411’s WWE Smackdown Report 10.03.02

WWE Smackdown for October 3, 2002, from Lafayette, Louisiana

Report by Brendan Johnston exclusively for www.411wrestling.com

Okay, first things first: according to this news item in the 411 Music Section (that Norah Jones review is coming any day now, I f***in’ swear it), Snoop Dogg has been edited out of a NBC’s upcoming “It’s A Very Muppet Christmas Carol.” Apparently certain people took umbrage to Snoop being in a Muppet program, though Jim Henson Productions says that the scene was cut because it just “didn’t fit.”

“Didn’t fit”? Why, just because Snoop’s an ex-stoner and pornographer with a (cleared) murder charge to his credit? If it’s the drugs they’re worried about… please, it’s the Muppets. Did anyone but me see Muppets From Space? Gonzo gets advice from flying space fish? Hollywood Hulk Hogan (see, this is wrestling-related) as a MIB? Gonzo’s family announcing their presence via KC and the Sunshine Band? Are you telling me that the ENTIRE production staff of that movie wasn’t stoned out of their collective gourds from the giddy-up?

Anyway… wrestling…

Raw… stupid me, I thought for half a second that Bubba Ray Foley was gonna go over Triple H. Especially after that seven count. F***in’ Triple H. Honestly, though, Bubba isn’t ready to carry so major a singles belt just yet. Maybe after a respectable IC title run… oh. Wait.

An aside: I just got back from outside where I was trying to get in my van to go get some lunch and hit the comic book store Van didn’t start, as the battery’s dead. Any children in the room, please leave now.

Gone? Good.

F*************************************************CK!!!!!!!! Damn car! I even said “Come on, baby” when I turned the key, what more do you WANT?!

Whew… that’s better… okay, so… six hours, one futile but appreciated visit from Lou the Animal, ten botched jump start attempts, serious mocking from Cari, one trip to Strauss Auto with my dad, forty-five bucks on a new battery, several T-shirt changes, numerous scrapes and one new fuse in slot #19 on a 1993 Dodge Caravan later, and the good ol’ Space Boat is up and running again.

Okay, kids you can come back. Now, wrestling…

Kane won his second Intercontinental Title on Monday, and now holds the ignominious distinction of being the final Intercontinental champion ever. That is, until its resurrected again kinda like that big gold belt HHH hhhas on now. And don’t think for a second that that’s not gonna happen.

Let’s see, what else? Hmm… not much. Raw, being Raw, kinda sucked again, especially coming on the heels of what may have been the best Smackdown ever.

Randy Orton injured his shoulder while destroying the Storm Foundation. When he returns he’ll be wearing a baggy shirt and have some crazy sideburns. Because he’s the next Rock, you see. Or so WWE would have us believe. Look, I like Randy Orton as much as- probably more so- than the next guy. He’s been one of my pet guys since he started. But the next Rock? I guess only time will tell.

We’ve been hearing all this stuff about “the Next”. Brock’s the Next Big Thing. John Cena’s the next Sting. Orton’s the Next Rock. Just once I want to see someone get labeled “The Next Ultimate Warrior” or “The Next Doink.” Just for variety’s sake.

Actually, someone on this very site compared HHH to the Ultimate Warrior. I forget who, when, where and why, but I swear someone did it.

And now, on with the report…

Opens with Stephanie informing us that we’re watching Smackdown. Tonight the most popular show in sports entertainment presents Edge vs. Kurt Angle. (Glad we’ve ever seen that before.), Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy in a falls count anywhere match, and Chris Benoit vs. Rey Mysterio for the first time ever. Also a tournament for Smackdown exclusive tag titles, the winners to be crowned at No Mercy

Tag Team Tournament: Rikishi and Mark Henry vs. Eddie and Chavo Guerrero: Eddie jumps Rikishi and Chavo jumps Mark Henry to start. Eddie ducks a superkick but gets press slammed right onto Chavo. Double clothesline by Rikishi to both Guerreros. Eddie and Chavo work on Rikishi in the corner with punches and a dropkick by Eddie. Whip reversals lead to Eddie evading a butt bump and going for the sunset flip but missing the ass drop. Chavo charges and gets Samoan dropped and Eddie takes Double Chin Music. Tag to Henry and Chavo slugs away, gets tossed. Eddie charges and gets military pressed but Chavo chop blocks him and stars working the leg.Chavo distracts the ref while Eddie works the ankle from the outside. More leg stuff by Chavo. Tag Edie, in with a hilo to the injured leg. More stomps to the leg and a leg lock. Henry chops his way out and hits a powerslam but can’t cover. Dropkick to the knee by Eddie, tag to Chavo, who continues to press the knee. Tag to Eddie, more leg stuff. :”Eddie Sucks” chant. Eddie and Chavo cheat to win with the ref distracted and pull Henry away from Rikishi. Rikishi charges and cleans casa on Los Guerreros. Henry starts with the rights but Chavo murders him with a chair to the legs. Eddie grabs a Cloverleaf-esque leg lock and Henry taps.

Winners, and advancing to the next round of the tag team tournament: Eddie and Chavo Guerrero by submission (5:19)

Further proof that Eddie and Chavo are two of the best workers in the promotion: two weeks in a row the Guerrero boys have made me enjoy matches involving guys I previously viewed as worthless slugs.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Backstage, Torrie Wilson introduces Billy and Chuck to her dad, and here’s Dawn Marie to inject herself into the conversation. Dawn says she’s competing against Torrie and came over to wish her luck, then leaves. Mr. Wilson watches Dawn leave

Elsewhere, Brock Lesnar gleefully watches himself beat the Undertaker with the belt last week, and Paul Heyman tries to get his attention to say that he’s being forced to give Taker a rematch at No Mercy, but Steph won’t tell Heyman what the stipulation is. Matt Hardy “Version One” appears to put his shirt on and say it won’t be a falls count anywhere match, because that’s what he’ll be doing tonight.

Still elsewhere, Undertaker prepares for his latest stipulation match against a Hardy. In a few months he’ll be going two out of three falls with Lita.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

The Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy “Version One”: Cole and Tazz talk about the stipulation. I’m more worried about what Undertaker’s new music is called. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Taker powers Matt into the corner and pounds away. More pounding. Legdrop on the apron and Matt gets tossed into the barricade and thrown across the announce table, right into Tazz. Undertaker goes to chokeslam Matt through the table but gets low blowed by Matt, who goes for the Twist of Fate but gets shoved off the table into the barricade, then clotheslined over. Undertaker pounds on Hardy through the crowd. Matt throws a drink at him and runs away. Taker follows backstage and gets jumped from behind a corner. Taker gets the upper hand and slugs away some more. Hardy runs off, saying “We’ll meet again, Taker” but all the doors are locked. Taker says “Nowhere to hide, boy.”Matt climbs a fenced off area and heeeeere’s Lesnar to get squashed too. Matt tries to save, gets killed. Brock comes from behind and F5’s the Undertaker right onto some conveniently located bags of popcorn. Matt comes in and covers for the win.

Winner: Matt Hardy by pinfall (4:46)

Heyman wants to go but Lesnar grabs a propane tank and nails Undertaker in the hand with it. Undertaker howls in pain and rolls around cradling his hand. Whoa…

Commercial break… Survivor Series is November 17, at MSG, right in my backyard.

And we’re back.

Undertaker’s icing the hand with Brian Hebner and a trainer looking on. Undertaker walks off. Mark Lloyd asks the trainer what the extent of the injury is. Trainer says it’s probably broken and he’s going to try and get the Undertaker some X-rays.

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble vs. Crash: Noble hits the Tiger Bomb, the top rope DDT and locks in the Trailer Hitch to make Crash tap in less than a minute. Oh… wait… that’s just how it should go.

Lockup to start and Noble works a wristlock, reversed by Crash. Noble flip flops out and reverses, then Crash does the same but gets kneed in the gut. Noble thrusts his shoulder into Crash’s gut in the corner. Cross corner whip reversed. Nidia distracts and Noble hits a HHH-eqsue high knee to the back. Cover for two. Hard cross corner whip and Noble rams Crash into the turnbuckle.Crash slugs away but gets kneed in the gut again. Snapmare and Noble drops some elbows on his back. Camel clutch by Noble. Crash stands up and backs Noble to a corner. Noble grabs a rear waistlock but gets clotheslined. Whip and back elbow and a few clotheslines put Crash in control. Flapjack sets up a powerbomb attempt. Nidia distracts which leads to a pinfall reversal sequence, then another leads to an attempt at the Crash Landing, reversed to a roll up by Noble with the ropes for the win.

Winner, and STILL WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Jamie Noble by pinfall (3:35)

Backstage, Mark Lloyd asks if Kurt Angle regrets what he said about Rey Mysterio last week. Angle says he’s the best wrestler in the world, and being the best means never having to say you’re sorry. Benoit lost last week, not him, because Benoit’s ordinary whereas Angle’s like a painting. A work of art. And here’s Edge. Edge says Angle doesn’t suck, be he isn’t perfect. Angle says that these shiny gold medals prove that he is. Edge says that the shiny bald head of his proves that he isn’t. Angle says ever since Edge shaved his head, he’s been waiting to get him in the ring again. Angle offers to let Edge go first, but Edge defers and gets sucker punched.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge: See, Edge should have charged after the sucker punch. Not danced on the top of the ramp. He’ll never get over like that. Er… anyway…

Lockup, Edge into a corner, reverses. Edge’s hand is taped from last week’s match. Waistlock reversal to a takedown by Edge and my little sister brings me cookies. Matwork while I take the cookies. Armbar by Edge. Angle reverses to a side headlock and shoulder block,. Edge leapfrogs Angle and hiptosses him, hits a few armdrags and grabs another armbar. Legdrop to the arm and standing armbar by Edge. Angle falls on top for the cover for two. Angle powers out and slugs away. Angle gets hiptossed down and Edge grabs another armbar.Cole and Tazz point out some psychology with Edge slowing it down because he’s still all beat up from last week. (Ross and Lawler would have talked about Triple H and puppies.) Angle gets out of the armbar and stomps a mudhole. Edge reverses with chops and stomps away himself. Edge ducks a clothesline and hits a wheel kick for two. Whip to the corner and Angle tosses Edge, who floats over and guillotines the arm on the top rope. Back in, Edge posts the shoulder. Back to the armbar but Angle reverses with an Angle Slam over the top rope. Angle rolls out and hotshots Edge on the barricade, then back in to break the count. Back out, he stomps away. Back in, hard kick to the gut while Edge is on the mat and Brooklynite Tazz references the Jets. Suplex gets two for Angle. Angle slugs away. Edge comes back and slugs away in the corner. Cross corner whip by Angle, Edge gets the boot up but Angle hits the overhead belly to belly for two. One armed snapmare by Angle to a sleeper with the leg lace. Edge breaks the leg hold and fights his way up and break the hold with punches. Angle reverses a whip with a knee to the ribs. Abdominal stretch by Angle and he punches Edge’s ribs to boot.Edge hiptosses out, Angle reverses a whip but gets rolled up for two. Backdrop by Angle gets two. Bodyscissors by Angle on the mat, Edge elbows out. Angle ducks a clothesline and Edge hits a belly to belly suplex of his own. Double KO and I’m getting that feeling. That slightly nauseous feeling as Chioda gets to eight. Nine… Still got that feeling as Angle slugs away. Edge gets the flying forearm and some clotheslines. Back body drop and faceplant get two. I’ve still got that feeling, guys… Knee to the gut by Angle, Edge floats out of a backdrop, hits the Worst Superkick Ever and Edge signals for the spear. He charges but Angle get the belly to belly off and bumps the ref. I’ve still got that feeling.Edge floats out of the Angle Slam and hits the Edge-O-Cution but the ref’s down. Low blow, Angle slam, new ref arrives to count two. Angle pulls the straps down and grabs the ankle lock. Edge makes the ropes quickly. Guillotine by Edge. Back in, Edge goes up top. Angle goes for the pop up belly to belly superplex. Edge shoves him off but Angle comes back with a regular superplex and covers. Ref Mike Sparks counts the three but Chioda comes to and sees both men’s shoulders down. He tells Sparks no-go and decks him, raises Edge’s hand and we… go to commercial.

Told you I had that feeling.

Commercial break

Kurt Angle vs. Edge (continued): The match has apparently been restarted. During the break, Angle hit a belly to belly on the outside. In the ring, Angle ties Edge up in the ropes and spears Edge. He signals for another and hits it, then signals for another. Edge unties himself and dumps Angle. Angle crawls onto the apron and gets speared off. Edge goes out with a clothesline from the top. Edge rolls him in and goes up top. Missile dropkick gets two. Edge-O-Cution reversed, then reversed by Edge to the Edge-O-Matic for two. German suplex by Angle for a double KO. Rolling German sequence and Angle gets to three when Benoit saunters down the ramp, staring down Angle. Angle yells at him to stay where he is, then hits another German. He goes for another but Edge reverses to a rollup for two. Angle clotheslines Edge down and jaws with Benoit, then charges but Edge gets the boots up, goes for a rollup. Angle rolls through and grabs the ankle lock. Edge powers out, sending Angle out. Angle gets a chair but Benoit grabs it and nails him with it. Edge explodes out of the corner with a spear and that’s it.

Winner: Edge by pinfall (22:08)

Benoit laughs his way up the ramp.

And who says WWE doesn’t listen to the IWC? Two weeks, two twenty minute crazy matches and more Angle vs. Benoit, it seems. Of course, Mark Henry was in the opener… ah well…

Commercial break

And we’re back.

In the locker room, Angle gets stopped from killing Benoit by Albert and John Cena. Steph comes in and tells them that they have to start getting along because they’re teaming next week in the second round of the tag team tournament. And if they don’t get along they’re suspended without pay for a year. Angle slugs Benoit anyway.

Brock stands in his locker room and Paul Heyman gives him the “You’re a legend killer” speech. Matt Hardy appears to credit his victory not to an unfortunate Twist of Fate, but pure Mattitude, and says that since Undertaker’s hand is injured, he’s the default Number One Contender. He’s gonna go talk to Stephanie about it right now, and Heyman encourages him. Matt walks off and Heyman and Lesnar mock him. Ha ha…

Billy & Chuck walk. They’ve got D-Von and Batista next. Huh?

Commercial break… please watch Raw. Please, please, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I mean, uh… Raw Roulette on Monday. Woo.

And we’re back.

Tag Team Tournament: Billy & Chuck vs. Reverend D-Von and Batista: Batista has had plastic surgery and now looks like Faarooq… last time we saw Ron Simmons he was beating the crap out of D-Von for condemning masturbation, if I recall properly.. Billy on the mic, asks Ron (calls him Ron) what he’s doing and D-Von and Faarooq attack.

Snap suplex by Faarooq gets two on Chuck. Tag to D-Von, who tries to fight out of a hiptoss but gets slammed. Tag to Faarooq, and drop toehold. He pounds on Chuck in the corner and tags D-Von. D-Von clubs Chuck and tells Billy to suck it. D-Von and Faarooq double team Chuck in the corner. Faarooq calls for the Wazzup Drop but Chuck reverses to a roll up. Billy shoves D-Von down and he headbutts Faarooq instead. Both men tag. Billy back body drops D-Von and pounds on a charging Faarooq. 3D-esque double team neckbreaker by D-Von and Faarooq gets two. D-Von goes for the reverse DDT drop. Billy floats out and goes for the FameAsser but Faarooq comes in, hits the spinebuster (miscalled by Cole as the Dominator) and D-Von covers.

Winners, and advancing to the next round of the tag team title tournament: Reverend D-Von and Faarooq by pinfall (4:01)

That was… odd. Not even bad, because it had its moments. It was just… weird. I mean, really, what do D-Von and Faarooq even have in common?

Backstage, not-that-hot Dawn Marie asks Torrie’s dad his opinion on her bikini. Well that’s nice…

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Tazz is in the ring for the bikini-ness.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie: Dawn Marie officially has the most obnoxious theme music in wrestling…. okay, now, Torrie’s in a white robe and Dawn’s in a black robe. What does this mean? Anyone? Anyone?

This week’s decision is up to the fans. Dawn Marie goes first. She prances around despite being not that hot. Torrie’s bikini is flesh colored. Backstage, Kidman moves objects with his mind but the rest of the Velocity talent doesn’t notice because they’re watching the monitors. Torrie wins by the fans cheering.

Winner: Torrie Wilson by Cajun decision

Backstage, Paul Heyman and Brock go to leave, but Steph stops them. Undertaker’s hand is broken but he insists on competing at No Mercy, and she’ll name the stipulation. Heyman suggests one hand tied behind the man’s back. Brock suggests thumb wrestling. Steph says it’s Hell in a Cell. Okay… why do I still not care?

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Benoit: Benoit pounds away and hits a backbreaker. Hard cross corner whip. Rey gets the boots up and floats out of a tilt a whirl but gets chopped. Benoit goes for a crucifix powerbomb from the turnbuckle but Mysterio reverses with a headscissors. Wheelbarrow suplex countered by a bulldog for two. Rey dumps him and hits a springboard hilo. Back in, Rey covers for two. Flapjack to backbreaker by Benoit. Another hard corner whip and backdrop get two. Back body drop and whip to the corner. Benoit knees Rey in the back and gut and grabs some kind of Japanese sleeper thingy with Rey’s hands around his own throat and his knee in Rey’s back like a surfboard. I dub it the Ouchie Hold. Rey counters and grabs an Ouchie of his own. Reversal leads to a sunset flip by Rey for two. Benoit chops away and stomps. Back to the corner and Benoit works the back. Snapmare to a surfboard. Rey fights out but Benoit grabs a full nelson, Rey gets out but gets wheelbarrow suplexed and rolled up for two. Rey counters a flapjack with a dropkick. Rey slugs away. springboard moonsault caught, Benoit goes for Snake Eyes, Rey floats out and dropkicks Benoit’s face in the corner. Split-legged moonsault gets two. German suplex countered with an enzuigiri to set up the 619. Benoit counters with a shoulderbreaker and signals for the Swandive Headbutt. He hits it but it only gets two (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!) Benoit grabs the Crossface too close to the ropes. Rey floats out of a German and dropkicks Benoit down. Springboard leg drop sets up the 619, it hits. West Coast Pop misses but Kurt Angle distracts to give Mysterio the roll up win.

Winner: Rey Mysterio by pinfall (11:00)

Angle and Benoit go toe-to-toe and slug it out. German by Angle to ankle lock, countered to the Crossface and Angle taps. Fit Finlay and the refs pull them apart but Angle fights out and tackles Benoit. We fade on an enraged Chris Benoit.

Good show. No last week, but hey…

Thanks for reading and see you next week.