Winner: AJ Styles
That was phenomenal
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *****
Total Rating: ****1/2

In case you thoroughly enjoyed that match, we go to the back to see The Street Profits destroy this goodwill.

Actually, they pimp NXT, so that’s coo and useful.

Nothing else they say matters.

Match 7: Lacey Evans vs Natalya

Lacey with an elbow after a lockup from behind. Nattie blounces Lacey off the ropes then runs her back and kicks her in the face. On the outside, Lacey sends Nattie’s head into the steps. Cover for 1.2… NO! She grabs Nattie;s head and slams it into the mat a few times. Lockup from behind and she holds Nattie by the nose. Whip to the corner by Lacey then an arm drag by Nattie. Kick from Lacey. Swinging neckbreaker. Lacey gloats, walks up the corner, and Nattie pulls her down. Elbow out of the corner. Hard right hand. Nattie dodges and Nattie attacks with some rights. Ref holds her back. Spinning clothesline to Lacey. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Nattie wants the sharpshooter.

Lacey escapes, rakes the eyes on the apron. She rolls through and pins for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Lacey Evans
-yawn-
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

Earlier today on Ellen, John Cena announced that he is creating a foundation for veterans. It’s called Fit Ops, and every dollar we donate, he will atch up to a milly. Damn, Cena, you got it like that?

Heyman is pissed and says not to blame Brock, but to blame the WWE and Vince. Brock is in fighting mode. There are a lot of tough guys in the world, and not one person can do a damned thing about what Brock did to Rey and what he will do to Kofi. He gives us a spoiler for Friday, that being Brock will gain the championship.

Ugh…..Maria wants to talk about her baby with Charley. Rusev is not the father, and he has enough

OH THANK GOD! Sasha is here to grab the mic. She says Becky is not man enough for her. She is the blueprint, the standard. She will show Becky carnage. She will make Becky tap out. There has only been two HITC matches ever, and she was in the first. No man will win her match.

And I oop….

A limo is pulling up backstage. It’s sexy.

MAIN EVENT: Universal Championship Match
Rusev vs Seth Rollins
Rusev tries to grab Seth, but fails. Seth side steps and kicks, looks for a possible stomp, but Rusev looks for Accolade. Seth goes for a Superkick, Rusev dodges and goes under the top rope. Back in, Rollins attacks, but Rusev no sells then catches a running Seth and hits a fallaway slam.

WE GO TO COMMERCIAL, BUT THE FIEND FLICKERS JUST BEFOREHAND.

We are back to the match, and Orton is standing aside Corbin at the top of the ramp. Seth dives with a blockbuster. Rusev favors the back of his head. Chops from Rusev into a missed right. Slingblade. Seth hooks the head, looks for a suplex, but Rusev blocks, Seth floats over, Seth holds the ropes, Rusev topples to the outside. Seth dives, runs back in the ring, and goes for another one. Seth on the top rope. Dives for a crossbody, rolls through, turns into a pin for 1..2.NO!! Rusev with a high kick. He swings Seth and drops him. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Rusev calls for the end. He waits, goes for a superkick .Seth side steps. Roll up fo 1…2..NO!!! Superkick to Rusev. He goes for a suplex, gets it with a Falcon Arrow!! 1…2…..NO!!! Seth calls for the end. He turns to see Rusev on hands and knees. Kick to the chest. Sth hits the ropes, Rusev dodges the stomp and sends Rollins to the apron. Elbow from Rollins. Springboard but Rusev with a Superkick!

Bobby Lashley is here! He’s not alone! Lana is back, and she has been BLACKED!

Rusev seems annoyed, but I’m not sure if it’s the fact that Lashley has no eyebrows, or if it’s the fact that he kisses Lana right in front of him.

They go at it again, and Lana is INTO it. Lana lifts her leg for Lashley and they’re going AT IT.

Winner: NOBODY
K
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

The lights go out. The Fiend shows up to lock Seth up in The Mandible Claw. There’s a lot of screaming involved.

End Show